Contemplating bariatric surgery.... advice?

[Seriouslyconfused3]

Hi as the title states I am contemplating a gastric sleeve. I am a serial yo yo dieter and my metabolism is fucked. I have pcos and have tried Xenical, saxenda etc- successful until I stop using and the weight piles back on.

I’ve seen an endocrinologist and he said that, in his opinion, sometimes surgery is the only viable option. I’d be paying for it myself as I don’t quite meet the nhs criteria yet.

I’m miserable- I don’t lose weight unless I starve myself ie 600 calories a day and then I’m even more unhappy. I’m worried about my health in the long term, but then the prospect of surgery scares me too.

Any advice from those who have been there before?

@Sofasogood1 so we could self isolate for the two weeks before the op. It’s mandatory I believe

Oh god what a pain. I would either lie (maybe not) or send your DP and DC to live with family for a couple of weeks. Or rent a super cheap airbnb... Or confine yourself to one room?!

As much as I’d love the break my children wouldn’t handle me being away very well not for two weeks

Hi Everyone!

I have been following this thread with interest. I had decided I was going to go through with sleeve surgery back in February but it was the start of covid, so I delayed.

I am trying to decide where to go.

Here's my choices: 1) Local clinic, involves one hour of travel and 1 night stay but costs the most at 11,500.
2) Clinic 6 hours away - would require 1 day to get there taking 2 trains, 3 nights hotel, 1 in hospital, costs 8500 incl travel. I would have to see if my judgemental XH would look after things while I'm gone -- two teens and two big dogs!
3) Overseas - great clinics but involves taxis, going through major airports, hotel stays, XH supervising at home if he's avail -- costs 4000-6000.

Thanks for reading anyone who does It's helping me to write it out. It's hard for me to justify paying double for something. I am 47 though and so so sick of being fat and always hungry.

Anyone want to give their opinion on my options? I don't have anyone else to bounce this off of...

@foolsand Hi! How much does £3k mean to you? If you have the money spent it on the easiest option. If you don't, save it and go for option 2. I wouldn't consider surgery abroad but plenty do. I think it's that simple.

@Foolsand Support & confidence in the team carrying out the procedure plus the support they provide you afterward is key. If you feel as comfortable with all those across the 3 scenarios you’ve outlined (& you can persuade XDH to step up) then, personally, I wouldn’t spend any more than I really needed to!

Thanks sofa

I think that's why I had to write it out. 11000 is a lot of money for me and there are a lot of other things that it could be used for. 8500 is a lot of money for me...
I struggle knowing that if my BMI was a bit higher I could qualify for public health care surgery, but that would require me to really stuff my face and get even worse.
My GP referred me to an endocrinologist as I didn't qualify for the surgery but the appointment isn't until October and I don't even know what he would do?

monkeys most of them have just remote aftercare. The overseas clinic seems to have the best, ironically, as they are sort of 'renowned' but currently travel is restricted to non-essential only and they are worried patients won't get through currently.

I am trying to justify it by the fact that I had to buy a car last year for 20K so isn't my health worth that?

If there was no covid it would have been overseas, no doubt.....

@foolsand you'll be waiting forever if you decide to go down the nhs route. Personally for me I couldn't bear it. From seriously considering it to operation was six weeks for me (pre crazy Covid world). I wouldn't ever consider surgery abroad for safety reasons but I have a friend lined up for it and she's confident all will be well.

Personally I would save the £3k and stay in the UK and go for the least convenient option here. Short term pain for long term gain. You'll need the money for new clothes.
But I would also scrimp on the hotel stays. Is 3 nights really necessary?
I got the tube and train and a taxi home after my op (2 nights in hospital). It was ok.
You definitely need the night before as you need to be in early. Do you really need two nights after?

If you have two teens then they can sort the dogs and cook oven pizzas for themselves. I really don't think you should consider the family situation in this - it's literally a couple of days Vs the rest of your life.

I considered aftercare, but realistically you know within hours if something with the surgery has gone 'wrong'. I paid £1k for an aftercare package that has been pretty pointless to be honest. If you're keen on making it work and looking after yourself I'm not sure what value it adds.

Regarding the unsupportive partner - he will come around.

And on cost - the hospital is the most expensive bit. Choose a good value one that has good emergency care and good hygiene. Nothing else matters. Like I said upthread I think a friend had it done add went to a fancier hospital than me. It cost her an extra £5k to go to a hospital frequented by rich Arabs in central London who mainly go there for cosmetic plastic surgery. It really really doesn't matter if the hospital looks prettier or has a fancy chef!!

Oh sorry it's an XH rather than partner. Well my opinion stays the same. Tell him you're going for an op and it's none of his damn business what it's for.

MonkeysandParrots

Thank you so much for sharing your surgery journey - sounds like you're doing really well. I'm so surprised at how little pain relief you've needed and that you've been able to drink water.

I've arranged my pre op assessment today and I've had an email from a dietitian - does anyone know if I HAVE to have the dietician appointment? If not, it's £250 I'd rather save.

Depends on your supplier Laurie. Some insist on it, mine didn't.

Sounds like everyone is making progress on here now! I’m waiting for a rescheduled date but the clinic have been really lovely about it. They did offer me an alternative but it wasn’t suitable due to childcare

Feels like such a rollercoaster of emotions this whole process- and I’ve had such a run of bad luck

sofas that's the thing about the waiting. You finally reach an desperation point where you are ready to do this after a lot of thought, finally go to your GP to ask for it, find out you will either not qualify or have to wait a long time and look to go private.

As for leaving my teens for a few days, they have behaviour issues and mental health issues....I don't know why the one clinic wants patients to stick around for 3 nights after and some don't?
I'm talking with the 'expensive' surgeon on zoom today. I will see what he says....

@Foolsand I struggle with a long stay too. One of my dc has developmental problems too and would struggle away from me for any longer than a night or two max

@Foolsand what did the expensive guy say?

@LaurieFairyCake My Consultant insisted on a dietician & psychologist appointment also - at least it was via zoom I guess.

@Seriouslyconfused3 do you think they might have any chance of a cancellation? Really hope something gets sorted for you this week.

As for me, think I might have got a bit excited yesterday and done too much because, boy, I was sore this morning around the largest wound (the one they pull the stomach out of). I’ve taken it easier today and it’s feeling much better. Still doing ok food wise, yoghurt, soup, milk etc., and I don’t feel at all hungry. I think head hunger is real though, caught myself prowling around the kitchen around 5ish thinking I was hungry ... I wasn’t thou, I was just bored and, typically, I would have eaten my way through that. Personally, I suspect that’s going to be my biggest challenge, the ongoing requirement of staying alert and questioning myself every time I reach for something, make sure the mindless eating doesn’t come back as and when I get complacent. @Sofasogood1 how do you deal with that?

Monkeys - how big is the largest wound? The one they pull your stomach out of 😱
I've got visions of caesarean scars!

I do HAVE to have the dietician appt - it is online. Just about to pay for it.

I think the psychological thoughts about eating can take a little work - must be so great to not feel actual hunger though.

I think everyone is different @Monkeys. I've largely gone off sweet stuff which helps. I had the procedure knowing it was a tool not a magic bullet, and understanding food may always be an issue for me. I'm only a year in. I can't imagine where I'll be in another year let alone ten.

And the wounds are very small! Mine have faded, not that they'd be that noticeable anyway on my stretch mark covered saggy tummy (nothing some big knickers doesn't sort out)

This is a bit of a mad question but it's my own personal fear. I think I'm going to need some sort of pre-med so I relax a bit before the surgery.

I'm proper terrified of general anaesthetic - and I don't mean I'm a bit scared but will walk into an operating theatre. I mean I'm worried I will wrestle the mask off and make a run for it as I'm scared of dying

Did you have a pre-med Sofas?

I think op, it may be a good decision for many people and there aren't many I have heard saying they regret it . It isn't for me though . I could not contemplate spending the rest of my life thinking about what I can and can't eat and also taking vitamins to get the nutrients I need.

I have worked hard over the last 20 years to reduce my binging and to stabilise my weight at a manageable leavel. I currently weigh 105kg which is a BMI of 36 but since I have been in the BMI category of 42+ many times in my life I feel ok at this weight . I exercise regularly and I eat a ( usually) healthy diet which is the right amount for the weight I am at ( it must be since I am not gaining weight)

. I have not put on or gained any significant amount of weight for 18 months which a massive progress for me. I feel like I have learned loads about how to keep your weight stable without obsessing about food .

I am currently trying to lose a little bit to take me under a BMI of 35 and it is making me obsess about food a bit more than I would like and major weight loss is not happening but I am surprisingly ok with it . In the past , unsuccessful weight loss attempts sent me into a spiral or negative emotions and bingeing . I do know.howver that if it weren't for the external pressure to lose weight re covid and all the other things people love to scare us with , I'd be perfectly happy eating and exercising as I am and to stay at this weight or near it . The thought of living with a gastric sleeve or bypass and how it affects your eating makes me sad , I don't want that. I appreciate my ideas are probably skewed though as most people I have heard of don't seem to regret it.

@lauriefairycake No I didn't. I was terrified though! I felt extremely anxious, about the operation itself but also living with it after. DP was also not terribly keen on me doing it which added to the anxiety. I cried pretty much from the night before, going to the hospital, throughout the morning and right up until I was knocked out! They'll be very reassuring and you'll be fine. Woke up no longer feeling anxious or scared and no more tears!

That's great Sofas - thank you for sharing that. Is your DP on board now?

He sure is. He was worried our favourite hobby (cooking and going to restaurants!) would be ruined. He also didn't understand why I was taking such a drastic step and not just exercising more and eating less... He's never struggled with his weight and can shed pounds easily if he ever sticks a couple on. He'd only known me two years and hasn't seen me struggling with my weight for the 20 years previously...

We cook together now, and eat the same meals (I eat less of course and as he's vegetarian I sometimes have my portion with some fish for the protein). We go out to restaurants. Sometimes I have a starter or two (wouldn't finish two but I like the variety), or we choose tapas/sharing type places. It's never been a problem.

To the pp who said they can't imagine worrying about what they eat all the time - it's so much easier than the diet and effort you describe. DP just went out to the shops and brought me back a bacon sandwich. I would never have eaten that before whole trying to diet. It's a proper treat of course - i would usually have fruit and yogurt or eggs - but I worry so much less about it now. I had half, am full and will save the rest for tomorrow (I know it's better fresh but hate waste!) For lunch it's sushi. Dinner is a trip to the pub with girlfriends. I'll have a wine and something fish/meat starter with salad or veg.

Oh and take measurements! I did waist, thigh, upper arms. I regret not measuring my calves. I've always had such a thing about them and still think they look fat in comparison to the rest of me... But they must be slimmer??

It's amazing when you see your waist go from 135cm to 87cm!! That's a foot and a half of fat gone.