Favourite 50 Shades of Grey metaphor / cliche / example of very, very bad writing

[BeckyBendyLegs]

Anyone else got any? I have loads but my so far all-time favourite is: 'My medulla oblongata just pole vaulted my spleen'.

Brilliant! Couldn't be more awful!

But I am currently reading the second book, despite thinking these books are pretty crap!

Im not even sure what that means! As metaphors go, it's a bit obscure.

Oh my!

Perhaps it only ever happens when you meet a man with copper highlights whose trousers deliciously fall off his hips. He's so hot. Holy Moses!

The way she CONSTANTLY uses the same words over and over again...if she says flush again I'm going to punch that ana(!) another one is the lip biting thing and the fact that Christian "growls".....the book is like it's written by a 13 year old whose handed in their creative writing homework!

biting her lip
a sharp intake of breath

First to link this blog gets a prize, right?

'Familiar sound of foil packet', for God's sake woman, just say condom.

AT least it's encouraging safe sex! :o

'my sex'
'there'
'inner goddess'

Arrrrgggghhhh

The fact her subconcious is in constant contact with her....

Its your subconcious! You are ergo not aware of it! It cant rise from its chaise longue or lick its lips or whatever

Apex! Say pussy, vagina, cunt or something else ffs

Apex! Say pussy, vagina, cunt or something else ffs

Same goes for erection. His erection pushed against my hip. On every third page...

Every time I read 'familiar sound of foil packet' I'm thinking 'ketchup'.

How about the noise of a kitkat?

another vote for "apex of my thighs" - aaaargh!!!!

The blood pooling in her lower belly.

Wanna get that checked out Ana, love. Sounds suspiciously like a haemmorage to me. Lust isnt meant to feel like a potentially fatal condition...

"Laters Baby" Auuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Clueless79 me too! I love ketchup.

The 'my sex' thing annoys me too. Whoever calls it that? I've never called it that. 'My bits' or 'my middle bottom' would be more realistic, surely.

Several times one of the characters managed to have their mouths drop open while simultaneously gasping. Which just makes them seem a bit wheezy.

And if your lover is going to spank your arse, at least be able to say the word. Not "behind" or "backside"

That blog is really funny!

"my very own Christian Grey-flavoured-popsicle"

She talks about how she likes to read "British novels"

She says oh my all the fricking time

And her inner goddess - taking her pince nez off