Things that really wind you up in novels

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I just finished reading a 'chick-lit' book (not how it was marketed but it most definitely was, IMO) where the heroine starts out as an ambitious, independent professional who seems like she might be an interesting character for once, then as soon as A Man appears she turns to mush and reveals that all this strong exterior is just a facade she's putting up to stop her heart being broken again. Sigh. To make things worse you could tell she was going to fall for him from about page 20 because a) they hated each other and b) his wife was conveniently dead, AND it had one of those 'quirky' The Quaintly-Named Suburban Avenue Ladies' Flower Arranging Society type titles. It was a shame because otherwise it wasn't a badly written book, it was just ruined for me by too many cliches... What things in a novel make you sigh and think 'Oh God, it's one of those books'?

Hogwarts

I'm not sure if this is in the book, but in the film they are definitely in Scotland.

In Prisoner of Azkaban, at one point they are in the Great Hall (having breakfast or s=doing homework or something) and someone has a newspaper. Sirius Black has been spotted in Dufftown. Herminone says "that's near here".

Here is Dufftown

And here is how I know it's in Scotland :o

Also series that get completely carried away with themselves, where the first couple are really good and then they get over-complicated and a bit rubbish in general.

Two series especially for me - Artemis Fowl and The Fire Within ones. Just stop! And yes, I know I read the early books as a child and the later ones when I was older, but I don't think I'd have enjoyed them younger either.

DeeCee White Teeth takes place in the 70s to 90s and there were definitely Kwik Saves around London and southeast in the 70s. And several in that bit of northwest London by the 90s.
Though given she was at a university where transgenic animals were a big issue at the time she wrote the book, there was no excuse for the totally implausible plotline where the transgenic mouse escapes...

I'm not keen on series either where the first few are suitable for a certain age range, but you really need to be older for the later ones.

I know it can be a growing up as the characters do thing (Harry Potter's a good example), but some have huge gaps - the Terry Pratchett Tiffany Aching ones are bad for that. I think you could read the first ones at 10/11 but then you get to the fourth (I think) and somebody's miscarrying because they've been beaten by their father...

Wellwellwell which David Eddings book? I'd quite like to read that, I enjoyed Eragon and the rest of that series (the film was spectacularly rubbish though).

hack, that's interesting! I hadn't heard of the Guide to Adultery one. I was also thinking of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but that's such a different type of book to the others that I don't think it can have inspired the trend.

(Speaking of which, I also get hugely annoyed by writers being compared to Douglas Adams when they're just not like him in any way. I don't know if this is a new trend or if I've been noticing it more recently, but I suddenly seem to be seeing it everywhere. NO-ONE is like Douglas Adams, that I'm aware of, anyway. Except maaaaybe Terry Pratchett, almost. Although I suspect this is an issue that doesn't come up too often in chick lit )

I've heard The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is actually better than the title makes it sound, but even so I'd probably be unlikely to read it. I think I read A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian a couple of years ago but I can't remember, which says all you need to know really.

Trills that link is amazing!

That scene isn't in the book trills no mention of Dufftown there.
My copy of Prisoner of Azkaban was bought in the US and it was edited for the American market. Harry has bangs not a fringe and uses a flashlight not a torch. I didn't notice when I first read it as I lived in the US at the time now I really noticed.
polka my dd (10) read the first two books in the Tiffany Aching series and we got the third from the library and luckily dp started reading it before her. It was that beating/miscarriage scene that made us decide to wait until she can read that book.

That's a shame Igneococcus that would be definitive proof of location!

I wonder how involved JK Rowling was in the script, if she approved or didn't object to that scene I think we can assume Hogwarts is meant to be in Scotland.

Louise Bagshawe's heroines are always a) blonde, tall and slender, or b) dark and sultry, with big boobs, a tiny waist and flaring hips. Every single time, those bloody flaring hips. As for James Patterson, well, I used to always read them, but the last 100 or so have been diabolical. Eg, I hit the bad guy and he fell down and it was good. I went home to my gazillion children and was a good dad, and then went back to work to get the other bad guys. I won and it was good.

Whenever I read a Ken Follet book I'm just waiting for a female character do develop "a softening/roundness in the face/her breasts becoming fuller" which will certainly signify a surprise pregnancy.
In his most recent book a 15-year old boy spotted all of these changes in his girlfriend - and of course found her inexplicably more alluring - but really, a 15-year old boy, or any man really, is never going to spot these signs.
Men always find sex to be "joyful/happy/delightful" or something else equally innocent and wholesome to take away from whatever adulterous or badly thought through relationship they have entered in to. Makes me cringe. Shudder to think about KFs own personal life.

This is a bit off-topic, but this thread reminded me of something I can't stand in detective/police shows.

They find a dead body and they look in their wallet. If the person has $97 in their wallet they conclude it can't have been a robbery. This is true because ... people only carry money in their wallets? The dead guy might have had a million dollars in an envelope or backpack or briefcase. Or "bearer bonds" whatever the hell those are.

I've been going through a 70s schlock horror phase and I'm getting increasingly annoyed with everyone's blasé attitude to risk in the face of killer crabs, jellyfish etc. You DON'T hold the church fete in a field under some trees when killer caterpillars brutally mangled and ate three people in the pub beer garden a few days ago, you just don't. And you'd think someone might mention to the beachcomber that the giant crabs are expected at any minute, rather than sitting back and waiting for them to devour him, ffs.

This is a little random, but in school we read a book called 'The Eagle of the Ninth' and the characters never bloody 'said' anything they always 'avered' it. Prolific use of an obscure word is very noticeable, even to a 13 year old.

mimi are you James Patterson?
I also hate the tiny chapters. I have a concentration span.
I also hate, he is not the only one for this, the machismo. Male characters have the strongest coffee, the smallest amount of sleep, the biggest gaping wounds, you get the picture. No wonder they're always blowing their cheeks out, they're probably coming down off the caffeine high or trying to stop themselves shouting FUUUCK that hurts.

Erm I see my short chapters point has been made recently. Maybe that concentration span of mine isn't so good.

I read a Marian Keyes book once that I bought in an airport in the States (desperate for something to read on an 8hr flight) and it drove me mad!! It was wholly set in London with Irish and English characters and has the usual chick lit plot, but the American editor had changed lots of details so the - presumably thick - US readers could identify with the plot more.

So, for instance, the heroine went out and bought a load of clothes on her Sears Card. WTF? The characters talked about going to visit a friend "on the subway". NO NO NO it's the fucking Tube!!! Now, I'm pretty sure Marian Keyes didn't write that shit, so why did she let her editors replace factually correct plot devices with rubbish.

Ah but stealth, did you also notice the really short chapters?

Trill that link is brilliant

JK Rowling was very involved with the film I believe. She gave them extra top secret details apparently so that nothing got contradicted later on in books which hadn't been written yet.

Why are books changed for American audiences. It's rude to Americans to assume they couldn't understand certain things.
Many of the books I read as a teen were American and nothing was changed. I was very confused until I worked out what the hell bangs were.

Shopaholic books give me rage by the end its just car crash from chapter to chapter and I feel like screaming why don't you just talk and stop hiding things and how can you be so stupid. I donated my books and no longer read them

It's been said already but the fashion for triologies is v annoying. There is a big difference between an actual trilogy, and a book that is divided into 3 parts.

This is my own fault for reading teen lit but Kelley Armstrong is very guilty of this. Books within a trilogy need to be able to stand alone to some degree, not feel like you've read the middle 3rd of a book.