The diet that has never failed me is failing me. Help me figure out why? TW - mentions undereating/ED of sorts.

[LazyMareofEastown]

Got fat in lockdown. Am a lifelong yo-yo dieter with issues around food. Have ranged between 9st and 13st in my adult life but usually keep myself in check between 10-11 stone.

Every time that I've ignored the scales for months and eaten junk with abandon only to then have the moment of awful awakening when you get on the scale, I've turned to low carb + low cal (not strict keto but completely cut out refined carbs and eat lean protein + veg at every meal). It has never not worked. Results have always been fast and drastic. Not this time 😔.

I started on 19th April and lost a stone in the first month. Then it was my birthday/eurovision/bank holiday so I had two cheat meals (not days!) and quite a bit of booze (tried to stick to gin and slim but there was wine too) and I went up 3.5 lbs and after two subsequent weeks of eating 700-800 cals a day max plus zero booze + lots of water (+ laxatives out of desperation 😔) and walking I'm still up those 3.5lbs.

Please don't say it's starvation mode it. It doesn't exist.

I'm 41 and my periods are all over the shop at the moment although I have no other peri menopause symptoms. Could it be hormonal? Is it my age? I've heard people say weight is harder to shift once you hit middle age but I didn't think it just became suddenly impossible at 41?

I eat two small meals a day, one snack. Every morsel is weighed including cooking fats and sauces. I don't drink sugary drinks or consume more calories than I think I do. I eat dinner between 5-6pm and then nothing till 12noon the next day.

I know my current behaviour is unhealthy. I will try to work on that. But as a logical, scientific person I can't understand how eating so few calories isn't resulting in weight loss? Am already formulating a plan in my head to not eat anything at all until I see DP tomorrow and he'll make me eat something. As I'm alone with DC till then, I can eat nothing and no-one will notice/comment.

DP (for whom the weight is falling off despite beer/burgers etc - am chuffed for him but 😭) keeps telling me to trust the process. How do I trust the process when the process seems to be broken?

Hi, I’m not an expert at all, but using laxatives is dangerous and unhealthy- as is not eating anything at all. It is clear you are very upset/desperate but I’d worry that your mental health will suffer if you don’t keep to a sensible plan, which includes eating healthily.
You haven’t mentioned exercise in your post, has your activity level changed at all? Maybe try a bit more walking (on top of a healthy diet)?
I know it’s difficult and frustrating but I think your husband is right that you need to trust the process and have patience. Please be careful not to slip into dangerous habits, physical and mental health are precious.

Thanks Cyber. I appreciate your thoughtful post.

My mental health is much much worse when I am eating too much/very overweight than it is when I'm dieting as I feel more in control when I'm calorie counting. When I'm in 'ignore and eat' mode I am miserable and full of self-loathing, hate going out as look awful in all my clothes, have less sex with DP as I hate how I look naked etc. I feel like where I am now is the lesser of two evils. I've never been able to achieve moderation or consistency for more than a year at a time.

At the moment, although I'm not getting the results I want, I do feel much better in my clothes (and naked!) and in general (no bloating from carbs, lots more energy etc).

I walk my dog every single day and do some yoga but I despise gyms/structured exercise so try to handle my weight mostly by food intake rather than by exercise.

I've had extensive therapy in the past, can't afford it right now but aim to have more. My food issues are all tied up with my childhood/emotional neglect from my mother and our difficult relationship. It's so complex and draining.

Thanks again 💐

Have you tried adding in some kefir or Greek yogurt? I've found that helps when I hit a plateau on low cal low carb. Not sure why, whether it rebalances the gut. Laxatives won't help your gut health!

I've heard people say weight is harder to shift once you hit middle age but I didn't think it just became suddenly impossible at 41?

It's not impossible, it's just slower in my experience. I've had the same thing of going up two or three lbs in a week, and then it takes weeks to shift them. There's no easy answer, you just have to stay with your chosen healthy eating/exercise plan and eventually the weight will come off. It's a far cry from when I was in my 20s and could reliably lose 2lb a week if I stuck to a diet.

The most important thing is feeling healthier, which you say you're experiencing - cutting rubbish out from your diet has many more benefits than weight loss.

Consider using measurements/ clothes fitting instead of weight? I bet you are changing in terms of getting rid of excess fat and becoming leaner but maybe weight isn't the right measurement because it can fluctuate for all sorts of reasons. Also I personally do much better when I mix it up a bit - so not doing the same cals and exercise every day. Somehow the sameness makes everything about me stagnate.

Thanks all.

Arbadacarba - that sounds like what is happening to me. I am petrified of menopause (again to do with my mum, she was awful to live with during hers - we were hostages to her mood swings). I don't feel, act or look my age so the idea of my body suddenly functioning in totally different (and inferior) ways due to age is really messing with my head 😟. I thought 41 was still quite young 😢.

Itoldyou - I eat greek yoghurt most days but thanks for the suggestion.

Flakey I'm really trying to do that. I've measured myself and have lost inches everywhere. I've gone from bursting out of 16s to my 14s being comfy again. I just can't break the fixation I have with numbers on the scale. I was SO certain last Sunday that I was going to see a loss (was first thing in morning, had eaten under cals for days, had been to the toilet, just had that feeling that it was going to be a good result) I would've bet a months mortgage that I was going to see a loss. So to see a slight gain completely derailed me. I'm usually so in touch with my body and just know when I've lost/gained or maintained. To be so completely wrong for the first time ever has really messed with my head 🥺

Some women I work with are on weight loss injections (saxenda or ozempic?) I almost called the clinic on Monday but DP (metaphorically!) slapped some sense into me.

These are pics of the dinners I've been having. Am I wrong in thinking they are fairly balanced and moderately portioned?

They look fine to me (and very appetising).

Try not to be derailed by an unexplained gain. Fluctuations of a few lb are normally due to how hydrated you are (and you can easily be dehydrated without realising). You need to look at the overall trend of your weight over a longer period than a week.

This happened to me. Same age, same weight range, same yo yo-ing up and down, either on a binge or low carb cycle.

Anyway for me it was the dairy - suddenly I just couldn't eat greek yogurt etc without plateauing.

I upped my good fats at each meal to compensate, dropped the dairy and it started coming off again (quickly!)

Thanks Arba and Elz.

I don't eat much diary at all apart from the Greek yoghurt dressing you can see on my plates (not every night) and then milk in tea and a small portion of cheese 1-2 times a week a week so I really don't think that's what is causing my plateau. Interesting that you had such a similar experience though Elz 🤔.

Am committed to just plodding on as I have been doing and see what happens. It has to start going down at some point! My natural set point just cannot be almost two stone over what BMI would suggest at top end of healthy range.

I like to think I'm pretty special but not so much that I defy the laws of physics 🤣.

Could it be something as simple as your scales are broken?

Are you under a lot of stress?

Anyway, I recently read Why We Eat Too Much by Andrew Jenkinson and it has a lot of information about weight set point and, supposedly, how to lower it so your body doesn't try to stay at a higher weight. Very interesting stuff. There's a thread here somewhere with some people who are following the advice to lose weight.

I'll look into that book and the related threads TheLeadbetter. Thank you.

No more stressed than usual but the reading on my scales does vary depending on where I place them on the floor. They're relatively new and well reviews on Amazon though 😕. I just try to weigh in the same spot each time to keep it consistent.

Your meals dont look low carb.

Red / orange pepper, peas, onion, sweetcorn etc.. are all pretty high carb and it looks as though your meat has some kind of coating/sauce which is usually high carb too. Milk is liquid sugar too so you're probably eating more than you think AND high carb.

Try some low carb recipes on the low carb thread and learn to love:

Mushrooms
celery
bean sprouts
green peppers
brocolli
kale
watercress
cucumber

Have your protein grilled - no sauce

Drink only wster, black tea, white tea, white coffee.

I feel your pain. I'm 53 and went through similar at 42. I went on HRT, went to a fat farm for a week and started weight training/HIIT.

Its a slog but worth it.

water
black coffee

I shouldn't have said low carb in my OP TheBullfinch - it was incorrect.

I just meant cutting out white and beige refined carbs and junk so bread, pasta, chocolate, crisps, cereal, rice, pastry etc All these foods make me feel awful, don't fill me up and make my blood sugar spike then crash and I have always lost weight when I have eliminated them previously.

I'm not counting grams of carbs or interested in going into ketosis. I just meant it as a catch all term for cutting out white carbs.

I love all veg so will continue to eat them. And I like flavour on my chicken so will stick with that too. Same for milk in my tea.

Am looking at getting a bike. Would be something DP and I could do together (live right by a canal) and might feel more like fun than exercise. She says hopefully.

Ah, I see, just cutting out processed food then.

Well, there comes a time in every woman's life when that just doesn't work any more sadly and although cycling will be healthy, you wont expend many calories doing it.

That looks fab!

I would try not to rely on laxatives as you’re just losing water weight and your body might end up more reliant on it.

As someone who also suffered from an eating disorder, I can understand the disordered thinking that comes along with any weight gain. I used to worry about gaining weight and would under eat until I reached my mid-20s and started to enjoy eating the food I was cooking, instead of focusing on feeding others around me to distract them from how much I was actually eating, and slowly but surely the weight piled on. For a while, it was ok and then the past two years, it exceed the “normal” weight range. It was easier not to do anything about it but I think lockdown helped me get organized more.

I don’t yo-yo diet but my weight certainly yo-yos and I definitely think that I’m very sensitive to carbs. I inhale them and I’ve already piled on the weight

It’s hard not to think about it, but I now try to put a positive spin to it and see it as a day of enjoying my food and that if I can gain it then I can lose it too.

I try not to think of it too much, but I have found small things that have helped me. Drinking more water, snacking on more fruits and veg and focusing more on volume eating. It sounds simple but every time I want to reach for that chocolate bar, I reserve it for my treat day so I can enjoy it more and snack on carrot with some light cream cheese or something. That way I’m still eating but having more healthier alternatives. I like to snack a lot so having oranges, apples and grapes at home helps me a lot. I also found a few vegan ice cream brands that have fewer calories so I might have that instead.

I haven’t been exercising, but I do find going for long walks are very invigorating when I do go on them (those walks are quite rare though )

Thanks Exit your approach sounds enviably balanced and rational. I wish I could be like you.

I've just got on the scales and am now crying in my kitchen. I ate 300 cals total yesterday and nothing at all after 12pm noon and I'm still the same weight as I was last Sunday. I haven't lost so much as an ounce. I now feel like I'm in a standoff with the scales and feel like not eating anything at all until the number goes down.

Am about to make breakfast for my DC and DP and feel that food is now something I can't have or enjoy. I want to cancel the nice restaurant bookings we have in place for the summer. Am fighting the urge to take more laxatives. Seriously fucking low right now.

That doesn’t sound right OP and beer with me I will link you to another not dissimilar thread with good advice but I need to find it. Just a second x

here

@LazyMareofEastown

Thanks Exit your approach sounds enviably balanced and rational. I wish I could be like you.

I've just got on the scales and am now crying in my kitchen. I ate 300 cals total yesterday and nothing at all after 12pm noon and I'm still the same weight as I was last Sunday. I haven't lost so much as an ounce. I now feel like I'm in a standoff with the scales and feel like not eating anything at all until the number goes down.

Am about to make breakfast for my DC and DP and feel that food is now something I can't have or enjoy. I want to cancel the nice restaurant bookings we have in place for the summer. Am fighting the urge to take more laxatives. Seriously fucking low right now.

7-800 calories a day is a lot less than the recommended calorie intake for dieting women, 1200 a day.

You ate just 300 calories yesterday and are expecting it to show on the scales today.

You have been using laxatives.

You don't believe that "starvation mode" (eating too few calories for your body to be able to function properly, let alone lose fat cells healthily) is a thing.

This sounds highly like an eating disorder to me and I strongly suggest that you get specialist medical help from experts in eating disorders before you tell us that you don't have an eating disorder and that what you are doing is just fine.

At very least on face value you should go to your doctor to be checked out anyway to rule out thyroid and other related health conditions.

I'm almost 50, and similarly found that my usual weight loss methods now don't work. I "only" had 18 pounds to lose, so thought it wouldn't take long.

I started 16:8 diet plus 10,000 steps, 2 litres of water, and low carb 2 months ago, lost 7 pounds the first month, but nothing the second. I started Monday on an adapted keto plan. I'm still 16:8, plus walking and water, but have added more healthy fats to my meals. So usually chicken or fish plus salad/veg and a tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil each meal. I also have almond milk in my coffee, and either half an avocado or a handful of nuts mid afternoon. I have lost 2 pounds this week. The plan I'm following advises about 4 tbsp of healthy fats per day, so I may add more as I go. This is just the weight loss phase of the plan, and more carbs are added when the weight is off.

Op you need to talk to your GP. There are some real red flags in your posts.

I won't be talking to my GP. I work for the NHS and know the services very well. There is precisely zero chance that I'd be referred to our local ED service as an overweight restrictive eater.

A GP would tell me to self-refer to IAPT which carries a 12 month wait for talking therapy or to pay for private counseling which, as I said in my op, I can't afford.

I also know that my behaviour is disordered hence the TW and mention of EDs in my thread title.

I know I can get back to something approaching normal and healthy eating once I see the scales start to go in the right direction. I also know I'll more than likely act stupidly and unhealthily until I see that result.

Thanks all.

You’re in here asking for diet tips when you’re eating literally nothing and battling taking more laxatives.

This is something you need professional real life help for.