I just calculated my BMI and I think I might cry.

[HappyGoLuckyGirl]

My BMI is 35.2. I'm severely obese. But I didn't think I was.

I have been struggling to get the weight back off for about 18 months. Christmas 2014 I was only 6kg from my target weight.

The calculator on the Atkins website has told me I need to lose 58lbs. 58, over 4 stone! I'm only 25. How did I let this happen?

I don't know what to do. Lately, thinking about food has become all consuming. I know I need to do something but I'm afraid of failing and becoming a horrible, fat mess and then being alone forever.

I have tried all sorts. VLC diets, 5:2, slimming world, just eating 'less', low carb. I fail everytime. The longest I've stuck to a diet is about 3 weeks, a few weeks ago. I've put the 10lb I lost back on.

I think the only reason I lost the weight in 2014 was because I broke up with my partner.

I feel like a horrible, greedy, ugly, failure. I don't see how I could ever climb the mountain in front of me.

I don't even know why I am posting here. Because I am too ashamed to talk to anyone in RL?

I just want to curl up in bed and cry. I don't know what to do.

I can't offer any helpful advice but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Weight can have such a big impact on self esteem but it really is only one aspect of you.

I'm so sorry you've been given such a shock. Have you tried good old fashioned calorie counting with My Fitness Pal? I lost 8kg that way very painlessly, and DH has lost over 11kg. We haven't even changed a great deal.

You're not horrible, greedy or a failure - please don't be so hard on yourself x

If various diets don't help, maybe you need to try thinking about why you over-eat? For example, if it's in the evenings in front of the telly because you are bored then maybe either a hobby that takes you out of the house in the evening or something which occupies your hands while you watch tv might help? One of my friend taught herself to knit to stop herself from snacking in the evenings! And perhaps some exercise? I'm not much help on this because I don't like anything more energetic than yoga - but I'm sure other people will have some suggestions. Even just a longish walk once a day?

I lost 4st on Slimming World and felt very much like you at the beginning, the road ahead seemed so far away and so difficult to reach but here I am, 38 weeks later way past my original target weight with a healthy BMI so don't give up hope and believe you can't do it because it is possible and when your just a month or so in and start to see major physical and mental changes, that's when the willpower will kick in and you will start to see that you are capable and you can do it. I know you mentioned you have tried Slimming World but I would strongly recommend trying again as it's the only plan I've been able to stick to due to the massive amount of food you can eat, the variety and never feeling deprived or hungry. Whichever way you do it, believe me, you CAN and WILL. I felt very much like you not so long ago and can't tell you how much my life and outlook has changed! Just to add, no matter what size you are, it does not reflect the person you truly are on the inside, your weight does not define you

Thank you for everyone's kind words.

I can't get involved in anything outside of the house in the evenings as I'm a single mum and I work full time.

And with slimming world, I don't think I could bring my DS(3) to the meetings as he would cause havoc. Perhaps he would sit quitely with his tablet, I'm not sure.

I think I'm just in shock. I knew it was bad but no where near this bad!

Omg are you me? I haven't got the answers but here to hand-hold

I've recently gained 26 kg and my bmi is the same as yours. It's wrecking me emotionally because I just FEEL fat and horrible. In my mind I'm determined to get rid of it as I hate being like this but I don't know where to start. I suspect that's because I don't fully know where I'm going wrong. I'm trying starving myself as much as I can and have lost 4 kg but don't know if I can carry it on.

So completely understand how you feel. It's shit. Hope you get through it X

OP, I know how you feel, don't let it get you down.
You've put on weight but know that food isn't the only factor to weight gain; our mental stability plays a big part in our overall health.
If you can stay positive you'll be able to sort out a weight loss that's healthy and right for you in the long term. Chin up

Trying to starve*

And reading that, I do know where I'm going wrong (eating too much, not exercising enough) but I don't know which bits to begin rectifying and how.

I've recently lost quite a lot going from a bmi of 32 or 33 to 23. Don't give up. If you fail for a day / a week / a month fine. Just get back up and get back on it. It's a slog and at times you will give up but you just have to get back on it. Try not to buy food that you will binge on, find easily prepared meals to fall back on, work in treats. We have a massive Indian once a month. We don't have any take away or outside the house food if we can help it. If we end up having to eat out I get a kids meal.

Honestly, you can do it. One day at a time, just make it a way of life.

Don't get hung up on BMI. Did you look at yourself before you calculated it and feel so bad?

I've got to lose over 4 stone too. I'm not thinking about the whole lot though, that would definitely make anybody cry! Try cutting it into smaller targets, so have an initial target of 7 lbs, that's much easier to think about.

I've tried it all too. My most positive experience was with SW, but I've put it all back on and more. I'm now trying a virtual gastric band app, just started on Monday but feeling pretty positive about it so far (but I feel pretty positive about every diet/weight loss system for the first few weeks). It doesn't seem to be a diet in the traditional sense, more following guidelines to try to change eating habits to be the same as naturally slim people. So recognising that sometimes we're thirsty rather than hungry, stopping eating when no longer hungry (even if there's still food on your plate), only eating when hungry (not because I'm bored/emotional). The hypnosis app reinforces the guidelines as well as boosting willpower.

My friend also has a similar amount to lose and is having a fair amount of success with overeaters anonymous. The meetings are like AA meetings and there are the same 12 steps that alcoholics use. She's finding it easier than she thought it would be, after having tried most diets over the years.

It is possible to do something about your weight, you just have to find the thing that clicks with you.

In regards to a Slimming World group, I don't think taking your DC will be an issue but if you felt uncomfortable doing so you could always just attend one meeting, but the books and do it from home.... just a thought as that's what I did

*buy

This could help ?
[http://www.slimmingworld.co.uk/joining-online/what-to-expect.aspx]]

I know how easy it is to convince yourself that you're not really that heavy until you're forced to face reality - I managed to convince myself that I wouldn't have put on weight over the holidays despite eating and drinking royally every night because I'd done lots of walking (would have had to walk the length of the country to make a dent in my intake!)
But you just have to give yourself a good talking to, acknowledge that you made it happen and you CAN put it right. Is there a friend who could be your weight loss buddy? One tip that I find useful is whenever I feel tempted I think to myself that I will allow myself that biscuit or whatever but I'll wait 10 minutes before I have it and usually when the time's up I no longer feel like it.
I really hope you find what works for you and that you look back on today and think 'That was the moment when it all turned around for me'

I do hope so Roly I've weight buddying up with RL friends but it never seems to go anywhere, as both times we have ended up encouraging the other to cheat to make it acceptable for ourselves to cheat too.

Unless someone on here want to volunteer to be online weightloss buddies?

Thanks Humphrey. I have joined slimming world previously, before I had my DS. I know the group meetings work but I don't know if my 3yo would tolerate them.

If you need a buddy I'd be happy to volunteer since I'm just starting my weight loss too. I'm happy to cheer you on with whatever plan you decide to do, I know most about SW but can cheer "don't give up, you can do it", and other motivational slogans about anything.

I won't be weighing very often because I find that my mood and motivation then become tied to the number on the scales, so I'm going to try just seeing how my clothes fit as a benchmark.

Ohhh, Mermaid no backing out now!

What's the virtual gastric band that you are doing? I know I need to start exercising too but ugh...so much effort. And sweat. I have a treadmill at home and the stairs, obviously. I'm just so bloody lazy!

What about Wii-Fit? You could do half an hour each evening after your wee one is in bed. Then it sounds like you need to learn knitting or crocheting to keep your hands off the snacks... Or do a jigsaw or adult colouring in book? Anything like that!

Also agree with PP about My Fitness Pal to track calories - you are still allowed to eat anything you want but I find that I am more aware of which foods are high calorie now and make better choices/keep portion sizes down. A good set of kitchen scales helps - left to my own devices I'd cook at least twice the "normal" portion of pasta!

I'm doing the easy loss gastric band. I think the app costs about £5 (cheaper than just joining SW or WW) and you can join their Facebook group when you download it. There is a free one as well I think which is obviously just the first bit to see if you like it.

Ignore that voice that's telling you it's a hopeless case and it's not worth even trying (so have another biscuit, it will make you feel better). That voice is a lying liar that lies. You didn't wake up one morning 58lb heavier than the night before, it crept on half a pound here and there. That's the way to think about it coming off, you don't need to lose 58lb you need to lose one pound, then another one, then one after that.

The severely obese/ obese line is at 35 so you're only just over and can lose that label really quickly if that's what's frightening you. No-one knows you better than you - there's something about your diet/exercise balance that you need to change and you're the best person to work that out. Is it portion sizes, takeaways, late night snacking, biscuits? If you don't know then a starting point would be to log every mouthful on something like MyFitnessPal and that will show you where the calories in your diet are coming from.

In May I had 52lb to lose just to stop being obese, now I "only" have a little over half that to lose. I am old enough to be your mother and have a knackered knee and I'm losing half a stone a month - tell that to the voice that's telling you that you can't do this. I have half an hour most days with the Wii Fit trainer lady (yes, there is sweat involved and no, I don't like it either) and I eat less because I'm watching portion sizes. If I've had a big lunch or dinner then MFP says no to a glass of wine because these days I'm all about "or" rather than "and".

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. I feel a bit less ashamed of myself today and more determined to fix this.

I went on ebay last night and have put an offer in on a wii fit and sports bundle. I think that will encourage me to move more in the evenings, rather than slob and eat in front of the TV.

My main problem is I eat huge portions in the evenings and also eat lots of unhealthy things, takeaway, chocolate etc.

I have a mentality whereby I think food is my reward/treat but nowadays all I have to do is breathe to deserve a reward!

I think I am going to put 10 pounds in my savings account every time I am tempted to order takeaway. And once I hit my first goal, I can spend the money on something I really want.

Evenings. They are hard. My techniques.

Paint my nails - can't eat with wet nails!
Brush my teeth - don't want to eat with minty breath
Craft - hands are busy
Keep a stash of 100 calorie snacks. Have one. Have two. If you save your snacking for the evening and have 100 calorie snacks you can control it.

Find ways of rewarding yourself. Whatever you like, nail varnish, tiny hand cream, magazine, new book, a scarf (Amazon cheap ones are nice and feel like a treat!), a nice new pen, whatever. Take the emotion out of food. I found that really hard. But now I find other ways of rewarding myself / cheering myself up my food relationship is improving.

When I was out of the house 12 hours a day and then had to come home to sort out the toddler and make dinner it was all takeaway all of the time and hello 16 stone 10. I didn't have any mental energy to devote to thinking about or cooking dinner. Looking back now, if I'd put more time into menu planning, batch cooking and food shopping at the weekend I could have avoided this because I would have always known what was for dinner. Half a tin of salmon, half a bag of salad, couple of wraps - it can be on a plate before the doorbell rings with the delivery.

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better today, you can do it and every biscuit counts. One of my MFP friends seems to live on chocolate biscuits whereas I'd rather have a big plate of something and feel like I've had a meal.

Evenings - if you don't buy it you can't eat it. I do not buy biscuits, crisps or nuts for this reason.

If you need another buddy count me in. My bmi is 32.1 and I'm trying the gastric band hypnosis app and just eating more mindfully. I know what I should eat but I eat when stressed or bored and that's what I need to work on