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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Original poster

Why am I overweight?

50 replies

BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 20:29

I have struggled with my weight for most of my life and desperately want to be thinner. I have given up all hope of every getting back to my ideal weight but would settle for a moderate amount of weight loss.

Everyday, for the past 30 years (I am 40 now), I have woken up and promised myself that today is the day that I will start to eat healthily and get more exercise. But everyday, I have failed.

I am not a stupid person. I consider myself to be pretty well informed about food and exercise and as a family we cook fresh meals from scratch, on most days of the week.

I am a very motivated person too, in other aspects of my life (running my own business and raising money for charity) but I just can't manage to loose weight.

I have managed a bit of weight loss in the past but as soon as it starts to become noticeable (usually at the point that people start to compliment me), I put it straight back on again.

It's as if I desperately want to loose weight, but at the same time, I don't. And it doesn't make sense because I am so unhappy with the way that I am.

If anyone could help me to shed any light on why I seem to be sabotaging my own weight loss efforts, I would be very grateful

OP posts:
OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 14/05/2010 20:34

There's a book on Amazon called 'What Makes You Fat' by Ian Marber.

I haven't read it, but it's on my wishlist as I've seen it highly recommended here.

JaxTellersOldLady · 14/05/2010 20:37

maybe you need to look at the reasons why you indulge rather than what you eat.

CBT might help you.

itsmeitsmeolord · 14/05/2010 20:39

You sabotage it because it is a focus for you.
If there was another focus you would find it easier to lose weight.
Self esteem plays a big part.

When you say you cook from scratch, what do you cook? Because even if the meals are healthy and low fat, if your portions are too big you will gain rather than lose.

Also, when you make plans to exercise/diet, do you make them to big?
Ie, you plan to start running, but instead of saying, I will start off with a ten minute run three times this week you try to go out for an hour in the wrong kit and end up knackered sore and demoralised?

I'm well informed but I've made all those mistakes and more.

Aside from thinking about weightloss, what do you do? Do you have a hobby/interest that you follow?

itsmeitsmeolord · 14/05/2010 20:40

Sorry, lots of grammar and spellings. Am drinking a very rare glass of vino.

duckyfuzz · 14/05/2010 20:43

Hi Betty, I was so similar, I could have written your post a year ago. I got talking to some colleagues who'd lost weight on lighter life/cambridge diet and thought I shoudl try it. I investigated and realsied I wasn't prepared to pay £50 a week for something I could do just by cutting out carbs...so I tried it myself, foudn it worked and lost 2st in a few months, have maintained loss and knwo my limits, I am good through the week and enjoy the weeknds and holidays adn I exercise to tone up. You won't do it until you really want to or realise you can, but cutting out bread, if nothing else, will probably give you enough of a kick start to keep at it. Good luck

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 20:51

I do have big portions But that is my point, I am deliberatley keeping myself overweight (or at least this is how it seems to me).

Looking back, I also think that I was overfed as a child by my mother. She was overweight herself and often got a lot of stick about it from my dad so I do wonder if she overfed me as a way of justifying her own weight issues (not sure if this makes sense reading it back however).

So I can kind of understand why I became overweight, I just can't understand why I sabotage my efforts to loose it again.

There has always been a family expectation that I will be big (lots of comments as to how I take after my mum for example). I think I am struggling to NOT live up to that expectation.

OP posts:
VoulezVouzCrochezAvecJACK · 14/05/2010 20:52

Betty, I could have written your post a month ago (trumps ducky)
I was always dieting and buying books because that is what was expected of someone overweight, but I didn't really care about my weight and so I didn't do it properly, would take the 'one biscuit won't hurt' line and 'Now I've had one I've fucked it for today, may as well finish the pack'
Something clicked in me a few weeks ago, I realised that no-one else really cares what I do, but I care, I didn't want to be this weight anymore (over 17 stone) and I actually, did want to do something about it.
Since then I have lost 18lb (you can find me on the 'Nothing tastes better' thread) by cutting bread, biscuits, cakes, basically processed shit out completely, and now I have lost oevr a stone I do't want to go back to how I was eating before.

You just need to find a reason to do it that is about you, not what other people think, or what 'society' says peple should weigh, or your mum, or your children etc etc it has to be for you. But it is possible. I promise.

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 20:54

Thanks duckyfizz and congratulations on your weight loss

I have started many diets of different kinds over the years but usually fail spectacularly within 2-3 weeks. As soon as I feel the weight coming off, I start to panic and put it all back on again.

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 14/05/2010 20:54

so when you have lost some weight noticably and start putting it back on, is it because you have reverted back to eating bigger portions or snacking? What change starts putting it back on again?

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 20:58

zzzzenagain, I start to loose the weight (just by following a simple healthy diet - no crash dieting nonsense) but about half a stone in, just as I can start to think about going down a dress size or just when people start to notice the loss, I panic.

It does feel like a panic attack in many ways. So I just overeat for a period of time until it all goes back on again.

I don't know why I panic

OP posts:
Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 21:01

Can anyone explain CBT. Is this something that a GP would arrange. I think that I am too embarrased to see my GP.

OP posts:
cyb · 14/05/2010 21:02

your opening line ' have given up all hopes of ever reaching my ideal weight' WHY?

cyb · 14/05/2010 21:04

FWIW my mum always told me I woudl be big like her too. It made HER feel better to think that. I have CHOSEN not to. She hates it!

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 21:04

It just seems like an impossible goal cyp, I have approx 5 stone to loose. But if loosing half a stone sends me into a panic, I really can't see how I will achieve the other 4.5!

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 14/05/2010 21:05

not sure about the panic

so what you needto do is have some help to get past that half stone mark.

You said you'd like to lose a moderate amount. How much?

ZZZenAgain · 14/05/2010 21:06

so you'd be happy to lose a stone for a start and keep it off?

cyb · 14/05/2010 21:06

Yourmind is not in the right place clearly. until it is, you will not lose weight. its 90% attitude!

you are hiding behind the fat

what is stopping you being kind to yourself. Stop thinking about dieting

Ivykaty44 · 14/05/2010 21:08

I wouldn't normaly say this but go and ind a really good hypnotherapist

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 21:09

If I could loose a stone, it would be such a major achievment for me. And I know that I could loose 1 stone, I could loose more.

cyp, I think that my mum would also be secretely devastated if I lost weight as we have been keeping each other 'company' over the years (iyswim)

I am not sure that I can fight against the expectation that surrounds me.

OP posts:
dinkystinky · 14/05/2010 21:10

Focus on small goals - bit by bit is a good idea and treat yourself (not food wise but something you'd love - a nail treatment, a massage, a new hair cut, a new outfit, new shoes etc) every time you hit a goal. So look at losing your first half stone as your first goal - and treat yourself so you feel good for yourself in having hit that goal. Then the next half stone is the next goal - then treat yourself etc until you're within a stone of your final goal aim. And you will do it.

cyb · 14/05/2010 21:11

yes you will fight it. and you will feel soo much better (and superior!)

stop focussing on numbers on the scale like 1 stone, 2 stone

start eating smaller portions

stop eating between meals

drink more water

measure it in waistbands, not weightloss

YOU will DO IT

come to our diet thread and we will knock you into shape!

ZZZenAgain · 14/05/2010 21:11

so it might be something to do with being loyal to your mum - I'm no therapist though, I have no idea at all what might lie behind it but I am sure you can get past it.

If you have lost half a stone before, you can lose a stone

and if you can lose a stone....

you can, for sure you can.

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 21:11

Sorry, meant to say "And I know that if I could loose 1 stone"

OP posts:
BessieBoots · 14/05/2010 21:11

I am like you... There's a thread on here somewhere about people who can't stop themselves from eating...

I am on healthy eating kick no.364... Every time, I lose about half a stone, get evangelical ("I don't even want to overeat anymore...") and then come crashing down. Realistically I reckon that my only hope of losing weight and keeping it off is to get to the root of why I'm doing it. I confuse an emotional need with a physical one...

Original poster
BettySuarez · 14/05/2010 21:14

thanks cyb, I have avoided that thread to be honest as don't feel I have the right to be there.

Yes zen, loyalty to my mum (she is lovely btw) plus some other 'issues' I think.

OP posts:
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