Binge Eating Accountability Thread

[LittleMissPlump]

I really hope nobody will mind if I start a thread about Binge Eating Disorder here. It is making me so so miserable - I feel like I’m living half a life and it’s taking me away from my children and husband. I’m hoping that if I can record my thoughts and actions here then perhaps it will help me to make better choices or help me understand why I am doing this to myself. Please feel free to ignore me/give me a hand hold or give me some advice. I’m very interested to hear from fellow sufferers and people who’ve managed to break free from this eating disorder.

Hello I'm Elfride and I'm a binge/secret eater. I don't purge I just eat.
I feel guilty/miserable the whole time I'm bingeing but it's such a compulsion.
I haven't binged since April, and have lost nearly 5 stone, but can't wait for Christmas when I'll have an 'excuse' to binge.
What has helped me change my behaviour this year is telling 2 people- my sister and a close friend who I meet every week for'slimming world at home'. Last time I really felt like a binge I phoned my sister from the supermarket and she talked me down.

Hi everyone, I have not eaten anything today atall which I know in a way sets me up for a fall and a further binge. I just feel I don’t know where to turn, I seem to binge regardless if I eat structured meals, do low carb, fast. I just don’t know what it will take to stop me binge eating.

Eldridge, welcome and that’s great you have been binge free since April. That would be a miracle for me.

Done a 5k tonight, I’m pretty new to running, a couple of months in and don’t seem to be getting any better! Can’t do hills! I’m ok on the flat, I need to persevere but for the girst two miles my head is screaming stop stop!

How has everyone’s day been?

I don't know what label or diagnosis I would come under. But it's been a bad year

And now I'm 3 stone heavier and don't run anymore at all!! Work shifts mean I've dropped out if slimming world where I actually had lost 3 stone..... I can't get in the right frame of mind with Christmas looming either!

You all sound so knowledgeable and know yourselves so well

Oh for goodness sake! Just lost a long post but main point being I’ve spent last night and today binging. Am cross and upset as I had promised I wouldn’t. Am completely disappointed with myself.

Hey guys. Don't know if I come under this umbrella, but I def have an ED, and have done for a long time.
I was overweight my entire adult life, until my marriage started to break down and then I lost a stupid amount of weight in a few months. Since then, my weight yoyos and I can never tell what is normal or not (I am especially crap at judging my own weight.) I tend to be very very strict with food and starve myself, which (horribly) makes me feel happy and contented and in control. I can go for weeks on about 300 cals a day. Then I'll crash and have a binge, and eat everything, especially carbs and sugar, until I feel ill. There is never a good eating day for me- If I have a "normal" day, I feel guilty and fat.

I've been eating very little for the past fortnight or so (very stressful personal life) but yesterday my DP took me out for lunch so I had to eat. I had some toast with avocado, chorizo and a poached egg, which was fine. But then I got home and binged- crappy cheap chocolate, crisps, bread, spoonfuls of peanut butter etc. I am so unused to sugar, the skin on my face was itching with it. So today I feel fat and awful.

Try not to be hard on yourself. The good thing is you've posted here. That should help you draw a line under it and stop the binge. Onwards and upwards :)

LittleMissPlump there is a lovely thread by Sweetheart on quitting dieting which is very helpful. Most of us are bingers and realise that dieting is what caused it in the first place. Lots of links to other blogs and Ted Talks. I have disordered eating and will binge if I think about dieting. I've been non dieting for years and don't gain weight but do eat whatever I want

So grateful for everyone’s contributions and experiences, it really really does help. I’m in tears as I’ve just kept eating and to my shame it has impacted my children tonight as I couldn’t manage to take them to their activities tonight as I’ve eaten so much my stomach hurts. The shame I feel is immense. Elfride can I ask how on earth you have managed 5 months without binging? As a pp said upthread, that is an amazing achievement- something that seems well out of my reach right now. How did you do it???? I hear you Hairytangerine when you say that you binge despite having set meals and eating regularly- I do this too. But I think it’s because like DeeStopia said a ‘normal’ eating day to us feel like a ‘fat day’ so we feel like we’ve failed and so we think ‘fuck it - I might as well eat the whole fucking fridge right now!’ Milliy thanks for pointing me in the direction of the non- dieting thread, I have lurked there for a bit but I am just terrified that I ‘give up dieting’ I’ll still binge and then I’ll pile on even more weight! I’m going to do a bit more reading of the Kathryn Hansen book tonight - especially the bit about adequate eating and get a good nights sleep. Well done to all who haven’t binged today and to those who have, please be kind to yourselves.

LittleMiss but this way isn't working is it? Do you binge because you restrict? If I Diet it inevitably ends in a binge. So if I don't diet but eat all foods I love then I have no need to binge. In the beginning you may eat more because your not used to having and being allowed all your favourite foods but eventually when the novelty wears off you treat all food equally and even end up eating lots of fruit veg

No Milliy my way certainly isn’t working! 😢 Did you found you put weight on in the beginning of giving up dieting and if you did how much?

I didn't put weight on, I stayed the same. If you look on that thread most stay the same despite eating normally. Some days they eat more, others less. I think for now people on the giving up dieting thread are learning how to just eat without thoughts of healthy, diet, clean eating, low carb , slimming world of weight watchers. Most have been in every diet going, lost weight with initial enthusiasm then gained it back and some when they ate forbidden food. Then they binged. Then diet, then binge and do the cycle continues until you are much bigger than before you started trying to control eating. Once you legalise all food as just food then you can concentrate on you more. Food is some people's "drug" of choice which is used to deal with other issues. I know if my mind starts screaming at me to eat then it's pointless to try and stop it. So I don't but as long as I'm not dieting then I only usually have a couple of spoons if icecream or couple of biscuits. When you stop beating yourself up for binges and overeating then you can work on why you do it. Therapy is very good I believe for helping you understand that you have to ignore the bad voice in your head .

There are good books and workbooks you can use on your own. Blogs and TED talks to keep you focused.

i don't even have a bad voice in my head to direct me....it just happens!!

Nomore why do you binge? Do you diet or put good and bad values on foods?

both really

I've done all the discos am so confused now about what to eat etc

i am either on a diet....or,if i eat one thing off plan i just binge ....its all or nothing with me. i go through phases and have had good weight stability in the past. right now, as i know christmas (and christmas food) approaches' just eat badly and end up bingeing

*diets!!!

So you know what causes you to binge-dieting.

I can relate to so so much of what people have posted on here.

A couple of years ago I came across a book “Why do you overeat when all you want is to be slim?”.

It’s starts “You want to be slim more than anything else in the world and yet you find yourself eating things that makes you fat”.

You are determined to stick to a healthy eating plan, but chocolate, crisps and biscuits keep 'talking to you'. The more you try to control your eating, the more out of control you get.

You feel addicted to food, scared, helpless and hopeless.

This book tells you Why you overeat? when all you want is to be slim. It tells you about the three common medical conditions, which are causing your insatiable food cravings.

It will give you the perfect combinations of real food to overcome these three conditions and so to end food addiction and overeating.

It will explain why you eat emotionally, the impact of childhood messages and give you the complete toolkit to transform your relationship with food.

I took it all on board. Lost 1.5 stone. Got a bit complacent. Put it back on. Then re read it and over 12 months I successfully lost 5 stone and got back to the weight I was in my early 20s.

I couldn’t recommend it (Harcombe) more highly.

So your recommending The Harcombe Diet TheDeadlines

I lost 5 stone low carbing

But it's unsustainable, some went back on

I controlled my weight with exercise, but marathon training killed my passion for most of this year ( after London marathon I did 2 half marathons with shocking times)

So now I'm waiting for the new year to start to claw it all back

Yes @Milliy just from personal experience.

REALLY struggling not to binge now. I had one bag of lentil curl crisp thingies, and then had a homemade chocolate biscuits, and usually that leads to "sod it" and eating everything in sight. Feeling all insecure and horrible in my relationship and that doesn't help.
I had a meeting today, and they'd prepared lunch for after. I lied and said I had to leave before lunch because I didn't want to struggle with the bullshit of either not eating or overeating in front of people.

@DeeStopia how are you doing right now?

I'm okay thanks Deadline - thus far, I haven'thad anything extra, which is unheard of really for me. I'm trying to distract myself by cleaning, but DS2 has a friend over tonight and they're having chicken nuggets and I have to not eat any, or I will binge terribly when the kids are in bed. DP not here tonight (which is, in itself, a source of stress and worry.)
Sorry for moaning.

DeeStopia you’re not moaning- far from it. Hopefully, by sharing here, we are all taking comfort from the fact we are not alone in our disordered eating. I’ve tried so hard to explain it to my husband and he doesn’t get it which is not his fault but it is frustrating. Distraction is a great tactic to prevent or stop binging- one that I need to use more myself. Does anyone find that extreme fatigue can lead to binging? I only work part time but it exhausts me and I usually binge in the evenings on the days I work. I spend the next 2 days off recovering and often have to sleep in the day just to feel ok. Just a pattern I’ve noticed and I’m starting to wonder if I’m more tired than I should be at my age (just turned 40).