Never going do it !! Feel overwhelmed

[nodgrapes]

Hello I have been overweight on and off all my life.
I lost weight few years ago and was normal weight 10st 2lbs for 5ft4 but at top end bmi.
Still felt good.
Now 14st 11.
Look terrible and just seem to be thinking I'm never going do it again. Had a lot of stress in life last 5-6 years but now decided as I go every day that I can't go on like this. Other day I kneel and felt like my legs were going snap when I tried to stand back up!!
Just so overwhelming as feels like it is going to take a very long time and I'm gross in meantime. Oh works with glam slim people and I look like a middle age Blob.
How will I keep going as it will be slow and I can hardly breathe. Nothing fits. Hot day and need to hide again.
And how do others not look back at when the were slim before and regret putting it all back on. What a waste of my hard work.
Please help me?

It is horrible being over weight on hot days but it’s only the start of summer. If you take action from today you could feel much better by August. It is frustrating when we regain but try to forgive yourself and move on. I have lost 2 stone, was almost at goal weight but regained 4 lbs over the bank holiday weekend. It’s very easy gain weight, just dust yourself off and start again.

My advice is to clear your kitchen of junk food, menu plan and do a healthy food shop. Then take it a half stone at a time. Break your goal into smaller chunks. Get a notebook and write down your goals, your reasons for doing this, a timeline, or use an app, whatever works for you. Best of luck.

You are exactly the weight I was before I had a health scare, and was told I had to lose weight. It took me two years to lose 6 stone by cutting carbs to a minimum, recording every calorie that passed my lips, 16/8 fasting and tracking my weight with body composition scales. I’m now size 8 and have stayed that way for 6 months. The first month was the toughest, and it’s now easy to stay slim because I completely changed my relationship with food. It can be done, but it takes an enormous amount of self discipline and a lot of patience.

Ok firstly you do not need to hide away, please don't think that. Look around you and half the country is overweight, losing weight is difficult otherwise we'd all be slim!

Just take it a day at a time, if that's too much then take it a meal at a time.
14st 7 is a healthier weight than 14st 11, and 14st is healthier than 14 st 7.
Don't set your target too high, concentrate on losing the first couple of pounds, if you're losing you're not gaining.

Yes we're coming into summer and it's awful when you feel hot and bothered but if you start eating healthy now then by this time next year you'll have cracked it. If you don't then you're going to feel this miserable again in 12 months.

Give it a go, but don't be too hard on yourself or you're already setting yourself up to fail.

The first month was the toughest, and it’s now easy to stay slim because I completely changed my relationship with food

I agree - but in addition to changing one's relationship with food, long term weight loss and keeping it off requires a change of mindset AND lifestyle.

Decide that you are now a healthy, active person instead of someone be who sits on the sofa and eats rubbish snacks etc. For me, starting weight training and working out daily was key. I started off with Lucy Wyndham Read, progressed to more challenging workouts such as Growingannanas, and eventually found Caroline Girvan. Life-changing!

Plus intermittent fasting, eating mostly plants, and cutting out/severely reducing UPF, refined carbs, sugar and alcohol.

I also found The Sugar Solution by Mark Hyman and Dr Becky Gillaspy's talks on YouTube very useful. The former because it explains what sugar and refined carbs do to our bodies. And the latter because I found listening to them most days helped me stay strong.

I would really try to work on your mindset. Berating yourself and feeling like you need to hide away is not going to help weight loss, all it leads to is low self esteem and shame.

Try to embrace your current size whilst also loosing weight. Although you don't feel like it, get some cheap flattering clothes that fit your current size, do your hair, make yourself feel good and attractive. Work on your health rather than weight. Commit to one or two new habits like 1/2 your plate full of veg or getting out for a walk. Alternatively get an app like nutra check and start calorie counting.

Beating yourself up will do nothing for your weight loss, your need to come from a place of love just as you would with someone you cared about.

I gained a lot of weight some years ago and it was only when I saw that I'm way more than my body size was I able to loose and never regain that weight again.

Good luck

All advice appreciated greatly.
Just find it hard to set goals as not young anymore and even losing 7 lbs seems to take ages but I have to do as all my clothes bulging out of them.

Should my goal be half stone or stone then reset to next goal?

I am middle age and feel like I have wasted so much of my life too as lots of times look fat in photos and feel inferior to others.
My oh was linking with a very very thin women as friends many years ago which put a strain on us and still friends now but I sometimes think what's the point as I'm never going be that thin so it makes me feel low about how I look and I compare myself. He is allowed friends just all the female ones are half my size and this particular women who was a very good friend so slim.
I just hate the way I look and feel ashamed I have no self discipline now and don't know how others do it.
I don't even try anymore as think it's unobtainable and I am never going get there. Pathetic

Sorry for my self pity too

Someone who is thin isn't automatically a better person and the reverse is true.
You sound really down about yourself and I think in that mindset dieting is likely to fail. Can you try and reframe it, you're going to enjoy eating healthy foods, you're going to nourish your body, not punish it by eating crap. A 'treat' isn't worth it if you feel like shit afterwards, it really isn't.

If you start now then by the end of May you could be half a stone down. I really would look at half a stone at a time, it all adds up.

Have you looked into Intermittent Fasting? There’s a great podcast (and book) by Gin Stephen’s. Very easy to follow.
also the Obesity Code by Jason Fung.

it takes the stress out of weight loss as you can still eat everything

Try not to compare yourself to others, it just leads to huge discontent. Try thinking of something positive to say to yourself when your brain does this. For example my best quality is I am incredibly loyal and dependable, it’s not very glamorous but I know my DH values this as do my kids. Regarding your age and regrets, we all feel like this from time to time. I am 57 and have lost 2 stone since Sept. You can do it. Maybe you will enjoy the process, it’s not a punishment, it’s something positive. Do you get out into the fresh air? It might sound trite but I find nature lifts my mood.

All good advice and I will try to take it and update here if any success.
Thanks

Do you track your food? I find that’s the only thing that works for me and doing it honestly. Doing stuff in increments and not setting unattainable goals will help - perhaps you could start by trying to walk 10,000 steps a day and then after a month try doing some additional exercise one day a week.

it’s absolutely fine to want a change but be kind to yourself OP ❤️

Can I suggest something? Focus exclusively on your health, fitness and wellbeing, not on your weight or size. Start with exercise. NOT to lose weight, but to make you feel strong and fit and flexible. Try doing 20 mins basic yoga flow online 3 times a week and on days in between, do 20 mins bodyweight exercises 4 times a week. You need no equipment for that as your own body's weight is like inbuilt dumbbells! You quickly get a taste for it.

Being overweight is actually a benefit in bodyweight training - as you are automatically working out at a harder level than slim women, since you are carrying heavier weights. So when you squat, side plank or do a bridge, lunges, lay down press-ups etc, you are quickly gaining strength and tone. Keep at it and you will start to see muscle definition within a fortnight. Once your stomach and bum naturally tuck in, your shoulders naturally pin back instead of stooping then you look half a stone lighter anyway. The yoga helps you move with grace and confidence and balance. A good muscle stretch makes you feel so alive. You will feel good about yourself once you connect with your body.

I'm still overweight. I hate dieting. I love food. But I am strong and shapely. I like my body when I exercise often. In fitness classes I often feel self conscious as the biggest or one of the biggest women in the room. But that's a problem of attitude I need to work on. I have been given loads of compliments, on strength, posture, and even found out a couple of people had told the PT they were aiming for a body like mine!

With food, I try to focus mainly on health and nutrition - lots of veg 5-10 a day and very varied, some fruit 2-3 a day. Lean protein - eggs, poultry, fish with some pulses and red meat. But that might not be right for you. You know what your body responds well to. Keto is awful for me, I need low fat to feel good. I need to go easy on wheat too. As you pay attention to what foods give you energy and boost your mood properly (I don't mean a sugar-high boost that is followed by a dip) you start to see food as nourishing and health-giving, not good or bad.

Honestly, I'd like to be a stone or two slimmer as I was before DC. But, I'd rather live as I do, instinctively, with a happy attitude to food than constantly feeling guilty over every mouthful. Being fit, strong, vital, confident, with good posture and ability to run for a bus or up a flight of stairs, enjoy a family hike, bend down to pick something up from the floor - these are what help us feel good about our bodies long term. If you can't sustain a diet and lifestyle that puts you permanently in the BMI ideal weight, then a focus on long-term fitness, strength and health is worth a go.

You need lots and lots of small goals that get you to your big goal, then your bigger goal, then your overall goal.

I have loads, and keep track of my achievements on my spreadsheet (I bloody love a good spreadsheet)

Was she literally just that - a very good friend? Or was he massively attracted to her physically? The size and shape of his mates shouldn't be something you use as a weapon against yourself.

Please start with tiny changes. It's the easiest way to go. Start by really looking after yourself in your current size and shape. Easy wins are: get a good hair cut and colour. Have your nails and brows done. Take care of your skin.

Do 2 minutes of stretching when you wake up and before bed. Add marching or jumping jacks every time you put the kettle on or wait for the shower to warm up or the bath to fill. Do squats while you clean your teeth. Sitting in a chair or lying in bed, take turns to tense your bum muscles, stomach muscles, inner thighs, then all three together as hard as you can for the count of twenty. Even tiny things like this make a difference. You might not think they do, but they really really stack up.

You don't have willpower of steel in this particular aspect of your life (I would bet my life you have immense willpower elsewhere) so you need to accept that and find ways to improve your health and fitness that don't rely on willpower. If you get into the habit of doing 20 squats or jacks every time you have 30 seconds spare, you are burning calories and toning muscles without any effort on your part.

Love this ❤️

Can you afford Wegovy / Mounjaro? If you can just go for it.

I felt very the same as you 6 months ago. I've yoyoed so much over my life, had spells of being slim and others of being obese and just couldn't face doing it all over again. Couldn't stick to anything for more than a few days, feeling depressed and not looking after myself properly. I started Wegovy and now I'm 6 months on, 3 stone down, a few lbs from a healthy BMI and feel fantastic.
Taking away the desire to constantly eat has given me the space to really work on my diet. Now I'm eating so well and I'm back running and cycling because I have a body I want to look after. I can't recommend it highly enough.

@Lilacdew can you recommend any YouTube videos for body weight training?

I set tiny goals all the time so it felt like I was always reaching my goal, I did half a stone, 5 kilos, a stone, a stone and a quarter , - stone and a half, 10 kilos etc.

I accepted the first couple of weeks will be
very hard and the weight loss won’t be that noticible.

Last July I weighed 88kg, by my holiday late August I weighed 81kg. That was a good holiday as I could still wear all my summer clothes, they just looked loser and I looked better.

By the end of October I weighed and still do weighed 72kg.

All I did was cut right down on
carbohydrates.

TBH I just browse a few and then pick one I like the look of.

I like who does bodyweight workouts and kettlebells too if you get some equipment. But she's quite loud and in your face.

If you want a calm instructor, I'd go for something like bodyweight 20 minute workout for beginners.

For Yoga I usually go to Adrienne as she has so much variety.

If they are too much, there are 5 minute bodyweight HIIT workouts online, and 8 minute ones too - you can build up to 20 mins.

I can't afford any medication or groups etc so just doing myself or trying and already failing today!

Nah, you're not failing, you're reading this thread and collecting ideas. If you do this and drink a big glass of water and eat at least 3 veg at dinner tonight, you have started.

And then sort out the summer clothes that fit you best and rate them from favourite to least favourite. Wear your favourite tomorrow. Get it ready.

Pretend you're single

Totally get it. The time is going to go by anyway so you might as well spend it making steps towards your goal.