Older generations of women and weight

[CoffeeMumForever]

Do you think older generations of women, eg 60 plus attach more importance on be-ring slim and frowning on heavier women? I think they do. Also it seems to be a middle class thing too, eg keeping looking good for your ‘man’

How is it inverted snobbery to say I see more middle class women slim. You sound very defensive, it’s just my observations. Go to any wealthy area and there are far more slim older people. And yes of course there are reasons for that.

Literally just said that it’s rubbed off on me so clearly I realise that. The question asked about women over 60, I have a strong experience of this with my mother so I responded, nowhere did I say all women of her age are like this.

It maybe down to the fact us knackered old women are suffering the health effects of being overweight when younger and it has sod all to do with looks.

My MIL is 80 and obsessed with staying the same weight her whole life (thin) and disguising her fat phobia as some kind of public health concern 🙄

"many tradespeople also earn as well but the education level means people make different choices when they do have money. "

I'm 61 year old university educated tradeswoman.

I literally do no know what to have for my tea now.

The very idea that middle class women over 60 are trying to look good for their man made me issue the kind of PAH that only middle class women over 60 can achieve.

I think then, as now, it's a background/class thing, probably particularly amoung groups who see marrying well as particularly important for a woman.

My parents always taught me that independence, achieved though education and work was the way to go. I was never taught anything about hair or make up and food was something to make you fit and strong, nothing to do with weight.

I've been shocked to learn from colleagues of a similar age that their mothers critise them for not making enough of their appearance. I don't think my mother has ever mentioned mine beyond expecting clean face and hands 🤣

I’m 72 and I have no clue what you’re talking about.

see I don’t feel either extreme is acceptable. I taught my daughter about education, work independence, and she’s in a high earning career now, but I also taught her about presenting herself and the importance of grooming. Because pretending it’s not important, is a shortcoming. There are few walks of life where how you present is not relevant.

Agree with this. My mum and mil are 70+ and ate obsessed with how they and other people look. Always commenting on other peoples bodies. My dad is similar.

Nothing to do with class. Its a generation thing, probably learnt from their patents

Agree with this. My mum and mil are 70+ and are obsessed with how they and other people look. Always commenting on other peoples bodies. My dad is similar.

Nothing to do with class. Its a generation thing, probably learnt from their patents

No but I don't see a lot of women that age who are that overweight. I always assumed it was probably more to do with learned behaviours around cooking from scratch, exercising etc than judginess though
🤔

Yes, I agree. I'd love to believe that we all have much more important things about us than how we look, but also know that we are constantly judged by appearance...and that attractive well presented people make more money!

The theory is bollocks. That is all.

Class and weight are linked we know this. Theres been enough sociology/NHS/general health studies on this. In and outside of the UK attitudes towards weight can be linked to class status, less so now in the 21st century with the blurring of classes but it still exists.

My mum who is 84 goes on and on about other people's weight, especially mine!
I dont give two hoots about other people and how heavy they are.

I am a bit bothered about my weight at the moment. Its nothing to do about looking good for my " man'' ( wtf) but being able to wear my lovely clothes!! There's no point having expensive dresses and wonderful outfits if they have to live in a suitcase in the attic because I cant fit in them!

My mums 84 and still bonkers about her weight. She definitely cane from a time where looks were currently as women like her had very little agency - very working class.

Do you think it's something to do with being a war baby? Your mum would have been a teenager before rationing ended in Britain. That must have had a huge impact on peoples' relationship with food.

My mum was the same age as yours. She found it impossible to waste any food until the day she died in her late 70s.

The women closest to me in their 70s and 80s certainly seem more conscious of, and vocal about, other peoples' weight than the younger people I know, and they'll talk about it ahead of other things about the person (i.e. such & such has put weight on again... several minutes of weight-based discussion later we'll move onto the news that he also recently got married!). Interestingly they do seem to scrutinise men and womens' weights equally, it isn't that they're only picking on women. They've always done it, I know I first noticed them doing so when I was in my teens and they would have been in their 40s and 50s.

None of the younger women I know will mention someone's weight early in a conversation, and many would never ever mention it - even if the subject themselves brought it up, a lot would most likely respond supportively or skirt round it.

I’m 63 and don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to look attractive for dh. Nor him wanting me to fancy him. I won’t do anything invasive like things to my face, but I enjoy working out and wearing my clothes well. I like being slim-I want to do the things I love doing like mountain hiking as long as possible so have a lifestyle which increases the chances of my doing it. I see a lot of patients who are heavy and can’t move very well-and younger than me and I think I really don’t want to be like that. However, I eat what I want when I want-I love tasty food and always have done. It’s just luck that I love the sort of food that my body likes too. It’s a shame that good food is seen as a middle class thing in the UK.

But mumsnet only works if you say all people do this or all people do that, there’s little room for nuance!! Iam being tongue in cheek of course.

I think what happens is people present their opinions as absolutes and pertaining to all people in the demographic they are talking about. and that winds people up.

Do you think it's something to do with being a war baby? Your mum would have been a teenager before rationing ended in Britain. That must have had a huge impact on peoples' relationship with food.

Thats an interesting question as I said in my post about my mum also being 84 and bitching about everyone's weight.My nan ( mum's Mil) was the same and liked my shape when I was 18 and 7.5 stone. Nice and slim she called it!! Nan was born in 1905.

I agree it’s probably related to food availability and waste after the war. I have an auntie in her 70s who is the worst for making comments like ‘’how did you put all that away’ or ‘ooh that’s a big appetite’ if someone clears their plate. It’s often directed at my nieces who are teens and tweens but never at the boys. I hate it and think it is very damaging.

A fair point but no as a teenager and when pregnant with me she was bigger and hated it, she sees weight as a value judgement, she’s better because she is thin. She’s superior to people who can’t control their weight. If she sees a nurse who is fat she will not take health advice off them as what do they know .

she’s about five foot two and told me proudly last year that she’d lost weight and was about 7 stone 4. She thinks it’s better to be thinner health wise, I suggested that at her age I wasn’t sure that was right. She’s probably lost about ten pounds she looks awful , and I’m not saying that from an overweight jealous point of view. I’m slim ( well of course I am I had her as a mother!).

@notacooldad Your Nan would have a teenager during the rationing for the Great War and would have perhaps been raising children through the depression of the 1930s and the rationing of the second world war.

The 1920s 'no curves' look would have been her hey day so perhaps that's why she liked your 18 year old shape.

History probably has a huge influence on all this.

I’m 70 odd and have lost over 5 stone. I did it for myself for health reasons. My self esteem has rocketed and I certainly didn’t do it for my husband. Married fifty years and loves me regardless. I definitely do not frown on heavier women especially as I know how hard the weight loss journey is. Actually what saddens me is to see extremely morbidly obese young women as they just don’t seem to realise the damage they are doing to themselves.