Saggy skin - Dating life

[DDRR11]

I’ve been single for almost a year now. My husband left me last year for another woman, and to be honest, it’s been a really awful year. But over the last couple of months, I’ve started to feel more and more like my old self again.
Over the past year, I’ve also lost nearly 11 stone. I’m currently 11 stone, and I feel great. When I’m dressed, I think I look great too.
So here’s the problem. I’ve met someone and we’ve started dating. He goes to the gym and has a great body. My body, on the other hand, feels like a mess to me.
I’ve had two children, I’m covered in stretch marks, and after such significant weight loss my stomach sags and hangs quite low. My breasts are very saggy, have lost all volume, and they look quite wrinkled, I’m only 38. My thighs are the same, saggy and unpleasant to look at. I do plan to have surgery: a breast augmentation and skin removal on my stomach and thighs.
So my question is this: do I stop seeing this man because I feel so ashamed of my body? I know that if I wait until I’ve had the surgery, I might not be able to date for another year to eighteen months, until my divorce settlement comes through and I can afford it.

Well done on this achievement! Have you talked to the fella?

@Loloblue I've tried to sort of hint and ive told him about my surgery plans...but i look decent in clothes, so i dont think he realises how bad this is :( x

If he's a nice guy he will a) not care so much that it stops him dating someone he likes b) be supportive when you have surgery and c) take it slowly. I think take your time and see how it goes with intimacy? You're probably going to be your worst critic as well.

Thanks so much @Loloblue I really appreciate your very kind reply x

Hope it goes well xx

He wont care
And if he does care you dump him

Thank you so much @cestlavielife I honestly really appreciate your message x

I lost all my weight 7 years ago, I’m mid 40s and have been with quite a few men in the last few years and none of them have cared that my boobs are soft or my tummy has stretchmarks and a pouch or my thighs wobble. Infact they’ve loved it, younger and my age. Most men just want a passionate woman who loves sex. Make sure you feel good in other ways like hair, makeup, sexy underwear. You can wear things to give you confidence like the little nighties etc.

You know guys are not really hung up on fit super models

A man of that age - assuming the same as you or older? - knows how bodies change and how much a woman's body changes with age and childbirth - without losing half their body weight ( great achievement btw )

If the time for intimacy is iooming , have the conversation. Say how he will be the first since husband, how you view your body and how you feel about showing it to someone else

When I piled the weight on, I started to cover up and. hide from my own husband because I felt so ugly. We finally spoke about what was happening - or rather not - and he was totally lost. He loved me , he didnt give a flying fig about my jelly belly and my fat arse, he still loved and wanted me . So we changed positions so I felt more comfortable Hes been with me fat and thin, hes now putting up with droopy tits and no arse and bat wings - but he still loves me and wants me

Have faith in yourself. You bring a lot more to the party then a battle scared body, and that's what hes seen and is attracted too

Thanks so much @Disturbia81 hes 34 - hopefully he isnt completely turned off, but i am going to order some underwear to help me feel a bit better - and i will make sure hair, nails, make up, waxing are all the way I like them :) x

This is so true. Society sells it to us that all men want perfect models, it just hasn’t been the case for me.

Wtf..

Go for it and enjoy yourself, we only live once 🖤

I had a mini tummy tuck and the doctor removed lose skin from my stomach area and it really helped with my confidence.

I would not leave a man who likes me and wants to have a relationship with me over my own insecurities. Do you plan on sleeping with him? Otherwise, he's not going to see you naked, so don't worry about leaving him!

Keep up the weight loss if you want to lose more (great job on that btw!!) and schedule your plastic surgery so you can have a date to look forward to. I have never regretted mine!

Thanks so much @PixieDust91 I would really like to sleep with him and hes coming over to mine next weekend, so it seems like thats where its going - but you are right, i would be mad to leave him because I do really like him - i can at least let him make whatever choice he wants to make, but yes, I will be getting surgery as soon as I can afford it. x

You're welcome! I hope I helped with what little experience I have in this world lol😅

Also, please remember that you are already beyond beautiful, before surgery.💜

Can I ask, and its real cheeky, but what is the surgery about?

I mean I was always a size 8, ballooned to a 16/18, back to a size 8 again and as you can imagine - it's not pretty . Not only do I have the apron I have the crinkled torso . My nipples are closer to my toes then my chest and hell alone know what happened to my arse.

I cant say Im over the moon at what I see in the mirror, but tbh chin hairs cause me more grief then the rest off it

The only person who is seeing my body in all its naked ugliness , is the man who loves me , well apart from open changing rooms/ swimming pools and beaches , and I dont know those people

Can you not learn to appreciate that your body has got you to here, and will helpfully take you further with a bit of love and care? Eating right, exercising as best you can, and most of all enjoy life

Sorry if that's cheeky . Maybe because Ive been living with my altered shape for so long Im kind of used to it and whilst I know with one part of my brain its not pretty, the other part of me says 'yeah ha , I can do a marathon, I can climb a mountain - looks mean nowt "

Why are you so kind on this thread about weight, and so nasty on the other?

You’ve done brilliantly well losing 11 stone. That’s a massive positive. So focus on the positives and enjoy yourself next weekend. I’m sure he’ll be very happy with you

I think people might be underestimating what an 11 stone loss does to your body. I have lost 14 stone and there is absolutely no way on this earth that any man would look at my body and find it attractive if they didn’t know me. I have so much loose skin. Is it like that OP? I’ve thought about this and I genuinely think I would have to go ‘lights dimmed’ but I commend you if you’re braver than me. I also think that once you get to know someone you either fancy them or not so he likely fancy you regardless but I do understand what you mean and I feel your pain.

Its not cheeky at all @suki1964. I was married for around 15 years and believed that man loved me and any flaws, physical or otherwise...so i felt somewhat comfortable with him.

I have so much loose skin and honestly the more I look in the mirror the worse I feel about it. Being single and losing weight felt great and, i didnt care too much about my naked body (although still had plans for surgery), but the idea of this guy seeing my body is actually making me want to call everything off and im just not sure what to do anymore.

I really do like him, but i can't and don't expect him to accept that my body looks like a burst ball! :(

I have days when I think 'if he doesnt like it, he can just leave' but then this other part of me thinks about how i should get the surgery before dating anyone....but it would mean missing out on this really nice guy x

@JerryTubs Congratulations on your weight loss :) Yeah its pretty bad. Looks much better when Im lying down...but standing up and naked...its pretty bad! I was going to use my divorce settlement to pay for the surgery I need but I am actually considering taking out a loan and getting it done sooner. x

I lost 9 stone so I do know.

I looked into it and it was going to be £17,000 for an extended tummy tuck and breast augmentation and then I need my thighs doing as well 🤮 well done to you too. I would (if I were in your position) probably do god lighting, good undies, laying down when possible 😂 until I felt more comfortable with him. I think it’s different when you’re in a relationship or you’ve been chatting because things like this don’t put you off because you already fancy them. I hope it goes well.

But to lose 11 stone she wasn’t a 16/18. I can’t speak for OP but it is uncomfortable as well. I have to move my skin when I sit down or it gets sore, I can’t lay in one position for too long etc. Plus she wants a new partner. It’s all well and good saying a real man won’t care etc and im sure if he’s a nice guy and he fancies her then it will be fine. But there’s no getting away from it being less than ideal aesthetically. If she can afford the surgery she deserves to be intimate with the lights fully on in all her glory. If you’re not comfortable you’re not likely to orgasm. I’m not really a self conscious person.
I’m quite traditionally pretty so do get a few looks from men etc but on holiday when I can feel my skin moving as I walk I do feel slightly self conscious and it’s okay to admit that. I know you’re trying to be nice but surgery is ok if OP wants it.