DH makes the meals:impossible for me to lose weight

[time4me]

DH cooks all the meals and he is an excellent cook.He buys all the foodie magazines and watches all the foodie programmes.My weight has crept up,I need to lose a stone and a half.Every evening my heart sinks,he has made a fattening but delicious meal and then is hurt if I tell him the calories are too much.I joined ww but the leader just despaired of me,I didnt lose any weight although I did love the meetings.I want to go again,has any one any ideas?I tried giving dh the ww recipe books and he used a couple of signature dishes,which was a start.Is there any new weighing equipment I could give him? Any suggestions would be great,or maybe someone is in a similar position.I dont seem to have any willpower when I come home after an exhausting day ( work ft) and the table is spread with wonderful food,even homebaked bread and homemade puddings,the smell and display is so mouth watering and everything is totally cooked from scratch and fresh.

dh and i lost weight buy cutting out the really fattening stuff. i do all the cooking and i just changed things a bit. i make our bread, he has a packed lunch (he gets to make that!) no cheese ever except a wee bit of parmesan. no cakes and only wholesome fruit-type puds.

it is surprisingly easy, can't you appeal to his vanity? i bet he could make you some lovely stuff without resorting to ww.

Eat less of it?

Wish I was married to him!

Buy him a copy of Fat Girl Slim, a fabulous recipe book written by a proper chef who developed a weight problem of her own, and lost four stone on the recipes she devised

I saw a feature somewhere about a plate that shows you exactly how big your portions should be - maybe you could have less of what he cooks by serving it on such a plate? Or is just too fattening? Maybe if he cooked for a living he could stop trying everything out on you. I think it is a little unfair of him not to respect your wish to lose weight, it is easy enough to cook wonderful food that is lower in calories. Isn't there a bit on Channel 4 webswite that went with the programme Cook Yourself Thin? It gives good recipes that are not dripping in calories.

take control. cook for yourself. make up big batches at the weekends and freeze them in portions so that you don't have to cook when you are tired.
And take responsibility. He does not open your mouth and force the food down your throat. His hurt feelings v your weight problem. What is more important?? - I say this not as someone who has never been where you are but I say it as the woman who has the dubious honour of being the fattest woman on mumsnet ....You will ^always* find an excuse and call it a reason if you want to.
You need to tell him how unhappy you are and that you need his support. If he loves you, he will help you.

If he enjoys cooking high-fat foods, you could always consider low-carbing, where you eat plenty of healthy fats and protein, and get most of your carbs from veggies. I've lost over a stone doing this - the food is gorgeous and I'm hardly ever hungry. In essence, though, it means cutting out wheat flour, sugar, white rice etc.

What does he cook? You can always just eat less of what he cooks surely, half the portion or have the meat and only a tiny bit of rice. I don't think it's eating bit meals at the mealtimes which makes most people fat.

Thank you for the excellent comments.
Yes I think I will take control by batch cooking at weekends,I did do that before.
Yes I do think he should consider my feelings more,and I shall take issue with him over that one.I really would like to get a plate that lets him know portion size,as he does pile on the food and even says hey finish it off! We are on a fairly tight buget and sometimes if he sees special offers he buys them eg finest steak pie at a special offer.I go mad at him and he says well just have a small piece,any ideas how to tackle that one.He says its just to pad out the budget.

How does buying finest steak pie, even if you only have a small amount, pad out the budget?

By the way, portion control plate is here.

If he doesn't have a weight problem and you do then you'll just have to eat less of what he serves. I wouldn't put him off cooking though as he sounds very helpful and keen. Men need to eat more than women which is why most women get fatter when they settle down with a man for the first time because they tend to give him and them the same amounts.

Hi Merry
Big thank you for the portion control plate.Thanks,thats what I was looking for.
Regarding your comment over padding out the budget but buying finest steak pies,he does Tesco internet shopping and so if he sees something on offer he buys it,usually it is a finest range.It saves him cooking and tbh they are very tasty but they are also fattening.He does make a lot of pastry based quiches,tarts etc as well.
Thank you Xenia for your warm comment re:not putting him off.Yes he is very helpful in the sense that it is a privilige to have the food cooked every night and it is all delicious.However I will try and explain the effect it has on me.It is difficult as he gets very hurt,and takes it personally.

Actually, does he want you to put on weight?

When I am on weight loss mode, I cook normal meals for the family, but take less rice/potato/paste for me, MORE vegetables and salad, so I just adjust my own intake not what everybody else is eating. I also ensure that my lunches are really low-carb and low-cal, by having a salad with maybe some addes smoked salmon, or some grilled chicken, or maybe just vegetable soup.

eat a small amount of whatever he cooks and fill the rest of your plate with vegetables

eating a sensible portion of something high fat in the evening won't wreck your diet, if you are having healthy lunch and breakfast
in fact eating foods that are high in fat can help satiate your appetite, provide nutrients which can be lacking in very low fat diets, and can boost your general mood and energy levels

Message withdrawn

Pela,hurrah! Someone in the same position as me.Right all those suggestions will be taken on ,thank you.Particularly like Frans encouraging remark re: high fat food.
Thank you for replying,all of you,much appreciated.

excercise more? I'm a firm believer of the jet engine principle, what goes in must be burnt off.

I had similar problem for last five years not got sweet tooth but some foods are my downfall e.g. cheese tried all three major slimming clubs with three exercise sessions a week but to no avail, since end of january have managed to loose weight over a stone and 7 inches have found that eating larger more sensible breakfast and lunch means less room for big fattening meals in evening used to have small bowl cornflakes breakfast sandwich for lunch and spag bol for dinner now have small bowl of multigrain cornflakes and two pieces of toast with banana and glass of orange juice, lunch have salad etc with sandwich so come dinner time still feel quite full and therefore eat less also found that wholegrains e.g. brown pasta make you feel fuller for longer so just re-educate eg simple change of pasta can help have also started aquacise twice a week again with great results.

Please keep these suggestions coming,and for one thing,I don`t feel so alone with this problem.
Thank you very much for replying.
Kama,I think you have hit the nail on the head.I did throw out our enormous dinner plates and we have smaller ones.I will try and eat half of everything,I have a horrible feeling dh will feel particularly insulted when I put my portion on a saucer.
Tonight,he has done salmon parcels in cous cous ,with roast new potatoes in rosemary,and peas.So I will chop his parcel in half.What about the cous cous,is this fattening?Also I will have just have one of the potatoes.By the way,our dd is 17 and almost anorexic,because she has taken complete control of her meals.She pushes all his fattening stuff to the side,scrapes off the pastry,and refuses pud and grabs an apple or piece of fruit from the table as she leaves.She has lost about 4 stone in two years,she was obese before.She goes to the gym a lot and walks a lot.For myself,I walked about 3 miles in snow this afternoon,now I am exhausted and the ironing will never be tackled,I just want to go to bed !

He's not one of these men that wants you fat is he? Some like a big woman, some are scared that if you lose weight you'll leave them.....I mean - is it really just that he likes to cook? It's just that him getting so hurt and almost emotionally blackmailing you into eating fatty foods regardless by getting hurt instead of understanding your pov and wanting to help you when you're unhappy with your weight well, it sounds a bit unsupportive and like something else is going on. I'm barking up the wrong tree I suppose, am I??

No hecate thats a very interesting comment.
You are not barking up the wrong tree,its quite correct that he should be more understanding towards my position.He can be controlling,not about a lot of things,eg he doesnt mind if I go out,hes always willing to take care of things at home,I go away for the weekend etc with friends and he is ok about all that and likes it if I enjoy myself.He doesnt want me to be fat but he isnt being very helpful either.He didn`t complain about it when I cut his food in half last night,however he said the rest of that Easter egg you scoffed today,its in the fridge waiting for you to eat the rest.

I am so sympathetic. I do the cooking BUT I have a teenage son who is 6'4" and plays a lot of sport and a husband who works physically - salad and grilled salmon would end up in the bin while they reached for the Dominoes number. If I cook roast chicken without roast potatoes there is whining for hours.

The answer I have found in the last week since starting the no-carb diet in the April SHE magazine is to make the chicken and vegetable no carb soup for myself (one batch lasts several days) and then cook for them. It fills me up because of the chicken.

I have totally cut out carbs and it is working - I really don't crave them and they were always my downfall.

They have broguht chocolate, cake etc into the house and I have seriously not been tempted. You can have veggies, some fruit and lots of protein. The protein shake in the mornnigs keeps me going for hours.

I think the problem with cutting portions is that if you are like me, eating any sugar or white flour eg. pasta and bread, sets up a really strong craving for more so it is very hard to stick to. Cutting it out altogether is much easier I have found.