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Original poster

Taking it personally when a friend dislikes a book

47 replies

SwedeCarrotLime · 21/08/2022 11:31

Wondering if anyone might be willing to admit that they take it personally if a friend strongly dislikes a book they have recommended? A friend who is normally very sensible got genuinely quite upset when I gave her back a book she had lent and urged me to read. She warned me it was a slow start and I don’t like giving up on books but after slogging through the first 200 pages it became a real chore and I admitted defeat.

I suppose I am looking for insights into her reaction!

OP posts:
Underanothersky · 21/08/2022 17:38

Some people hang their personality on their likes and dislikes.

I don't care if someone doesn't like a book I love, it makes interesting discussions.

Which book was it?

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 21/08/2022 17:50

Was it Wolf Hall 🤣

Original poster
SwedeCarrotLime · 21/08/2022 18:11

Haha no. I loved Wolf Hall!

It was Still Life by Sarah Winman. I know lots of people love it.

OP posts:
VeronicaBeccabunga · 21/08/2022 18:38

Hamnet. I thought my book group were going to hound me out of town for finding it slow, boring and dull. My husband hated it too and we gave it to a charity shop.

Anyone else guilty of finding excuses not to lend their own, very precious and personal copies of loved books?
I'd buy them a second-hand copy sooner than lend out mine.

Paranoidandroidmarvin · 22/08/2022 06:33

I used to. My mum being one of them. She reads a lot. And there are loads of books that she would love. So I suggest them. Her reaction is always … oh I don’t think so.

I get sad when people say they don’t like something I do 😂 I do not understand how people cannot like the chronicles of st Mary’s. Mind blown. Like how can u not. Each to their own.

carefullycourageous · 22/08/2022 06:44

At risk of over-analysing, I could imagine for some people the very deep feelings they get around a good book can be quite lonely to experience, your friend might have been hoping for a deep connection about this book.

Or they could just be s bit of a bossy boots.

It is an unreasonable response to get upset - I would ask the friend as it is interesting!

ClumpingBambooIsALie · 22/08/2022 06:58

I guess it's like when you have two great friends who don't know each other yet, and you want them to really like each other and are sure they will, because you like them both so how could they possibly not like each other?

Ulysses · 22/08/2022 07:04

Oh I finished Still Life but the first part was a slog. I recommended it to someone at work going to Florence on holiday but did warn him I thought it was pretentious in parts. Funnily enough, someone recommended Tin Man by the same author to me and I loved that one.

Ulysses · 22/08/2022 07:15

I've got a friend who I generally share the same tastes in books with and I guess I would be a bit upset if they had a negative reaction to something I recommended. I tried reading her favourite book and it was just okay to me, so was hopefully tactful when discussing with her.

Musmerian · 22/08/2022 08:19

I couldn’t finish Still Life. Really dull.

pollyhemlock · 22/08/2022 08:39

Ulysses · 22/08/2022 07:04

Oh I finished Still Life but the first part was a slog. I recommended it to someone at work going to Florence on holiday but did warn him I thought it was pretentious in parts. Funnily enough, someone recommended Tin Man by the same author to me and I loved that one.

I also liked Tin Man but found Still Life very irritating. A group of roguish but heartwarming Cockneys meet a group of roguish but heartwarming Italians. And that bloody parrot. But a lot of people do really seem to love this book so each to their own.

Covetthee · 22/08/2022 08:46

I felt like that about Still life, it was SO dull. read about 60% but just couldn’t keep at it any longer.

also HATED piranesi 🤮 and it gets so much praise from book friends. Why its rated so highly is beyond me. The writing is beautiful but the story is honestly really crap

i don’t think we have ever been upset/offended if we don’t like each other’s recommendations, we can’t all like the same things.

ginslinger · 22/08/2022 08:48

The Craw Dads - people still look at me as if I'm illiterate for not joining in the swoon fest over this

ginslinger · 22/08/2022 08:49

oh and I'm relatively unfazed by people not being keen on stuff that I recommend

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 22/08/2022 08:49

ginslinger · 22/08/2022 08:48

The Craw Dads - people still look at me as if I'm illiterate for not joining in the swoon fest over this

I couldn't get past chapter 3. I loved the film though so perhaps should've stuck it out .

ShirleyJackson · 22/08/2022 08:51

I get secretly disappointed when someone doesn’t like a book I love, but I don’t show it (I hope).

I just judge them and move on joking

ShirleyJackson · 22/08/2022 08:52

I can’t get on with Still Life. Really dull.

anotherpotoftea · 22/08/2022 08:53

I would find it a bit needy and exhausting if a friend took it personally if I didn’t like something they liked.

EquallyDivided · 22/08/2022 08:59

We can't all like the same things, it is probably a bit embarrassing if you have raved over a book and your friend hates it.

I have had the Crawdads experience a couple of times too, it is one of the worst books I have read in a long time but a few friends have raved about it. I tend to say "I didn't enjoy it" rather than "it was complete twaddle"

Choconut · 22/08/2022 09:00

Low self esteem IMO.

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/08/2022 09:11

Ooh I loved Still Live

She is being utterly teenage though. Ignore.

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/08/2022 09:13

Oh no hang on its Small Pleasures I loved.

I got distracted after a few chapters of Still Live but do plan to go back..

TwoBlondes · 22/08/2022 09:35

I'm not offended by people disliking my recommendations, but I do feel a special bond with people who hate Crawdads!

mixedupmother · 22/08/2022 09:44

I think lots of people can't appreciate that not everyone shares their taste whether it be for books, places, food etc. My DM was like this, she would suggest something and then be disdainfully mystified if I didn't share her enthusiasm!

IceandIndigo · 22/08/2022 16:30

This thread is making me feel a lot better, I thought I was the only one who didn't like Still Life!

I can sort of understand your friend's reaction, because when I find a book I love I get quite invested in it on an emotional level, and if I then recommend it to someone who doesn't like it it's as if they're questioning whether my feelings are justified. It's a bit like if you get upset about something that's happened, and you tell someone about it expecting them to empathise with you, and instead they tell you you're being silly and shouldn't feel the way you do.

This feeling only applies to family and close friends though, I don't care if random strangers on the internet share my taste.

To be honest I hesitate to recommend books to certain people in my life because I know I'll get irrationally upset if they don't like them!