Spent the weekend with slim people and I now see why I'm overweight

[ChristmasTreeLight]

After having spent the weekend with slim people, it appears that they:

a) don't need as much food to feel full,
I couldn't believe that after X amount of food, they were full - I could have happily carried on eating.

b) can go much longer between meals without eating,
At one point in the afternoon, I was ready to gnaw my arm off, I asked if anyone wanted to stop for a snack (thinking they'd be starving) but no, they were happy to keep going

c) don't crave sweet stuff in the way I do.
I I need sweet things as pudding, I was almost desperate for some chocolate, whereas again they just did not seem to feel that urge.

I am a size 14 and they are 8-10 and now I can see why. It's led me to wonder is it something innate, something physical? Are you just born like that, not to have the appetite or the sweet tooth? Am I simply fighting a losing battle in the vain dream of being a size 10 one day?

AND thereby making pudding a 'reward,' and who doesn't want to be rewarded?

Exactly telling children they get rewarded with a fatty, sugary pudding only if they clear their plate is madness.

Telling them to eat food they dont want or dont have the capacity to eat in order to get an unhealthy dessert reward.....also teaching kids to associate fatty desserts as a reward.

The other thing I noticed on here but which had never occurred to me to do before is people snacking AFTER dinner especially while watching tv. Maybe they eat earlier but I never get hungry after dinner and in any case I brush my teeth after dinner which would put me off snacking.

I used to be obsessed with food but after long term dieting I don't obsess so much. Unfortunately I do obsess over wine so still need to lose weight

OP the other thing I notice is the excuse some overweight people make for overeating like Christmas. Christmas dinner is actually not that unhealthy. A few roast potatoes, lean turkey, sprouts, carrots, parsnips, red cabbage, 1 or 2 pigs in blankets and cranberry sauce. A christmas pud is fruity and rich so you only need a little. I know not everyone has those things but its got out of hand. When did huge tub of Celebrations become a Christmas staple?

Come and stay with me OP. I’m a portly feeder

OP the other thing I notice is the excuse some overweight people make for overeating like Christmas.

It’s not overeating on one day (or an odd meal out) that makes you overweight/obese. It’s what normal eating looks like for you.

I always have three courses when I go out. I eat a massive (veggie) Christmas dinner. But 80% of the time I eat well so a few high calorie/fat meals don’t matter.

I used to work with a short woman (5ft) and she was always battling her weight. I am 5ft 10 and she would compare what we'd eaten. She would say 'why are you so slim and we eat the same' i didn't want to be rude. But to me it was obvious. I was almost a foot taller and wider, i also don't have a sweet tooth so would never have a cake or pudding. I didn't snack etc. I also went to the gym most days.

There was programme where they compared people who thought they ate the same and did the same but were baffled why one was thin and one wasn't. And every episode showed people eating way more than they thought they had. A bit like secret eaters.

Don't get me wrong i do eat loads. But i am massive and athletic and i rarely eat sweets. at the moment i eat about 3k calories a day and am a size 14-10-12. People should never compare themselves to me/others, but work out whats best for them.

is an article from The Scientific American discussing some new evidence for the theories that the gut biome influences our food cravings, and hunger.

It can't do any harm to eat with that theory in mind, after all, given they believe healthy foods encourage a positive bacterial profile?

I know exactly what you mean. The same as you, OP, I was forced to stay at the table by my mother and finish my food. Unfortunately, her portion sizes were too large. Then I was so skint for a couple of years that I lost stones. Consequently, I have no real clue about correct portion sizes, am vaguely panicky about hunger and food waste and always have cupboards full to bursting. I also don't have the time or headspace right now to re-educate myself.

I read this recently and thought it sounded like a much more measured policy approach: www.rte.ie/lifestyle/living/2017/0529/878660-tackling-ireland-s-obesity-crisis-the-lifestyle-show/

That's pretty much it.

There was that documentary where they followed slim people around to find their 'secret'. One key was no emotional eating. They ate - they didn't keep eating to feel happy. So even if they had one blowout meal, they simply self regulated and ate a little less later on without realising it. There was no mindless snacking.

The more you eat, the more your stomach is stretched. Imagine you feel full when you hit the sides. I got ill once and ate very little for two weeks. My stomach shrank and for the next two weeks I would feel full after small amounts of food. I got back to 'normal' quite fast but thankfully not beyond. And now, I can get into habits of eating less, and then I need less.

You just have to make a commitment and stick to it. You'll adjust.

ChristmasTreeLight, if you get anything out of your weekend with slim friends, let it be the sugar thing. I have way too much sugar and I really need to do something about it. I'm not overweight, but our size is not all about our weight. You can be v slender and unhealthy and pretty damn big and healthy.

But also:

1. It's not possible to know what goes on with your friends. Maybe they find it hard to enjoy food because they're always trying so hard to maintain a certain weight that they won't allow themselves to eat more.
2. TroubleInDaFamily is right re what size we are can be related to something really quite horrible. I was a size 10/12 when I got a oesophagus problem that in the early days was so bad that I hardly ate anything and when I did, things would get stuck in my gullet and it was hard to either make it go down or bring it up again. My record for being over the toilet or over a bowl trying to bring it up or force it down was just under three hours. While it was stuck I couldn't drink, because that would just gurgle up. I couldn't eat in public because it was likely to happen. It was hellish. I went down to a size 6 and was heading to a size 4. What was sick to me at the time was the number of people desperate to know how I'd done it and oh my how skinny you are, it's great. It wasn't. I'd tell them that I was that thin because I couldn't eat properly and it was horrible, but if they could damage their digestive health, they too could have a body like me.

I stopped eating meat about three years ago and got better meds to keep it under control and it's a lot better now than it was. Also, I'm finally having an operation to mend my oesophagus which I cannot wait for. I'm a normal weight again. It's heavenly.

1. I have friends who are bigger and smaller than me who have the whole hangry thing going on. Some people are just less able to deal with hunger. I can honestly forget to eat and only realise I haven't when I feel a bit hungry come the evening. That, I'm pretty sure, musts be some genetic thing. I think I'm lucky to have never been hangry in my life. I also think my friends are lucky to have me, because I see the hanger coming and get them food as quickly as possible .

1. Size 14 is not large, you're probably not even overweight. Size 14 looks large when you're with women who are an 8 or 10. You're grand, just try to eat less sugar, as above^

1. Me, me, me again. I had an eating disorder when I was younger, which may have cause the digestive issues I have now, and have always been a bit fucked up about food. So are a lot of people. You're not, so be kind to yourself about this whole thing.

ChristmasTreeLight - I had a similar revelation recently. I used to think all that advice about making small changes was rubbish - but doing things like switching lattes for filter coffee has really helped.

And at the beginning I would buy some cherries or grapes on the way to work so I could get a sweet hit when I wanted/help fill me up. It really worked - and I've definitely trained myself not to eat as much.

Have lost just over a stone since September (so slowly, but confident I can maintain it).

The thing about not being afraid of feeling hungry for a bit was a big change for me. If you know you are eating reasonable meals, you just don't have to do anything about hunger in between. I always used to rush to eat something when I felt a hunger pang. Diets which inform you 'you will never feel hungry in this plan' are designed to cater to that fear and to get you chewing on their expensive fake foods.

Try the Michael Moseley Blood Sugar diet. It is highly nutritious easy to follow and best of all very effective.

I have lost 4 stone since February and DH has lost 3 1/2.

Down from size 22 to 18. Because you don’t have the sugar highs you also don’t get the starvation lows.

Blood pressure down and less stress on the joints. Give it a go you deserve it!

OP I hear you, I think exactly the same when staying with slim friends.

Re blood sugars, I gave up sugar for a couple of months. It didn't change the fact that I need to eat more often than others. Plus it was really dull and I only lost about two pounds. My dad can do hours and hours without food, he just doesn't notice, whereas mum and I don't find this at all. Mum lost a bunch of weight automatically after menopause I'm hoping I'll follow that pattern.

Anyone else see the irony of saying the slim people are slim because food isn't a priority to them, i.e slimmer people are less likely to obsess about food. So therefore the answer is simply to obsess about every morsel you put in you mouth. You know it's simply because you eat too much sugar, or too little protein, or snack between meals, or need simply eat less and move more (ah if it only it was that simple, it's got nothing to do with a complex set of reasons involving mental health, early life experiences, diet culture, fat phobia and so on...).

I would suggest looking into Health at every size and Intuitive eating as a starting point. Just see where that takes you because I honestly don't something like dieting, which is part of the problem, can be the answer.

It always suprises me that other people are a size 10 and at the higher end of an ideal. My BMI is around 21 (could do with it being lower cause I am a small build) but I have to buy size 12 clothes sometimes in New Look and Quiz.

Re hunger, I would love to be one of those people who could forget to eat but sadly I'm not. I did diet a few months ago as I had got up to nine and a half stone (I am 5ft5 and as I said quite small framed), but I had to really be hard on myself to not give into hunger between meals. Maybe its years of having an emotional relationship with food that has made me only able to do that for so long. People say treat yourself in a non-food money but when time and money are important factors, it isn't always easy to do. On the plus side I normally get a lot of exercise but for now I have given up. That said, if I was away for a weekend with a load of tiny women, I would feel very conscious about what I ate, whereas if I was with larger women, I would feel that I can be myself, which in my case means snacks between meals, pints, dessert if I ifancy it (usually do unless very full which happens sometimes). Maybe life;s too short and we are obviously all different about food. I think there is only so much you can do about it.

I do think appetites and enjoyment of food vary, and that some people therefore NEED good habits more to maintain. And people also come in different basic shapes.

Two habits that have helped my cravings recently - no food at all after main evening meal at 6. And no sugary foods apart from a couple of times a week. Even crisps taste too sweet now .

I agree re food being a low priority. I have days, like the last few, when I have to force myself to eat. if I am slightly unwell, like now, or very stressed I can't think of a single food I want to eat. My stomach can be rumbling but I don't want food. it's odd.
But then I'll have days when I am constantly hungry.
I am going out with my friends for a christmas meal. One friend asked us all to choose from the 2 course menu. I chose a starter and main, knowing full well that I'd probably be full up after the soup. She was astonished when I said I didn't want a pud. I never eat puddings, although I do have a bad sugar habit in tea. Give me a cheer board any day.

It's 14/16, if I'm honest, with a small torso, yet very large bum and thighs, wide calves that don't fit into boots and thick arms that I am too ashamed to ever let see the light of day. I don't like looking at photos of myself and I buy baggy clothes from supermarket because I think I am frumpy and chunky and triple-chinned.

Thank you to those who have posted with advice and lengthy posts. I think I need to go and re-read this thread in a hot bath and just have a think about where the fuck I go from here. I think it's time to get a diary and a notepad and just start writing ideas of changes, what I can do to fix this, and write some goals.

I am in shock, I think. I just thought everyone ate like I did, I mean why wouldn't they? But it turns out people eat two After Eights, not the whole box in one sitting. They stop when they're full. They don't continue to 'pick' at food just because it's there. They don't snack in between meals. They don't stuff down chocolate after dinner 'just because.'

Shit.

If you are constantly starving you are eating the wrong foods.

Simple as.

A meal should fill you. For me the key is less sugar, more protein, more fat, more veg.

Went from a size 14 to a 10.

I used to be starving all the time too until I ate lower carb, higher fat and protein.

It's historical too - I was brought up to finish my plate and a meal wasn't complete without spuds /bread/pasta etc etc. Which is total rubbish obviously.

I do think appetites and enjoyment of food vary

This is true. Some people seem to have very little interest in food...I don't just mean eating but in general. I'm really interested in it, to my detriment! It's not just eating, I love reading recipe books, cooking and trying new things.

"Unfortunately your parents did you no favours by making you clear your plate as a child

I hear ya, though - in my case - it was school that forced me to clear my plate. I got into the habit of eating the things I liked least first, then rewarding myself with the nicer bits, which meant I always finished the entire meal. I have slowly re-educated myself to start with the nicest things and stop when I'm full.

Doing the 5:2 diet has also been a huge help. It has taught me how much "hunger" is really habit and boredom. I don't do 5:2 all the time, but I have learnt to eat less even when I'm not.