My husband is making me fat

[Dowhatmakesyouhappy1212]

Ok so I know that title sounds awful but I was wondering if anyone has the same problem?

I love my husband to pieces but he doesn't understand that being overweight upsets me
I've tried so many diets and healthy eating plans /gym classes (and I forgot to mention he also wants to lose 2stone) but I'm weak and every time he says "I don't fancy that for tea" or "should we have a takeaway" I agree and on the occasions I don't it causes an argument or I feel like the bad one for trying to keep us on track! (By that I mean eating veg 3-5 times a week)

I've tried even having "naughty meals" like pasta bake and just having a little portion but it doesn't work

I've tried slimming world and it didn't work for me (I prefer the convenience of jar sauces etc)

I feel like my husband has the appetite of about three men and if I'm not careful I will be the same!

I'm already 1.5stone heavier than I was when I was at my "happy weight"

Does anyone have any ideas on how to make meals we can both enjoy but that are a bit healthier maybe?

I'm really struggling 😔👎

Thanks in advance

Well what do you want us to say?!

Read back through your posts and imagine someone else had written them. What would you advise them?

Thanks to everyone that has given me useful advice and ideas 😀

The way you fit around what your husband says/does/wants does sound really unhealthy, and it's clearly not doing you any good, either from a weight or a mental health point of view, so why do you continue doing this, and trying to please him?

Surely your own health and weight is important?

So why not work on yourself and leave him to his own devices? Go for a walk without him. Cook yourself different things.

But don't give in to his attempt to control you.

I'm sorry you think it's militaristic; I do do a lot of shouting at people on Bootcamp but it's sometimes an important thing to do, to get people to see what they're doing/saying and how it's having a negative impact on them.

Bootcamp is, though, actually hugely supportive, and so I'd encourage you to come and have a look. I promise I won't shout at you!

My DP doesn't eat healthily and the only way I've been able to lose weight is by eating completely different meals to him. I'm 2 stone lighter so far since spending the last 4 months buying and preparing myself separate food. If you want to lose weight you will have to accept that enjoying the same meals together is something you can't do at the moment.

I also offer to make DP healthy alternatives but he doesn't want to diet at the moment. I respect that but I'm not going to sit around ignoring my own desire to lose weight whilst I wait for him. In other words, BIWI is right!

I lost 3.5 stones a couple of years back. Hubby supported me but didn't give up eating his junk food - I just made sure I had enough willpower to stay away from the bad foods and substitute them for healthier options. Regarding main meals, he had to eat what I did - although I'd often give him bigger portions or extra side serving of chips etc.
Jars do contain a lot of added sugars, I used to cook with them all the time but since I lost weight I've found it's really not so hard making up your own sauces from scratch - especially passata based ones.
My husband is not very active either so that's been hard to get him involved with exercise. He has come along for walks, but bike rides, runs and exercise workouts I've done on my own.
It just depends how much you want it and for YOU. Don't let anyone hold you back, you can achieve it if you set your mind to it. Good luck.

He 'doesn't like' you to eat different meals. what would happen if you just ate what you wanted and told him to sort himself out? What about what you like or do all your mealtimes revolve around him? Are there any other things you do/don't do because he doesn't like it?

BIWI I am coming over to Bootcamp!! I need that harsh shit and the support too, < Holds hands up > My Willpower is shit! I have a real ahrd time saying no to a take away or crisps and chocolate and over binging on food when I have at the weekend! I don't have to money to join a gym or anything atm, so I am saving to get some new trainers so I can hit the pavements and start jogging/running again.

Boot camp is amazing and the people on there (especially BIWI, SayrraT, Stuntnun) are incredibly supportive and knowledgeable.

The food is brilliant, and I'm enjoying cooking and eating real food.

What you won't find is a 'Oh never mind, there there' attitude. The only way you can make changes is to take control for yourself and not make excuses. It's a hard lesson but you can only lose weight, and most importantly, keep weight off when you accept this.

My DH weighs 12 stone, always has weighed 12 stone and can literally eat eat eat all day. I'm nearly 16 stone (down from 19), and eat half of what he does but I still find it really hard to shift weight. What I found really helps is that I cook every meal from scratch, jars of sauce are incredibly high in sugar and not that healthy. For example a bolognese sauce in a jar is really a tin of tomatoes, a stock cube and some italian herbs - all costing half the price. I am vegetarian, and my treat is to get some Amy's kitchen frozen curries (they are amazing) and if DH and our DDs get a takeaway then I have one of those so I'm not missing out. I know it may sound harsh, but given what you've said about your DH and insisting you eat the same meals etc, it sounds like he's controlling what you are eating and that really isn't healthy. It's not easy losing weight however you do it, but I feel so much better for losing 3 stone and can't wait to shift the rest of it.

It does seem a bit unfair of him to insist that you eat the same thing. Who does most of the cooking?

Yes you're right your husband is making you fat... its up to you if you continue to allow him to

exercise makes minimal difference
Just eat less.

If you don't like what some of the PPs are saying about independently taking responsibility for your own diet (which I don't disagree with) why not try getting your DH to support you? Explain how unhappy your weight is making you and the fears you have for both of your health and wellbeing for the future? If he loves you and cares about what you think and feel he should be supportive of your attempts to start leading a healthier lifestyle. If he's not then, quite frankly, he's a bit of a selfish bastard and you'll know know that his motives for you both eating the same are less innocent than you suspect!

There is one person making you fat and it's not your husband.

Take control and deal with it, rather than make excuses and blame someone else.

I had this problem too, in the end I just went it alone and lost 2.5 stone and have kept it off for a year and a half so far. It's hard when someone else is bringing alcohol and chocolate into the house but if he isn't willing to change of his own accord there probably isn't that much you can do! I found that having healthy desserts in like frozen fruit (like eating a sorbet) was good when my other half was eating sweets.

My dp can eat way more than me so I always make sure I portion food appropriately. If we get a takeaway I get something healthier. For example, a Chinese I'll have plain rice and something none greasy. No fried starters. We have a Thai takeaway nearby and they do really nice salads. If the boys want pizza I get a chicken kebab and pitta. There are better options.
We cook from scratch most days and all three of us eat the same meal. I cannot be doing with processed food. It is so much better for you to learn to cook and know what you are eating. I used my fitness pal to work out the calories in each meal and weighed out the ingredients. Nothing is classed as healthy or unhealthy food as such. If it has a higher calorie content, I eat less of it, or have a smaller lunch. Planning your meals for the day helps with this.
My dp lost weight with me, although he didn't necessarily need to, but he did just because he was having measured portions too.
Some weeks I don't buy crisps, chocolate etc. Some weeks I'll get a little something. If it isn't in the house then I won't eat it. If I am buying biscuits for the boys I get go ahead cookies for me, as they are portioned out already.
I always have a good lunch, high protein, low carb, low calories. I have learned what keeps me filled until tea time as the afternoon slump finds me reaching for snacks. If I do get hungry in between meals I have a fruit tea.
My dp has been very supportive of my weight loss, but I have also supported the fact that he hasn't been trying to lose weight and I have to have willpower. The onus is on you OP to say no. If your dh isn't happy with that then I would suggest you look closer at your relationship.

BIWI is correct of course. But it'll be hard to hear. This is nothing to do with your husband, OP, no matter his habits or his behaviour. If you think it is, then what you are describing is codependence, which means that your eating probably has an emotional component to it too. Go and find yourself support without him. See what happens then.

we are a couple and do pretty much everything together so we need to "diet" "change our life style" together
Except he isn't really interested in losing weight and can't have a takeaway by himself because he "likes you to eat the same food at the table". Can he go to the loo by himself? I mean, since you are a couple...

Op, is it possible that your husband needs you to eat like him to justify his choices? Speaking from experience I have sometimes felt bad about food choices when my very healthy husband has not joined me eating them (especially pizza) where as If he was eating it too I wouldn't even think twice. I agree with other posters, it's down to you not him, it's your health and 100% your responsibility.

OP - Eat what you need to eat to be the weight you want to be. Exercise the way you need to to get you fitter and slimmer. Never mind your DH.
In other words: 'Please yourself'. Leave him sitting on the sofa with his Pizza. So what?
It's your body, not his you are responsible for. He is an adult.

Maybe this isn't really about food and its more about your relationship? Have you thought about maybe sitting with him and calmly discussing that you'd like to make

I'm sorry but I agree with the posters who have said he's not making you fat. He may not be helping but he's not responsible for your weight gain or loss.
We eat the same main meals. I prefer salad to a sandwich for lunch though. The kids and DH often have pudding. Even if it's yoghurt. I don't bother. They like milk to drink whilst I would drink water.
Easy to make changes. But you need to focus and stay committed.
Don't deprive yourself. Yes have a takeaway. But make it a rarity. Freeze portions of food for when you CBA to cook. Make a lasagne. He can have oven chips. Fill up on lasagne and salad.