I can't bring myself to do it!

[Blastandbollocks]

I'm overweight. Technically obese, but with decent posture so I don't look it - just "cuddly" as a pupil described me.

Part of the issue is food - DH is 6ft 2" and eats appropriate to his size (well, okay, probably a bit too much) but makes me the same size of portion.

Due to childhood issues, I always clear my plate (food=love, so not eating means I'm rejecting that person) but I'm now addressing this and have talked to him about it.

So, now it's the exercise bit. And I cannot bring myself to do it. It's not time (lockdown has proved that), it's the fact that I HATE exercise. I've tried most things and it's the feeling of sweat, the having to put on different clothes and then shower after - I just can't be bothered. Plus the fact that I'm overweight and unfit, so when the exercise video says "do xxxxx" I just can't - and then I lose motivation.

How do I break this mindset? Is there an equivalent "how to motivate for exercise" Paul McKenna?!

I started by walking, I really enjoy it as it's time to myself and I'm nosey so can haveca look at people's gardens and decor as I go by. I wore my fitbit and it gave me the motivation to go out daily. From there I built it up to c2k5

Yes, start with walking. You get the added benefit of getting some sunshine on your skin- important for boosting vitamin D levels. You can gradually increase pace/distance and maybe after a while start running.

To be honest you don’t have to exercise to lose weight. It helps to tone you and burns off some calories but diet is mainly responsible for weight gain.

The great thing about starting at an obese weight is that with the correct changes weight loss is more noticeable and that’s a good motivator.

I’d chat with DH about portion size, get my fitness pal app and as suggested walk but at a good pace rather than a stroll.

Yeah agree with the others. You don’t really need to do sweaty exercise classes to lose weight. Walking and diet would be a great start. Good luck!

I don't even like walking
My weight is mainly held on hips and thighs, so when I walk, they rub and it is very uncomfortable.

I know I'm going to have to bite the bullet, but I think I'm just scared. Memories of being laughed at when I was at school because I have a fair complexion and went red even when I was fit.

Might try getting up stupidly early so no one is about.

Don’t worry about the exercise just now. I lost nearly 3.5s a few years ago and for the first couple of months I did no exercise. What I then found was that I was actively wanting to do some exercise as the weight came off so I started cycling. A couple of months after that, I decided to join a gym so I could use the exercise bikes when it was raining too hard to cycle outdoors. Then I somehow found myself trying some of the classes out of curiosity and I just kept at it all.

I hate exercise (except hill walking hill walking but I rarely get to do that). I hate every minute I’m doing it but I love how I feel after it and it does make a big difference for toning. But you definitely don’t need to do it to lose weight.

Wicked is right, especially if your home life is quite active. I lost quickly (without even meaning to, I did it for health which works too ) by giving up a daily coffee . also beginning to do food combining.

This really works it's not eating high proteins with carbs at the same meal. So salmon with green beans\spinach etc etc. Your carbs with with salad but no cheese or eggs, have those separately with salads too. Olive oil\lemon dressing is you friend not mayo!!!

I eat fruit for breakfast ,not with cereals, on an empty stomach (not for dessert) That is bloody effective!!!

Download the fitness chef book THE FITNESS CHEF: Eat What You Like & Lose Weight For Life - The Infographic Guide to the Only Diet that Works

Or James Smith Not a diet book

Both just explain calories in V calories out. I wouldnt bother with exercising at this stage unless you want to. I would set yourself a goal of a 15min walk a day. Increase by 5 mins every week until you're at about 45 mins. I find more intense exercise just makes me hungry so no use when losing fat. If you like big portions just swap out some elements for lower calories.

Small portions. Lose mayo and oily dressings. Olive oil and lemon is good BUT I'm talking about a teaspoon of olive oil! I count calories and allow myself 1200 when I'm losing weight, 1600 when I'm maintaining my weight. Get some weighing scales and use them the same time every week wearing nothing. When the weight comes down and you feel more comfortable start walking. Then walk dome more! I would also suggest that you do this with your partner. That you both commit to eating healthy. Lots of veggies and salad. Fruit as a desert. One day a week (mine is Saturday) when you are allowed to eat anything you want. But only on that day. That helps psychologically. I lost 4.5 stone last year

You could do some low impact exercise. Walking has already been suggested. You don't have to get hot and sweaty or go through the whole change once then change shower and get dressed rigmarole.

What music do you like ? Could you find some You Tube exercise channels that have straight forward low impact exercise to tunes you like ? Or at least recognise ?

I do a couple of seated exercise work outs because I'm significantly overweight and I don't want to stress my dodgy knee.

I then go on to standing exercises which either have or specify no jumping. I get lots done without jarring my knee.

You could try this seated workout if you would like to:
www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL8F161074E97A6E9D

Well, I've downloaded the MFP app - and have logged my meals for today on a 1200 calorie diet. Fresh fruit and veg is a bit of an issue with lockdown - I'm a picky eater and (due to a removed gallbladder) I have to be careful what I do and don't eat. My diet is carb heavy (I know that isn't great), but it's been discussed with a dietician, so it's just potion control I think.
Might try for a walk this evening with DS if work allows.

Well done op 🙂.

joystir I lost well over 3 stone without counting calories or weighing food at all. Some people find it a pain to do and it's not necessary. Olive oil is a health food (doctors in Italy prescribe it for heart attack patients) and it doesn't need to be reduced, I have it instead of butter or spreads.

The Food Combining way of eating is brilliant because of NOT counting calories. You can also look at Paul Mackenna's (I Can Make You Thin) I don't like the title but it's a very good, mindful way of look ing at how, when and where we eat. Rather than a diet.

Buy a smaller plate for you - in a set that matches your DH's? (Then make sure that your serving looks like his but is in proportion with the new plate? ) I hate counting - this approach works for me. (Live in house with two very tall and very active men!)

Exercise I started at gym and walking. I still can’t walk far but better than nothing.

Can you serve yourself then at least what is on your plate is the correct amount.

Losing weight is 90% what you eat.
Stop making excuses, childhood clearing the plate?? you are not a child.
DH giving you the same sized portions??, take half off.

Make yourself as meal plan, or follow one, l like the Louise Parker method, book on amazon.

Remove all temptation from the house, have a cupboard with your allowable food and snacks, ensure no one else eats it . Make your meals from your plan.

I did this and lost 2 stone a couple of years ago, in 10 weeks,( I was not obese but had 2 stone to lose) and lots of minor health niggles went away too. Joint aches, bloating, eratic mood.
But my plan was mostly small amounts of lean meat, lots of vegetables and no sugar. Nothing processed at all.
Tackle the food first, ditch 80% of the carbs, sugar and processed crap and the weight will melt away, replace with limited nuts and fruit, lots of vegetables, and you can lose a pound a day without compromising your health. ( In fact it should improve it)

Good luck.

Well you’ve made a start.

The rest is excuses

I cook for 6ft3 DH + two tall teen boys. Portion sizes are crazy. I just have half of what they have + more veg

There is no need for DH to dish up for you, at all. That is just a habit that can be changed. Don’t beg him to give you less. Just put food on your plate yourself

As to exercise, start small, a bit is better than nothing

Cycling shorts on to stop the rub. I promise you it's doable. A small amount every day and the overwhelming pride when you lose even a small amount is amazing.

I was going to suggest cycling shorts or capri leggings under your clothes to stop the chaff. They are a must! I totally get you on how irritating it is to have change clothes and shoes to do exercise. But you can wear your normal, comfy clothes with cycling shorts under for long walks.
I don't want to overload you with diet ideas, as that isn't what you are looking for, but when you are ready, you could look into 16:8 intermittent fasting. There's a thread on MN.

I wear capri or full length leggings to keep my flab under control when exercising.

I am well aware that I am not a child, however a mindset that was drilled into me for 19 years is not easy to overcome. As for the excuses, I am making them - but (as anyone who has had gallbladder removal can tell you) eating the wrong thing causes serious issues - cucumber can have me glued to the toilet for days.

The weight creep has been gradual, and the menopause has put a lid on it. I have been able to ignore things for a while, but now I'm going to try to fix it.

@Blastandbollocks - good going on taking the first step.

It isn't easy but can be done.

There is much good advice on here - even though it isn't all the same :). Successful weight-loss seems to be a very personal thing. It is certainly connected to life experience and your health and probably personality too. One plan is never going to work for everyone.

Universally: weight loss is mostly down to how you eat.

Exercise is good because it fills up time when you might be eating AND it can lift your spirits. It helps make you feel healthy.

Apparently fast loss plans work for some people. I found that I can do it on various 'diets' for about 12 weeks but then have had enough and slip back to old ways of accumulating.

I have found that will-power runs out. It cannot be a life-plan.

The trick seems to be to find a way of living and eating that works long-term (so takes account of high-days and holidays - horrible shocks- great celebrations and all real parts of life) and leads to a slow but real downward trend.

You have a good goal.

As you have seen, something has to change or the slow/steady weight increase will continue.

You know yourself best. You start with particular challenges and recognise these.

What can you not change?
That leaves what you can live with in the new life you have ahead.

Well, it's only one day but my MFP said 1200 to lose. And (without logging any exercise, and I have it set at very low movement/no exercise) I came in 79 under even when I was logging the higher calorie values to ensure I wasn't cheating and not logging things like housework (cleaning windows which always requires a bit of contortionism).

Did feel quite empty, but not hungry so that's a bonus. I know it's only one day, and I have masses to go, but I'm feeling a bit more in control.

And I've now done about 4 TDEE calculators which all put me in the 1700-1800 range to maintain.

Therefore if I go over the 1200 on the odd day - I think it'll be a Saturday when I've made focaccia and we usually split a bottle of wine between us (so 250ml glass) then provided I'm not going daft, I'm not going to stress about it.

This is going to be lifestyle not weightloss.

Wildheart Weight loss is a personal thing, we're all different, we respond to certain foods and lifestyles in varying ways.

I found the worst thing was having 'prescribed' calories for every day. BUT having Paul Mackenna suggest I eat SLOWLY, when I'm properly hungry really enjoying the taste of the food and not in front of a screen. Worked very well for me , it also is a more natural way of eating. But it's up to the individual of course.

Blastand You are so right about how we were treated as children in regards to food is an unconscious, but nevertheless very real way we feel about eating. right through our lives. It takes strength of mind to be aware of it and even more to do anything about it Good luck

Paul Mackenna says "Are you a member of the empty plate club?" Such an unpleasant way to bring children up but a very common one.