How can I lose HUGE amount of weight sensibly after pregnancy? ***TW: former anorexic***

[meltedeyescream]

Hi all, desperately looking for advice here. Sorry this is long.

I’ve had two DC back-to-back and have gained in excess of 5 stones. I’ve just done an online BMI calculation which places me in the ‘obese’ category (BMI: 35.7/height: 5’2”/weight: 88kgs). I tried my best to eat healthily when expecting both babies but I had severe HG for 6/7 months and then got diagnosed with gestational diabetes which meant food became a massive source of anxiety each time- I ate the bare minimum to survive. I’m in a really bad place atm (PND, failing relationship with someone who himself has issues with food) and have two active toddlers who I’m constantly running around so I don’t have the time or energy to feed myself the good stuff (I live off shocking amounts of junk food). I also BF the DC (night feeds mostly). Not surprisingly, I look and feel an absolute mess- thinning hair with visible bald patches, hormonal acne, aches and pains, shit sleep, constantly fatigued and everything else you can think of.

My dilemma is, I just don’t know where to start in tackling the excess weight. My previous strategy would’ve been to cut out lots of foods and do insane amounts of high intensity exercise (and ride off the ‘buzz’ I would’ve had from the pain/control, etc.) but I don’t want to go back there again. I had a health scare before having the DC and that got me to face facts about what I was doing to myself and, tbh, I genuinely haven’t got the energy for all that now. I’m really confused about how I’d go about losing weight in a way that is sensible and effective. I have hypothyroidism and PCOS which complicate things but I know it can be done. Can anyone help? Is there anyone that can signpost me to relevant programmes, etc.? I don’t want to live like this anymore.

Ps. Forgot to add: I have bastard diastasis recti which on top of the weight loss makes me look like I'm still 7 months pregnant.

Oh god, I feel your pain Melted. I’m also five stone overweight and have DR. I’ve just decided that I’m going to introduce one thing at a time. So I’ve downloaded MFP with the aim of losing a pound a week, but frankly as long as I come in under maintenance weight five days out of seven that’s a massive improvement on having several 3000-calorie days a week. Once that’s more of a routine I’ll be doing stepncounting. I don’t know if it’s going to work, I’m only on day 2, but I’m proactively allowing myself a coke in the calories as it stops me eating much other sugar and for me it’s too much to quit that and diet at the same time.

Would calorie counting be triggering for you? If not I’d go to a tdee calculator and work out how many calories you need in a day and minus from that and stick to it. You will lose 1-2 lbs a week at a steady weight still eating a balanced diet, no need to cut out any food groups.

I feel your pain. I also had 2 children close together and then had health problems after they were born and put on a huge amount of weight and I also had an eating disorder in my teen years / early twenties.

I’ve done calorie counting logging food on my Fitbit since January and I’ve lost 2 stone so far, about 1.5 to go. I’ve gone from almost obese BMI (29.8) to BMI 25 and once I reach my goal I should have BMI 22 which I’d be really happy with. This way has worked really well for me as I’m not cutting out any food groups, can have everything in moderation and I’m not finding myself obsessing or slipping into old patterns of thinking about food and weight but obviously we are all different so what works for me may not be right for you.

Good luck op.

Meant to say minus 500 Cals from your tdee

You poor thing.

I would stop weighing yourself and don’t think about counting calories as I think it will be triggering. Why not just do it through how tight your clothes feel?

Try and make one small positive change a day. Drink more water/reduce sugar etc...

Could you do one of those Cook things where they send you all the ingredients? If you’re eating a lot of junk food you’ll be spending loads anyway.

Also I think you need to try and be more positive about your body. You’ve grown children - that’s amazing ! Try and do one nice thing for yourself a day too. Body lotion/a good cup of coffee/ a bath. Reframe how you think about yourself.

There’s a really inspirational post on the exercise forum about a woman wanting to climb a set of stairs as her goal. Worth reading.

I would avoid calorie counting or anything that steers you into the ‘good food/bad food’ way of thinking, as that might trigger a relapse. Rather than controlling what you eat, perhaps focus on when you’ll eat. So give intermittent fasting a try - perhaps start by eating from 10am till 7pm or whatever works for you and feels realistic and see how you get on. Focus on introducing healthy habits - drinking more water, getting a balance between eating more fruit/veg and sweet things. Perhaps aim for a rough split of 70/30 but don’t measure any food. Try to introduce some gentle exercise and focus on getting stronger and fitter rather than burning calories. And don’t weigh or measure yourself. Work on improving how you feel rather than ‘improving your body’. Good luck OP. x

What about the No S Diet? Can't link as I'm on phone but there's an ongoing thread in this forum and a detailed web page about it. General gist is minimal rules, eat what you want at weekends, slow and steady loss, no sugar, snacks or seconds in the week. You can put as much as you want on your plate but it's only one plate per meal Monday to Friday.

I used to have a severe eating disorder and this has worked for me as the philosophy is about +ve habits, not food being bad or restricting input. It is very slow though

Don’t go there. Just don’t ever diet again. When you’ve had a restrictive relationship with food, it’s not possible to diet without slipping into old patterns. Even rigid ‘healthy’ eating becomes restrictive over time.

My saviour was reading books about Intuitive Eating. I had to be in the mindset of caring about my body and wanting to nourish it and move my body for enjoyment, not for weight loss. It was a total mental shift. I’m not as slim as I would like to be (from an aesthetic perspective) but I’m in the middle of a healthy BMI and I feel healthy.

It’s hard though, so hard and in times of stress it’s easy to slip back into wanting to starve yourself again. I just have to look at my kids and my own mortality and think it’s not worth it and I have to look after this body. Good luck OP and look after yourself

Also, I’ve heard good things about Mutu for the diastasis recti and Katy Bowman wrote a whole book about it which was very useful.

You need to address what you're eating rather than calorie counting imo. I know you are exhausted and have little time, but that really doesn't mean you have to eat junk food. Getting proper nutritious food into you instead of junk will not just make you lose weight, it will make you feel better, which will help with everything else. Stop buying junk, eat meat/fish, veg, fruit, wholegrains and drink plenty of water. If necessary get ready-prepared or frozen veg, things you can chuck in the microwave, soups etc. Aim to nourish, not deprive and control.

I'm reading your current list of symptoms thinking you need to PUT IN to your body. It's crying out for nutrition. What supplements are you taking? You should get blood tests to check your levels, but on the assumption we're coming out of winter and you've had two back-to-back pregnancies, I would assume you are deficient in vitamin D. I'd get the BetterYou spray which is combined with vitamin D and take a loading dose for 6 weeks, followed by a maintenance dose. (I take 3000iu per day maintenance and plan to expose my limbs to sunshine as soon as we get it :) ).
Also magnesium spray, b12, general daily vitamin & mineral and because you have other issues, perhaps something aimed at women, such as menopace.
Food - stop buying the junk crap. We all know that eating crap makes us feel crap. Who wants to feel that way? You are exhausted, that's why you are craving sugar. Start buying nutritious food that you enjoy. Make Mediterranean roast veg perhaps with your favourite cheese and sides. Eggs, bananas, berries, oats, make porridge, quality seeded bread, hummus - anything that you will be tempted to eat but that isn't sugar and trans fats. (I know fruit contains sugar, but it also contains fibre and other nutrients which you are lacking).
Don't count calories. Cut out the sh*t and try to get some naps in during the day.

Darling, you sound exhausted and depleted, I really feel for you. Still you are willing to tackle this, which is amazing.
Could you do us a sample of a day or two in your life, at what time you wake up, how many meals and snacks, what type of food? The more detail, the better. We can advise on some "easy wins". I think the important thing at the moment is getting you feeling better. You sound like an amazing lady who is a brilliant mum and is going through a hard time. We need to build your self-confidence. Treat yourself very kindly. I would start by slowly weaning the little ones if you can, so you can sleep better at night, and take some vitamin supplements. Go for a walk outside with the toddlers and add some vegetables to your meals. You don't need to cut off anything at this stage, just make gentle additions and replacements where you can. But if you tell us more about your day to day routine, we will be able to support more specifically.

When I decided to start losing some baby weight I took it a step at a time. I'm the same height as you btw, but at the beginning I was 95kg, I'm down to 83kg now. Its taken 5 months to get here and I still have another 10kg to go. Same as you I had GD, and some issues around food and control before pregnancy.
To stop myself sliding into obsessing over food I've set myself one goal a week. First week I upped my water, second I got out for a walk every other day, third week I concentrated on my own bedtime routine. Some other "goals" were getting my five a day, getting out of bed as soon as my alarm went off, adding an extra 1000 steps to my day.
Lots of little things that have improved my whole health, but I've honestly not felt like obsessing. And if I don't achieve my goal that week I don't punish myself, but I do make a point to look back at my week and work out if that "goal" was always going to be unachievable or if it doesn't suit my life style.
I also have diastisis recti, there are loads of YouTube videos on how to improve this, I've only been doing some of these exercises for a few months and can honestly say my stomach looks tighter now than it did after my first baby (just had third).
I'm back to working out every other day now, I feel better in myself and have more of myself to give my children.
I hope you feel better in yourself soon, it's a tough phase of life with young children and so easy for us to lose ourselves.

The messages on here are so amazing. ❤️ What a lovely place mumsnet can be.

Good luck OP. Lots of wonderful advice here.

Oh you poor thing. I hear you. It's exhausting and so hard to know where to start. Before you do anything, I would do my absolute best to get the basics right. As much sleep as possible, plenty of water, make sure you're looking after your body eg showering daily and doing your hair etc. it sounds stupid but I know I personally let go of those sort of basics at times at it always makes everything harder and makes me feel much more down about myself. Then I would suggest reading "The Postnatal Depletion Cure" by Dr Oscar Serrallac. If you have a history of disordered eating, stay away from anything that involves rigid diets or calorie counting. Look into getting support from a Dietician or look at a whole health approach to weight loss (read up on HAES). If you want a diet and exercise plan, I think Tiffxo is one of the better ones.

@ExtraFirmHold, would you mind linking to some of the DR videos that have worked for you?

@Clusters29

Hope I've done this right!
This guy really annoys me, and skip to about 10 minutes in if you want to, but he explains the exercises really really well I found. I did sign up for the free programme sheet, it's basically ten of each each exercise and then increase by 2 every few days or whenever you're comfortable.

This lady is also great at explaining things simply and in an understandable way.

Hope this is helpful!!

I agree with the PP saying don't try and 'diet' - it could be triggering for you being a former anorexic

Did you know breastfeeding helps with weight loss? And you need the nourishment right now feeding as well

I would try eating well 3 meals a day and maybe cutting down on sweets / snacks perhaps but nothing too diet/y which could trigger your eating disorder.

Oh also maybe chatting to GP could help with some ideas.

Thanks Extra!

Hi @meltedeyescream I don't know if I'm too late but thought I'd message anyway.

It sounds like things are really difficult for you. I just wondered if you're having support for the PND, and all the other stuff going on in your life? If not can you look into getting some counselling? Maybe talk to your GP? I always feel like losing weight is a million times easier when I'm in a good place emotionally.

I agree with some previous posters that the making one small change at a time might work. Even if it's to drink more water. You might not lose weight if that's all you do, but you can feel good about yourself that you're doing something positive for your health. The No S diet looks good to me as well (though I'm not on it).

Also can I recommend the book 'Feel Great, Lose Weight' by Rangan Chatterjee? He is very compassionate and talks about a whole range of things that can affect your weight. Then once you've read it you think about some positive changes you can make to improve them. Some won't work for you, but some will. I have loved the book.

@ExtraFirmHold

When I decided to start losing some baby weight I took it a step at a time. I'm the same height as you btw, but at the beginning I was 95kg, I'm down to 83kg now. Its taken 5 months to get here and I still have another 10kg to go. Same as you I had GD, and some issues around food and control before pregnancy. To stop myself sliding into obsessing over food I've set myself one goal a week. First week I upped my water, second I got out for a walk every other day, third week I concentrated on my own bedtime routine. Some other "goals" were getting my five a day, getting out of bed as soon as my alarm went off, adding an extra 1000 steps to my day. Lots of little things that have improved my whole health, but I've honestly not felt like obsessing. And if I don't achieve my goal that week I don't punish myself, but I do make a point to look back at my week and work out if that "goal" was always going to be unachievable or if it doesn't suit my life style. I also have diastisis recti, there are loads of YouTube videos on how to improve this, I've only been doing some of these exercises for a few months and can honestly say my stomach looks tighter now than it did after my first baby (just had third). I'm back to working out every other day now, I feel better in myself and have more of myself to give my children. I hope you feel better in yourself soon, it's a tough phase of life with young children and so easy for us to lose ourselves.

What fantastic advice! I will come back to this and have a look again. Some of these are really good tips that I will use myself. Thanks @ExtraFirmHold

Hi everyone, apologies for going awol- I was feeling really down when I posted and was scared of returning back to see what anyone might say! I was also worried I'd write off any recommendations, advice, etc. simply because of my outlook at the time.

Since posting though, I've contacted my GP re: getting some new bloods done to rule out any deficiencies, etc. and to ensure my medication for my under-active thyroid is at the right level. I've also requested a referral to the endo considering my complicated medical history.

As for the weight management side of things, I've cut out all refined sugars- I had to. I can get through horrendous amounts of chocolate/biscuits, etc. and can't follow the 'occasional treat' approach so going cold turkey it is.

I've also downloaded the NHS C25k app and am 2 runs in. I'm also trying the NOOM app to see if it helps me become accountable for what passes my lips. I'm very aware of my addictive nature and becoming obsessed with controlling my food intake but my last health scare petrified me and I don't want to go back there so am being extra careful. To share an example, I had a very early tea with my toddlers yesterday (4:30pm- they have an early bedtime) and decided that was me done for the day but by 7:30pm, I was delirious with hunger. In the past, those hunger pangs would've spurred me on to deny myself and not eat (and also fit in some exercise) but I ended up having another small meal and felt much better afterwards! I'd have tried to exercise before bed to burn that last meal off in the past but didn't feel a need to do that so it feels like the 'guilt cycle' I was trapped in has finally left me alone. I hope.

I'm also booked in soon to see a PT to make me up an exercise programme to target areas that need addressing- my stomach, for example, which currently has a postcode of its own.

Drinking more water and having a set bedtime and wake up time are next on the list.

What's changed since my first post to make the above possible? My little one has started nursery so I have two mornings a week to myself to think and just 'be'!!! I love the DC but when they're around I don't get a second to myself. They and their routines take priority and I need to work on ensuring that me and my needs are met in the middle of all that too. Early days yet but I'm feeling small glimmers of hope that I can do this.

A quick question, how often should I weigh myself? The NOOM app says everyday at the same time but I don't want to become obsessive about that and for that to lead to any deterioration in my food intake, etc.

I'm actually embarrassed writing this but to give an example of a typical day:

7-7:30am- DC have been fed breakfast at this point as they've already been up for an hour with my husband. I'll take my levothyroxine and aim to eat breakfast 30 mins later, except this never happens because the children are all over me and I'll forget/won't have time to eat. I'll be lucky to have a glass of water most days. When I do eat, it's muesli with FF milk.

I'll head out with the DC at 9-9:30am and return two hours later, feed the DC and try to have something myself. The DC are fussy eaters so it takes forever to feed them and by that time, I've lost all interest in my own food because it's either too cold or I'm fed up because the children have taken too long/been a nightmare.

1-3pm the DC nap. We cosleep so they'll only stay asleep if I'm next to them. The minute I slip away, they're up and a nightmare so I stay next to them so we all get some rest. I'll usually snack at this point- anything (non-noisy)- a huge amount of chocolate is my go to 🙈

4-5pm is when the DC have their last meal and this is the first time in the day, I'll have a chance to have a proper meal myself.

8-9pm is when I'll have another meal with the husband and indulge (some more) in crappy junk food.

I'll sleep past midnight as I'll be catching up on the days chores/prepping for the next day, etc. I'll feed the youngest at least twice in the night.

As for supplements- I don't take any atm and don't know where to start :/ I was prescribed a high dose of vitamin D and iron tablets by the GP following my last blood test but that was in October so it's been a while.

I've tried multivitamins in the past but I seem to be allergic to something in the (vitabiotics) formulas because I always come out in hives. Are there any others I should consider?

I want to give you a hug. I can relate to this so much.

One thing I try to do is to eat healthier rather than cut calories, so instead of trying to cut out junk food altogether I just try and make sure I eat a few portions of my five a day as well.

I am also currently trying balance box which is a meal delivery service where all the food is fresh and healthy, it's very expensive so I can't do it forever but it's getting me through a difficult patch at the moment.

Good luck, this is just temporary and you will get it under control again, unfortunately relationship troubles and young children are a recipe for comfort eating in my experience. At least you're not drinking two bottles of wine a day or off your face on drugs (although weirdly those things would be easier to quit as you could just go cold turkey!)