Desperate and scared

[fatandfurious2022]

Hi all, I have struggled with my weight my whole life, all the women in my family are overweight and many obese. I have tried every diet and lots of pills, but food is my comfort and I always put everything I lose, and more, back on.

I am now pushing 40 and stepped on the scales to see 25 stone and I wanted to die, I knew I'd put weight on but Jesus Christ!

I've started calorie counting but I'm scared that I am going to fail again so I am here asking for tips and support to help me keep going.

Thank you in advance

I've not heard of that injection, will look into in. Thanks

its all over til tok,instagram etc

not cheap...but very very effective. and not without some risk i feel i should point out. the injections painless via a tiny needle and you increase the dosage weekly until its maximum effect is felt, we are all different in this

even on smallest dose my hunger instantly went, it was so odd. saxenda has been around a few years now, but theres other types on the market. difficult to get a NHS prescription for it i believe

I use MFP too and it helps a lot. But you need to eat far more. Take your ideal weight (and be realistic) and multiply by ten - so if you want to weigh 10 stone which is 140lbs, eat 1400/day. You want to make a lifestyle change not a temporary diet.
And ignore MFP exercise calories it's way over estimated.
I'd drop the protein shakes and eat real food, unless the convenience makes it easier. And don't worry about fruit - it's relatively calorie packed and many quite high GI. But eat a wide variety of vegetables- enough to feel full (I like that feeling of fullness but not feeling stuffed).
It helps to have mini goals. Thinking you need to loose 10 stone is overwhelming. Think more : I want to be two stone down by July.
I've been losing 10lbs a month, and a sample of what I eat:
Breakfast
50gr smoked salmon
1 duck egg
Handful cherry tomatoes
Lunch
Store bought Asian quinoa and peanut salad with added prawns
Dinner
Normal portion of chicken Kiev, one baked potato with butter, half the plate filled with steamed vegetables. Two caramel rice cakes.
I've given up alcohol for Lent, but before I limited myself to one bottle a week.
Total calories about 1600-1700.
Walk more (the pain might be the extra weight), and have your daughter join in.
And most importantly, if you have a blow out meal or day, get straight back on it. Don't make one slip up derail all your good work.

@ukborn

I use MFP too and it helps a lot. But you need to eat far more. Take your ideal weight (and be realistic) and multiply by ten - so if you want to weigh 10 stone which is 140lbs, eat 1400/day. You want to make a lifestyle change not a temporary diet. And ignore MFP exercise calories it's way over estimated. I'd drop the protein shakes and eat real food, unless the convenience makes it easier. And don't worry about fruit - it's relatively calorie packed and many quite high GI. But eat a wide variety of vegetables- enough to feel full (I like that feeling of fullness but not feeling stuffed). It helps to have mini goals. Thinking you need to loose 10 stone is overwhelming. Think more : I want to be two stone down by July. I've been losing 10lbs a month, and a sample of what I eat: Breakfast 50gr smoked salmon 1 duck egg Handful cherry tomatoes Lunch Store bought Asian quinoa and peanut salad with added prawns Dinner Normal portion of chicken Kiev, one baked potato with butter, half the plate filled with steamed vegetables. Two caramel rice cakes. I've given up alcohol for Lent, but before I limited myself to one bottle a week. Total calories about 1600-1700. Walk more (the pain might be the extra weight), and have your daughter join in. And most importantly, if you have a blow out meal or day, get straight back on it. Don't make one slip up derail all your good work.

This is great advise thank you. My girl is joining me on healthy eating and I'm using it to try steer her habits in the right way too.

Think I need to really up my sides and am going to try what an earlier poster said and make little dishes to serve with my main, like veg and salad. That sounds like it would make me feel like it was a treat

Green tea is good for assisting on weighloss journeys as well. In the summer I have it iced with a slice of lemon. Makes a change from other low calorie drinks and is refreshing.

Breakfast- protein shake
Lunch- 2 boiled eggs and a toasted thin
Snack- small tin baked beans
Tea- baked chicken breast, salad, balsamic dressing

Honestly you can eat far more than this and still lose a lot of weight. Why would you restrict to basically no carbs??? You're setting yourself up for a binge.

Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to eat lots of healthy home made filling foods. You can eat loads and lose weight!

I thought that sounded a good balance!

Protein really fills me up so I never need extra carbs. It would be eating them for the sake of it

OP is 25 stone. She could eat probs double what she has posted and would still lose weight! Why cut back more than she needs to? She will just get too hungry, feel rotten and miserable and then binge on something really unhealthy.

Seriously OP, don't restrict too much. It will lead to a binge. I'd honestly stick to about 2,000 cals a day, or even more to be honest! You'll feel good, lose weight slowly and won't be tempted to have a blow out. More importantly it will be sustainable.

I agree, small changes!

Switch from normal coke to diet. From 2 take aways a week to one a week. Small changes that you can sustain for the rest of your life.

I don't mind protein shakes and they are convenient when I'm rushing out of the door. I know I am going in head first and need to plan more in order to sustain the change. I know I need to focus on small changes and think planning ahead is probably key for me so will do that this weekend so i can make sure I'm eating enough and of the right thing.

Thanks everyone, I get annoyed with myself when I do this as I cut so drastically for about a month or so and then give up so will certainly increase so I don't fail again.

The thing is I don't eat a lot of bad food normally, I love home cooked meals and loads of veg (think Mediterranean) but I eat too much. My portions are ridiculous and i don't snack smart, I love olives and cheese but have too much and eat too late. I'm going to use smaller plates for meals I like that aren't very healthy, like spag bol, and bigger when I make better choices, like salad.

With the best will in the world you will struggle keep going to lose the weight you need if you drop your calories too low.

I echo BIWI’s recommendation of reading the book “Why we eat (Too Much)”. It’s eye opening. And as someone who has been trying to lose weight for years and felt totally rubbish and a complete failure it stopped me feeling that way.

Weight loss is not as simple as calories in and calories out. Certainly not for anyone who has a lot of weight to lose and has been overweight for a long time.

Someone up the thread mentioned Saxenda the injectible drug. There is also another one - it’s a drug called semaglutide and is sold under two names. Ozempic which is prescribed for diabetes but has a side effect of weight loss. The same drug semaglutide has just been approved for use for treatment of obesity under the name Wegovy. It’s been used the the states for weight loss for a while and is a game changer. It is said to be as effective as bariatric surgery for some people. At your weight you would be eligible. It’s not available here until next month as far as I know. I think you need to see a specialist weight clinic. I would talk to my GP about it and ask to be referred to a bariatric clinic.

I’m taking Ozempic which I’ve bought privately.

Going forward for you in the meantime try to make your food tasty and interesting. You can eat lots of protein and vegetables and healthy fats. Cut out processed foods that are lacking nutrition. Processed foods are convenient but lacking in nutrition and designed to make us want more. The Pinch of Nom or Hairy Dieters cookbooks have recipes for nice healthy food.

Keep your blood sugars steady by eating lots of protein and good fats.

Good,luck!

Hi op

I lost 5 stone on the 5:2 10years ago.

I did it slowly & didn’t throw myself into it. On the fast days I started at 1200 calories & reduced that eventually to 600.

I cut out cheap chocolates & bought better quality which I enjoyed more. I drank wine less as well - as when I have a glass or 2 I tend to hit the snacks.

My one thing I learnt was if I don’t have it in the house then I can’t eat it.

I avoided fat laden salad dressings as well. No butter on my toast. Small things make such a difference.

Also at the weekend or if going out for dinner I would eat as I think it’s important (for me) not to feel I was ever really deprived. And I would often fall off the wagon- in the old days I would give up straight away, now I just mark it down to experience & hop straight back on.

Good luck.

@MissMarpleRocks

Hi op

I lost 5 stone on the 5:2 10years ago.

I did it slowly & didn’t throw myself into it. On the fast days I started at 1200 calories & reduced that eventually to 600.

I cut out cheap chocolates & bought better quality which I enjoyed more. I drank wine less as well - as when I have a glass or 2 I tend to hit the snacks.

My one thing I learnt was if I don’t have it in the house then I can’t eat it.

I avoided fat laden salad dressings as well. No butter on my toast. Small things make such a difference.

Also at the weekend or if going out for dinner I would eat as I think it’s important (for me) not to feel I was ever really deprived. And I would often fall off the wagon- in the old days I would give up straight away, now I just mark it down to experience & hop straight back on.

Good luck.

This is some really good advice.

I buy really good quality dark chocolate when I'm trying to lose a few pounds, a square or two is as satisfying as what I'd usually buy. And I definitely don't buy other treats any more, if they're in the house I will absolutely eat them!

@MissMarpleRocks

Hi op

I lost 5 stone on the 5:2 10years ago.

I did it slowly & didn’t throw myself into it. On the fast days I started at 1200 calories & reduced that eventually to 600.

I cut out cheap chocolates & bought better quality which I enjoyed more. I drank wine less as well - as when I have a glass or 2 I tend to hit the snacks.

My one thing I learnt was if I don’t have it in the house then I can’t eat it.

I avoided fat laden salad dressings as well. No butter on my toast. Small things make such a difference.

Also at the weekend or if going out for dinner I would eat as I think it’s important (for me) not to feel I was ever really deprived. And I would often fall off the wagon- in the old days I would give up straight away, now I just mark it down to experience & hop straight back on.

Good luck.

Thanks for this, I think it's the last bit I need to listen to. I can't beat myself up for a slip up or bad day and throw it all away. I'm heading for an early grave and need to remind myself of this daily and that I need to see my child grow up. Thanks have very little self esteem and don't value myself which makes longevity seem pointless at times but my girl is worth the fight

• I have very little ...

I started in January with 5 stones to lose and I'm down 1stone 5 pounds using the Nutracheck app.

You need to get out of the All or Nothing mindset and set yourself a realistic daily or weekly calorie target because otherwise, you're going to get demotivated fairly quickly and probably give up.

Personally, I'd ditch the Shakes and focus on eating proper healthy food, but less of it. You want a diet for life where you can learn sensible new eating habits.

Here's a link to download the Nutracheck Calorie Counter App! You can use it free for a week and if you input all your details, it will recommend a sensible calorie limit for you. There's a chat forum and maybe read the stories from some of their biggest losers. Those who have lost more than ten stones and managed to maintain that loss.

https://www.nutracheck.co.uk/apps?pt=457316&ct=InApppReferralAnd&mt=8&ref=8E21E3F4

@fatandfurious2022 First- my heart so goes out to you-I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember, it used to be something I thought about every single day.

I’ve probably done most diets: the crazy ones (juice only, master cleanse), the “I just want to be healthy”ones (E.g detox), the meaty ones (e.g strict Keyo) the random ones (E.g IM) and the sensible ones (slow and steady, reasonable calorie reduction) And of course a wide range of exercise plans to go with those.

They all worked, then a while afterwards didn’t work so well and I put on more weight than before. So I finally gave up on diets, I read the work of fat activists like Aubrey Gordon, listened to her podcast and let go of trying so hard to be a healthy weight. It was a revelation, it freed my mind and it has helped me to have a healthier relationship with food and my body. Surprisingly, I didn’t immediately put on a tonne more weight.

So I think there is a lot of great advice on healthy eating on this thread, and I wish you lots of luck with it, it’s exciting and can transform your life for the better, but I recommend you also try to forgive yourself for being fat- sounds trite but if you get it right i think it’s actually more freeing than losing the weight.

I wouldn't ditch the shakes if you enjoy them op!

They are delicious and filling. I love the ones I have. I'm a shift worker so eating pattern really does matter and I sing the shakes are good for night shifts or late shifts if you need to eat

[quote Gettingthingsdone777]@fatandfurious2022 First- my heart so goes out to you-I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember, it used to be something I thought about every single day.

I’ve probably done most diets: the crazy ones (juice only, master cleanse), the “I just want to be healthy”ones (E.g detox), the meaty ones (e.g strict Keyo) the random ones (E.g IM) and the sensible ones (slow and steady, reasonable calorie reduction) And of course a wide range of exercise plans to go with those.

They all worked, then a while afterwards didn’t work so well and I put on more weight than before. So I finally gave up on diets, I read the work of fat activists like Aubrey Gordon, listened to her podcast and let go of trying so hard to be a healthy weight. It was a revelation, it freed my mind and it has helped me to have a healthier relationship with food and my body. Surprisingly, I didn’t immediately put on a tonne more weight.

So I think there is a lot of great advice on healthy eating on this thread, and I wish you lots of luck with it, it’s exciting and can transform your life for the better, but I recommend you also try to forgive yourself for being fat- sounds trite but if you get it right i think it’s actually more freeing than losing the weight.[/quote]
Thank you, I know I need to stop beating myself up but also am a firm believer that if it upsets me I have a responsibility to myself to change it. I've spent my life in a cycle of diet, crash, binge, depression, start again. My youth was spent self harming, cutting my stomach because I hated myself and i was only slightly overweight then and now I'm here, so big I'm damaging my health. It's like I swapped cutting for eating.

Blergh it's a massive mess

@CannaBelieve

I wouldn't ditch the shakes if you enjoy them op!

They are delicious and filling. I love the ones I have. I'm a shift worker so eating pattern really does matter and I sing the shakes are good for night shifts or late shifts if you need to eat

I won't, I like them, they're easy and I usually skip breakfast if I don't have them and snack mid morning on toast with butter or crisps. I will sometimes have overnight oats but not often. At least shakes have some nutritional value.

@fatandfurious2022

Today:

Breakfast- protein shake
Lunch- 2 boiled eggs and a toasted thin
Snack- small tin baked beans
Tea- baked chicken breast, salad, balsamic dressing

When I write it down it reads like something normal people eat so hopefully I can start changing habits by writing it down and hope embarrassment will help change my behaviours.

I used to meditate and am going to encore rate it back into my day. I need to look after myself because I am abusing my body so badly with the weight.

That is very very little food. I’d expect to see similar amounts (though higher in protein) for someone in a cutting phase for competition season.

You are being way way way too restrictive with yourself.

@fatandfurious2022 I get it, “loving yourself” is soo much easier said than done. It sounds you’re in a good position to make needed changes because you have a strong internal locus of control and your fed up- winning combo! I’m sure someone has mentioned already on the thread but I found cognitive behavioural therapy and trauma focused therapy very useful, for the self acceptance part of my journey, sounds like you might be on to something with the connection between self harm and your relationship with food- so it could help x