@buntingandstarchartsbuntingandstarcharts I'm a bit late to the conversation and you're probably sick of reading replies, but I'm so struck by your message that I'll reply anyway, just in case you are still checking in.
I obviously don't know your husband and therefore can't say whether his conversation with you came from a place of love, respect, and concern or somewhere negative. You're focusing on the message, but when you have had a chance to let it settle, I hope you'll think about your husband's attitude. It sounds like he said what you acknowledge you need to hear, but separate from that message, I think it's important to consider whether he is being supportive or not. If he is not, then I hope you can find an outside person to support you because it sounds like you're quite down on yourself and you don't need a fed-up/angry/vengeful spouse exacerbating that. I'm going to assume here that he is being supportive.
If the shoe were on the other foot and your husband were drinking too much or gaining too much weight or spending too much time in front of the TV, I hope you'd say something. One of the benefits of marriage is to have someone to look out for us. If your husband is coming from a place of support, this is how you need to see his comment and your mother's. You are lucky to have people who are close enough to have these conversations with you. Letting someone hurt herself is not supportive. Focus on the problemthe weightand let go of your embarrassment of the communication. This is what resilience is--being able to move past issues and focus on what needs to be done. If you can develop this skill, it will help you in so many areas of your life.
My weight goes WAY up and way down periodically. I wish I could be like my friends and family and do things in moderation. I'm either running marathons and lifting over 1.5 x what I weigh at the gym or getting no exercise because work is so crazy and gaining a lot of weight. But whatever. It's how I'm wired and my approach is to fix the problem when it gets out of hand!
I spent most of lockdown making cakes to impress my friends on Instagram. When I finally got around to ordering scales a month ago, I sent them back because I thought they must be broken. The replacement pair said the same though! It's frustrating. I have spent the last month on a very strict diet and exercise regime (and was surprised this morning to find I had only lost half the weight I expected), but please notice that I am not hating on myself. What am I going to do about it? Keep going.
I'll give this part its own paragraph because it's important. I am more than my weight and so are you. I'm sure there are other things you enjoy doing--being around your family, for example, your job, whatever hobbies you have. Your weight might be a problem to solve, but it does not define you and it's important to remember that everyone has problems.
Don't get me wrong. Your husband gave you important news for your health, happiness, and marriage. If it takes a while to solve the problem, it's no big deal. If you can make an effort, then that will be good for your marriage because you'll be spending time having fun with your husband and he'll see you're trying. Get him involved in supporting you with food too. It isn't going to be helpful if you're chugging a Slimfast for dinner while he is eating ice cream.
I repeat. This is one of MANY aspects of your life. It's one of life's many problems and it is unhealthy to let it take over your sense of who you are. I forget who said this--maybe Chrissy Teigen? We don't have to love our bodies, but we do have to accept them!