Feeling awful and sad

[Whatdidyoucallme]

Yesterday, we went to the beach, and my son got hungry, so we walked over to a nearby café to get some food. I was starving, I’ve been doing intermittent fasting, and it has been a week now. I was just about to break my fast and felt excited to finally eat something delicious.

As we were standing in line, two women behind me started speaking in their native language, not realising that I’m actually from the same country and understood every word they said. One of them said, “Look how fat this woman is in front of us, my God. If I looked like that, I would kill myself.”

I was so shocked, I cannot even describe the pain I felt in that moment. The idea that someone could look at me and think such cruel things, let alone say them out loud, completely shattered me. My whole day was ruined. I was too stunned to turn around and respond, and I had my child with me, so I didn’t want to cause a scene. But inside, I was crushed. I ended up not ordering anything for myself, just food for my son. I went the whole day without eating. What was meant to be a beautiful day at the beach turned into something depressing and painful, all because two strangers thought they could mock me without consequence.

I have always struggled with my weight, and since turning 40, it has only become harder to lose it. I’ve tried everything, and nothing has really worked. Intermittent fasting is the one thing I hadn’t tried before, and it actually seems to be making a difference. I lost 3kg in the past week, probably just water weight, but still, it feels like progress. I currently weigh 80kg and I’m 165cm tall.

I don’t even know why I’m writing this here, maybe because I hope someone will understand. I hate my body. I look in the mirror and feel nothing but disappointment. I used to be 15kg lighter, and I miss feeling good in my skin.

Maybe I’m looking for encouragement, or just someone to say they’ve been there. I don’t know. I just feel broken. What those two women said still echoes in my head, and I wish I was strong enough to brush it off. But the truth is, it really, truly hurt.

Oh lovely, I’m so sorry that happened to you and ruined what should have been a lovely day at the beach with your son 😢 Those two women should be ashamed of themselves for their disgusting behaviour and attitudes. Revolting. Shame on them and not you OP, don’t let them get in your head, some people really are nasty pieces of work. There are so many like us that want to lose weight and find it hard, don’t let it spoil your day today and going forwards. Have a lovely day with your son x

OP, I understand you are feeling sensitive about it but without being there I’m 99.9% certain the women were not taking about you, but a different woman. I’ve just checked your BMI and it’s only 28 you’re only a bit overweight and nowhere near being morbidly obese.

I mean, I’m overweight and my BMI is a bit higher than yours but I know realistically that no one would comment on it because there are so many other far more overweight women around that they would point out instead (even though it would be very unkind and unnecessary to).

Just stay positive and keep doing what you’re doing but I honestly think there is no way those women were discussing you.

Believe me when I say, they were talking about me. It was 9 in the morning, and there was no one else around. I looked around to make sure, but I was the only woman there. I am certain it was about me, not just because of what they said, but because of how they looked at me.

I hate to admit it, and I truly wish it had not been directed at me, but it was. To them, I didn’t meet their standards. I was too big in their eyes. It completely crushed me. I was in shock.

Believe me when I say, they were talking about me. It was 9 in the morning, and there was no one else around. I looked around to make sure, but I was the only woman there. I am certain it was about me, not just because of what they said, but because of how they looked at me.

I hate to admit it, and I truly wish it had not been directed at me, but it was. To them, I didn’t meet their standards. I was too big in their eyes. It completely crushed me. I was in shock.

Thank you for your kind words. I wish I could just brush it off, but the truth is—my weight has been a deep-rooted trauma for me since childhood. That is why their words hit me so hard. It felt like all the pain I have carried for years was suddenly exposed, and in that moment, it truly crushed me.

You're not very overweight, OP. Those women are bitches and they probably bitch about everyone.
I would have been crushed too ... if I was clever enough to be fluent in two languages like you.
Easier said than done, but try not to let them get to you. Think of all the gorgeous women in the media and in real life that are your size. Those bitchy women would have said that about them too. And they look fine, don't they? And I bet you do too.

Btw, your feelings about your weight are a bit extreme. Might improve with some therapy? You are worth it.

I genuinely don't think you are big. Maybe a size 12-14?
I was bmi 32.4 83kg 5ft 3" and prediabetic. I'm now bmi 25.5 and its taken almost 9 months to get to this stage. If you do want to lose weight then look at high protein low carb and drink lots of water. If you can increase your activity that will help. YouTube have plenty of free fitness videos like Joe wicks you could do at home etc. Seriously though a bmi of 28 is nothing to be concerned about, its not obese so I don't understand why they made that comment other than there are cruel, unhappy, insecure people out there who will inflict on others rather than looking internally as to why they are miserable. Maybe seeing you with your child created some jealousy.

They sound like damaged people. I know what they said was hurtful, but don't lose sight of the fact they must have serious issues to think, let alone say, such a thing.

These feelings run deep and stem from my childhood, where I was constantly bullied about my weight. It affected me so much that, as a teenager, I stopped eating for two weeks. Looking back, it was clearly disordered eating and a sign of deeper emotional trauma. I wish I could access therapy to work through it, but it’s just not financially possible for me at the moment — which is why I turn to this space to express myself and find support.

Were you wearing something particularly billowy that could have made you look bigger? Because, whilst yes, you aren't skinny, you certainly are not in any way remarkable. I'm a tiny bit taller and a tiny bit less than you and whilst I am also on a mission to lose a few kilos, I know that I am not a figure that would be noticed, nevermind mocked. I'm a 12-14, more a 14 at the moment so I doubt you are different. Possibly a 14-16 depending on where your weight sits, but "so fat" someone would kill themselves if they were as big? Absolutely not. It is them that has a skewed mindset, don't give them another thought. As they say on MN "It's a them problem"!

I understand what you mean, but I think it’s all quite subjective, everyone has their own definition of what’s “normal.” I know that in the country they are from, judgment is constant and normalised. It’s really sad. The standards are completely distorted, and bullying happens casually, often without any awareness of the emotional impact. That kind of environment is a real trigger for me.

Maybe that’s partly why I’ve distanced myself from my roots. It’s hard to accept how normalised and accepted this kind of behaviour is, especially between women. I know I am not that big by general standards, but in my world, I feel extremely overweight. I cannot fit into anything in my closet, and that really affects my confidence.

That said, I’ve started intermittent fasting and it’s something that actually makes me feel better. I’m hopeful that, with consistency, it will help me shed the extra weight.

Such a shame you were too crushed to give a retort in their language. I bet if you had, they'd have been mortified.

Agree with pp, while you are overweight, you are not overweight to a degree that would be in any way conspicuous in 2025 - whoever had been standing in front of the women and whatever they looked like, they'd have found something to criticise - shame their lives must be so dull that they can't find anything better to talk about to pass the time in a queue.

This is awful to read. Other women particularly can be so cruel and judgemental.
you are not huge and your bmi is not horrendous.

You’re the same height, weight and BMI as I am @Whatdidyoucallmeso I guess if I’d have been in front of them in the queue they’d have said the same about me. If I’d turned around they would have seen that I also have serious facial scarring so perhaps they’d have made an extra judgement about that too (I’ve certainly had both men and women call me ugly and say the couldn’t live with being scarred like me). I agree with previous posters, these types will find something to say about anyone.

I don’t know about you but I can live with being a bit overweight and I can live with scarring. What I wouldn’t be able to live with is being small-minded, judgemental and cruel enough to say things that could hurt a complete stranger very deeply. Be grateful for a BMI of 28 rather than an IQ of 28 and don’t let these people knock you off course and stop you from making the changes you want to make.

I was in my bathing suit so yes pretty exposed but considering we were at the beach I thought it would be fine. I am jist going to try and stay focused on my goal. Thank you for your input x

You are absolutely right. I would never say anything hurtful about someone else. At most, I might express that I feel compassion for a person who is struggling with being overweight or dealing with any other perceived flaw. But to be outright mean or intentionally hurtful—absolutely not. I genuinely do not understand how anyone can believe that speaking badly about others makes them feel better about themselves. It is truly disgusting.

Try to stop depriving your body of food for long periods eg the whole day. I know it sounds completely bizarre but it scares the body into thinking food is scarce and encourages it to lay down fat, the exact opposite of what you need. I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through, it sounds really difficult. I hope you can find a way through. But please please be kind to yourself. This isn’t your fault.

You weigh less than me! Honestly are you sure? I’m a size 14 and whilst not slim, I wouldn’t say anyone comments on me that they’d rather be dead than be my size.

You’ve got a lower BMI than I do and whilst I’d like to lose weight - I feel ok in myself generally, particularly now I am a mother as our kids don’t care. I’d also verbally destroy anyone who said something that hateful about me (or anyone else) in my hearing. Please use the confirmation from these replies to bolster your self esteem a bit - being slightly overweight is not a defect that makes you a lesser human being - their absolutely shittiness most definitely is.

That’s so awful :( I always think people who make nasty remarks about others are ugly. Thank god you’re not them!

They were nasty, spiteful people OP. Remember the things we say about others are often a reflection on how we feel about ourselves. They’re probably very unhappy about their own bodies but feel slightly better about themselves by mocking someone else.

I was over 18 stone 10 years ago and I worked my ass (well most of it) off to lose the weight. It was bloody hard work and now I’m in my 40s it’s definitely harder maintaining the weight loss but I’m doing it.

I found giving myself smaller, more achievable goals easier. Instead of thinking ‘I’ve got 8 stone to lose’ I’d break it in to 7lbs at a time. It seemed less daunting that way.
I’ve never been one for exercise but I enjoy walking, so I started off doing 5000 steps a day then upping it to 6/7/8 etc. I now have a dog and happily do 20’000 a day no problem.
Lots of water helped and ‘my fitness pal’ app was great at logging my steps/calories etc.

Good luck OP 🍀

Thank you for your kind words. That’s what hubby says too, but I really tried everything that’s out there, and nothing has worked. First time I am seeing results with intermittent fasting so I am defo going to continue. Will weigh myself next Sunday, let’s see…

Trust me when I say I was shocked. And yes they definitely meant me. There was none around. I couldn’t believe it. It’s like I froze from the shock. It was awful. I really started thinking, how must people feel who get to hear stuff like that all the time? It’s horrible.

You know I have been beating myself up why I didn’t say anything to them. And I hate that I regret this. It’s like it’s stuck in me now. I wish I would be more witty and strong enough to react in that moment. But I just froze from the shock 😔