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My 9 yr old DD just admitted she thinks I'm fat

33 replies

fatpsychobitch · 19/08/2007 21:06

I am absolutely devastated.

I have issues with my weight, and wish that I was about 4 stone lighter and several dress sizes smaller, but I really didn't want my DD to be so aware of size and weight and stuff already.

Feeling so depressed and crappy and have been on antidepressants due to lack of self esteem for so long. This just feels like the final nail in the coffin.

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beansprout · 19/08/2007 21:13

You poor thing, that sounds harsh. But remember, these days, a size 12 is "fat", and the hideous images she will see around these days will reinforce that, so in her world, a grown woman with an average figure, is "big". It's a crazy, mixed up world.

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crokky · 19/08/2007 21:17

I am sure a 9 yo would have come into contact with stupid phrases like "size 0" and all that crazy nonsence. I woudn't take her comments personally and I think most 9 year olds have been exposed to too much body image stuff.

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mamama · 19/08/2007 21:20

I'm sorry.

Children tend to be brutally honest and what a 9yr old girl sees as big is not necessarily what the rest of us see... as beansprout said, your dd is exposed to images of scarily thin women - most of us are going to be fat compared with the pictures she sees.

Try not to take it to heart - I know it's hard when you have low self-esteem and feel depressed anyway. You know it doesn't mean she loves you less.

I wish I could say something more comforting, but I'm never good with words. {{hug}} instead.

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KerryMumbledore · 19/08/2007 21:22

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fatpsychobitch · 19/08/2007 22:52

There have been more and more comments about how crappy I look recently (and I know that she is 9 (well almost 9) and means no malice but by god do they hurt).

We went to see the Bratz movie today (a Girlie day for just us) and since her comment, I have tried to explain to her that not all girls are naturally that size.

She knows who Victoria Beckham is and tried to explain that size 0 is a smaller size than she is now and not natural for a fully grown woman, which she seemed to understand.

But apparently I am still fat in her eyes (and yes I expect in the eyes of the generaly population too, and definately in my eyes !

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KerryMumbledore · 19/08/2007 22:55

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fatpsychobitch · 19/08/2007 22:59

I'm really trying to do something about it.

I start every day on a diet (slimming world cause I am a veggie who is addicted to carbs). But by the time dinner time comes around I am too tired to use my free gym membership, and end up with a bottle of wine and food.

Not always, but then on the days I am exceptionally good I see no weight loss, which makes me more depressed.

I need support, and I am getting none.

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Bubble99 · 19/08/2007 22:59

If you want to, come and join me over on the 'weight loss threads.' I can't do links, but it's the one starting w/c 13th August, so we've only been going for a week.

I've got over 4 stones to lose, so you'll be in good company.

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fatpsychobitch · 19/08/2007 23:00

Thanks Bubble99, may well do that.

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Bubble99 · 19/08/2007 23:00

It does help if you try with other people.

BTW. I have a bit of a wine thing, too.

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KerryMumbledore · 19/08/2007 23:01

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Bubble99 · 19/08/2007 23:02

Oh, and DS2 asked today why my tummy is so big and wobbly.

AND I've been asked three times in the last three weeks when my 'baby is due.'

My 'baby' is nearly one.

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TotalChaos · 19/08/2007 23:06

ditch the wine, it's dragging you down mentally. or if you really must, alternate with softs, or add a load of lemonade to a small amount. and you don't expect to see results day to day, more on a week by week basis.

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Spidermama · 19/08/2007 23:13

Bubble I know how you feel. An old colleague at work who I haven't seen for about eight years turned up the other day and I told him I have four kids now and he said, 'Ooh and another on the way?' pointing to my stomache.

I wasn't like this even a year ago. I've never been a dieter as I've never felt the need -- until now.

FPB maybe I'll see you on the weight loss threads. I have to do something as it's begining to get me down.

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Spidermama · 19/08/2007 23:14

I agree about the wine. It gets you down in the long run even though you crave it at the time.

Not that I've managed to stop it either ...

< Sips her wine >

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aloha · 19/08/2007 23:18

When you say 'admitted', did you ask her or did she just say it out of the blue?
If you asked her then I'd suggest she was being honest and it wasn't really sensible to ask. If she just said it out of the blue, why did she say it? And how - crossly, worried about you?
Children are aware of size. Doesn't mean they don't love you whatever you look like though.

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3andnomore · 19/08/2007 23:21

hmm...I know this will come across as truely harsh, but we know our Kids are exposed to this, and we may also at times air our own frustration about our own size.....but, you do say, in your op that you actually are overweight, so, I wonder if it was just pure and innocent observation?
I know this will sound nasty...but bascially, my Kids tell me that I have a fat tummy, possibly partly becasue I joke about it, but I joke about it because it's true...my tummy is fat in my proportions and I suppose my Kids have picked up on it!
Don't think they love or value me any less

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Bubble99 · 19/08/2007 23:23

SM. For me the catalyst for wanting to do something about my weight, was the birth of DS4.

I've got a strong family history of heart disease and stroke and I looked at my four boys and thought how sad and crap it will be if I die in my 40's and leave them all motherless.

Also, nearly all of my fat is around my middle, which is apparently an indicator of future heart problems.

I would also like to be able to just put on some clothes, instead of struggling to find anything that I look half-decent in.

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divastrop · 19/08/2007 23:30

damn..i just typed a long post then hit the wrong key.d'oh.

basically,i was going to say,my almost 9 yaer old dd has said similar to me in the past.

however,i think you may need to deal with your depression first and you may find the weightloss happens on its own when you start to get better.

are you on ad's that cause weight gain?if so why not ask your doctor to change it?doesnt sound like they are helping much anyway.and are you having any councelling/therapy?ad's dont really do much on their own.

i made the mistake of thinking i would be happy if i lost weight many times,then i would feel like a failure when i ate a cake or something cos i felt bad,it was a vicious circle.

i have found that deciding to eat healthily to improve my mood(have been suffering from pnd)has been more effecive than going on a diet.i dont feel like a failure if i have a 'bad day'.

you are more likely to lose weight when you feel better,then feel better when you lose weight IME.

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fatpsychobitch · 20/08/2007 10:49

I have not felt better for a very long time, and the more depressed I get the more I eat and drink. I am pathetic I know and just feel like I have had enough of everything today.

PMT not helping either!

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bedtime · 20/08/2007 11:38

i know exactly how you feel ,my worst is crisps and choccy on a night ,i can go all day without eating(wrong i know) but with 4 kids if i can keep them still its a chance to get something done.my little girl who is just 4 often asks me if i am having another baby cause of my belly .i am not normally to bad in week when i am just mum but utterly gutted when we are going for a night out and i just feel so uncomfortable with me.

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KerryMumbledore · 20/08/2007 12:20

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Meid · 20/08/2007 12:29

My six year old has said the same to me on more than one occassion. And she's right, I'm fat. It does hurt when the one person who should see you as perfect points out your fault.

What I have done with her is look at lots of different pictures of women and point out all the different shapes and sizes and discuss that thin isn't 'normal' - there is no 'normal', we are all individuals.

Hope this helps.

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MrsMarvel · 20/08/2007 12:35

I have always been open and honest with my daughter about my weight. I don't expect support or sympathy from her. She has a great healthy eating attitude acquired from school and I try to support her with her healthy choices.

When I say "I'm fat", it's not a statement of emotion, it's a statement of fact. I am (not huge, but 2 stones over). I don't want to be fat, I'll be glad when I lose it, and the light is always somewhere at the end of the tunnel. When the subject comes up, my daughter says "no, you're not fat" - I say yes I am a bit, but it's ok.

I agree with KMD - don't buy it and you can't eat it. Also, don't buy it for the kids either.

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amidaiwish · 20/08/2007 13:23

i am size 10 yet DD1 said to me when changing for swimming the other day - "you've got a fat tummy"

you can't take it to heart. and kerrymum is talking a LOT of sense.

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