Taking it personally when a friend dislikes a book

[SwedeCarrotLime]

Wondering if anyone might be willing to admit that they take it personally if a friend strongly dislikes a book they have recommended? A friend who is normally very sensible got genuinely quite upset when I gave her back a book she had lent and urged me to read. She warned me it was a slow start and I don’t like giving up on books but after slogging through the first 200 pages it became a real chore and I admitted defeat.

I suppose I am looking for insights into her reaction!

I love to receive books and I love to give them.

But I can't help thinking "please don't ask me if I've read it! Please don't ask me if I've read it!"

And I have to try to do likewise if I give a book. I give books mostly to my mum and often ones I've read and thought she would like. Often I cave and ask.

I feel a bit conflicted about being given books, I love them but feel a sense of obligation to read them fairly quickly and at least pretend to have enjoyed them, I'd far rather be given a Waterstones gift card and choose my own. I always enclose the receipt if I give a book to someone else.

I was in there last year and there was a woman at the counter saying how much she'd loved Crawdads and she'd bought copies for all her friends and I was glad that hadn't happened to me.

I'm a bit like your friend I think. I feel an emotional investment in things I've loved and if someone I'm close to and respect their opinion doesn't feel the same way it can spark some over-analysis.

Some people are able to generate their own validation from within, others seek it externally through all sorts of means. That may include someone agreeing with them that what they consider to be good and worthwhile is in fact good and worthwhile.

They were long, terribly composed sentences, but hopefully make sense.

I loved Crawdads 😳

DH has read a couple of Terry Pratchett books and said they were fine and he enjoyed them, but I don't understand how he hasn't become a huge fan in the way I did.
As the cliche goes: I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed
Poor man (DH not TP), I'm always quoting the books and he agrees that, yes, that's both witty and clever, and says he'll probably read another sometime...
But I want him to read them all and enjoy them as much as I do!

(Yes, I agree my massive fangirling of the books has probably put him off them completely. I've not only led a horse to water, I've tried to shove its head into the water trough )

My Dh loves Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. I've tried both but they just aren't for me.

I loved Still Life and recommended it to my DD who hated it. Often she recommends books to me that I hate. We have concluded that we have different tastes in books. It's not something to get upset about.

EquallyDivided

Funnily enough, I really can't get into Neil Gaman and I so wanted to.
I absolutely loved Good Omens though.

I remember Alan Bennett saying that before he wrote the stage play The Wind in the Willows, before he read the book he based it on, people were often telling him he should read the book, it was just his thing. And so of course that put him off for a long time. He didn't want to think people would know what was his thing.

I empathise with this.

I've just started Still Life and now I'm nervous.

On the whole I don't mind if people don't like books I recommend.

However there are some books that I love and feel connected to in some way. If a close friend doesn't like them I take it personally, as if they don't understand me. That sounds really twee when I write it down.

I would never admit this to anyone in real life though.

I've taken to buying people books as gifts if I've enjoyed them. I don't care if they like them, even if I think they will, but it feels more personal than giving them a voucher or a scented candle.

@Covetthee
"also HATED piranesi 🤮 and it gets so much praise from book friends. Why its rated so highly is beyond me. The writing is beautiful but the story is honestly really crap"

Noooo! Piranesi is the best book I've read in decades! YABVU 😂

I've listened to Piranesi 3 times. I amost never reread/listen to a book. I am thinking about listening to it again. So quirky and the slow realisation of what had happened.
I am listening to Remember My Name by Sam Blake, 'Number One Best Selling Author' according to the cover. Dearie me, why use two words when you can use five - there have been several tragedies and a global company collapse but still the banter and mindless chat goes on.

I think when you recommend a 'really good' book then the chances are that expectations are higher than they would normally be so there's more likelihood it will disappoint.

No, I don't take it personally. I've realised, that although I like books involving nature and the countryside, friend who I lend books to doesn't.

I've read one or 2 Pratchetts but am never going to love them, sadly as ppl seem SO enthusiastic about them.

Absolutely loved Piranesi. Tried Mr Norrell and Jonathan Strange by her, v funny in places, but found it too long.

Don’t care if someone has different tastes to me or disagrees with me about a character, etc., but I am wary of proposing much-loved books in my book club. Not because people may feel differently (I love the group I’m in because we have very robust discussions), but a criticism I agree with has often opened my eyes to shortcomings I’d previously overlooked and taken the shine off the book.

I am very much aware from being a long-standing book group member that people do get quite nervous when ‘their’ book is up for discussion. Some are really keen for everyone to love it because they do, others are worried that people will be annoyed with them if the book is boring!

If it's one of those books massively important to me, yes, I think I'd be disappointed if a good friend hated it. But not agreeing with me on a book I really liked... pfft, people are different.

I loved Piranesi, it reminded me of The Magician's Nephew, the Narnia prequel. Lovely writing too. Several of my friends hated it because they loathed not knowing what was going on and didn't trust the author to pull it all together in the end. I found that quite exciting.

And HA! to the first replies guessing Wolf Hall - that's what I immediately jumped to as well. I love that trilogy to bits but the first time I read Wolf Hall it took me a good while to get into the swing of it.

My husband was desperate for me to like Terry Pratchet but no. I might have liked it more in my teens. Thankfully we’ve had kids and one of them giggled through an audiobook of one on a long car journey so there is hope for him getting a reading mate yet.

Piranisi ! Amazing. Could not put it down.

I kind of get this.

I don't buy books anymore as presents for DP and teen SDCs as they never get around to reading them, after I've put my heart and soul into choosing them. I've bought books they've purported to be really eager to read, fit their interests, whatever, and nope, the books don't get read.

I read a lot, and fast, so I just don't understand why. It's me projecting what I'd like onto them, I suppose.

And, on a side note, after me talking to DP about Hilary Mantel a few times over the years - I knew he'd really, really like Beyond Black - he asked for it the other day because someone else had recommended it to him!

I don’t know if I can explain this well, but there is a sort of snobbery around books that you don’t get so much with other things. Therefore if someone dislikes a book you recommend you are more likely to feel like it’s a personal attack on your intellect IYSWIM.

Therefore if someone dislikes a book you recommend you are more likely to feel like it’s a personal attack on your intellect IYSWIM.

I just assume the opposite actually. I have robust self belief though.

Had this with Mad Men, I raved about it to my friends and they didn't get it at all but love shlock horrors. Need I say more.

This thread has made me smile - I adored Piranesi and DNF finish Crawdads (awful). I also loathe Wuthering Heights and like it when I encounter others who feel the same.

I have stopped recommending books to people, as I find I do take it personally if they don't like it. Off topic, as a TV series rather than a book, but my closest friend didn't like Parks and Recreation and it really bothered me.

Parks and Rec is one of my favourite shows of all time. When I recommend it I tell people to skip the first season completely and go straight in with s2. Similarly when I recommend Schitt’s Creek I give a caveat that they need to stick with it through s1 because later it gets really, really good.

I think everyone read a different piranesi to me 🤣 even just seeing the name makes me fall asleep thinking of the slumberfest it was.

i also hated the dutch house which everyone seemed to love and my friend got very annoyed cause she loved it and couldn’t understand why I didn’t.

But I loved Pachinko and she hated it. i wouldnt get offended though