I need help from someone, anyone, but who?

[norfolkbroadd]

I'm huge. BMI over 45. I don't care about looking fat but I hate the way I struggle in my body and the effect my weight has on existing health conditions.

I have a disabled son and a daughter who I adore and I know I need to change. I've spent years trying to lose weight the more traditional ways, with v mild success, but I know that at 42 I need to make quite a drastic change now to get this sorted.

I considered a gastric sleeve but at my size I'm terrified of going under. And I've had three abdominal surgeries in my life and struggle with adhesions. I'd rather not add to them. We also don't have a spare £6k.

But I can afford Mounjaro. And after months and months of research I've decided to start next week (week we get back from holiday). I am fully prepared for all the negative side effects and have a few ideas about how I will cope with them, but I have to try something.

I don't want to just rely on injections and diet. I want to move more. I want to feel stronger. But I have rheumatoid arthritis and a chronic bowel condition that make moving very hard (hence weight gain). I'm also autistic. It's not a physical condition but I do have a lot of sensory issues that contribute towards just staying home and hiding from the world. What I would love is somebody who knows about gyms and strength training to take me in hand and jolly me along once a week (or twice a week if I get good!) but I don't have any friends that can do that here and I don't know of any gyms or places that could. Our local sports centre has a gym but I'm completely intimidated by it, and I can't really afford a full membership if I'm also haemorrhaging £150-200 a month on Mounjaro too.

I have no idea if this is unreasonable but do personal trainers operate outside of gyms? Could they maybe take me for a walk or bring equipment to my home for me to train here? If I agreed to say a two month programme to show me techniques and get me on the right path I think I could find a way to affording that.

I feel a bit like I'm down a well and calling up but I have no idea who can help me really. Can anybody here suggest anything?

I realise I might sound lazy or frustrating to some reading this but I assure you that isn't the case. I'm constantly busy with my children at home but do have time while they're at school to on myself a little bit.

OP. Why do you think you out on so much weight if you eat healthily?
You need to eat unprocessed foods. And very minimal processed foods - sugar and wheat being the worst.
You do not need to eat less necessarily just change what you are eating!

@WhiteLily1 Because I'm a lazy fat pig. Clearly.

I'm stepping out now because I asked for help with movement and it's turned into something very different, which I was hoping wouldn't happen but people can't help themselves I guess.

I'm going to move more. It's happening. My love for my children is the only inspiration I need, but the tips on here have been very very helpful.

I hope the people who enjoyed thinsplaining nutrition to me get a small dopamine hit off shaking their heads at this thread and condemning me to a lifetime of diabetes and pain. You can crunch your raw veg safe in the knowledge you are on the side of the angels. Enjoy your life.

OP I applaud you for asking for help. You can do this. What about putting a post out on Facebook (anonymously if preferred) or the Next Door app asking for recommendations for a PT who can come to your home? Start there.

Where I live there are always people asking this question. Not everyone wants to go to a gym. Start with a PT and they will motivate you to make small changes every week. It's absolutely doable. Good luck.

I get it OP, I really do, we've eaten a Mediterranean diet all our lives , I thought it was healthy but I was too heavy handed with the olive oil, ate too much bread and sugary treats. I didn't realize an occasional piece of cake was a once a month thing and not twice a week. It's so easy to go well over as that type of food is so calorific.

I'm being blunt but my BMI was similar to yours and it was because of what I ate and yours will be too.

There are a lot of well-documented resources about how to eat with PCOS and food and autoimmune conditions and that’s what I’m talking about.

I was diagnosed with IBS that resolved completely when I started paying attention to what and how I eat.

I would recommend a private weight loss clinic. I used bodyline if you are in the NW, they supply the injections (wegovy/ mounjaro) and they also do appetite suppression tablets which are cheaper. (£100pm). I lost 2 stone in 4 months and I'm very impressed. I've taken a break in a bid to lose weight on my own but I am finding it extremely tough.

Well done you for getting the motivation going.
Have you looked on the notice board at your GP surgery, they often have gentle walks sometimes with a GP in a group.
Have you looked on your local Facebook group, or even post yourself something along the lines of, anyone local looking to lose a bit of weight want to start buddying up for local walks gentle to start building up as we get better, please PM me?
Put some gentle walks together to start then building up until your walking quicker and increasing your distance. Time yourself on each walk.
Good luck.

If you have PCOS, then a low carb approach will suit you much better than trying to go low fat/low calorie.

And although it's true what PP have said about diet being more important than exercise, I absolutely understand your need to move and get stronger. PTs will definitely do house calls, so if you can afford it, see if you can find one of those.

You could also come and join us on the latest Low Carb Bootcamp - we're in week 3 now (of 8), but you're very welcome to just jump in. Lots of help and support for this WOE (way of eating).

Good luck

My mild IBS symptoms disappeared too.

Right, ok. Well I wish I had mild IBS. I have BAM. And above that, Crohns. No diet is going to fix the fact that my liver leaks bile into my bowels. My immune system is what causes my issues. I've been under a gastroenterologist for five years, and of course I tried literally every 'natural' way to not shit myself regularly. None of that works with Crohns and BAM. I have to take steroids. Guess what they make your body do? Yup. Gain weight. I have to take binding medication or I literally cannot leave the house. And the binding medication is great, because I can do things like take my kids to the beach now. And it binds cholesterol. Without it I shit Gatorade 15-20 times a day. It also makes food move through me much more slowly, which we all know contributes to weight gain.

During a bad attack I can lose 2-3 kilos in a fortnight, become anaemic and need B12 injections. My body therefore clings to each and every calorie I imbibe after because it's gone into starvation mode. This was explained to me by my gastroenterologist, who also encouraged me to look into Mounjaro and explained to me how it works and why it would be particularly beneficial to me.

I've lived with IBS, I used to have to carry Imodium in my bag and occasionally lie down with strong pain killers after a bad attack. IBS is not what I have now. GPs told me I had IBS until they finally agreed to process a sample and the whole thing lit up like fucking Blackpool illuminations with calprotectin. Enter my fab gastroenterologist. GPs thought I was just a stupid fat person with a shit diet too. By that time my gallbladder had become necrotic, so that had to go too. My gastroenterologist was absolutely gobsmacked that nobody had taken me seriously until that point. He actually apologised to me for the neglect of care I'd had.

You don't know what's going on with somebody just by weighing them. I didn't ask for this and I didn't ask for help with my fucking diet because I have medical involvement with that, restrictions because of my conditions and it's like walking a tightrope every day.

But again what you're all talking about has nothing to do with moving my body, which was my original query. And I'm really sad that I feel I have to lay out the last miserable five years that have wrecked my health to get people to understand that it isn't that I don't know how to put a fucking salad together.

I don't need diet tips. I'm doing it my way. I asked for movement tips.

My fault for thinking this place would be more welcoming and inclusive than AIBU.

This is what I'm already doing.

Hi OP. Sounds like you have absolutely been through the ringer.

I’d endorse everything people are saying about walking. I walk most mornings for an hour or so before starting work, I’m up and out really early. It’s really helping me from the point of view of being more active, but it’s also been really positive for my mental health just been out in the fresh air, listening to the birds (I have an app and try and identify birdsong!), sometimes I even lotterpick, all sounds a bit tragic I know but it gets me off to a good start every day.

The other thing I would recommend is stuff that you can do at home I love Caroline Girvan on YouTube. Perhaps buy some dumbbells and start off with the gentle 15 minute workouts. I’m really feeling the benefit from those. I’m not going to pass comment on your diet because I wouldn’t have a clue , but in terms of feeling stronger and getting moving that’s my two penneth! Best of luck to you.

Hi OP,

I've just come back to this thread to see if you got any useful advice. I think people try to think outside of the box with the info given and are guilty of making assumptions based on basic information. You've clearly gone over everything that you can and the standard advice is not for you. I hope you're not too upset by the comments but the majority of Mumsnet users just won't have the experience to help. I'm so sorry to hear about the shitty healthcare you've had and you sound like you've been through hell.

You know what you want to do & your motivation sounds sky high. Hit it hard and just keep going. Find that PT. Get strength training, HIIT etc and get moving as much as possible. You need some buddies who are all in it together - there might be boot camps starting up with it apparently being summer now which could be a great place to try something new.

Good luck with the Mounjaro too. That support thread sounds like a good idea & you have more limitations than most but it sounds like you have more determination than most too. Would love to hear any more updates on your journey...you never know when someone else in desperate need might stumble across this thread.

OP there's a very friendly thread in the 'weights room' part of the forum, lifting support thread, there's a few ND Mumsnetters on it, myself included.
I don't know how easy strength training would be in conjunction with your other health conditions, but it's quite common for autistic women to gravitate towards strength training. Apparently we tend to struggle with priopreception, our understanding of our body in space, and lifting weights provides feedback that we need. It's also repetitive and logical.
There are PTs who will have home gym set ups to train clients. You may also find you feel surprisingly at home at a powerlifting or strongman type gym - they are very supportive, typically have a lot of larger people (bigger = stronger, it's celebrated) and are welcoming to newbies.

Personally I'd avoid circuit classes, bootcamps etc for now. If your BMI is 45 then traditional 'cardio' in those classes is likely to be too much, it'll be too hard on your joints, higher risk of injury and will be demotivating, because of the sheer strength required to move your own bodyweight. It's like a healthy sized person attempting to do push ups with someone stood on their back. However it's likely that when you do start losing weight you'll find you've got a strength advantage for the same reason, because you've been moving extra weight around. As others have already mentioned, walking is likely to be the best cardio type exercise for you, and is surprisingly effective.

OP, one thing I'd say to you is that as you lose weight (with Mounjaro) is that once you lose a bit, it becomes easier to move, and then you move more and it feels better and it's a virtuous circle. I don't think there's anything crazy about starting with losing some weight, especially given your health conditions and using that to lead into more movement, this is what I've done and it's worked very well but it did take me a while to get going with the movement thing, now I enjoy it. A friend of mine uses a PT who specifically works with middle-aged and older women, so that's another thought. Hope it works out well for you.

Hi OP

My BMI is 35 ish. I started swimming last year and regularly go an do 40 lengths now- 3-5 times a week. I started doing 10! I feel so proud of myself doing 1km!

It had no effect on my weight what so ever. But I feel so much better.

I'd also advise downloading and paying for nutracheck if you haven't already.

I'd also try waking your body up with some stretches before you even embark on "proper exercise" I love my theraband stretching my arms and shoulders and few mins of walking and shaking limbs.

I'm also taking saxenda but moving to mounjuro.

I've also considered a sleeve. It's fucking miserable isn't it.

It really is. I love swimming but have major sensory issues with getting changed in hot, damp changing rooms with echoey noise. Enough to put me off swimming.

The sleeve still might happen. The Mounjaro came up because I was having a consultation with my gastroenterologist about my BAM and I asked him about how having a sleeve might impact my already delicate digestive system. He said to go and investigate Mounjaro as it can have similar impact, help with my PCOS and even help with BAM symptoms, but he can't prescribe as not an endocrinologist. He said less invasive than surgery and I already have adhesions, so unofficial advice is to try injectables first. So I went away, did lots of reading and contacted the clinic he recommended.

I'm willing to try either to be honest. I'm already fucking uncomfortable being fat and chronically ill so swapping discomfort for discomfort doesn't really worry me that much.

Bring on the virtuous circle! ⭕️

@norfolkbroadd can you get a dry robe so you just go to the pool in your swim suit, then put the dry robe over to drive home and shower there? Swimming and aqua aerobics would be great.

For clarity I'm not suggesting swimming. I'm stating I do a lot of it and it hasn't helped with weight loss

I swim 3-5km and lost nothing.

You can out run (or out swim) a bad diet.