I have hit rock bottom

[AgualusasL0ver]

• I'm 45.
• I am 17 stone/roughly 100kg.
• I am 5ft 2.
• I have badly frozen shoulders (previously had steriod injections which were wonderful but now back.
• Due to said shoulder issue I have cut two dresses off me when it was impossible to get my arms up to get them off.
• I have arthritis in my ankles, caused by an underlying condition from childhood, but obviously made worse by my weight.
• My ankles are almost permanently swollen no matter what I do.
• I eat emotionally - happy eat, not happy eat.
• I cannot put socks on without lifting my feet onto a chair.
• I am glad it is summer as tights are an absolute nightmare.
• I cannot wear sandals and buckle them because it hurts to twist my - feet/legs to get the right angle.
• I cannot sit on the floor/grass because I cannot get up.
• I only have a bath and as of last week I have been washing standing up with a jug because I usually turn on my front and push myself up by my elbows (because I cannot just get up from sitting) and my shoulders were so painful I couldn't push myself up.
• On the weekend an old lady asked me how I was handling the weather and then proceeded to ask me about my big day etc, yes she thought I was pregnant - and I just ran with it.
• I have intolerable sleep apnoea, diagnosed but not treated as I changed job and now need to go to NHS to get it treated and I just haven't prioritised it.

I know what I am doing wrong: I snack and my portions are large. I am almost totally inactive.

I have a leisure centre on my road with a pool, I like swimming, I am slow and get very out of breath. I don't care about being a bigger swimmer in a costume, I almost feel more comfortable than when dressed. I have a lido 7 mins walk away which has a drop in morning session.

I have a vast open space I could walk in with hills (but not hiking) that I could walk. I get very out of breath but when I did this during Covid I got better at it, so I know I can do it - I lost weight doing this every single day and people noticed.

I had a Les Mills sub and I loved it. But that is tricky as we have a smallish flat and there is ALWAYS someone at home.

I lost 3 stone after the birth of my second DC - 18 years ago with WW.

I spent my 20s a rough size 8, between 8-9 stone.

I have 3 DCs - 20, 18 and 15, so that shouldn't stop me.
I have a fussy DH, but he would happily start eating more grills and things I think.
I have elderly parents with needs, but I even take two buses to their place when it is a 20 min (maybe 30 min for me) walk.

I have a busy job and don't get home until about 7.30-8pm and am tired.

I KNOW, cutting snacks, less and better carbs (not no carbs), moving more intentionally would help my sleep, my arthritis, my general Peri-Menopausalness, and just be better but even when I am better it makes no real difference. Honest me would say I have no tried very hard, but I do try to load up veggies at work rather than the carbs etc. I know I need to do so much more.

What put me off MJ for over a year when I desperately needed to lose weight was the unknown long term effects, the known possible side effects, and the guilt that I should have been able to lose weight myself.
In the end, I just decided to try it in May 25, very nervous about it, but I have never looked back.
I hope I can stay on it long term - it is so so worth it.
I had some side effects, but nothing that would ever put me off taking it. Slight nausea, some tiredness, feeling cold... it also completely took away my appetite at the beginning, and I had to almost force myself to eat - since I had no appetite, I chose healthy stuff. It took away all cravings, and the urge to snack.
I lost a stone in the first month, but it then slowed down to about 2 lbs a week. I've got to the stage now where I can enjoy food, have smaller portions, have a few treats and stay in the healthy BMI range. It's a miracle drug.

@FlorenceBlackhow I wish I could have put it like you did

I have friends on WLI who haven’t changed their eating habits other than having smaller portions. Every single one of them has said they’re staying on the jabs for life because in their own words they’re relying on the appetite suppression.

I’m genuinely pleased for them that they’re losing weight, I think it’s fabulous. If you took from my post that I think fat people sit on the sofa and eat junk and they’re somehow “bad” or lazy then I’d actually be referring to myself in that cohort because I was obese for over two decades.

For me I needed to cut portion sizes but also to change what I actually ate, increase fruit and vegetables and stop snacking on rubbish. By increasing the former I stopped the latter because I was full.
I’m more interested in real food now and whether something has active benefits or does it just taste nice. So swapping cereal for porridge because it’s meant to be good for cholesterol. Instead of sugar on the porridge I’ll have blueberries because they’re meant to be high in antioxidants.

We’re constantly surrounded by temptation and companies are spending millions every year on advertising unhealthy foods but no one’s spending millions advertising apples are they? So many different factors as to why as a nation a lot of us are overweight as adults, I genuinely don’t think it’s our fault, sorry if you took that from my post.

Of course you do.

I’m glad PPs have mentioned therapy- that was going to be my suggestion too. Very few people find themself in your situation without there being something else going on in terms of mental health.

It sounds as though you know all of the things you need to do to lose weight, and you sound quite keen to get back to swimming, so that fact you haven’t done it yet suggests you’re self-sabotaging as PP said. Maybe a therapist can help you understand why you’re doing that.

Good luck OP 💐

I agree with therapy. I’ve spoken to my counsellor about the same thing as I believe the reason I put on weight was because I had a stressful time and completely lost the plot and ate all sorts of crap so getting to the root cause would be a great idea

I know what I am doing wrong: I snack and my portions are large.

Don't know if you saw my earlier post but just wanted to say that once you know what the problem is it makes it much easier to get the subconscious to change.

This. I was fat my whole life. At my heaviest, I was 20 stone. I got stuck in furniture, was trapped in a bath in a luxury hotel, couldn’t sit down on deck chairs, couldn’t travel on public transport without inflicting myself on those sitting next to me, broke toilet seats by sitting on them, couldn’t put my shoes/tights/socks on, couldn’t buy clothes in the shops, felt terrible - breathless, joint pain, exhausted. I saw a photo of myself with my family and I looked like I was a completely different species. I had a lifetime of apologising for taking up room on the planet and being on the receiving end of comments, well-intentioned and otherwise. The list in your OP made me think what it was like to struggle through life with multiple health issues which were exacerbated by my weight. I would avoid going to the GP as I knew I deserved whatever was wrong with me because I was fat, rather than thinking that I deserved to get better and feel well.

I know you are thinking about WLI and I can only add to the posts encouraging you to give them a whirl. I am now a size 12, healthy, so much happier and free of the daily drag of dealing with obesity, emotionally and physically. As others have said - if you don’t like them, you can just stop.

This is so moving to read and I’m so happy you have found the help needed to change your health.
I’ve gone from obese to slimmish in a year on mounjaro. It’s life changing xx