Child in the street called me fat

[GoldenDogs]

I was walking home just now and a child across the street stopped and pointed to his mum and said “she’s so fat!” Yes I am at a size 18 which is something I’m working on but to have a random child point it out has really upset me. I didn’t want to use jabs and wanted to do it myself but this has really knocked me so off to order some! little to no apology from the mum. Where is the best place to order from, where does every He else get them? and any other tips?

seems to be the case, the child has learned it from somewhere and the amount of people excusing it because its true probably explains why the mum didnt bother to correct him either, would it be ok if he shouted i was ugly? might be true but doesnt need someone shouting a pointing it out “because its true” child or not, I had a really rotten day today and that really made it worse

I know someone who found it hilarious when her child made personal comments. Her dd then started school and made rude comments to other kids and their parents told their kids to keep away from the child. She wasn't laughing then. Still making excuses for the child though!

They probably would excuse it if their child shouted someone was ugly yes. Unfortunately there's a lot of lazy/poor parents around. It does the child no favours as the parent then can't understand why their dc is unpopular with kids and teachers/a bully.

When I was a very small child I apparently said to my mum why is that lady so fat. I’m 53. now my mother was absolutely mental about her weight so perhaps it was down to that (still is at 84) but not social media.

I think you really need to work on yourself OP. You are way overinvested in all this and how the mother should have handled it when you have no idea on why she did what she did.

As PP have pointed out, if she had given him a loud scolding, loud enough to satisfy you standing across the road ( as you seem to want) there is a high chance the child would have shouted out loudly in his defence ' But she IS fat'. And that would have made you feel worse. A quiet word to her son on the spot and a more detailed discussion later when you are out of earshot is likely to have been her best course of action.

But the point is, none of this should matter to you. Your state of mind should not rest on how a stranger deals with a four year old you do not know, saying the sort of thing all children that age say at some point.

So a four year old is expected to manage himself to control your emotions, but you are not expected to be able to manage your own emotions?

I already said the child im not mad at it’s the mum who should have corrected him or at least apologised

Thanks exactly

For stating a fact?

Would you expect the mum to apologise if he had shouted you had funny shoes, or purple hair or some other descriptive term?

Yes, it's not particularly kind but it's a small child but you probably need to look at why you are so bothered by this.

I'd probably laugh along and say yes I am. A small child is innocent, they have no malice. I was an apple shaped prediabetic size 16 with a big belly but now I'm a size 10 after being on WLI. I saved money on my supermarket shop and rarely eat out. It may help to work on your self esteem and self love.

You don't know that she did not correct him, later, out of earshot to save you further embarrassment. You also say you were on the other side of the road. She won't have been sure you even heard what he said. What did you want her to do, shout across the street, drag her child across the street thus making an even bigger deal that could cause you even more embarrassment? The bigger deal she makes of it, the more she is communicating that there is something wrong with being fat, and that could offend you. This woman does not know you.

At the end of the day this is not about the Mum, is it? Its about how you feel about yourself. That is your issue, for you to deal with.

Children aren't always truthful, they are often full of shit. They think they're spiderman or a fairy.

The children who point out weight have heard it from their household, usually families that mention fat and weight a lot as a joke or to tease each other or moan about themselves. Children are mirrors to their parents and what they hear about then.. colourism, racism, hair and looks comments..

This is simply untrue. Some children will have learnt this way, others will have not. My youngest son went through a phase when he was young of thinking being fat was funny. We certainly never say anything like that in our household. We also never talk about foods making you fat, as I completely disagree with this and with categorising foods as healthy or unhealthy. I don't know where he got it from, but school is a good bet, having had experience of seeing the way 'healthy' eating messages were handled in his brother's junior school.

Oh she was aware because I stood still in shock with my mouth wide open!

Maybe she noticed you standing there like a fish with your mouth open, maybe she did not. We are of most interest to ourselves after all. Its still not clear why you are so focussed on an apology. What did you want her to do exactly? Shout across the street apologising for him calling you fat? Marching him across the road and apologise for calling you fat? Both of those imply there is something mortifyingly awful about being fat.

My eldest when he was young once saw a man with dwarfism when we were out. He was amazed. He started jumping up and down and saying excitedly 'that man is so small, he's as small as me! I've never seen an adult the same size as me before!'. Difficult moment. Apologising would have implied I thought there was something wrong or embarrassing about having dwarfism. And I don't. Luckily the man, who had clearly heard, just gave me a huge friendly grin as he passed us, so I smiled back. And spoke to my son about how people come in all different sizes, shapes, colours etc and that's ok.

I am short. Small children occasionally comment on it. Even more occasionally adults do too. I do not demand apologies. The one time someone did make a comment that they clearly thought was conciliatory, it slightly pissed me off as it meant they clearly thought there was something wrong with being short, and that is not how I see it.

You are fat. You know you are fat. If you are so unhappy about being fat that you demand apologies from the Mothers of small children who comment that you are fat from across the road, then you need to work on your self-worth or your weight.

This is a time when its a you issue, not a them issue.

See this is a starter for personal growth, not for victimhood.

No one calls someone fat as anything other than an insult, no need for personal rude comments either calling me a fish! My mouth was wide open as I was in shock and she looked straight at me, carry on raising little brats who “say what they see” you’re clearly one of those parents.

At a size 18 there is absolutely no way a child would do a double take and make a comment unless they learned it from their parents. You are still in "normal" sizes rather than plus size (hate those words). There's no way people would even notice you normally. I'm absolutely convinced that child has been brought up in an extremely fat-phobic household and is probably going to develop some serious mental issues as a result. The fact that the mom didn't even shush the child is very surprising. I guarantee that mom is a POS who talks trash about everyone they know, the kid is just mirroring what they hear on a daily basis.

Thank you, exactly my thoughts and why I was so shocked! I think it’s learned behaviour and the mum probably goes around calling people fat!

So it’s fine for you to insult people without apologising then is it? Grand.

im not the one who started flinging insults first 👍

What insults did she fling at you? 👍

Learn to read 🤷‍♀️

OP, my view is not a popular one, but I have been very fat and am now simply overweight, and I decided to accept that 'fat' was a true description of my body. It's just a factual adjective, like short or dark or strong.

I was very hurt on quite a few occasions when it was clear that friends judged me, but I hated most them making veiled comments like saying to each other but in front of me, 'Oh I could NEVER wear wide legs as I think they only look good on really skinny people' when I was wearing wide legs because I knew from experience that closer fitting trousers looked like an accident in a sausage stuffing factory.

That sort of 'hint', as if you don't know you are fat and look like shit in their eyes, deeply upset me. But a child calling me fat would make me think - yes I am. It's true. If I don't like it, I need to lose weight. And if I am okay with my body, then I need to hear that comment as no different from 'that lady is short/has curly hair' etc. Just a statement of fact.

Does that make any sense ot other people on here who are overweight?

Your view is not unpopular, loads of posters have said it absolutely fine to scream a stranger is fat if it’s true.