I have just read possibly the worst book in the world

[Mrsrobertduvall]

A Cold Season by Alison Littlewood.
Disclaimer...I bought it in Smith's on a buy one get one half price, and grabbed it as the cover looked good.
It's about a mother and son marooned in a small Lancashire village with unfriendly locals...a bit Wicker Man-ish. And of course there are witch/devil undertones.
It is utter tripe.
It is now in the charity shop for some poor sod to buy.

loved the island, dragon tattoo trilogy, fucking HATED on chesil beach but loved a child in time, some of kate atkinson's are great, some just torture...

and that marian keyes/jodie picoult/celcia ahern/maeve binchy drivel?? ....

has anyone mentioned the 19th wife yet? snooze-fest!

The Return. Made my dinner return up my throat. If I were Ian Hislop I'dmake her change her surname so no-one knew she belonged to me.

The abortionist's daughter. Not about abortions, really,or daughters much. Just a headline grabbing title. Shitebollocks.

The Memory Keeper's Daughter. Sentimentalist twaddle.

After these 3 I have learned that if is recommended by Richardandjudy approx 2 mths later there will be entire shelves of it in the charity shops.

Oh, and all that Afghanistanature bollocks. Just because it's a serious subject does not make it literature. Itwas like he'dbeen on a creative writing course. "you'll need a disfigurement here, a battered wife there.....a good looking but emotionally distant soldier on the other side.....Oh fuck off you splendid kiterunning bollockery.

The absolute worst though, was for Spanish lit. Never did wrk out if protagonist was a dog, a man who thought he was a dog, or a man whose wife made him sleep in a kennel. Didn't much care by the time I'd slit my wrists either.

Marian Keyes is not chick lit! Yes the stupid covers look chick litty but some of her subjects are very dark, alcoholism, depression, domestic violence. You can't group her with the likes of Maeve Binchy or Cecilia Aherne ffs!

On the other hand all magical realism, goblin nonsense (Tolkien espesh.)or faux spiritual (Paul Coelho I am looking at you)bollocks is utter shite.

Bucharest, what was the dog book? It rings a bell.

I must mention The Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry- I am half way through and losing the will to live.

I think there needs to be a random title generator for these type of books, the ones that have titles like The 's .

How about The Button-Maker's Niece?
The Greengrocer's Stepdaughter?
The Blacksmith's Next-door Neighbour?
NB I actually quite enjoyed the Time Traveller's Wife, it has to be said.

One book I definitely won't read, on the basis of the title alone, is the one about Lemon Cake. I saw it on the shelf at the bookshop and thought 'why should lemon cake be peculiarly sad? It's YUMMY!'. So I passed by that book in disgust and am glad to hear the general opinion is that it's no good.

Just remembered another one that was a big disappointment: The Observations by Jane Harris. The book I read bore no resemblance to the synopsis on the back: I was expecting a properly spooky read, but it was about as frightening as cold porridge.

Marshmallow I've made it my rule to avoid anything with "...s daughter" in the title.
So far it's served me well.
And most books that feature a pair of woman's legs on the cover - usually on a staircase, or sitting - that was every other book until recently.

empirestateofmind is that the one about the psychiatric hospital? if it is, I recommend you don't lose any more of your life on it. HTH.
The hare with the amber eyes - it looked so good I got it. I couldn't read it so gave it to DH when he was over at Xmas. He came back recently and presented it to me. I asked him if he enjoyed it, he said no, but I might.
The Slap. Bloody thing. I was trying to read it in a pub last week while DH and DD were at a football match. Not an ideal environment but I did see Wigan give Man U a good thrashing such was my boredom with the book.

Can't remember what the name of the dog book was. Or the author. It was that awful. It was classed as "sociological literature of the 20th century" or some such other wankery.

Books that are mentioned here that I like:

The God of Small things loved, loved, loved it.
The Hare with the Amber Eyes enjoyed, it, thought it was well written, though a bit annoying at times
Lionel Shriver ones agree that characters are not likeable, but enjoyed tennis and snooker ones - they're readable
On Chesil Beach it was ok and sticks in the mind

Books I agree are pile of tosh:

Cloud Atlas
Time Traveller's Wife
Anything by Celia Ahern and Marion Keyes (though the latter is readable)
Labyrinthe
Lolita....fail to see how anyone can like that book

vivian I don't need to read up on it. I read actually it . That's all I need to read to know what I think about it.

Although I was very relieved to learn from an Eng Lit grad friend of mine that there is indeed a feminist critique on this book that posits that it's unpleasant, but nicely wrought, tosh which has had an unduly easy ride from the establishment. So I'll hitch my wagon up with that lot.

the Return - that was such a brilliant premise for a story, but bloody hell it was so lumpen, all that with the protagonist going dancing and her boyfriend being distant and WHAT ARE THE CHANCES she meets her long lost grandad in a bar or whatever. Contrived and really appallingly written.

The Help 0 another good idea for a book really let down by its plot and scenarios. I found it really manipulative. Also the end (shit cake) was appalling. If you want to make a serious point why would you sully it by making the ending such a farce and a cop-out?

I really liked the Slap though (really interesting to make all of the characters revolting so you can't sympathise with any of them)

I read the first page of a Martin Amis book (can't remember the name) but after reading that the main character was a short arse man with irrestistible sex appeal I put it down, as I had visions of Martin Amis dressed up like Peter Stringfellow. Are all his books like that - based around a version of himself?

KatieMiddleton "Mansfield Park. I will never get those hours back".
You actually made me laugh ( not easy to do at the moment)

I absolutely agree about all the chick lit drivel and especially The Shack. Definitely the worst book i've ever read and lots of people bought if for me on the grounds that i'm a Christian and they clearly thought 'oh look, a good book for boris for christmas, its got Jesus stuff in it'....I swear whoever wrote that has never opened a bible. Or a novel. Its painful in so many ways at once....

I did really enjoy We need to talk about Kevin and Robinson Crusoe is one of my favourite books

MrsChemist - if you really want to read 50shades I don't think it's too hard to still find online. It might still have the twilight names though!! I read it as fanfic and let's just say the point was not to enjoy the writing. And that it is just as well really. There are far far better fanfics out there though. I boggle at the fact that loads of people are actually PAYING for it.

Thank you for confirming my thoughts VivianDarkbloom
I am currently wading my way through 'If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things' (and have been for blooming ages) wondering 'when I am I going to be overwhelmed by it?' I am about 25 pages from the end and hate giving up on a book, but it is going STRAIGHT to the charity shop!

TTW was so bad it made me want to kill people. I am delighted I am not alone in that.

The five first people you meet in heaven was god awful.

yy to Kate Mosse Labyrinth.

Don't read chick lit.

This thread has made me laugh! I've had to read some of the ones you talk about til the end for my book club. I agree that the Children's Book by A S Byatt was awful - too many characters and not one of them that you cared about. But the rest of my book club loved it so glad some of you are with me on it!

We also did Hare with the Amber Eyes and if I was reading it just for me I'd have given up after a couple of chapters but I had to finish it and it did actually get much better in the middle but worse again at the end!

The Slap was pretty bad too and yes Labyrinthe was poor and I really didn't like One Day either - who cares about either of them?!

The worst one we ever did with book club was about a village told through the eyes of different members through the years - written as you would speak etc so a nightmare to read and just the most boring thing EVER. But again at least one of them loved it......it was bad but I can't remember the name of it.

Oh and my neighbour gave me a pile of books by someone called Jill Mansell - chick lit and just ridiculously bad........how do these people get published?!

Anyone remember Joan Collins' Prime Time from back in the mists of time.......that book was sooooo bad!

Remembered - it was Ulverton by Adam Thorpe..........don't do it!

attica locke - black water rising (couldn't finish it)
martina cole - booooooooring

Linerunner! I saw Charles Dance in Coriolanus on the South Bank. He was appalling (though the play's not good I agree).