How can I lose HUGE amount of weight sensibly after pregnancy? ***TW: former anorexic***

[meltedeyescream]

Hi all, desperately looking for advice here. Sorry this is long.

I’ve had two DC back-to-back and have gained in excess of 5 stones. I’ve just done an online BMI calculation which places me in the ‘obese’ category (BMI: 35.7/height: 5’2”/weight: 88kgs). I tried my best to eat healthily when expecting both babies but I had severe HG for 6/7 months and then got diagnosed with gestational diabetes which meant food became a massive source of anxiety each time- I ate the bare minimum to survive. I’m in a really bad place atm (PND, failing relationship with someone who himself has issues with food) and have two active toddlers who I’m constantly running around so I don’t have the time or energy to feed myself the good stuff (I live off shocking amounts of junk food). I also BF the DC (night feeds mostly). Not surprisingly, I look and feel an absolute mess- thinning hair with visible bald patches, hormonal acne, aches and pains, shit sleep, constantly fatigued and everything else you can think of.

My dilemma is, I just don’t know where to start in tackling the excess weight. My previous strategy would’ve been to cut out lots of foods and do insane amounts of high intensity exercise (and ride off the ‘buzz’ I would’ve had from the pain/control, etc.) but I don’t want to go back there again. I had a health scare before having the DC and that got me to face facts about what I was doing to myself and, tbh, I genuinely haven’t got the energy for all that now. I’m really confused about how I’d go about losing weight in a way that is sensible and effective. I have hypothyroidism and PCOS which complicate things but I know it can be done. Can anyone help? Is there anyone that can signpost me to relevant programmes, etc.? I don’t want to live like this anymore.

Note to self - RTFT!

Hi, I'd take it one step at a time... Make it as easy as possible to get some goodness into you.
Buy some pre made smoothies and have that with a slice of wholemeal toast before you head out with the kids or even a banana and cereal bar.
Have some wholemeal rolls in and just chuck a slice of ham in it with some spread and cucumber or whatever, a bit of fruit, some pre made hummus and veg sticks, put it in a cool bag under the bed for when the kids take their naps, add in a little treat like your favourite small chocolate bar. Maybe for a week or 2 get in some healthy ish ready meals or batch cook some toppings for jacket potato's like turkey chilli Mince, or lower fat coronation chicken (low fat Mayo, mango chutney, cinamon powder and curry powder) and have jacket a few times a week with a micro bag of veg or salad. Get in healthy no prep stuff for the first few weeks till you feel you're in a good routine and then start introducing some of your own healthy meals when you feel you have time.
Can you get the house chores done in the day? No wonder you are exhausted, can you get a cleaner once a fortnight or source out some jobs?

Fantastic update @meltedeyescream though I'm exhausted just reading your schedule! I'm just pleased you're taking time to look after yourself. Getting the bloods done sounds good, and referral to endo. Plus C25k is fantastic! And a PT. Hugs!

Feel free to ignore any or all of these suggestions;

1. Would having a protein shake be too triggering for you? I find making or eating a proper breakfast pretty much impossible (I've always been a black coffee or two and four cigarettes person), but I can do a chilled, ready to drink shake easily. I also keep one with me for when I'm feeling crappy or too busy to sit down and have a proper lunch at work. This means I get a reasonable/measured amount of calories, some nutrition and enough energy to not feel like I'm wilting and need to stuff in as much as possible before I faint. Yes, people do say they're bad/don't teach good habits, but when the alternative is that I have nothing, they work for me.

1. Could you make a cold packed lunch and keep it in the bedroom in a cool bag for when they fall asleep? If you eat boiled eggs, you could cook up a box and then have them in the fridge for a rapid snack over the next couple of days - as well as other things that you like, such as perhaps individual portion packs of cheese/cream cheese, jellies or fruit/veg? An example for me would be a couple of cheese portions and some grapes (all silent!), compared to one ultimately disappointing chocolate bar or more.

1. This ^ might mean you aren't as desperately hungry/don't have an energy crash at teatime and feel more able to deal with the children - as well as making something nice for yourself.

1. You can still have a later meal or snack if you're hungry, of course, but, because you haven't been running on fumes and chocolate for over 12 hours, you're less likely to go for the easy/low nutrition options. If your DP has other food issues that means he only eats low nutrition food, at least you'll have more energy to be able to make the choices you want to make, not just take the option in front of you. And sometimes you'll think 'No, I want the pizza/chips/whatever' and have them. Because you're more in tune with what you need and what you want, rather than what you think you might as well have because it's right in front of you and you're tired.

1. I work damn hard (as do you), so I am happy to pay for food that I actually want rather than what is just 'there' and handy - which means I get things I love, like fish, salads, sushi, good meat, nice filled pasta and salad/pine nuts/pesto/olive oil/etc. Nothing is off limits, but doing it this way, knowing if I felt like it, I could have anything I wanted, means I'm not consciously feeling deprived or bad about making less healthy choices. So I do sometimes have a packet of Wotsits or Mini Cheddars if DP's bought them - but equally, I've had two Mandarins this evening (and there is a packet of Little Moons mochi ice creams in the freezer for when I feel like having a couple of them and DP sticks to Cornetto type things because he prefers those).

6.. Regarding the Diastesis Recti, it might seem unbelievable, but my long term (as in nearly 30 years of having it), it seems to have snapped back together over the last few months. All I've done is some ballet style exercises on the landing (the bannister is the perfect height for me) and things like laying down and stretching my legs out, tapping the floor with my heels, pelvic tilts and some wobble board standing for 5 minutes every other day - I did it because I was having some lower back/sacroiliac joint issues and hip/foot bursitis, so anything that involved more strenuous exercise would really, really, hurt. I meant to improve my posture and reduce pain, but I can now also feel and consciously tighten all of my abdominal muscles for the first time since 1993. I am now thinking about going back to the gym purely for pleasure, not punishment; no putting myself through killer classes that left me in pain both during and afterwards when I could be spending my time doing things that I actually like doing at my own pace (and following up with a sauna/steamroom when they're open).

EDs are shit. I did very similar in terms of restricting and then going overboard from late pregnancy onwards - I completely understand your being wary of anything triggering whilst also needing to reach a more 'stable' place where food makes you both healthier and happy;

Being kind to yourself means giving yourself permission to live more healthily, rather than making do with things that aren't making you happy - I wonder if you could be forcing them down because you're punishing yourself in a similar way to punishing yourself by denying yourself food before pregnancy?

You don't have to punish yourself. You're lovely and deserve to know that and that you deserve kindness - from yourself.