How can I lose weight when I have no willpower?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

I’m 54 and 5’3” tall. Weight has crept up since the menopause, at its peak I hit 10 st. Dropped off a few pounds and now sitting around 9st 10lbs. I’d like to lose about 8 lbs.

I feel big and I don’t like it. But I love food so much and seem to find it very hard to resist.

Dh also needs to lose a stone, he is actually a bit overweight rather than a vanity thing.

We both tried Michael Moseley’s no/low carb meals and that did seem to work but we couldn’t stick to it. We like pasta dishes and spag bol etc too much.

Any tips please? For me not having things like chocolate, crisps etc would make me very miserable. Maybe I should try the 5:2 fasting thing with a few treats on the normal days.

Try switching to dark chocolate - 70% or more cocoa solids. You'll get the hit without as much sugar/fat and not eat as much.
Walk for 20 mins after each meal
Replace half carbs with veg
Cut out processed food, especially meat and dairy
Eat loads of beans and lentils

Cutting out a food group/fasting/fad diets rarely work in the lonng term, it's about building healthier eating habits and moving more. Good luck!

Dont like lentils unfortunately. But I do like most vegetables.

The dark chocolate thing - just doesn’t cut it when you want a mars bar. But I suppose I need to get my head around some sacrifices if I want to lose weight.

I use the WeightWatchers app. Very easy to follow and a healthy way to eat.

I think you have to find your willpower and then your taste buds adjust. The smell of milk chocolate turns me over these days.
I'm not suggesting you eat a plate of lentils 🤮
But, a cup of red lentils to a bolognaise sauce will add fibre, protein and mean that you'll be consuming less meat.

Omg, I wish I was your degree of overweight!

Cut out wine

Willpower is overrated. It uses energy and it doesn't work in the long term.

Whether some form of fasting is a fad diet or not, I'm on the fence about. There are various forms which are lumped into "intermittent fasting" but not all are the same. Personally I do a one 24 hour fast per week and it's working. If it continues to work as long as I don't go below my target weight, I'm intending to continue it for life. So for me it is lifestyle not fad. I find it surprisingly easy (and this is someone who found 5/2 virtually impossible.)

Apart from that, I still eat pasta dishes occasionally but only with wholewheat pasta (you can't taste the difference) or instead of spaghetti for spag bol, I have courgetti. No it doesn't taste the same but it doesn't leave me feeling deprived.

I eat pretty much no refined carbs nowadays and I found after a week of not eating chocolate, cakes, bread etc I just stopped wanting it. There is pretty good evidence that your gut microflora change very quickly and also that they help drive "cravings" so what might feel impossible now might be possible given a little time. I still eat fruit and dried fruit which is admittedly sugary but comes with fibre so it's harder to overeat.

Apart from that c. 7 months ago I gave up alcohol which helped a bit, perhaps not as much as I thought it would. The biggest change though is my sleep is vastly better and still improving as is my anxiety. Again I still have my moments but it's better. I think both of those things are probably still positively impacting my weight loss more than the reduction in calories due to not drinking. Also it's underestimated by most people how much alcohol is positively correlated with cancer and as my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer this year, it was another reason to give up for me. Not saying you must just offering it as a suggestion.

So why do I say that willpower is overrated? Because I would change your social and environmental cues to support your weight loss rather than relying on resisting something.

The methods I suggest are based on pretty good behavioural science but this is what I do and have done myself.

1. What is your personal motivation? Be really clear on this. Mine is I want to age healthily and (hopefully) be an active grandma.
2. What is your personal ability? Do you have the knowledge you need or do you need to grow that? Do you have the equipment you need to exercise if any?
3. What is your social motivation? A friend who can help perhaps. Or use here or someone you love who will be honest?
4. Is there a social ability thing? Perhaps a group you can attend to exercise? That will keep you motivated that you can enjoy the social aspect with?
5. How will you reward yourself for progress against the activities which will help you reach your goals? I.e. what you eat, how you move not the number on the scale? Make it non food rewards unless that food is something delicious, special but healthy.
6. How can you structure your environment to make it easy? E.g. not have some of the foods you can't resist in the house? Put exercise equipment in a useful place where you will see and use it. Plan the time for exercise and making healthy meals.

None of the above is about willpower. It's all about making it easier to not need willpower if that makes sense.

@Lemonthyme
Wow, your post is inspiring!
Re milk chocolate, I used to hate dark chocolate but if you have a couple of squares a day, your tastebuds will adjust and I definitely need less now to feel sated.
I have a similar amount of weight to lose and the closer I get the harder it is!
Good luck OP.

You’re hardly massive. Just up the exercise for now.

Will power is really fleeting and won’t work for you long term so you need to find some high value goals that mean a lot to you - more than just reducing the number on the scales.
So for eg it could be to be able to run round the park with your kids/grandkids, to live long enough to have a long and healthy retirement to do all the things you don’t have time to, to be able to walk for miles and see all the sights when you’re on holiday somewhere hot. That sort of thing that’s a lifelong goal.
That’s what helps me along.
I think also don’t concentrate on the number on the scales but concentrate on why to eat how you do and deal
with that. If you sort that out then the scales take care of themselves.
Look into making small changes to your usual habits to build in some helpful habits.
I had a weightloss coach at one point who referred to it as people wanting a 9 stone body while living a 14 stone lifestyle. That resonated a lot for me.
All the best - you can sort this.

Ooh now this is an interesting comment from @Malasana "I had a weightloss coach at one point who referred to it as people wanting a 9 stone body while living a 14 stone lifestyle." and I love her suggestion on choosing a goal.

Part of the change in changing any behaviour is mental. Almost to the point of imagining that future where it's "real", you already are that 9 stone person. And if you were, what would your inner voice sound like? How would you look? How much might you work out? Would you like spending time looking at yourself in the mirror? Would you take more time on your appearance etc? Sometimes we have to change that self belief about ourselves before we can change that behaviour. I kind of accidentally did this before giving up alcohol. I moved from a workplace where there was a huge drinking culture to one where half of the team didn't drink at all, the rest very little. It meant I started to see myself as a non drinker before I gave up and see that self as appealing.

Oh here's another of those "nudges" which are good environmental cues for weight loss. Make your plates smaller. Those of you who travel in hotels a lot might have noticed hotel chains are doing this for breakfasts. Some of them are admitting it but not all. Those who admit it claim it's to prevent food waste (which is BS). In reality it's just to create a little bit of friction so you eat less and they save money. While you can go for second helpings (and many do), most people who do have a slightly smaller portion instead or would have gone up for a larger second plate anyway.

That's what you're trying to do. Reduce friction for good habits (eating fruits, vegetables, exercising) and increasing friction for "bad" habits (eating cakes, being sedentary etc). Make it hard to do the things you don't want and easy to do the things you do and you need less willpower.

A great book which touches on willpower is "thinking fast and slow". To a degree willpower is a finite resource (it's disputed but Kahneman sees it that way) and if you're using a lot of it up, you won't have it available for other things. So you either need to give yourself incentives to boost that resource or limit how much you need to use it by making automatic "good" "fast system 1" actions easy (he refers to it as "ego depletion" from memory). Whether you believe what he says or not, I think we all instinctively know that after a week of being "good" and fighting temptations, you feel worn out. But we also know if we're sat in a meeting with doughnuts, we'll feel worn out if we resist them and eat an apple instead but in a meeting where apples are the only option, we might eat an apple and feel perfectly happy. In the first example, we needed willpower. In the second we just needed a different environment and no willpower but had the same behaviour.

Try the Aldi salted chocolate that comes in 5 small bars it's fab. Also have a jo at making chickpea fudge I'll find you the recipe.

I have a big appetite but have recently lost a stone while calories counting and choosing 'high volume low cal meals .
I follow a couple of instagram pages that specialise is these type of recipes and I've found loosing weight relatively easy now that I still feel 'full' after meals albeit with healthier options that I would have chosen before .

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNRQadrQ5/
I use the aldi saled chocolate

It doesn’t take willpower, it takes discipline. Don’t give yourself the option to overeat. Keep all sugary low nutrient foods out of your house. Fill up on high volume low calorie foods - I always bulk out my meals with really low calorie foods like cauliflower (surprisingly meaty), mushrooms etc. It makes your plate look fuller and tricks your brain and stomach. Replace that crisp/chocolate craving with something - I eat mini gherkins for example, which have a crunch and vinegar flavour profile. It really doesn’t take long to break the habit of that after dinner chocolate (try low cal hot chocolate). Or if you really want you can always factor in a sweet treat or crisps into your daily calorie allowance - I eat a fun size chocolate bar (approx 100 cals) most days.
Minor adjustments, done consistently , will bring results. Don’t do the ‘I’ll be “good” all week then have a cheat day’, as you can easily undo all the deficit from the week in a couple of indulgent meals.
Figure out your TDEE, subtract 500 cals, track your food (weigh it, measure it), and be consistent. And recognise that you are trying to make permanent changes, not temporary ones and after the loss you will return to old pattern eating unless you want to gain it all back.

Dont like lentils unfortunately. Which ones have you tried? They vary.

I don't think it's willpower you lack, it's the willingness to address your eating habits.

Try the fast diet.

What's the difference between willpower and discipline @mondaytosunday ?

@Lemonthyme , Willpower is the ability to resist immediate temptations, while discipline is the consistent practice of actions aligned with long-term goals.

I’m 5ft 3 too and I was 11 stone 2 on 1 January and now I’m 10 stone. I want to lose another 10 pounds. This is what I have done: walked a minimum of 7k steps a day but usually around 10k. Eaten in a calorie deficit, on average about 1250 a day. Increased protein to 90g a day. I also weight train 3 times a week. Consistency has paid off!

Oh and just to add - if you have a ‘bad’ day, don’t think sod it and throw the towel in, just get back on it and keep going.

I don't disagree but most people don't put a structure in place to simplify discipline. So for many they end up hearing the same thing.

Sorry just curious that's why I asked.

I've never found the need to cut out meat or dairy. Aren't they more nutritionally useful than any chocolate? Or carbs for that matter? But I agree eating plenty of beans and lentils is good for you and certainly good for the planet. But if you're having, say a bolognaise made with lentils rather than lean mince, your lentils will also introduce carbs as well as protein. Sub that for lean chicken mince instead and the protein will go up by about 4x.

Beans are great don't get me wrong (made a chicken mince and bean chilli once, it was lovely) but if you eat meat, I still would. It's great for filling you up.

I said processed meat and dairy.
But cutting down on animal foods is objectively better for us.
The carbs in legumes are used differently by the body and don't turn into sugars as quickly; they also deliver high amounts of fibre, lacking completely from your mince, and deliver similar amounts of protein, particularly if served with wholegrains suchvas rice or quinoa.