My husband is making me fat

[Dowhatmakesyouhappy1212]

Ok so I know that title sounds awful but I was wondering if anyone has the same problem?

I love my husband to pieces but he doesn't understand that being overweight upsets me
I've tried so many diets and healthy eating plans /gym classes (and I forgot to mention he also wants to lose 2stone) but I'm weak and every time he says "I don't fancy that for tea" or "should we have a takeaway" I agree and on the occasions I don't it causes an argument or I feel like the bad one for trying to keep us on track! (By that I mean eating veg 3-5 times a week)

I've tried even having "naughty meals" like pasta bake and just having a little portion but it doesn't work

I've tried slimming world and it didn't work for me (I prefer the convenience of jar sauces etc)

I feel like my husband has the appetite of about three men and if I'm not careful I will be the same!

I'm already 1.5stone heavier than I was when I was at my "happy weight"

Does anyone have any ideas on how to make meals we can both enjoy but that are a bit healthier maybe?

I'm really struggling 😔👎

Thanks in advance

One thing I've realised about my husband is that he can eat a lot more than me. He is 6' tall and quite active whereas I'm a foot shorter and less active. He can eat at least 1000 cals a day more than me.
So if you are similar the important thing is to work out your meals very carefully if you are going to eat together. It may be better for you to have different meals sometimes.

He can get a take away on his own surely? If he over orders he can always freeze and have another night too.

Having smaller portions of "naughty" food can absolutely work, but you need to fill the rest of your plate with veg/salad to help fill you up.

Or can you and your dh cook your own meals for a while to give you a kick start?

Have you thought about downloading my fitness pal and tracking your calories? You scan the food in using the barcode on the packet and it can be a real eye opener!

You say you like using jars in cooking? So would your dh eat a noodle & veg ( could add chicken or lean beef too) with a jar sauce?

Jacket potatoes, with tuna/beans/cheese and huge salad?

Baked chilli salmon with sweet potato mash & veg?

Veg/meat chilli? You can use a jar if you like, He can have as much as he likes and you could weigh yours out

I make this often, it's really nice www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2220657/creamy-chicken-with-asparagus-and-tarragon

What about a curry with sweet potato, spinach and chickpea? ( could add chicken also for your dh) Jamie Oliver recipe is nice or use a jar if that's what your comfortable with. You could weigh your portion he could eat all he wants

My husband doesn't like us to have different meals he's a bit odd like that he likes us to have the same meals at the table together haha

And if he has a takeaway I can't not have one (I seriously lack will power)

I try to bulk his meals out with extra veg and potatoes

I might try the salad thing especially saying as it's summer

Dieting will make you fatter and you really need to lose this dieter mentality of "naughty food".

You both need to make long term sustainable improvements to your overall diet (diet as is what we eat). Otherwise even if you do lose weight if you don't change your habits it will just come back.

that is why all this boring advice, to eat healthier, reduce portion sizes, eat more F&V, and move more etc to control our weight is spot on. And "diets" are rubbish.

You might find this blog an interesting read:
rebelfit.co.uk/blog/2017/weight-loss-for-dummies
rebelfit.co.uk/blog/2017/a-simple-lesson-for-veteran-dieters

I've started having my meals on a smaller plate too to see if that helps

Try the 16:8 plan. We have a thread on it. Basically you can only eat 8 hrs out of the 24. But they can be any 8 hrs you choose.

It frees up your meal choices a lot as nothing is off limits. You lose weight simply cos you end up eating less naturally, you either can't have breakfast or you can't snack in the evenings, depending on the hours you're doing it.

My DH is 6'4", lean, loses weight at an alarming rate if he does not eat 4 substantial meals and a good few carb heavy snacks, does a partially physical job. I am a foot shorter than him, do not do a physical job, and need far, far fewer calories than him even to stay alive, let alone to gain weight. It makes no sense for me to eat as he eats. He would never insist I did! He is somewhat amused by my recent dietary changes (basically I've stopped following the 'whatever I want whenever I want' approach) but not negative about them. I'd be cross with him, and show it, if he tried to sabotage my health in that way.

Given that your DH is also overweight, I'd recommend the Hairy Dieters cookbooks.

For takeaways do some research beforehand and pick a low cal meal from each one - maybe chicken tikka starter and saag daal from the curry house for example. You can't make him diet but you can devise strategies to keep yourself on the straight and narrow.

You could also get yourself a set of appropriately sized plates.

Portion control! We are partial to a takeaway, actually we got a curry last night but DH and I shared the curry meant for 1 person, rather than buying two meals (which are massive portions). Also saves money!

That Hairy Dieters Cookbook is great!

That was life with my x. I used to starve myself all day.

He would get moody though, if I didn't eat with him................ we had to eat to his appetite, tastes, schedule.

Your dh sounds very unsupportive.

What if you cut the takeaways to one or two a month and put the money you save into a jar/savings account. You could then save it towards a weekend away or something...would he go for that?

The odd take away won't do any harm as long as it's a curry rather than a pizza and you have plain rice rather than a naan for eg...it is possible to chose options which won't sabotage your efforts.

Yeah it's never curry it's always pizza so it's not like you could freeze half or anything

And the whole two a month thing would be good but we are lucky enough to be comfortable financially so the "to save money" wouldn't wash with him haha

I think someone mentioned portion control which is what I'm going to have to do for example:

Sausage mash and veg (I only have two sausages he can have four)

Or if we have pasta I will weigh out my pasta and just give up a few handfuls

It sounds like a petty subject but if I don't stop eating (and trying to keep up with my hubby) I'm going to get very depressed again

By the way I know someone said he isn't very supportive which is probably true but I don't think it's him trying to be nasty I just generally think he is stuck in a rut where all he wants to do is sit in front of the tv with a pizza where as I would like to go on a long dog walk then have a roast dinner

Maybe we have slipped into bad habits?

I just feel that I can't change him overnight but I can't leave things as they are either

I dunno wether to suggest short dog walks together to begin with like 20mins or something??

He's not as interested in being fit and healthy as I am so sometimes it's a struggle

What about joining the low carb bootcamp? The food feels quite indulgent but without the sugar, you get good carbs from veggies only. You could then eat the same thing, but make him some potatoes/pasta/rice to go on the side.

For example one night we may have steak, salad and peppercorn sauce and DH may have a jacket potato too. Actually though, with time he's less bothered and tends to have his carbs at breakfast/lunch at work.

Oh yeah I'll definitely check that out cause protein will fill us up x

Stop blaming your DH and take responsibility for yourself - what you put in your mouth and what you cook!

But yes, definitely come and join us on Bootcamp.

Pizza is pretty much irredeemable. Find a good local curry house.

And yeah, steak and mushrooms/spinach

Well BIWI that is not what I need to hear...
People need encouragement not orders!
You sound almost military... safe to say I'll not be joining the boot camp

And I assume you missed the part where I said my husband actually wants to lose weight too so yes he doesn't force feed me however we are a couple and do pretty much everything together so we need to "diet" "change our life style" together

I might start suggesting curry instead of pizza thanks ladies

It's awful cause I think we have brain washed ourselves into thinking food is a treat/reward not a nutritious necessity

You are responsible for your choices. Your H may strongly prefer to eat together and eat the same meals, and for you both to eat takeaway and calorific meals, but you wish to lose weight. You will need to decide what's more important and act accordingly.

Jar sauces are often full of sugar!

Codependency comes to mind here.

OP BIWI is right. What I was thinking the whole way through your post is that you're blameshifting. Your blaming your DH for your lack of willpower. It's not him, it's you.

So cook your own healthy meals for yourself. He can either have a takeaway, or eat healthy with you. His choice.

Get your dog and go for a two hour walk each night. Again, he can either come with you (if he wants to spend time with you), or not.

we are a couple and do pretty much everything together

So long as you do what he wants. How sweet...

Wow some people are harsh...