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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

My 9 yr old DD just admitted she thinks I'm fat

33 replies

fatpsychobitch · 19/08/2007 21:06

I am absolutely devastated.

I have issues with my weight, and wish that I was about 4 stone lighter and several dress sizes smaller, but I really didn't want my DD to be so aware of size and weight and stuff already.

Feeling so depressed and crappy and have been on antidepressants due to lack of self esteem for so long. This just feels like the final nail in the coffin.

OP posts:
fatpsychobitch · 20/08/2007 16:12

I actually have a gym membership (was free) and I try to go there a few times a week, but I am just so tired all the time at the moment (have just had a blood test to see if there is a medical reason but I doubt it).

Am a childminder so have lots of days at the park and stuff, weather permitting. But I live in a very hilly area and pushing the double pram to the shop and back nearly kills me, and with 3 toddlers is difficult to walk too far anyway as one of them has to walk and it takes forever.

Lost all my baby weight and more last year, and in June 06 I was the thinest I have been since had DD. But then the depression kicked in big time and was put on Prozac (again, came off it when pregnant with DS now 18 months), and slowly since then I have gained 2 1/2 stone.

Have just had meds changed by doctor as was trying to come off them due to the weight gain, but moods became irrational and was really depressed again.

Stupid thing is all depression is related to self esteem and if I could lose weight surely I would feel somewhat better (provided I could stay on meds as clearly being thinner didn't help last summer).

Anyway, enough of my rant!

OP posts:
Kathyis6incheshigh · 20/08/2007 16:23

Fatpsychobitch, pleeeeease change your name!
I hate having to call someone that, even if it is a joke. And it's really difficult to spell 'psycho.'
If you have self-esteem issues, little things like MN names can add up to how you feel about yourself. Call yourself something like Lovelybusymumto3toddlers to remind yourself of the good stuff!

MrsMarvel · 20/08/2007 17:36

Try not to worry about your weight, it sounds like you need to keep your spirits up above all else. Try to find a support network - MN is one of those, but real people are better. Happy mum means happy family. So focus on that, don't worry about your weight. Take the meds as needed, once your depression is dealt with I'm sure your weight will come down.

Also, get as much sleep as you can.

fatpsychobitch · 20/08/2007 18:07

Only 1 of the toddlers is mine, the others are mindees! During the day I am generally too busy to think about much. (Get to have a quick look on here at nap times!)

Sleep would be wonderful! Unfortunately DS is still not sleeping through the night!!! Is still in our room for that reason (he will be sharing) which probably doesn't help but can't have him waking SS all the time!

When toddlers were asleep and DD and SS were busy upstairs today, had about an hour of daydreaming! Me in a nice posh hotel room on my own for the weekend! Noone wanting anything from me or asking me to do things! Just me in a big fluffy dressing gown, a gigantic bed, old movies to watch, and room service when required!!!! Bliss!!!!

OP posts:
MrsMarvel · 21/08/2007 13:09

Hello, you still haven't changed your name I notice.

So you're expecting another baby? How old is your oldest?

I'm thinking about the sleep thing - it could be that lack of sleep is adding to depression / general fed-upness.

OrmIrian · 21/08/2007 17:23

To the OP (I also refuse to use your nickname as I can't beleive you are really either of those things )

Try for one week to cut out the booze, drink litres of water and go to the gym. Your membership is doing nothing but hurting your bank account otherwise. And see how you feel at the end of the week. I feel fairly sure you will be more motivated to make more changes. Doing everything from a standing start when you feel as low as you do is nigh in impossible.

HorseyWoman · 29/08/2007 16:13

I know this thread is a week or so old, but I have just got back from my holiday and couldn't resist replying to this, as I do have some experience of it.

I was a nanny until recently, as I had to leave to begin teacher training in September. All my life I've been the biggest, tallest, most developed child. Never fat until 18 months ago when I nearly died from pneumonia, followed by a severe bout of mental illness where I was admitted. I have been on so many meds and seen counsellors, hypnotherapists, all sorts. Finally, at around xmas, 6 months after finishing my degree, I felt ready for full time work again. I had postponed the start of my ITT for a year and so found work as a full time nanny, which helped me regain routine and activity, although all their food (which was there for me too) was full fat. The only thing it did do was help my fitness - despite gymming and swimming, my fitness was not getting back to what it was before (and it was very good), but it was because I wasn't working. The kids were never nasty but when I first started working there, the middle one was obsessed with my tummy and the baby inside it and when it was coming out; the oldest one always used to say 'don't get any fatter will you?', and they all used to poke my tummy and make comments. But I didn't take offence really, because I know I am very fat since being ill, I know I have been through a lot and I know children mean no malice - they just say what they see, inncoently!

I do take offence at other grown-ups and teens saying stuff under their breath to each other, laughing, staring, treating me as if I am thick. I got a top level degree, top grade A levels and top grade GCSEs and have always been considered very intelligent. None of these people know who we are or how we got to where we are, and so they have no right to make judgements; but as humans, that is what we do all the time. Fat people are seen as lazy sloths, which for me is nothing further than the truth. I am always active with horses, swimming, cycling, all sorts. But during my teens I was bulimic, and since then have been ill - while I was ill I was housebound and was so unfit that at my then age of 22, I could bearly walk through pain and lack of breath!

Anyway, I've recently had hypnotherapy and it has changed my attitude to food: I no longer snack and I eat when I am hungry, not at meal times if I don't want to. I eat what I want but only when I need to. I have continued my activity, and last week we went on holiday to Gran Canaria, with my mum. The two journeys there and back involved lots of walking (gatwick!!!), and we had to drink lots of water out there, plus, instead of doing lengths for 45 minutes, I was in the pool practically all day every day, and then would also swim in the sea. And being a fast, strong swimmer, I did quite a lot of swimming. I ate what I wanted - in the Italian I had carbonara twice (plates stacked high), I had egg fried rice and sweet and sour chicken in the chinese and we even had a mexican. I always ha puddings and a baileys or two with my meal, and sometimes even had a starter - garlic bread or prawn crackers; I drank sangria/champagne, shandies, cooked breakfasts, baguettes and crisps for lunch. But I also ate plenty of fruit and drank plenty of juice as well as water. I've come back and clothes that were digging in before I went away, are falling down. We went to the solicitor's office yesterday, and my smart skirt (the only one I own yet), which was digging in round the tummy before, was falling down when I walked!

So my message is: forget fads (and believe me, I am the queen of fads having had bulimia!), just go for eating what you want when you want, stopping when full and plenty of fruit, veg and water into the mix. Try to eat healthily most of the time but don't deny yourself a treat. Just really up the activity if you can. I have always been active and thought I did plenty, but seeing the effects of the activity I did last week, has really made me see I need to vary the intensity and length of my workouts and do more, like hikes at weekends, swim for longer, take running back up.

Good luck. You are not as fat as me by the sounds of it! I was a size 16-18 for my wedding, which at 5'9" was a nice size and I looked good. I am broadly built and ample chested and that size for me is my ideal. Before I met hubby when I was 18, I had gone up to a loose 20, but soon lost it through exercise and more control over the bulimia. During uni (2003-2006) I went from the 16-18 to a size 22, and when I was ill last year I went up to a tight 28. I am now back to a tight 26, but it really is dropping quickly now I am in control. What family and friends think does matter, but only a small amount, and what strangers think... well, they can bog off frankly. I find it very sad that so many people have been brainwashed by the size 0 society. Maybe it passed me by because I was fighting big battles of my own at the time; maybe there is time for me to be afflicted yet. Whatever happens, I know size 0 is yuk, I also know size 26 is yuk. Healthy is individual.

Gosh this is long; if you got through it, well done!!!

HorseyWoman · 29/08/2007 16:19

Maybe I was brainwashed by it, having had bulimia. Certainly the counselling uncovered other issues that had led to me having bulimia. The media can be a fantastic resource, but honestly, they are culpable for ruining the lives of so many women on this front.

Accept yourself for what you are now; until that happens nothing will change.

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