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I have started writing an erotic novel

68 replies

TrishPio · 28/09/2010 21:17

I am sure that it will be her intention to stay faithful. Even as the adrenaline surges through her, and giggling dementedly, she binge drinks and knocks back shots. She'll be telling her friends how special you are as they accept a drink from the 'good looking fella' at the bar. As she staggers on to the dance floor and feels Kevin the builder's engorged manhood jabbing into her bottom, throughout the Lionel Richie medley, she will be thinking 'It can't hurt, it's only flirting. What he doesn't know can't hurt him'. Outside the bar, barely able to stand, she will be explaining, in that slightly pompous way, that she has a boyfriend and that Kev is being very naughty putting his hands up her top like that.

Then she will feel his breath against her neck, the warm night air will force the alcohol to surge through her body and the next thing she remembers will be the slow rhythmic slap of Kevin's pelvis against her arse and the faint sensation of humiliation and pleasure as he drunkenly slaps her behind slurring 'yeah c**t. Ah, yeah, you bitch'.

Desperate to please she will allow him to place his blunt sadness in her mouth, explore the darkness of her skull, and accept his desiccated DNA against the back of her parched and gagging throat.

As he wipes his penis on the cheap linen of his cheap bed in his institutionalized holiday box in the sun above the Adelphos Fish and Chip Palace, and lurches to the bathroom with the words 'I need a p*ss', she will feel the sobering effects of shame and the promise she made to man who trusted her.

OP posts:
boobmanagement · 30/09/2010 15:50

It hardly makes me want to Reach for my Rabbit but it's so dark its brilliant!

I want to read more. More TP more!!

seaturtle · 30/09/2010 21:24

Has OP gone? Where are you? I keep coming back to see if you've left us any more.

BitOfFun · 30/09/2010 21:31

Shall we continue it ourselves while we wait?

"Afterwards, bathed in the warm afterglow of his dessicated spunk, they shared a poke of chips at Alfonso's downstairs, and her swollen lips smarted at the salty vinegary taste. As he jack-russelled her again through the damp wool of her crocheted mini-dress, she was sent into paroxysms of pleasusure and dropped her pommes-frites."

KurriKurri · 30/09/2010 21:54

As he helped her retrieve her french fries she whispered tantalisingly 'I really liked it when you explored the darkness of my skull with your blunt sadness Kevin, do you want to do it again sometime.'

'I'd like to' he answered reluctantly, 'but my DNA is so dessicated at the moment, I need a very understanding woman to help me.....'

boobmanagement · 30/09/2010 21:59

.... he grabbed the battered sausage and rubbed it against her. She was wet and he rubbed it gently against her clit. He took it away and licked her saltiness off it. It tasted nice with the vinegar...

BertieBotts · 30/09/2010 22:08

It's even weirder f you read the 'girlfriends' link on that wiki site Confused

BitOfFun · 30/09/2010 22:10

Oh save me the hassle and post the link, Bertie?

BertieBotts · 30/09/2010 23:15

A classic piece of copy paste used to instil fear of girlfriends going away on holidays by themselves.

BitOfFun · 30/09/2010 23:23

I don't actually understand any of that.

Does Wikipedia archive all notorious troll stories from the internet? Confused

Drayford · 30/09/2010 23:27

Ditto BertieBotts Sigh!!!

How sad that the OP has quoted a much copied and pasted piece that has appeared in many other forums other than MN and many viral emails!

BertieBotts · 01/10/2010 00:05

Oh, no, I was sighing at BitOfFun's wheedling Grin (It was a joke that worked in my head...)

The other text is a quote from the link that ShirleyKnot posted.

It's not actually wikipedia. It's a wiki based site (the software is open source I think) but it's been created by some randoms on a forum. So probably just an odd 4chan type in joke.

Valpollicella · 01/10/2010 00:15

"and feels Kevin the builder's engorged manhood jabbing into her bottom, throughout the Lionel Richie medley"

Nothing more guaranteed to put me off, than cheesy shag music like Lionel or Barry White. I'd be considering ditching him mid shag for that simple error.

And a 'medley' of Lionel - is that one carefully chosen song after another or a medley where the segue from halfway into one song into another?

Either is wrong. But just checking

DirtyMartini · 01/10/2010 00:21

What is a meme? I kind of know the term but have never really got my head around it.

Valpollicella · 01/10/2010 00:41

Apparently 'meme' rhymes with 'cream' Hmm Grin

And Dawkins coined the term

babylann · 01/10/2010 00:48

Have I missed something? Is 'fanjo' a new word? I've never heard it before, and then in the last hour, I've seen it on like 4 MN threads.

BitOfFun · 01/10/2010 00:52

It's a Mumsnet coinage for general ladyparts. Been going for years.

Valpollicella · 01/10/2010 00:54

Yes, much like 'norks' for breasts

babylann · 01/10/2010 00:57

I'd never heard 'norks' either! I spend half my time here scratching my head over the abbreviations etc. I mean, I can usually figure out what they mean, 'fanjo' wasn't hard to guess etc. It's just I'd never heard it in real life. So I thought maybe it was a word the teenage girls were coming home and teaching their mumsnet-mums. For a moment I felt a tad out-of-touch.

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