Sex hurts! Help!

[missbunnyrabbit]

Sorry it's long, can anyone help? :(

I'm 25, never had a baby and have had several sexual partners. I've never before had any pain from sex. Have used condoms with most people very successfully, and sometimes the withdrawal method - never had to use lube, never had any pain. Dicks have always just gone in!

Then, in came my current boyfriend about 7 months ago now. I am very attracted to him. The thing is, he has a rather thick dick. I measured and it's 16cm circumference, and 7 inches long. I've never had such a big dick. This shouldn't be a problem though, with lube, right?

We used condoms at first, with no pain, but he kept going soft. I didn't have any pain. Then, we used the withdrawal method but he didn't go in very easily and it hurt a tiny tiny tiny bit (I assume because of his size) so I had to use lube for the first time. He always told me that I was very wet anyway. Then, I went on the minipill.

I can't pinpoint exactly when it started, but sex gradually has become very painful. Now, when he enters, it feels like sandpaper, burning, stinging. Even though he is covered in slippery lube. My vagina feels so so so sore and tender. It almost feels like a continuous carpet burn in my vagina. It lasts from as soon as his dick touches me until he's all the way in. And then, it will generally stop hurting and we can have sex normally. But on the odd occasion, it will carry on hurting with every thrust, and it is agony. I can't use tampons anymore because they hurt going in, and even just his finger trying to go in hurts. Bearing in mind, when we first met, he could fit A LOT of fingers in, no problem.

We've tried different lubes, and our current one is the slippiest lube you could imagine. We've tried all different positions, different foreplay. There seems to be no pattern to the pain!

I went to a doctor at a Sexual Health clinic and she looked inside, took swabs etc. She said it all looked normal and I had no infections.

I'm thinking causes could be:
-his dick has literally rubbed me raw, even though we use so much lube - but then the doctor said I wasn't red or irritated inside?
-my nerves have been damaged by something - his dick, the minipill, I don't know
-the minipill has somehow caused/contributed to this?

I have done so much research on this, and the closest thing seems to be Vulvodynia. Yet there seems to be no cure. It is upsetting to have this wrong with me. I get nervous at the thought of sex and have cried from the pain.

Has anyone suffered this? Or have any ideas?

On the off chance this is a real thread.. I had a bf with a Coke can shaped dick. Was fun the first 2 times we had sex and then I had to dump him. It was just ridiculous. I wasn't the first to dump him over it, he did plead with me not to.

So yeah stop having sex that hurts and dump him if you have to. Think about what you're doing, forcing yourself to endure painful sex. That's just wrong. If he won't do the decent thing and stop forcing it, you must do the decent thing and tell him to fuck off.

There is absolutely zero chance he's telling the truth about you being the only girl who's had an issue with his ridiculously sized dick btw. Mine knew full well and didn't try to force me. He knew his chances were slim no pun intended!

Good luck OP

@Vitaminsss

I agree that the more you post, the more it sounds like vaginismus. Subconsciously you have built penetration up in your head to be painful. Vaginas can stretch so even though he’s large, it shouldn’t feel like sandpaper when you’re lubricated, you should be able to accommodate the size provided you’re comfortable

Have you tried using dilators or toys? Do you get the same pain with a smaller size than him?

Another issue could be the products that you’re using. I used to get a sharp, stinging sensation when I used a certain shower gel to clean myself. I felt okay going about my day, but penetration triggered the awful sharp sensation. It went away when I switched to more sensitive products.

I get a stinging pain with my dildo, but it's pretty thin so not really the same. :(

I'm definitely thinking now that vaginismus is at play here. Though I don't think on it's own....

Thank you!

@hernameis

I think you are right. I have done SO much reading about estrogen today. I will see how I go with the injection, but I am now looking for what I can try in 3 months' time!
It is SO upsetting, isn't it? Not knowing what's wrong, how to fix it etc. And the pain itself makes me want to cry.

I am SO hoping it is the minipill.

@Hailtomyteeth and @RednaxelasBaubles

Sadly, this is very genuine! Luckily it's not coke-can shaped, I wonder what circumference that must have been?!

Just want to say, thank you so much to everyone who has posted, I feel a lot more positive now!! It is so good reading other people's experiences and seeing suggestions of what it could be! Actually so much more helpful than the doctor I saw last week.

I suspect that I have a mix of Atrophic Vaginitis and Vaginismus. I've read that the minipill (particularly the one I use, Desogestrel) massively reduces the Estrogen in your body, which makes vaginal tissue drier, thinner and less elastic. I'm thinking this lack of lubrication and the thin vagina walls, coupled maybe with some Vaginismus, is the problem here.

I also read that even stopping the pill doesn't guarantee your Estrogen levels will go back up tho :(

Anyway, I could be completely wrong but at least I have a plan now - find a contractive that doesn't lower Estrogen!