DH makes the meals:impossible for me to lose weight

[time4me]

DH cooks all the meals and he is an excellent cook.He buys all the foodie magazines and watches all the foodie programmes.My weight has crept up,I need to lose a stone and a half.Every evening my heart sinks,he has made a fattening but delicious meal and then is hurt if I tell him the calories are too much.I joined ww but the leader just despaired of me,I didnt lose any weight although I did love the meetings.I want to go again,has any one any ideas?I tried giving dh the ww recipe books and he used a couple of signature dishes,which was a start.Is there any new weighing equipment I could give him? Any suggestions would be great,or maybe someone is in a similar position.I dont seem to have any willpower when I come home after an exhausting day ( work ft) and the table is spread with wonderful food,even homebaked bread and homemade puddings,the smell and display is so mouth watering and everything is totally cooked from scratch and fresh.

Thank you Chocci,its so good that there is someone out there in my situation,and there must be others.I do love what my dh cooks,and its true I dont want to discourage him .Your dh and son sound lovely,very butch.I admire your fortitude over the SHE magazine diet but its not for me,I know I will get depressed on soup and a shake in the morning.However it obviously works for you!

I am desperate which helps!

I can totally sympathise! My DH does the cooking and he is a great cook, but he makes far too much food and I feel bad not eating it. Also, I've gradually got used to the big portions so cutting them down is a struggle as I feel hungry!
Before we moved in together I was a size 8, I crept up to a size 12 and then after two babies I am now a top end 14!
I have asked him to cook less but it doesn't seem to have sunk in. He puts out the same amount of food for me as for himself. I do make a real effort to not eat it all (then he finishes it for me) so at least I don't feel I'm wasting it.
I'm now trying to get him to cook more veggies and less carbs as we eat a lot of pasta.
It will happen - it's just hard being strict when I feel unsupported.

Oh thank you Red for that.The thing is,many at work do envy me when I tell them what dh is cooking.Today it was the most gorgeous melt in the mouth stew,with a cheesey topping,AND I WAS HUNGRY! He even put a glass of chilled wine with it.I had been on my feet trying to find clothes to fit me,alas no luck.I still scoffed the lot,and I couldnt bear to say anything other than it was delicious.One tiny positive development,he is giving me slightly smaller portions.I know its willpower,but I really dont want to discourage him or demoralise him.By the way I did make a ww irish stew,it was horrible,full of bones and dry cos I put too much lentils in.It also took me 3 hours to prepare,as my severely disabled 20 year old son was wreaking havoc,so I had to keep breaking off.
My dh was sympathetic,he said he is used to making stuff so it doesn`t take him long.Any more ideas,telling off,anything at all is much appreciated,thank you.

Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread but is there any chance you could serve the food your DH cooks? He is doing his beautiful jub and he can relax while you serve it and bring it in and that way you'll be in control of the portion sizes. there are also some tricks which you could use. you could get a wonderful banch of flowers and put it in the centre of the table and sit in such way that he can see you and the flowers but not your plate. You could then leave some food without being notices. Another thing is cover some food with the napkin when you feel you need to finish but do it so that he can't see it. you might also think of something else. Distraction is a good trick when you eat and talk to him and he doesn't realize you didn't finish every mouthfull.

Glad to be of comfort! It is nice to know I'm not the only one

Another tactic I use is, if he cooks a huge amount of food I will say (as he is cooking) "Blimey! That's a lot of food - shall we split it and have half tomorrow?" Sometimes it works - things like Jambalaya and chicken and leek pie etc can easily be eaten cold the next day (you could even have it for lunch the next day)
I will be eating last nights cold jambablya tonight for dinner. He had two helpings last night but I was good and only had the one. Hurrah - progress!

In fact - that might work too - say that you only want a small plateful but that you will get a second helping if you are sill hungry, that way you might be able to reduce the amount he dishes up... I will be trying that tomorrow night probably.

Fedda thank you for your creative and kind comments,they were very interesting and worth a try.I dont think he will let me serve it up because that is the pleasure he gets,serving it to me.Tonight he did fatijiis ( cant spell ),and he said oh come on have the next one,its two each.I did but I didn`t put all the chicken in.So I lost a brownie point there by not being assertive.He got ww desserts,a plus.Many thanks Red for your suggestion,I will certainly try and be more assertive by saying I will get a second helping if I need it.Thank you again for your kind and thought provoking comments and suggestions.

time4me, I'm glad you liked my comments. I don's know whether you'll like this one but I hope you don't get upset with me if I say that your DH might put some pressure on you makining you eat more because he is making his effort with cooking. I know how it feels when you cook for somebody and they don't eat enough of it to your mind as it often happens but in the case when you're trying to loose weight it's not going to help you if your DH wasnts you to eat more then you want yourself. I'm really sorry if I'm upsetting you now but I really would like you to achieve what you want as it sounds that you really care. What do you think, tame4me? May be you need to have a chat to him and explain what would make you happy. He needs to listen. Sorry again to say it all to you, time4me.

Worked out his casserole (cheesy top)was about 29 points on ww.Humped off 3/4 of it and told him I was trying to diet.Some progress as he made no comment ps thats per portion!!!

I absolutely believe that diets DO NOT work. Anything that restricts your intake of any kind of food and makes you feel that you are missing out is bound to fail as it is a temporary and unreasonable way of eating.

I titally agree with the posters that say your portion control is the key. It's not rocket science, but you can re-train your brain and your stomach by:
Eating ONLY when hungry
Stop eating when you are full

Forget the high-protein / low-fat / low carb whatnot. Just eat a balanced diet (the portion control plate may help with this to begin with); eat the food you like (and your dh's food sounds fantastic) but only eat what you need. If you aren't hungry when he puts it on the table for you then don't eat it. Eat it only when you are hungry and you can appreciate it more.

pmsl @ titally
sorry!

Thanks Moomin,you have made me feel better.
I ate a topic bar tonight,I was supposed to feed it to my disabled 20 year old son and I scoffed the lot.I feel terrible,he didn`t want it and I thought blow it,and ate it myself.My dd bought it him and she thought it was well funny.Anyway your kind comment has made me feel better.

As long as you ate it because you were hungry...!

Re. the Topic - I've done that on occasion but since trying this way of thinking about food more sensibly, it means that I've missed out a good meal because it's spoiled my appetite and I haven't felt hungry enough for the meal. So more often than not, now, I'll make a decision not to eat the choc or crisps or whatever's taking my fancy and eat my meal instead.

Good news,Ive lost a couple of pounds and DH is definatly taking things on board more since I started this thread.I did tell him that Moomin said the meals were fantastic,and he was so touched he didnt know what to say.Tonight he served home made apple pie with custard.I said no,and he took it away.I think it is slowly getting through but its like water dripping on stone.Telling him what some of the messages have said has helped a lot.

Glad things are getting easier time4me. I've been changing the way I eat too. I have now said to DH that a few nights a week I will not be eating carbs at dinner time. Instead I have the meat or fish he has made and a mound of stir fried or steamed vegetables. This way i get to eat his lovely food, the veg fills me up and he just makes enough chips, or pasta or whatever for him and DD. Seems to be working well - I've lost a couple of pounds.

Great,Ive slipped back,but I realise I am comfort eating.I need to remind him about portion size,also anyone like me,if we go out for a meal I have what I want,thats the point isnt it,well i don`t have garlic bread but I do have a pizza .Well done MOM for losing a couple of pounds!

Thats Redfraggle I meant to say,sorry,tired,well done Red!

Hiya

A couple of things I would like to add. 1) if not eating it all is something you want to do then try Paul Mckenna's principals - essentially eat slowly, enjoy and if you think you're full stop eating. Buy his book for the full info.

It does sound to me as if you need to sit down with your DH and get him on side. I don't know how he works, but would it work if you told him how much you really enjoy his food and thoughtfulness but hate the way eating it every day is making you look and feel? He might well be upset if he realises that his cooking & dismissiveness of your dieting is making you feel like this but maybe that is what is needed to get him to change. Is he the type of man that considers himself to be really supportive of you? Could you approach it that way - ask for his help & support? Or maybe play the family card with wanting you all to eat together?

Do your research first and decide what support to ask of him - could you agree that he cooks low fat healthy stuff in the week but relax a bit more on a weekend for example, or that he shouldn't get upset if you don't finish your plate full? He sounds like he enjoys being creative in the kitchen so great - you're opening up a while new world of what he can try out for the family!

I do slimming world, and a lot of ingredients in normal recipes can be substituted for healthier versions - low fat fromage frais instead of cream for example, fry light instead of oil. There are also healthier ways for him to cook, like grill (has he got a george foreman?) or juice/smoothie making - he can still be creative and make fabulous things, you just need to grab his enthusiasm and curb it towards things that are good for you all! Imagine you all enjoying a smoothie together in the morning, surely he'd still be satisfied because he'd made them? Sounds like your daughter would really appreciate a break like that too.