Help me avoid the "f*ck it all" mentality

[myfavouritethingsandthen]

Hello, can I have some advice and motivation tips from those who have a lot to lose and are successfully dropping the pounds? I have six stone to lose and have lost one. The first one stone took four weeks. It has been hard work but I am seeing the benefits:

1. my clothes fit better
2. my skin is a lot less spotty
3. I enjoy different foods that I have introduced to my diet.

However I do think I was addicted to junk food. I loved it. But I HATED being overweight and still do and want MORE THAN ALMOST ANYTHING to be a normal weight. And I know I’ll feel a lot better and be a lot healthier when I do.

BUT it seems like SUCH A LONG SLOG TO GET THERE!!! It’s slow going and I am impatient.

Can anyone impart some words of wisdom to keep me on track pls? Right now if someone gave me some chocolate and cake I would scoff the lot, and then keep going on that mentality for weeks. I want to stay on track and am in need of help!

Ive just lost 3 stone and am keeping it off so far (a few months, but normally start gaining again by now). Well done on that first stone.

It is about consistency not perfection!

How are you dieting? Personally I would allow myself the flex to have a bit of cake every now and then, as after years of yoyo dieting i had to find a way to lose weight that I could stick to for the rest of my life, no silly low calories etc.

Thanks for responding @DialsMavis.

"Consistency, not perfection" seems to be a good mantra to adopt.

I'm doing reduced calories and lots of fruit, veg and protein.

The trouble with me is that, no matter what diet I follow, when I have cake or chocolate or Pringles just once it has a horrible unravelling affect where it spirals out of control for days and then weeks. I really need to reframe things in my head so that this doesn't happen but it's so hard.

I understand your pain. I have a stone to lose but as you say, once you have one of those "fatal" foods it can all unravel, can't it?

I am reading Paul McKenna's book on how to curb sugar cravings. I think you could find a lot of useful advice in there which may help. Best of luck, but you've done fantastically well to drop a stone in 4 weeks so be very pleased with that.

I have just started listening to Paul Wistuba's podcast 'Freedom from the diet cycle' which there was a thread about on here a few weeks ago. I'm only on episode 4 but it's really resonated with me so far and made me stop and think before I reach for another bag of crisps.

A bit cheesy but something that resonates with me is 'The time will pass anyway, you can either spend it creating the life you want or spend it living the life you do not want. The choice is yours.' Ok, so it's a lot cheesy but hopefully it helps.

I lost 5 stone from Jan - Sept of this year, dropping from a BMI of 35+ to a healthy 24. Working on the last few 'vanity' pounds now. Some things that helped me:

• Set mini goals and tell yourself you can take a break after reaching each target. Initially, it was get 2 stone off as fast as possible (took me 11-ish weeks). When I hit 2 stone, I felt so good and was so motivated I went straight on to the next target. I didn't actually take a break until 4 stone in, but knowing I had the option gave me a psychological boost.

• Set 'cheat' days. I did once a month, which is hard core, but it meant I got to my goal quicker. Figure out what works for you and stick to it.

• Remind yourself that for every additional day you go off plan, it will extend the time you're dieting. Is that pizza/kebab/weekend binge worth it if it means it's going to add another week on to your efforts? Or can it wait until cheat day?

• Join a weight loss thread on here (or similar site). I was lucky enough to find a fab group of equally dedicated people to commiserate with along the way.

A good goal for you right now could be: lose another stone by Christmas. That way when we get to January, you'll 'only' have 4 stone left.

You can do it, best of luck.

I have lost 3 1/2 stone this year and am now under 25 BMI for the first time since 2015.

My top tip would be - yes, it will take a long time to lose six stone, but you won't be six stone overweight for all of that time.

You're already looking and feeling better - with every stone you lose, that will be more and more apparent.

As your journey progresses, you'll hit milestones - make these mini-goals. A big one for me was moving from 'obese' to merely 'overweight'. It will be more rewarding as it goes on, and you will get there.

If you have a bad day, draw a line under it and move on - the odd blip will make no difference in the long term as long as you generally stick to your healthy eating plan.

I have kept my weight stable rather than doing the yo-yo thing by stopping trying to be perfect and just making better decisions. Not the best but not the worst.

Started at 13st 7lbs and have been around 10 stone for quite a while - would love to be 9st 7lbs but just cannot stay at that so 10 stone suits me well. I love my wine too much to be 9 - 7!!! I am 5ft 4ins and 65 years old and been off and on diets since I was around 18 - how stupid is that??!!

I try to remember that:

1. It doesn't matter how long it takes, the time will pass anyway. No matter how you eat, time will still go by and what state would you rather be in, in 12 months?
2. How do you feel after saying "fuck it" and eating the packet of biscuits or whatever. I don't feel better for it.

I'm a 2 stone over weight and it's coming off at a snails pace - 1 pound per week, despite being really careful with diet and exercising a lot. I've lost 5 pounds so far.

However Last week I didn't lose anything, it was SO demoralising! I almost had a 'fuck it' moment and ordered a dominos but managed to pull myself together.

Honestly i think it's just sheer will power and being in the right mind set. Also managing expectations re how quickly the weight is coming off.

I've fallen off the wagon every single time when trying to lose weight and then it's just a spiral back down until you've put everything back on that took months to lose. It's THAT feeling that is keeping me going this time, I hate feeling disappointed in myself. Also the self loathing that comes when I've stuffed my face with junk food, just isn't worth it!

Thank you all for your responses. Much appreciated. I'm going to go and set myself some mini targets. Have just been out to lunch but chose my main meal wisely, and didn't have a starter. And then shared what turned out to be a small pudding ....which I didn't actually enjoy anywhere near as much as I thought I would. Which is interesting, perhaps my taste buds are less wanting the sugary stuff now I've been off it a month?

What diet methods have those who have successfully dropped a large amount ...and kept it off....used please?

I lost 2 stone by calorie counting. Used My fitness pal app, scan barcodes, input your own recipes and you can eat literally anything, but in different proportions.

Not for weight loss, but I’m currently giving up smoking (I’m on day 3). When my cravings become unbearable and my brain is trying to negotiate how I can have one I try to focus on just that minute rather than freaking out about how I can never smoke again, just I’m choosing not to this minute. Then the next minute, and so on until the craving has passed. I think it would probably work for food and the fuck it mentality.

Congratulations on your weight loss, that’s fab! If I ever finish stuffing my face constantly and manage to kick the smoking I’ll be on to losing weight

Is it also “perfectionism”? If I can’t be size “X” then I’m just gonna have 3 pieces of cake ((even if it makes me feel a bit sick). A bit all or nothing, hence f* it.

How about thinking of it as a gradual change, slowly accepting yourself and enjoying who you are.

The fact is not everyone can be Kate moss. Or Sophia Loren. In fact very few. But you can still be stylish/beautiful/etc being you.

Also, a bit of junk food never hurt anybody, as long as you get to eat mostly good food.

Most people give up dieting cos it’s too hard, too restrictive over time. The reality is you will need to factor in food you enjoy, but just try to keep a balance. I myself have coffee with milk and sugar every morning, cos I enjoy it! But other things I’m being a bit more aware of.

These are things I’ve been thinking about recently. I’m going to eat like this for the foreseeable and see what happens. There is no point in me going on another diet, just no point.

And I forgot to mention most people respond to restriction by over-consuming. The boom-bust model. Lose x number of pounds, then put most of it or all on again. What a waste of time!!!!!!!! As others have said, being patient, being reasonable, no extremes, and slowly finding what works for you….

My go tos are "it's a marathon, not a race" and thinking along the lines of "damage control". So eg if I go over my calories it's not the end of the world, I'll just try and make the best of it/ not go overboard, and know that I can get back on it properly the next day. One day won't undo the work.

Mini goals are super important for me too! Eg BMI goals, step goals, weight goals etc

Lost 3 stone,low carb ,Got super organised with work,house etc .Went to bed at 8-00 pm .Told myself every night it is a little bit coming off ,but it will add up.It worked, not too hard .

Thank you to everyone who's responded.

I am using Noom, which is working for me. Lower calories but lots of education about protein, mindsets etc. I need the daily input to keep me on track.

I really identified with the pp who said that once you fall off the diet, you then over consume until you're as heavy as before - and all those weeks working really hard to lose weight come to nothing.

I REALLY want to avoid this, this time, I've lost and gained the same stone multiple times and it ends up in self loathing and no self esteem.

I really want to actually lose it this time. I am going to set a whole load of mini goals so I can try to focus on those rather than be overwhelmed by the larger overall number.

Can I also recommend making your own popcorn? Air popped popcorn is amazing value for calories. I love chewing and mindlessly eating, it's not a great habit! But i've just mindlessly munched away on an enormous bowl of popcorn for less than 200 calories. So worth it.

Also, Meringue nests are 50 calories each, strawberries are fuck all and light squirty cream is low cal too.

Halo top gooey chocolate brownie ice cream is pricey but a super low cal major treat. Fibre one cake bars similar.

These things have been life savers for me.

@NutellaEllaElla thank you, I've ordered these. Never heard of them before so happy to find they're on discount at Tesco too so have ordered multiple flavours

Diets are simply no good IMO unless they change you and your habits for-ever.

So my approach is not to ‘go on a diet’ but to change my habits! See what happens. Interesting experiment.

Some people like goals and weigh-ins etc., and it is supposedly motivating. But many of them put all the weight back on, so did it even work? For people who don’t like weigh-ins etc, there’s no point in even starting.

I think diets can occasionally be useful to learn new ways of eating and cooking. But after that it really is finding a balance.

Some people can lose a lot of weight through diets, and even maintain it. Some look good. Some never really ‘look themselves’ (Adele’s latest barbi pics) and some end up with yo yo dieting and eating disorders.

I am trying the slowly-slowly catchee monkey maybe. I would like to lose about 20 lbs, but don’t know if possible at my age (62) and with my health. So, I’m just going to see how this experiment works. Whatever I lose will be sustainable at least I’ll know. TBH, OP, 6 stone is something I would imagine would take at least 2 years to lose safely and gradually.

@TalanaTey thanks for taking the time to write. As a measure of my mindset, when I read that you believe it should take two years to lose six stone, my reaction was a clear "fuck that"! I hear what you're saying though and I guess the proof will be when I re-read this thread in two years time having tried to achieve the quicker route...where will I be?!

Hi my favouriterhings, some more perusings. I’m giving myself 6 months to see if I can lose 14-20 pounds. Oh, to be an M&S size 14 again! However I don’t know if I will make that, possibly not, so will be interesting to see. However whatever weight I am then, I believe is the weight I’m ‘meant to be’ and need to accept.

They do say that the longer it takes to lose weight the longer it ‘stays off’. I believe this is only because some habits have had time to genuinely change, rather than any other reason (it doesn’t make sense otherwise!). Fast weight loss can feel motivating but for many people I believe there’s a ‘kick back’ afterwards when you eat what you feel what you’ve “deprived” yourself of, put weight back on, and then repeat the cycle again.

As I said I think 6 stone is a lot of weight to lose and I really think doing it gently and slowly is the kindest and best for your body. Doing it slowly can be satisfying and you don’t have all the ups and downs of targets. You have more time to find what works for you personally. You also don’t have people commenting on your weight loss (which I was never sure I liked) as it’s all so gradual.

When I put on weight - usually around 2 - 2.5 stone, it was for a reason. At various different times it’s been - giving up smoking, a stressy life, drinking too much beer, not knowing how to make nice nutritious food, chronic ill health and disability, and occasionally some greed or sadness for good measure (often based round a sense of deprivation esp re diet ‘mentality’).

I think people especially women need to give themselves space and compassion for all the reasons they have ‘put on weight’ and then they have more chance to be grow in health and acceptance. For some this may even mean just accepting themselves as fat (‘stay fat, be who you are’) and that’s ok too; there are many worse things in life. I hope it works out for you. And me too 🙂.

Oh and I forgot to add menopause to that list ! It may be that I will always be ‘a bit fat’, we’ll see, I’ll pop back to this forum in 6 months after seeing how the experiment went 💡🙂

Try to avoid an”all or nothing” mindset where you’re either sticking perfectly to the plan or else giving up completely. Losing weight does take time and there will ups and downs along the way- just remember that a bad day (or week) is only that- just move smoothly on.