Just back from breast clinic ... I'm positive

[Autumntulip]

Left breast. Appointment with the breast surgeon next.

I'm a bit cold and shaky, dry mouthed to be honest. I've led a fairly lucky life so far, so I thought I might wing my way past this too. But it seems not.

So much to think about. I'm a single mum so making sure everything is in place for dcs. What the likely choices are for future treatment? (I'll go for everything they can throw at it, as soon as possible). When to tell dcs? And what, exactly? Hopefully as little detail as possible. When to tell work? How they will react?

Bugger, bugger, bugger

I'm so sorry to hear that

I'm assuming you mean breast cancer. Did they tell you what stage it's at? That will be the key thing to determine treatment etc.

Not yet. Yes, still trying to get used to that word

How old are your children?

Be kind to yourself - get all the emotions out when you need to. You’ll be stronger than you know

What size is it ?

DCs are teens. Multiple small areas of concern. My lymph glands are clear.

So sorry you've had this diagnosis, it's such a shock to start with and to try to get your head round. Take your time.

If your DCs are teens, they are old enough to understand not only the illness but also that you are going to need them to help you get through the next stages. To put up with you when you're down and to perhaps step up a little in supporting the running of the house. Be honest with them but be factual.

The highest likelihood is that you will come through this, maybe scarred and a bit battle worn but you'll get through it. It'll be ok.

Good luck

Yes, thanks.

Day-at-a-time I guess. I need some food. I'll feel better with some lunch inside me. I just needed to say it out loud.

I agree with Pennyroyal. As teens they're old enough to be aware and support you and also to be upset if you're not open with them. Allow them to step up and be there with you. Have you got any other support? Is their dad any use (to them, at least, if not to you)?

Did they tell you what type of breast cancer it was? Her2, hormone positive, triple negative? That will also have an impact on treatment.

I'm sorry you have had this news, I have been where you are. It actually gets a bit easier once you know exactly what you are dealing with and what your treatment plan will be, the waiting to find out part is torture.

If it’s any help, my mum had breast cancer in 1996. She’s very much still here.

Not being in the lymph nodes is half the battle.

Sending love , strength and fortitude.

Yes, if its not in any lymph nodes then that is very good news.

Thank you all. xx

Practicalities first. I've organised for someone to come with me.

I had BC two years ago. This is the hardest part, the waiting until you see the surgeon for the plan. Once there is a plan you can focus on each part of your treatment at a time.
They will be looking at all biopsy results and decide on what surgery, whether chemotherapy needed, radiotherapy and follow up drugs. If it's ER+ you will be on long term hormone suppressing drugs. If it's HER2+ you will get a very successful drug called herceptin, which has to go hand in hand with chemo.
Meanwhile you'll have lots of scans which all help the planning.
There is a long running cancer thread which was hugely helpful while I went through it all.
Good luck

Just one day at a time definitely. I agree with PP who say it not being in the lymph nodes is good news. It really does take a while to get your head round news of this kind.

This was me last year. I would tell your workplace without delay. The quicker you tell them the better, if you are not entitled to full sick pay you can claim SSP, however many workplaces will allow you to take paid holiday during treatment which can be a huge help financially. Do you have a calm, non flappable friend or family member you can talk too? I would save the talk with the kids and close family until you have the results of biopsy, its just 1 million percent easier to answer the thousands of questions you will be bombarded with when you have the answers, plus it gives you time to wrap your head around everything. Best advice I was given was not to Google. ALL the websites are completely out of date by about 2 years anyway. I would join the Cancer support thread on the health board as they are fab. Treatment is so varied depending on your biopsy, but not all cancers need masectomies or chemo and the fact that they have found nothing in your lymph nodes is good news. Be kind to yourself. Eat all the cake. Cry. Shout, go for long walks. The next 2 weeks are the worst, once you have results and know your treatment plan it gets easier.

Just hang in there, no lymph nodes is good news but nothing about being positive will feel like good news for a few days.
Talk to people honestly if you can, holding in your fears only magnifies them.
Especially the oncology staff, they will be able to tell you if your way off base with your worries. Stay off Google but online support groups can be a real help.

I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer 15 years ago. I had chemo, radio and a lumpectomy . My grandson was born just befor my diagnosis and I have seem him and his young brother become healthy happy people. Breast cancer is not a death sentence. I would tell work once you know what treatment you will need. I would use your own instinct as to when to tell others. Please always take someone with you to appointments and get them to make notes or ask the doctor if you can record what he says. You won’t take everything in at once and may need to refer back.

Hand hold from me @Autumntulip

This must be such a shock for you.

I was diagnosed with an incurable disease a couple of years ago (not cancer) so I can relate a little.

My advice, for what it's worth!

Allow yourself time to process this information.
Don't feel you have to tell everyone until and if you are ready. Only tell the bits that you want to. No-one else has the right to know everything unless you want them to. (Some family members felt they had this
I went to my GP and got a weeks worth of sleeping tablets. This really helped as I couldn't sleep which just made everything worse.
I had some counselling. Having someone to talk to who wouldn't judge or gossip was really helpful. She also helped me with some relaxation and hypnotherapy techniques.
I had a private appointment with a consultant. Not because I didn't believe my diagnosis but to allow time for me to understand everything properly and ask questions. This was so helpful and made a big difference to me.

I'm so sorry. I agree with a PP - I wouldn't tell the children until you know what treatment is necessary.

I am very sorry, I know you must be in such shock.
I have been in the room when a doctor has said those words to a family member. Feels life changing and like it must be a mistake.

My family member is now through and clear.

I hope you have someone to lean on and you give yourself time to process.

Day by Day and healing ahead.

There's lots of types so once you get further information you can research options which will potentially differ. Often recommended is either localised surgery or full mastectomy depending on spread plus potentially radiotherapy and/or chemotherapy plus possibly longer term medication like tamoxifen. Some have better or worse prognosis but overall life expectancy is much better than even 20 years ago.

Getting your affairs sorted is sensible as a single parent even without this news. Setting up their inheritances as trusts that mature at 21/25 is a good idea and nominate 2-3 trusted family/friends or a solicitor as trustee so they can access the money for university/driving lessons or whatever you stipulate (I know two cases where youngsters inherited in tragic circumstances and blew £100k + at 18 partying)

Handhold from me, op. Take a deep breath and if your kids are at school, let their head of year or pastoral team know so that your kids can access support if and when they need it.