Why am I overweight?

[BettySuarez]

I have struggled with my weight for most of my life and desperately want to be thinner. I have given up all hope of every getting back to my ideal weight but would settle for a moderate amount of weight loss.

Everyday, for the past 30 years (I am 40 now), I have woken up and promised myself that today is the day that I will start to eat healthily and get more exercise. But everyday, I have failed.

I am not a stupid person. I consider myself to be pretty well informed about food and exercise and as a family we cook fresh meals from scratch, on most days of the week.

I am a very motivated person too, in other aspects of my life (running my own business and raising money for charity) but I just can't manage to loose weight.

I have managed a bit of weight loss in the past but as soon as it starts to become noticeable (usually at the point that people start to compliment me), I put it straight back on again.

It's as if I desperately want to loose weight, but at the same time, I don't. And it doesn't make sense because I am so unhappy with the way that I am.

If anyone could help me to shed any light on why I seem to be sabotaging my own weight loss efforts, I would be very grateful

blimey your self esteem is shocking! No right to be there?! Do you know how much weight that thread has helped us lose? STONES AND STONES. A whole person. We will help you and kick you

yes my self esteem is shocking

I'll join you losing half a stone and keeping it off.

Have to go to bed, need to catch up on my sleep but I'll be tuning in for your instructions Betty. I have nominated you to my diet and weight loss mentor Betty. I'll be looking for you tomorrow.

And I want some new shoes, saw some really nice strappy high heeled sandals. Get us started then Betty with some guidelines for the week. I will be following them.

Betty, you can do it
I've lost 5 stone since October. And it is true what they say about doing it for yourself. I got to a stage where I realsied that the time was now, noone was going to do it for me. To paraphrase myself just today, the Zone found me . COme over to the thread. We don't bite. Hard.

betty be my mentor too, I have a stone to go before I get to my goal, I'd like to do it before I'm 40 in August, help me, please?

zen that is very kind of you (I am very touched by your tough love )

I am so tired of failing though and really need to get my head around this first.

there is a book and self hypnotherapy cd by roz collier and georgia foster, slim by suggestion

It is different from the paul mckenna version as she recognises the whole emotional eating issue and how some people use excess weight as a barrier. i have had both cd's and found the slim by suggestion one to be excellent as it focuses on boosting self esteem and increasing your personal self worth and helping you to be more confident 'love yourself' etc, thus reducing the need to stifle emotions with food. I haven't listened to it for quite a while (lent my copy out and not had it back so my memory of it is a bit fuzzy now) but you may benefit from an approach such as this one, more than just will power alone.

Also, I should warn you that underneath the layers of fat, there is a very very attractive and striking woman

I'm not kidding either!

But that brings back another painful memory for me. I went through a brief slim phase as a teenager and the unwanted attention that I got from men and the nastiness that I experienced from other women was awful (for me anyway, I am a very modest and sensitive person!)

I feel a lot safer as I am.

Thanks for the link FeedtheBeast

maybe you need a couple of therapy sessions to talk through what lies behind it all? Could you imagine doing that? I had a couple of sessions to deal with my mother's death and it wasn't for me but might help you.

First I need a "lose weight theme song" for the Lose it with Betty thread.

I don't know stumbled on this:
[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZSADBhXBm4 1945!]

too slow? It's about my jogging pace, not that I jog..

something more upbeat? What should our theme tune be?

1945!

girls and women can be really catty with each other. I know a friend of mine lost a lot of weight and she looked great with it but one mum told her she had lost too much and it looked "horrible". It didn't at all, was just nasty.

What 'Lose it with Betty thread?'

Don't make me cry!

Anyway, thought you were going to bed

LOL I know, I keep staying up really late and being a grumpy old ratbag all day. Dd told me off and said I should get to bed early tonight!

you feel a lot safer but you aren't happy really, are you?

No, not happy at all although I do a reasonably good job of hiding it.

But being this weight does feel a lot safer then the alternative. I really really do want to overcome that somehow. I really really do.

I hope you find the key to unlocking that door.

You need to go onto amazon right now and order Fat is a Feminist Issue. How you're feeling is very common, and this book will explain a lot to you. It often feels safer to be fat, but boy is it miserable.

it is a long time ago that you were that slim teenage girl getting unwanted attention from men. Then it didn't feel safe. Now you're a grown up and a mum, maybe you could experience it very diffferently now.

Thanks zen, thanks for all your kind words. Now go to sleep .

I am going to lurk on that other thread!

ok

Betty I know another poster has suggested it but honestly, counselling could be an enormous help for you to figure out why it is you self sabotage in this way - and the first step on that step by step route to your ultimate goal.

Do you really want to lose the weight? I have slowly gone up from 8 st to 12.5 (After Christmas) over a few years. Twice I have got back to around 9 stone and then put it back on again and now I have lost just over 1.5 stone and am doing well. This time I am motivated by the fact that a friend who is only 47 (male) has had a heart attack, self inflicted I'm afraid through smoking and being fat. I got a kit from the British heart foundation that lays it on the line that if your waist is more than 31" you are at risk - there is a tape measure with a red section, I felt really ashamed that I was over the line. It also says you NEED to do 5 sesions of exercise a week.

All this made me realise I couldn't mess about with my health any more - I work with older people and just the thought of the way some of them are huge, diabetic, leg ulcers all caused through being over weight an not looking after themselves has begun to make an impression.

I think slilmming clubs are a negative influence, all lovely and supportive tobegin with and they work for a few weeks, but later on you get m=bored nad iritated and give up. So, FWIW my efforts this time have been , 1250 calories per day, The Guardian zero to 5km learn to run plan ( you really get a high fro;m that) and down the gym for aerobics, step and yoga each week.

I'm 54, I'm realistic enough to know if Idon't do it now it will take a toll on my health. I'm so happy each time I go down a size - now a large 12 instead of a large 16 and feeling just so much better. If you can change from getting your endorphin fix from food to getting it from exercise it is most of the battle ( you can get it from sex too!) exercise seems to be the key to eating less and sticking to diets for me. I'm afraid you don't need sympathy and excuses, you need to join a gym, running club and get moving. No matter how much we all fanny about analysing stuff to do with diets etc. the only true answer, we all know is eat less, exercise more.

Thanks confused and well done on your weight loss and particularly on doing the running and gym! I have tried on several occassions to take up running as I do enjoy it when I get into the swing of things.

At just over 17 stone though, running is probably not such a good idea at the moment.

I have been walking the DS's into school each morning which is approx 1 and 1 quarter hours in total (quite a brisk pace) so trying to concentrate on building basic level of fitness and stamina at the moment.

Would love to try some excercise classes but dread going on my own and none of friends will agree to go (you think we make excuses, you should hear them )

I have joined the shiney thread as need some tough talking but I agree that rather pointless trying to faff around with excuses anymore.

I desperatley want to loose weight (I really hate being this size) but at the same time, I seem to have a fear of loosing weight too.

I think I need to give up trying to work out why I feel that way and just face it full on instead.

p.s agree with you about the sex

Betty - sorry to psychobabble at you but what is your relationship with your Dad like? are you doing it to spite him maybe?

BettySuarez. I was 17 stone after having DS (loads at 5ft 2). Was probably about 16 stone before getting pg. Was in denial and didn't weigh myself. Overate after birth due to difficult CS and PND. Have lost a fair bit on Slimming World. Now weigh 15 stone 6lbs. I have always had issues with weight and have been both overweight and underweight. I have a hell of a long way to go and can completely relate to a lot you've said on here. Emotionally I also sabotage, mainly breaking the diet with bread and butter. There is an element of feeling safer fatter in some ways. I can relate to not liking unwanted attention whilst slimmer. Maybe you and your mum could try something like SW together and have a new focus that you can share?
Exercise for me is the key. I started doing the 30 Day Shred when I was 16 stone as well as a bit of Taebo and Davina. If you are heavier you can modify the moves to put less stress on your joints. Running doesn't work for me. Something to do with having massive norks! Occasional gym sessions can help if you pace yourself at the beginning. I go to my YMCA gym locally, no frills but effective(!) Exercise really was the turning point for me though. Just start small, with walking for example and work from there. Let me know how you go.