Desperate and scared

[fatandfurious2022]

Hi all, I have struggled with my weight my whole life, all the women in my family are overweight and many obese. I have tried every diet and lots of pills, but food is my comfort and I always put everything I lose, and more, back on.

I am now pushing 40 and stepped on the scales to see 25 stone and I wanted to die, I knew I'd put weight on but Jesus Christ!

I've started calorie counting but I'm scared that I am going to fail again so I am here asking for tips and support to help me keep going.

Thank you in advance

Take everyday at a time, don't set the deficit too low. Maybe 200-300 deficit daily? Can you start doing short walks? Or even walking videos via YouTube in your living room.
You say all the women in your family are obese so sounds like you are relearning whole new habits which you've had from childhood perhaps. But you sound passionate about making a change! You can do this!

@countydown1989

Take everyday at a time, don't set the deficit too low. Maybe 200-300 deficit daily? Can you start doing short walks? Or even walking videos via YouTube in your living room. You say all the women in your family are obese so sounds like you are relearning whole new habits which you've had from childhood perhaps. But you sound passionate about making a change! You can do this!

That's my problem, I panic and jump straight to trying to limit myself to 1000 calories a day when in all honesty I must have been consuming loads! I know cutting back alcohol will help and unfortunately I am trying to walk more but struggle with pain (which drs are looking in to). I have a daughter, she is overweight and I don't want to be a bad role model for her to end up like me

Thank you for your reply, I feel talking honestly will help me to not sweep it under the table

Well you've already made the first step in making a change that will work by reaching out for help, so you're off to a good start.

I absolutely agree with pp that you mustn't try to do too much too soon.

Your weight loss journey should be made up of small, achievable wins. Each win will encourage you and they will build up to big wins. Once you've embedded one change into your life, you can make another.

It's a bit like building fitness, you can't run a marathon the day you start, you build up to it in small steps.

So. If you can make one small manageable change this week, what will it be?

Is it the taste or the act of swallowing the food that gives you the most pleasure? Don't quote me on this but I once read that the ancient Romans and Greeks would treat food as they did wine tasting enjoying the taste only. Could that work for you?

This week I am having protein shakes for breakfast and swapping bread for thins. I am having healthier evening meals too but still something I enjoy.

I think I like the whole experience of eating, smells, taste and the feeling of being full, which I wonder is because I feel emotionally empty.

Food has been central to my life; been the way I celebrate, socialise and commiserate so I am trying to change my mindset and focus.

That's really great, op, I wouldn't overload yourself with more changes just yet.

When you reduce the amount you eat, you might find you're not as full at first but your stomach adjusts and you find less will fill you up.

Also, foods with a higher water content fill you up for longer. If food is central to your life, you might find making a ritual out of your meals helps. Eg for each meal set the table with your nicest tableware.

You might find the Noom app helpful as well.

Is it that you restrict then binge OP?

Sounds like it might be if you're having 1,000 cals then putting weight back on?

Ask your GP help. They have funding for it

And you certainly don't need a 1000 calorie diet, just a small drop in calories. You are literally carting 10 stone about with you, every day. That burns calories

@Shouldbedoing

Ask your GP help. They have funding for it

This is true. Also when you're ready to incorporate exercise you can get a gp referral to gym programme (have a google)

I'm trying to be more mindful of my eating, fell into the habit of eating at my desk or on my commute. I also have a habit of forgetting to take food to work then binging at night which I know is terrible. I think a lot of my excess calories come from alcohol, I love red wine and was having a bottle a night so am going to restrict that to the weekend.

I think having a mentally challenging job and an ASD child makes everything difficult and once I manage to finish everything it is often 8/9pm and I feel like I have earned a treat. I need to find new treats that are not food or alcohol related!

I think having a mentally challenging job and an ASD child makes everything difficult and once I manage to finish everything it is often 8/9pm and I feel like I have earned a treat. I need to find new treats that are not food or alcohol related

Have you tried meditation for helping to unwind?

Now that the weather is improving as well, if you have access to a garden just half an hour or so sat outside and listening to the birds would help too.

There is support for people who are working to lose weight. Please speak to your GP about the options. Losing weight is a team effort.

Slow and steady Op. 1000 calories is crazy, at your size you will feel fucking awful eating that. Assess your daily need and take 500 off it - then, if you eat the right things, you will still feel full. For a lot of people this means low carb but that's never worked for me - I'm vegan and do better with whole grains, lots of pulses, beans and salad. I've finally managed to get a stone off in the last couple of months and for me it has been about never allowing myself to feel awful.

Could you try alcohol free wines/ beer/ spirits for a treat? Some of them are quite low calorie. I really sympathise with that need to have something nice happen after a long day. One thing I've found to help is having a meal with a few dishes on the table, rather than just a plateful of food - whatever your main is and then a vegetable and salad or healthy side or whatever - makes it feel like a feast! I appreciate you're low on time though.

Sparkling water with ice and a slice of lime with dinner feels festive too - could get a Soda Stream or similar?

All the best to you, you're already making strides facing up to the problem and making a start.

@Laniania

Slow and steady Op. 1000 calories is crazy, at your size you will feel fucking awful eating that. Assess your daily need and take 500 off it - then, if you eat the right things, you will still feel full. For a lot of people this means low carb but that's never worked for me - I'm vegan and do better with whole grains, lots of pulses, beans and salad. I've finally managed to get a stone off in the last couple of months and for me it has been about never allowing myself to feel awful.

Could you try alcohol free wines/ beer/ spirits for a treat? Some of them are quite low calorie. I really sympathise with that need to have something nice happen after a long day. One thing I've found to help is having a meal with a few dishes on the table, rather than just a plateful of food - whatever your main is and then a vegetable and salad or healthy side or whatever - makes it feel like a feast! I appreciate you're low on time though.

Sparkling water with ice and a slice of lime with dinner feels festive too - could get a Soda Stream or similar?

All the best to you, you're already making strides facing up to the problem and making a start.

I love the idea of little dishes, will be an event which sounds wonderful. I love beans, pulses and salad but I'm the only one in the house that does. I'm going to have to cook separate meals to get anywhere.

Thank you

I can seriously, seriously recommend that you get hold of a copy of Why We Eat (Too Much), by Dr Andrew Jenkinson

It explains why calorie counting really isn't the answer but also talks (in very accessible terms) about the science of weight loss.

I believe there are several threads in the Weight Loss topic following this way of eating, and they will give you the support that you need as well.

Here's the latest thread

The key is to make your loss sustainable, all these crazy diets are only so good as long as your will powers last to that level of deprivation, generally not very long.
To make weight loss work and stick you have to be consistent.
I’d recommend a healthy diet, ditch the takeaways, carb heavy snacks, chocolate and booze and add some walking to start. You may reduce to only losing a Lb or 2 a week after the initial water weight loss, but you’ll be able to stick at it long term.

Today:

Breakfast- protein shake
Lunch- 2 boiled eggs and a toasted thin
Snack- small tin baked beans
Tea- baked chicken breast, salad, balsamic dressing

When I write it down it reads like something normal people eat so hopefully I can start changing habits by writing it down and hope embarrassment will help change my behaviours.

I used to meditate and am going to encore rate it back into my day. I need to look after myself because I am abusing my body so badly with the weight.

But where are the vegetables in that menu, @fatandfurious2022?! I don't think that is something normal people eat.

@BIWI the salad?

I'm not sure many would eat baked beans as a snack but they're not too bad

I use NHS weight loss app which makes me accountable for what I eat. I wasn't convinced this would work, but I am six weeks in now and into a habit of tracking my calories. It's part of my daily routine.

For a snack try popcorn or a piece of fruit.

Thanks, I don't like fruit but I could snack on veggie sticks. I had beans because 1- I love them, 2- they are high in fibre, 3- the are relatively low in calories.

I am using my fitness pal which I tells me i have had 880 calories so need to plan better for tomorrow so I will add more snacks.

i've yoyo'd around for years now. had enough of it

hitting menopause years has made it tougher so i've thrown a bit of money at the problem and got a private prescription for saxenda weight loss drug. inject it everyday. half a stone gone in 1 1/2 weeks, on track for 10 pounds in 2 weeks,20 pounds in first month. then will reassess

it suppresses hunger, even on the lowest dose my appetite went. had to remind myself to eat and even then could only manage a small portion

i have 4-5 stones to lose and i want to be able to exercise again without aching