How to actually lose weight successfully

[Sendingmetosleep]

Just weighed myself and could cry. I'm almost 100kg, I know that may not seem like much to some or lots to others but heyho. I had got down to 82kg a few years back but here I am again.
I've tried everything (SW, calorie counting, PT and plan etc) but my issue is clearly a lack of willpower...maybe relevant but I find it hard to stick to anything.
Has anyone else managed to successfully lose about 20kg which is about 3 stone and keep it off?
I have a gym membership but cannot afford PT sessions/online coaching. I was on holiday recently and the photos disgust me, I hate how much I've let myself go and how much of a failure I am.

I'm assuming your will power is overwhelmed by proper hunger?
Or do you eat to soothe emotions?
Only you know the answers to this one. You may not wat to share too much in public, eve on an anonymous forum.

Emotional eating is tricky to solve. Hunger due to bouncing blood glucose levels is much easier.

I could eat and eat, even when not particularly hungry and also never feel particularly full. Emotions wise it wouldn't matter if I was happy, sad, angry, bored - carbs and chocolate are my vices! I try and go so long reducing them but always cave eventually.

You are clearly not a failure - you've done this before and you ca do it again.

After many years in denial about my size, and a few lose/gain/lose/gain cycles, I finally cracked it.

The bottom line was eating less. I was dragged kicking and screaming to MFP, but I found it really helped me. One important bit of that was checking how much I was eating (it's really easy to under-estimate unless you actually measure stuff)

I didn't start exercising until I'd lost a couple of stone. I hated it - but stuck with running because it was like a prescription for myself. It took about 9 months before I started to enjoy it! I don't think exercise is key to weight loss, but it's just so good for you in so many other ways.

I put weight on during lockdown (compounded because I also picked up an injury and couldn't run for 3 months) and I was rather horrified/cross with myself/down in the dumps about that.

But I did it before, and I did it again (I've got the few last lbs to go, but I'm essentially there now). And it did feel really daunting to need to do it all again.

But I did it. So can you

I have lost over 4stone by calorie counting and exercising. I run and do 2/3gym sessions a week. But don't eat your exercise calories. Ever!

I eat what I want on cc but just smaller portions. So I can still have carbs and chocolate. Today I had cheesy garlic bread for lunch and a Turkey sandwich for tea. As well as brownies and a latte. Very tasty and satisfying and 1350calories.

Please read The Sugar Solution by Dr Mark Hyman. It will open your eyes to a new way of eating. You can find it for free on Internet Archive.

Basically you need to almost completely cut out UPF, sugar and refined carbs. Instead eat vegetables, lean protein, healthy fats and small amounts of unrefined/complex carbs.

Part of the problem of switching to a healthy diet is the fact that the unhealthy stuff you have been eating has assaulted your taste buds over a prolonged period of time, so vegetables and unprocessed protein taste bland to you. You have to learn to appreciate the more subtle taste of vegetables, which will not happen overnight. However, by adding flavourings such as garlic, herbs and spices you can enhance the flavour tremendously.

Over time, you will start to appreciate the taste of carrots, broccoli, fennel........... etc etc. This will take time and commitment, but the book I mentioned will help you, because you'll gain a better understanding of different foods and their effects on your body.

Thank you @AuntieStella and @whosaidtha for the encouragement, it means a lot! I have the nutricheck app and have started using it again today, but only 29 cals left so no room for chocolate! It has made me realise I've definitely been overeating with my portions again though!

I signed up to a diet meal plan (diet chef if you’re interested).

I’d spent years trying every fad- high protein, no carb, fasting- gained weight on all of them.

tried calorie counting but my willpower is just shit.

in desperation signed up for 3 months. Because I had a set amount I couldn’t cheat. I got into the habit of bulking up meals with salad, fruit and veg, and got back to eating 3 properly sized meals plus a snack.

lost 2 stone. I’ve lost another stone since following roughly the same patterns and portion sizes.

You sound like a bored carb monster, quite different to no will power.

You eat carbs, because they are nice and the cave woman in you wants to be able to raise babies in a famine. Blood glucose goes up and your amazing body produces insulin to get the most out of your food. Blood glucose drops and you are hungry. Repeat until it is a habit.

Have you tried a food diary? What you ate and why. Hungry, bored, on offer at Tesco, fancied it... You might have to take up seven new hobbies to keep you away from the fridge.

Green & Black 85% is about 18 cals per square, you're not trying hard enough.

You come across as quite smart enough to solve this on your own.

I find preplanning and planning in the chocolate really helps. I go over on days I haven't planned. Like tomorrow. I've got no plan so know I'll be reaching for the quick fixes.

Count calories and make sure you track them accurately. You can eat what ever you want as long as it fits your calories. I use mfp to gain, maintain and lose weight and it works perfectly as long as you’re honest about it.

I agree with this. There's an app called Second Nature which will guide you through this step by step. It also helps with sleep, stress, exercise and many other aspects of life. I can thoroughly recommend it.

I read a quote on these boards a while ago and it really rang a bell. It was about chocolate: If you eat it everyday, It's not a treat, it's a habit.

In all honesty it’s willpower and hard work. I am losing weight but I force myself to exercise every day and I force myself not to eat chocolate or cakes or anything high calorie and I force myself not to give in to every hunger craving I ever have. It’s like dedicating your life to a 2nd full time job!

it’s willpower and hard work.

I'm not denying that a degree of willpower is required, @Menora, but if you commit to trying to almost completely cut out UPF, sugar and refined carbs. Instead eat vegetables, lean protein, healthy fats and small amounts of unrefined/complex carbs, you WILL change your life - and you won't feel hungry.

Sugar is addictive. Snacking is a habit. You only need to good meals a day. Try this:

Brunch: 2-egg omelette incorporating 1-2 cups vegetables plus a cup of salad; OR a big and varied salad with chicken, tuna or salmon.
Afternoon snack: fruit, Greek yoghurt or a small handful of nuts.
Dinner: LOTS of vegetables plus a 120-150g portion of lean protein.
Important: don't drink calories...

Do this 6 days a week - you can be a bit more relaxed on day 7 - and you WILL lose weight, AND you'll lower your blood sugar levels (the book I mentioned above explains it really well). Plus you won't feel hungry!

Regular exercise is obviously also a good idea. Try Growingannanas on YouTube.

Yes all you list there is hard work to plan prep and stick to. 🤣
you also need willpower to not go off your plan

I am in the middle of trying to lose 4 stone.

What has worked on my cravings and hunger pangs is switching from processed foods to whole foods including high quality protein and fats.

When I am hungry now, it is true hunger rather than a result of unbalanced hormone levels driven by a carb heavy diet.

I don't even want sweets or crisps now, I have no taste for them.

Also drinking more water helps and you can mistake the signs of dehydration for being hungry.

It's not easy but tough it out for a few weeks and it gets so much easier!

Also, snacking. Cut it out, even 'healthy' snacks. No one needs snacks, it is a relatively new phenomenon.

If you are getting all your nutrients from 2 or 3 well spaced meals a day (I don't eat breakfast, just lunch and dinner) then there is no reason for you to eat in between.

It is not as difficult as you think. I go shopping twice a week, buy lots of vegetables, salad leaves, herbs, onions, garlic, plus some fruit,; chicken, salmon and/or tuna, plus eggs; Greek yoghurt, cottage cheese. Periodically get lentils, chickpeas, brown rice, whole-wheat pasta.

I batch cook. Panfry a large piece of salmon or vegetables. Oven roast chicken pieces or vegetables. Enough for at least 2 meals plus spare to add to salads. I also boil quantities of lentils or chickpeas at a time. Takes very little time.

Currently I have cooked salmon, chicken, lentils, vegetables and salad mix in the fridge. I also make a week's worth of salad dressing at a time. With these ingredients I can assemble several meals in 10 minutes or so. Maybe cook some rice, pasta or lentils if I feel I need carbs.

Minimal willpower required because I don’t feel hungry. Protein really satiates you in a way sugar, carbs and UPF don’t. I treat myself every now and again. I feel so much better about myself - and wouldn’t want to mess this up.

@SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach
this is great for you but it is disingenuous to sell this to people as something that is easy low effort. Any lifestyle change is really hard especially if you emotionally eat or have a busy life. It’s better to be honest and realistic with people about what’s involved. This is like saying to someone obese just eat less. It is hard work and it needs determination

This is fine if you’re only cooking and shopping for yourself.

when I was single I had no issues with my weight.

if you’re planning and cooking for 4, including young kids, stuff like chickpeas and lentils don’t go down so well. Add in full time jobs and kids activities and the time for planning and cooking is much harder.

you plan a salad but your dh is cooking spag Bol …. There’s leftovers which will go to waste..

I lost weight when I stopped eating with my family and stuck to my own meal plan. Which isn’t great.

Have a look at Mindful Chef. The recipes are really good, imaginative ways of basically eating lots of vegetables and protein. It's expensive but if you do it gor a few weeks it will get you into the swing of a different way of eating. You can then just replicate the recipes.

Jamie Oliver Superfoods cook book is also great.

Thanks everyone, lots to digest and research. Will definitely be looking into some of the ideas suggested!

I would definitely focus on diet first... Unless you really enjoy exercising, trying to do both diet and exercise will likely just make you miserable. Once you start to notice a difference in your size/weight, you'll likely be motivated enough to want to start exercising.

Fasting is great (I did a mix of 5:2 and intermittent fasting, plus watching my calories over non-fast periods to lose weight) - it was truly amazing at breaking the sadness I felt about not eating what I want, when I want it. I think this is because it forces you to gain control. And you're also not cutting out certain food groups (something that probably wouldn't have worked for me). I still fast now to maintain - it's a lifestyle that I'm very happy with.

Also, find a weight loss buddy you can share your weight with after weekly weigh-ins. The accountability really helped me with motivation.

It's hard at first, but it gets easier - you CAN do it.

Re exercising- I find exercise drives my appetite and I can’t diet at the same time.

so what I have been doing is diet to actively lose weight. When I reach a “goal” usually a stone or half stone marker, I am to keep my weight constant while upping the exercise. Mainly neat- so more walking, cycle commuting etc. then once my body is used to that, I’ll control diet to get to the next “goal”. Once I get to my goal weight I’ll start with weights and proper fitness, as all I’ll need to do is keep my weight stable which is much easier than losing.

I have in the past gone very hard at the exercise and it does work, but takes about 3 months for my appetite to readjust to the new calorie needs and be able to control my appetite enough for a deficit. By which time I’m demotivated as I’m in the gym everyday putting effort in, and seeing no loss.