What brought your libido back to life?

[NamechangerSince2010]

It turns out that no one has really studied women's sexual desire, particularly in reference to hormonal contraception.

What studies there are seem to be very small samples, only a few months after starting hormonal contraception and in much younger women. And all incidental to other main investigations.

So please help me out with a bit of crowd-sourced knowledge:

Did your libido die a death, and then did it come back?! And if so, what did you do to recover it?

Context is: post children, over 40, low stress, good sleep, no caffeine & alcohol, exercise, happy with own body, good (& very patient) husband, Mirena coil due for replacement soon.

I'd be happy with half the randiness I had in my 20s. Did a change in contraception help? Is there a medication that will help? Is there something hormonal that I should investigate?

Also, yes I'm aware that if this is what I have to worry about I have it pretty good. And yes, it's very self indulgent when there's a pandemic on.

Just me then?

🐇

Well, bumping it to the actives doesn't seem to be working

Sorry no advice for you but a bump for evening crowd.

I'm not far off 40 & hornyer than ever. I hit a low after having DD (now 7) things did get a bit better but to be honest my ex didn't help the situation. I haven't used any contraception for about 3 years and it's really just since Iv been seeing someone new (about a year) that my sex drive has went through the roof again. Thankfully he's a had the snip so so no need for anything I defiantly think that no hormonal contraception has helped revive my sex drive.

Sorry, don't have specific advice but mine was rubbish in my 20s... til I accidentally (ran out) came off the pill (after 10 years) and poof!!! I was a changed woman (libido wise). Have been with DH since I was a teenager so nothing but the pill changed.

Been great ever since even after the kids, when knackered, etc. Refuse to ever go back on hormones again (and am currently pregnant with 3rd as a result).

Could you try the copper coil when it gets replaced instead and get rid of the hormone element?

I came off my mini pill for 3 weeks and my sex drive came back with a vengeance. Now I'm back on it it's died a death again sadly

I came off the pill a year ago hoping mine would come back and it hasn't.

About a year ago, all
of a sudden, I was just totally horny all the time, felt really close to my husband, was really enjoying sex. It lasted about 2 weeks and went away again. To be honest, I wish i had remained in blissful ignorance.

In hindsight I am nearly 46 and I think it may have been a last push desperate attempt to get my last egg fertilised.

@Newchallenge

Sorry no advice for you but a bump for evening crowd.

Thank you!

Hi OP. The pill utterly killed my libido and I lost years of my sexual self. Came back when I stopped taking it :) Currently fairly rampant and I'm hoping it's not just a perimenopausal last gasp.

I'm now considering other contraceptive options and my GP strongly suggested the Mirena coil. No bloody thank you.

I found the pill squished my sex drive in my 20s so I ditched it and went to IUD. I don't use hormonal contraception since for that reason.

Breastfeeding and young.DC also put a kink in things for all the usual reasons - being knackered and touched out - but now my youngest is approaching 4 and I'm rounding on 40 if anything I feel hornier than ever. Stuff that helps: exercise, creative hobbies, feeling personally fulfilled, reading sexy fic, proper time with DH. There's also clearly a hormonal element as ovulation always makes me randy AF. With DH for nearly two decades.

@mamaweebeastie

I'm not far off 40 & hornyer than ever. I hit a low after having DD (now 7) things did get a bit better but to be honest my ex didn't help the situation. I haven't used any contraception for about 3 years and it's really just since Iv been seeing someone new (about a year) that my sex drive has went through the roof again. Thankfully he's a had the snip so so no need for anything I defiantly think that no hormonal contraception has helped revive my sex drive.

Thank you.

DH is great though, I'd like to keep him!

@Muststopeating

Sorry, don't have specific advice but mine was rubbish in my 20s... til I accidentally (ran out) came off the pill (after 10 years) and poof!!! I was a changed woman (libido wise). Have been with DH since I was a teenager so nothing but the pill changed.

Been great ever since even after the kids, when knackered, etc. Refuse to ever go back on hormones again (and am currently pregnant with 3rd as a result).

Could you try the copper coil when it gets replaced instead and get rid of the hormone element?

This is helpful, thank you.

I did have the copper coil between pregnancies. I don't remember much about the libido, but we ended up with another kid so something worked!

It did make my period insanely heavy though.

I'll definitely think about it, thanks!

@Elzbells

I came off the pill a year ago hoping mine would come back and it hasn't.

About a year ago, all
of a sudden, I was just totally horny all the time, felt really close to my husband, was really enjoying sex. It lasted about 2 weeks and went away again. To be honest, I wish i had remained in blissful ignorance.

In hindsight I am nearly 46 and I think it may have been a last push desperate attempt to get my last egg fertilised.

Thanks for sharing. It's great that it put in a last hurrah, and suggests hormones are involved somewhere (and that the right treatment could help).

@ToLiveInPeace

Hi OP. The pill utterly killed my libido and I lost years of my sexual self. Came back when I stopped taking it :) Currently fairly rampant and I'm hoping it's not just a perimenopausal last gasp.

I'm now considering other contraceptive options and my GP strongly suggested the Mirena coil. No bloody thank you.

Thanks for sharing your experience. It's really helpful.

Don't get me wrong, the Mirena has been brilliant for me and it's apparently very good for the endometrium in menopause and mitigates the surprise erratic periods.

It's just this one thing.

But that one thing might be the decider for me too.

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

I found the pill squished my sex drive in my 20s so I ditched it and went to IUD. I don't use hormonal contraception since for that reason.

Breastfeeding and young.DC also put a kink in things for all the usual reasons - being knackered and touched out - but now my youngest is approaching 4 and I'm rounding on 40 if anything I feel hornier than ever. Stuff that helps: exercise, creative hobbies, feeling personally fulfilled, reading sexy fic, proper time with DH. There's also clearly a hormonal element as ovulation always makes me randy AF. With DH for nearly two decades.

Similar situation here, but I'm doing all the things you list. Still no 🔥

Thank you!

Any chance you're perimenopausal?

What worked for us - just having sex. Sounds so ridiculous, but the more I forced myself to do it when I didn’t really fancy it, the more I liked it. The less I made it into a big deal in my head, the more familiar we got with each other’s bodies again, the better and more regular it was. I genuinely think it’s like a muscle that needs exercising!

@gnushoes that was my thought too.

Coming off the pill brought mine back at 47. I hadn’t realised how low it had been, and just thought it was the stresses of modern life. I came off the pill to check if I’d started the menopause, and my libido came back with a vengeance 😊 it’s calmed down now, but is still way higher than it used to be!

@BeamerTown

What worked for us - just having sex. Sounds so ridiculous, but the more I forced myself to do it when I didn’t really fancy it, the more I liked it. The less I made it into a big deal in my head, the more familiar we got with each other’s bodies again, the better and more regular it was. I genuinely think it’s like a muscle that needs exercising!

I actually think thats a valid point, I think sex can be a bit like pringles.

Also, what always works for us, naked cuddles. No expectations, no pressure. Just go to bed naked and snuggle up, spoon whatever. Although I say no expectations it has never not led to sex, even when I'm completely not in the mood.

@gnushoes

Any chance you're perimenopausal?

The classic question!

Theoretically: possibly.
Realistically: probably not.

I'm only just 40. Although I know some say perimenopause can start late 30s.

It would be my only symptom if it was. And it would have started 5 years ago.

@BeamerTown

What worked for us - just having sex. Sounds so ridiculous, but the more I forced myself to do it when I didn’t really fancy it, the more I liked it. The less I made it into a big deal in my head, the more familiar we got with each other’s bodies again, the better and more regular it was. I genuinely think it’s like a muscle that needs exercising!

This is probably it. But honestly I'd rather do literally anything else at the moment. It wasn't always like this though. I want that feeling back.

@Bessica1970

Coming off the pill brought mine back at 47. I hadn’t realised how low it had been, and just thought it was the stresses of modern life. I came off the pill to check if I’d started the menopause, and my libido came back with a vengeance 😊 it’s calmed down now, but is still way higher than it used to be!

This is good to hear!

I've just read (via Dr Louise Newson) that B vitamins might help. Just put them on my tesco order. Worth a try for £2