I Look revolting-just arrived on holiday

[annymore99]

Hi everyone
Just arrived at hotel and oh fit but I am five stone overweight and lots of ladies here looking gorgeous slim brown, no leg veins and so on.
I feel terrible and am so ashamed of how I have let myself get like this. I can't get a grip on myself and have lost control. A few years ago my oh almost left me. I think I sensed they were distancing and I worked hard to improve appearance. Half way I lost two half stone and around that time due to his friendship with another lady he almost left me. I was distraught. Stayed together and I lost further two half done five stone total. Kept it off for about year but last few years almost all back on.
Feel sad too as oh never initiates physical stuff. Only hugs cuddles but I suppose deep down I know he is not attracted to the person I have become physically.
Sometimes I think what's the point as he was going leave me before and I'm repulsive and I was in middle of weight loss. Just wish I had a good body no veins etc do I felt good. Feel ashamed as only myself to blame.
Anyone else on here lost weight and become attractive again?

I'm sure you don't look revolting OP and everyone will be busy enjoying their holiday, not thinking about others.

You're on hols, can you now enjoy it and use the holiday to start some easy self-care? So eating lots of fresh foods, little walks, swimming, reading, napping....whatever you "need" to feel good. Could be the start of something!

Sorry your feeling so low especially when your on holiday and should be having a good time. I want to say don't confuse being attractive with a certain weight. Being slim doesn't automatically make you beautiful. I always think it's how you put yourself together and hold yourself. There's small things that instantly work to make you feel better, neat nails( polished or not) , styled well groomed hair, dove tanning moisturiser to give you a glow, eyebrows neat, nice dress etc etc . You see where I'm going with this. Smelling lovely too helps. If your wanting to lose the weight do it steadily and use you tube for home workouts but all the while practicing self care. I'll just finish by saying I've just come back from holiday and I saw attractive women of all shapes and sizes.

@Thisislifefornow I second this- whilst the OP can lose weight slowly again if she wishes to - in the meantime up the maintanance on things you can change quickly and this may well give you a lift, clothes, hair, makeup , perfume etc.

This is good advice, OP. Life is short and being able to holiday in nice places is special. Enjoy and nurture yourself.

Just want to send you some positive vibes. This is your holiday and I hope you will enjoy it and think about YOU!

Fuck what the husband thinks. This is your time to have a break and some fun. Try to prioritise yourself and what you want to do while in holiday. What do you enjoy?

I know it's hard if you're feeling down about your appearance but in the general scheme of life and relationships that is a minor concern.

The problem here is your OH and the past. They don’t make you feel good enough and are disrespectful and untrustworthy. You would still feel awful if you lost weight in this way cos the person who is meant to love you is not being supportive. I understand that there may come a point where a partner could become less sexually attractive to you if there was a gain of weight but being repulsed doesn’t seem at all right, you are still the same person inside and have the same personality and he’s meant to love you.

if he’s repulsed by you then why is he on holiday with you? I’m sure he’s not repulsed but he makes you feel that way through actions and lack of physical attention.

you aren’t repulsive at all, lots of people are all different sizes and have veins and scars. My partner has never made me feel this way at any size, he likes me for me, I also don’t think it’s ever a good idea to lose weight for someone else it should be for you, your health not to make someone else like you.

you sound lovely please don’t let this ruin your holiday, you are there to enjoy yourself. Get a tan, relax and talk to your OH about how you are feeling.

I’ve lost weight and I just feel healthier I am not really doing it for looks tbh. I don’t want to be unwell or at risk of illnesses in the future due to being obese. I like to have more energy. To me it doesn’t matter what I look like as much as it does to try to live a healthy life. I will never have slim toned brown legs I am going to have cellulite and stretch marks. I will always have saggy boobs.

I think the stuff with your oh isn’t resolved. It never will be. Personally I’d rather be on my own, extra weight and all. You need to love yourself op. I am a size 18/20, I used to be a size 8 but bad health and a disabled child has meant a lot of comfort eating and less time to exercise. I went on holiday to Ibiza in June and wore a bikini and felt really good about myself. I was so busy enjoying myself I hardly noticed anyone else. You’re comparing yourself to others because you’re not in the right headspace
mentally.

Revolting is such a strong word OP. You don't evoke feelings of revulsion from anyone..you're not feeling your best that's obvious, but I would use the holiday as an opportunity to let your hair down and have some steady focus on working on things that make you feel better when you get home. Whether that's weight loss, beauty treatments, a new wardrobe. Also, comparison is the thief of joy x

OP perhaps your other half is actually causing your weight gain through lack of emotional attention. He is giving it elsewhere. Every time I have been in a relationships where I realised I was utterly miserable and I wasn't getting the love I wanted I gained loads of weight and looked crap. Then when I became single I'd always lose it naturally without even trying.

I think you've lost your confidence unwittingly and it's because of this man. Let him go and you will start glowing in no time

Be honest with your husband.

Say to him you feel down about your weight now you're on holiday and see other women in swimwear etc.

Tell him that it's given you the kickstart in your mind to tackle losing weight when you get back home but dow now you're just going to enjoy your holiday.

Losing weight when you're one half of a couple is probably easier when your partner is supportive.

Thankyou for all the support.
All the answers have been appreciated.
I'm in middle age too no spring chicken.
I am invisible.
I know my oh loves me now but he doesn't desire me. I haven't felt that for a few years. I say things like what about if I get dressed up? And he says that will be nice but if I don't initiate he would never be interested. Funny up until five years ago he was always interested in that side with me.
Do you think losing all my excess weight and making a new image will attract him again?

A lot of the women here look like models 😬

By all means lose some weight, as it will affect your health.
But, most important, I suspect you need to regain some confidence.

Do it for myself is answer I would give a friend

Honestly? Yes. But the question is will it make YOU feel attractive again. Good luck OP it's very hard but so bloody worth it when we get those jeans out again x

Yeah I just can't seem to get that confidence back that I used to have.
I feel a different person somehow but I used to be spontaneous and bubbly and carefree but now I feel sad, depressed, anxious, ugly and so on.
Sorry I'm not trying to be poor me as a lot worse things going on in the world and I'm so lucky to be on holiday just feel dead inside sometimes

OP you deserve to be loved for who you are, and I’m so sorry your partner doesn’t appreciate you, you should have formed a strong enough bond in your time together that this shouldn’t matter to him.

Unfortunately, it seems that’s not the case, and to be blunt, you’re not the girl who he fell in love with.

I’m afraid you’re not going to change him, and the worry is no matter how much weight you lose you will never feel “good enough” for him. Which is ironic because he’s probably lucky to have you!

Would you ever look at another beach goer of any shape and size and think wow that person is revolting? I highly doubt it because you know its untrue, that all bodies are of equal value and important and because its cruel.. so why are you talking this way to yourself.

Your oh not being trustworthy is due to him not being trustworthy, it's not due to your appearance and no wonder you feel beat down when you're blaming yourself for his actions. I think you need to start really considering how you speak to yourself and really challenging those negative and self injurious thoughts. I would try to surround yourself on social media with body positive and plus size influencers and try to do things because you enjoy them. Maybe counseling would help give your self esteem a boost and help you unpick your relationship issues. You are worthy of being loved and feeling secure no matter your size. You are worthy of a lovely holiday no matter your size. Stop comparing yourself to others it's called the thief of joy for a reason!

Can I just add that it's so important to love yourself again, once you do this you will shine and your husbands actions or lack of won't cut so deep.

Sorry you think you look "revolting". I am sure that's not true. I am also 5 st overweight and I don't care! Get your hair done. Wear a fake tan, loads of make up and gorgeous jewellery. And fabulous kaftans - did anyone ever say Liz Taylor looked "revolting"? I think not !!!

Sorry to hear you're feeling so down OP. I'm sure you don't look revolting. Go and get some sun on your shoulders and the sand between your toes and enjoy yourself. I'd grab a bright colour nail polish and give yourself a wee holiday mani pedi and then grab a cocktail and soak up the sun for a bit.

Just getting the cocktail👍😂
Thankyou everyone on here has been so lovely

I want to enjoy rest of my life.
Sometimes I wish others would give me a little attention just a flirt as I know my oh thinks I am now so needy and under confident and he thinks that no matter what I'm staying. I would never stray just not in my moral code but be nice for someone to just smile at me or something just so my oh knows there are other people out there.
But that never happens now.
Hope that doesn't sound bad but feeling undesirable to him I think has made me feel like this. Be nice to be noticed but not going happen five stone overweight!!!!!!

Feel for you. I was looking at photos from when I met my husband 5 years ago. Still about a stone heavier than I should have been but I could buy clothes off the peg. Now lockdown and my mum's death and I'm 4 stones heavier and feel and look awful. Couldn't even lose the weight for my own nor my daughter's wedding. I look awful. Size 20. My husband says it doesn't matter I'm still beautiful inside and I'm sure you are too. I gave just retired(NHS GP) so hopefully less stress and more sleep will help.

You were in a very difficult stressful job which doesn't help relationships/weight loss. Always dealing/listening to other people's problems.