Lump in breast confirmed...

[NGC2017]

And im terrified. I've been fast tracked to an appointment at the breast clinic this Sunday.
Everytime I stop, I want to cry. Most of the time I do.

Does anyone have their own story?

....Only a few more days of waiting for us both @NGC2017 and i'll be holding your hand all the way there xxx

NGC 🌷😢 let’s HOPE it IS just worry causing these ‘symptoms’. The mind is VERY powerful, annoyingly, not always to our benefit.

It was a busy enough day with a small child & all that entails, on top of being in pain and being so worried.

You’re bound to be exhausted.

This might not help you, but I’m a planner and I find writing stuff down helps me. I can plan for the nation. So in your situation I’d be writing a plan for DS if I need to stay in hospital, who he’d stay with, what I’d need to pack for him, what I’d need to pack for me, a list for the person looking after him etc etc AND a plan for the festive season, if I’m unwell and if I’m well...a plan for what I need to do in the house, at work, you name it, I’d be planning it. It really doesn’t matter what it is, it just helps me feel in control ‍🤷🏻‍♀️. Also MN, it’s a fab way to lose hours being distracted by the brilliant and the bonkers!

Let’s hope they don’t need to see your Mum again.

Your dog sounds adorable. Almost as adorable as your DS 💕

wise words @iloveautumnleaves!

What kind of dog do you have NGC? I have 4 (!) border collies, 2 older ones and 2 2yr olds (pups of one of the older ones). They're working sheepdogs but really they're pets. Also 2 cats, about 250 sheep (only a handful of those are pets though, just the ones that were hand-reared) and around 6000 honey bees 😁🐝 I love the doggy cuddles but taking them a couple of dogs at a time just now or they get too much! x

The mind is honestly horrible isn't it when you can't switch off. I don't feel good at all. Whether that's cuz I'm unwell or because every thing is taking its toll I don't know. Another miserable day for me. I'm putting it down to Tuesday getting closer.
My washing machine decided to die last night. Put a small load on and 40 odd minutes in there was a massive smash. I honestly thought my windows had all smashed. I searched and searched but couldn't find anything. Then around 15 minutes later we heard it again. Leapt and switched the machine off at the wall. When the door released I couldn't work out still what it was but had saturated washing everywhere. Then I noticed the drum was all mangled and I've got the lid off today and the springs have all snapped. So I've cut my losses and have to get a new one. Defo not a welcome expensive as this washer is only 3 years old 😭😭😭.
We have a French bulldog who comes with his own list of health problems. This year I was sure we were losing him. We found the most amazing vet and he has literally brought him back to life and he is like a puppy again. He sadly developed a very bad haematoma in his ear that nearly exploded a few times. I was guided by his vet but as it wasn't reacting how it should he had to operate and now he has a cute floppy ear.
We are a right family lol, but I wouldn't have us any other way. Hospital for my son tomorrow and then me on Tuesday.

How are you doing @Custardee? You sound like you are kept super busy at home.

Thanks for coming on this thread @iloveautumnleaves. Your comments are lovely and welcome and I really feel we are all just hoping the best for each other

Xx

Here's our baby xx

OH NO!! Being without a washing machine is seriously not good 😩, is your broken one out of warranty? Why does it happen that soon as they're not covered they break?! There might still be decent deals on after Black Friday if you look around.
He is super cute with his grin and floppy ear! Couldn't live without animals on the house, they're keeping me company overnight when I bang sleep, was up 2-6am last night. Really hectic day today so I'm shattered, feel like I've almost gone past sleepiness now, should've gone to bed a couple hours ago.
Only another couple days to go now @NGC, di gets crossed they pass quickly. Hope DS's appointment goes well tomorrow.

That's our dogs, 2 of the puppies when they were tiny! That was almanac job experience having pups born. Lots of work though! X

And the cats so they're not left out :-)

Oh they are lovely. I agree. They are such companions.
Lack of sleep is horrible. Especially when it continues for a long time. The over tiredness becomes painful.
How do you feel about your appt? I am scared yo be honest but more because of the deep uncomfortable sensation in my chest. I'm not even thinking about the lump. But my brain can't switch off. It doesn't seem normal to me the feel this uncomfortable and nothing be wrong. My thoughts will stop when the feeling stops. All my Gp recommended is pregabalin for the discomfort but I am anti it longterm as its just masking things.
Of course I will be over the moon if I get to walk out Tuesday with a breast pain leaflet but it's really setting off my anxiety.
I am sure we will speak before but I will be thinking of you for your appt xx

If it's good news tomorrow and benign - and we're all rooting it will - definitely still discuss your pain and make sure you've had some answers on how whatever is going on will be managed. It's your chance to ask questions of a specialist and they're there for benign problems as well as malignant. Anxiety definitely can make physical symptoms worse, so hopefully once you have had your mind put at rest about what could be happening the symptoms may ease at least a bit... Are you taking someone with you tomorrow? Always good to have someone else there to ask questions you might forget or not think of, and also write your questions/concerns down and refer to it before the consultation finishes so you've checked you've asked everything you want to. Is it a one-stop clinic where you'll get results of scans etc before you go home? I think the only thing we might have to wait for is biopsies if they take one.
I'm okay, really busy which helps. Slept like a log last night, I was physically done in by end of yesterday. DH away tonight so i hope I get a good sleep again.

Hiya @Custardee, no its just me going. I am visibly agitated today, and its very clear to people. Im uncomfortable, exhausted, I feel angry and faint. I've seriously had enough. I have a routine appt for my son in an hours time then myself tomorrow.
I can explain the exhaustion I feel. Today I also feel like I have a trapped nerve in my back behind my left breast. I could honestly cry at the way I am feeling. And it doesnt help that I dont have enough time to do everything. All I want to do is rest. I cant even take annual leave as all that has to be saved to somehow fit 13 weeks of school holidays, inset days in 18 days of annual leave.
Every now and then everything gets on top of my and I can feel that everything, even silly irrelevant things are getting to me right now
I just want to feel better, painfree and not this tired. I feel sick with it all.

so sorry you're having such a hard time, really hope you get some answers tomorrow and can make a plan from there. Try to get rest tonight so you're as fresh as possible tomorrow, thou even wrtiing that I realise how daft it sounds, I know how hard it is right now not to worry iyourself awake. Big hug xxx🎉

I spent some time with google tonight. Why I did this is beyond me. If they don't feel I need it can I still request a mammogram at my appointment? I can't cope with the anxiety and being sent away with a leaflet isn't any reassurance for me.
The first story I read tonight was about a slight burning sensation. I thought hmmm OK that's familiar, then she went on to say how it persisted and got worse. The ultrasound technician laughed and was certain it wasn't cancer for a mammogram to be done and that was the start of her journey. Had to be the first story I read didn't it!

My sons appointment went well but racing from school to hospital in school traffic with a tired slow moving infant was a nightmare. Got there just in time. We were walking to the car after I collected him and he was upset that he didnt want to go to the hospital. I was abit snappy as I would have loved to have gone straight home too baring in mind I have to be at the hospital two days in a row. He stopped and looked at me and said why are you so sad and angry Mommy.
His words broke my heart. A 4 year old shouldn't have to ask that. I must admit I am finding everything lately very overwhelming. Not just waiting for some answers about this. It doesn't help that I feel really run down in general but I just can't seem to find enough time. I have a great family but if I am honest help doesn't come without feeling like I have to work for it. I've always been so independent so believe me when I need help it's because I really need it.

Are you in tomorrow or the next day?@Custardee

Ive always found the breast clinic such a sad place. I am used to going to things alone (being single and all) but you sit there and witness people like myself terrified of what's next if anything and then brave people going through their journey. Makes your realise we can all end up in this situation no matter who we are.

I'm genuinely thinking of everyone who has offered their kind words and taken the time to stop by this thread. It's been good for my mind.

Tomorrow I will hopefully get some answers. Xxx

Good luck tomorrow

I wish I could go with you :-(. I'm in Scotland though, assuming you're down south? Step away from Google!!! I did a bit of googling too but honestly it generally made me feel better, all the stats saying over 98% visits to clinic are fine. The thread I started reading on here was scarier so stopped reading.
Glad DS's appointment went well, that's one out of two done, this time tomorrow it'll be done, you'll know what's what ace you can have a big glass of wine, fingers crossed to celebrate.

Think it's worth asking about a mammogram if not offered, at least so you can hear if worth doing, but don't be upset if they don't as I genuinely believe NHS does the tests it needs to and won't do the ones that aren't going to be beneficial. Because you're worrying about it tho it's worth asking do you don't have any 'what ifs' afterwards.
My appointment is Wed 1.30, what time tomorrow is yours? Come on and let me know how you got on please, I'll be thinking of you xxx

Thanks both.

Just got out a lovely bath. I forget how baths have seriously strong powers that make you feel happy, relaxed and most importantly comfortable lol. I remember when I was in labour the bath was just the best soother ever. Until I got out haha. Same when my appendix burst. I am being unreasonable wanting to go about my days lying in a lovely hot bath lol.

My appointment is at 2.10 tomorrow. I've got my boy sorted and rearranged his parents evening for the following day so I don't have him to worry about whilst I am there.
It's a 2.10 and at the very moment I feel pretty good about things. The effects of the bath clearly haven't worn off yet.

I read the thread advised the other day.. The bravery is beautiful. I read abit more tonight but had to stop when a women said she ink had months to live. I can't even imagine what she much be going through. I admire everyone's bravery I really do but it's a little soon for me. My emotions will get the better of me xxx

Love a bath, good for relaxing. All very best wishes for today, I'm thinking of you xx

Hope today provides the reassurance you need. Another bath might help get through the morning! Then you’ll be able to greet your son with a huge smiling face. X

Good luck today 👍

Good luck today lovely, have everything crossed for you x

hi @NGC, you're probably still at your appointment, just wanted to check in xx

Hi everyone.

Sorry I've not been on today. Been keeping busy.

Surprisingly I've felt relaxed today. Most likely because the waiting was over and I knew I would get some answers. I was fine until I sat there in the clinic and I could feel my mouth go really dry and my thoughts started to race. I saw a girl younger than me visibly upset. I wanted to offer her some reassurance but I felt a hypocrite when I knew exactly how she would be feeling, so I just sat there waiting. Funny isn't it that you can offer support to other people but when it's yourself it all goes out the window.

Luckily I was called in to the ultrasound pretty fast. Before she started I explained everything to her and she was very encouraging that getting checked was the right thing to do. She advised me that she couldn't see anything she wasn't happy with. My first bit of relief!

I had to wait abit longer for the report to be sent to the consultant and then I met with him. The same guy as earlier in the year!
I felt silly really but I explained that this time it's alot more uncomfortable and prolonged, with a lump now too. There were lots of questions I answered. He examined me and agreed there was a lump but was happy that he couldn't find anything he was particularly concerned about. He then spoke with me for a while. Typical me asked lots of whys and questions that were impossible for him to answer like will the lump change or grow. But I appreciate him being honest and factual and reassuring.

I apologised and explained my anxiety this time has really taken a hit. And the way my mind works is I think the worst and convince myself it is too late and I am dying. I know how silly I must sound but for me the feelings are so very real that they become consuming. I also explained that the one GP i see always responds to me with 'what do you want me to do, this is costing the NHS money so I can't refer you again.' He makes me feel a hypochondriac but for me I go to the doctors for genuine reasons. When you are hit with I can't do this or that because it costs the NHS money, I'm sorry but for someone like me that only escalates my fears as it feels like no one wants to help or will help me.

He ended my appointment telling me I have no reason so apologise. It's good that I am breast aware as I will notice changes sooner but not to listen to that doctor as that's what they are there for. He said if needed he will see me in another 9 months. Whether you walk away needing further treatment or just with some reassurance it's a job well done to him.

I am relieved but a little sad I still feel so uncomfortable. But it's nice to know he isn't concerned.

I managed to make it back for the school run too. I hate it usually but seeing my sons face light up when he realised I was there too was so nice and very welcome today.

Thank you once again for all your thoughts. This thread has been such a release for me. Thank you to everyone who has offered advise support and taken the time to read. The support has been wonderful.

@Custardee I am thinking of you for tomorrow xxx

So relieved that there is nothing there you need worry about and that the consultant took his time and was so reassuring. Great too that he will see you next year if that's a help. Sounds like you got a good one. So so pleased that all is well xxx

Thanks @Custardee. I feel abit silly to be honest but I just can't help the way my mind jumps to the worst. He didn't make me feel at any point though that I was being stupid or wasting resources.
I heard a woman talking in there about how she has been on medication for 4 years now and this is her last year. So it also made me realise more that these things can be and have been successfully treated.

But these last few weeks have been torture. It has truly amazed me how powerful the mind really is and how it can really mess you up.

How are you feeling about tomorrow? Xx

I'm feeling really anxious tonight, not helped by only sleeping a few hours last night. Just want it over with now. I'm a wimp, worried if I have a mammogram it'll be uncomfortable, though I guess that should be the least of my worries. Trying not to be too hurt by the lack of support from the couple of friends I told. Reply to a text was 'are you worried about it?' Erm, yeah!!