Health and body a mess, need to lose 3 stone.... Where do I start and how long should it take

[FeelingBlobby]

So today I did it, I pulled myself together and climbed on the scales. I know I've put on too much weight but 3stone excess was a shock and I feel sick to the stomach at the physical mess I am in. I live a very full on life, I am working in academia, in the last stages of completing a full time PhD and kept very busy, I've two young children and a small farm. I feel I never have the time and space anymore to think about food and diet and so eat to convenience and drink too much wine as a way of relaxing.
I feel my husband doesn't find me attractive anymore, and I avoid photos, avoid mirrors and take little pride in myself, I hide behind my professional identity or mummy identity. Saddest part I used to be so fit and healthy, running regularly, mountain biking, playing netball, etc, and now I feel out of control of my health and body. And my family constantly comment, I hate big gatherings as made to feel so ashamed of myself.
I literally have no free time so need easy and doable, but accept it takes commitment and hard work. I'm also a planner, so need goals and ideas on what expectations to set myself.
This forum seemed an ideal place to start, any advice...

I am not sure you can do it on your own. Perhaps you could visit a nutritionist who would weigh you on a weekly basis. There are ones who combine it with being a personal trainer as well.
It won't be enough not to eat too much. You will have to exercise as well and then you have to keep it up when you reach your goal weight.
You might try your GP and see if they have any free ideas such as nutrition sheets.
The important thing is not to get hungry and not to lose weight too quickly. AND exercise, SORRY. Maybe consider getting a Fitbit to monitor your exercise.
However, with two children, a PHD on the go, and a farm it sounds as though you are eating too much. You must be on the go all day.
Anyway here is a meal plan I was given by a nutritionist with my twists added to it. I lost a pound a week.
Eat three meals a day.
Breakfast around 50 grams of porridge made with semi skim milk. Sweetened with a teaspoon of sweetener plus a Handful of almonds or hazelnuts.
Drink Lots of water. I suggest that you use hot water with lemon juice. I hate drinking water but can stomach it with lemon juice. 2 snacks a day, such as a banana or a couple of rice cakes. If you feel hungry, try drinking first.
Lunch. Large table spoon of baked beans, or egg on toast. Scrape of butter on brown toast.
Evening meal, grilled anything. Fish, chop, small piece of chicken, mounds of green veg.
Walk at a fast pace at least three miles a day. You also need to lift weights. I have two 3 lbs weights that attach with straps to my wrists or feet and all I have done so far is look at them. But I do walk.
Best of luck because you have my utmost sympathy, as it is hard. Hugs

Holeinmyheart how much did you lose in total on this diet and how long did that take you?

I'll be joining you soon OP I've put on over 4 stone in pregnancy so once baby born think I'll have 3 stone to lose. I've dont it before so will try the same tactics as then- cut out fattening drinks (alcohol, surgary tea), cut right down on bread- I had soup or salad and ryvitas for lunch rather than sandwiches, and really cut down on snack altogether but ate normally besides that. I'm not a fit person but I tried to walk for 20-30 mins every day.
That worked for me I lost 4 stone over a period of 8 months.

You don't need to exercise if you don't want to, or can't fit it into your life.
Ime upping exercise just makes me hungrier.

The thing that worked for me was writing me down every thing I eat and trying to keep the calories under 1750 a day, but not beating myself up when I went over.

I lost 50lb in about a year and have kept it off.

You know how to be fit and lighter, you just have to commit to it and keep going.

Good luck

After DC3, also normally active, also 3st overweight, also sensible busy professional type, what work for me was low carb for 9 months. I actually eat that way most of the time. It is so easy and tasty.

I lost 5 stone low carbing and running

Kept it off for 3 years but now put a stone ish back on.... I know why.... New year kicks off weight loss/fitness plan for me

My fitness pal app works well I find

Well, you can lose it quickly as I well know, as I have tried every diet. Atkins was the fastest. I have also done the 5/2. However, the best and safest is the one the nutritionist suggested.
You lose a pound a week. So in a year you lose 52 lbs. I needed to lose a stone and a half.
I think exercising, horrible as it is is the key. I got a pedometer and walk the same route every day. 3 miles as fast as I can. Once it is done, it is done.
I feel better exercising and then I can sneak in the odd treat, like a couple of squares of black chocolate 80% cocoa.
If I drink I drink G&T with slimline tonic. The nutritionist said you need some fat, not saturated.

How sad that exercising is seen as 'horrible'

80% weight loss is due to changing eating habits 20% is due to exercises.

That's why wahat we put in our mouth is so important.

For me it's very important to have mesl rwady to eat at home when I get back from work.
Also snacking only on fruit or a handfull of seeds.
I started exercising a month ago but I have been walking a lot for the last 12 montgs or so.
Fitbit helped me a lot and also signing up for Walk for life marathon I did in May.
I now walk at least 18K steps a day.
I am exercising only at lunchtime 40-50 kin 3-4x a week.
Also exercising suoresses my apetite.
I lost 8 kg in the last 3 months.
I have another 25 to go.I think aiming at 1 lb a week is sensible and achievable if I put my heart into it
It is always for me combination of motivation and having enough sleep to be able to carry on.

Well doneanti you have a great attitude there!

missfitt68 be slightly careful as you may come over as being a little smug. We are supposed to helping the OP not commenting on each other's posts.

Not everyone thinks of running in the cold clutching a water bottle, with a face as red as a beetroot as anything except agony. I only exercise because it is good for me, and I view it as a necessary evil.

Given the choice of lying on the sofa with a box of chocolates and a good magazine, I would probably opt for the sofa lol. It is only due to my cussedness and my friends who are on the whole size10/12, and my health, that I don't.

However, I do try not to be 'born again about it' as some people find it daunting and embarrassing, especially if they are very overweight.

Being in a gym surrounded by stick insects is no fun.

I was in a very similar situation about three months ago (not daring to step on the scales, about 3 stone overweight, academic job, two kids!). What I did was read Gary Taubes's book "Why we get fat and what to do about it", start low carbing and then join the Low Carb Bootcamp on here when it started. I've lost about 1 1/2 stone so far - which is a sustainable but satisfying amount I think - and feel better than I have for ages. Exercise is good for you but not necessary for weight loss, and most of the evidence now shows that low carb is more effective than calorie counting. It seems to be working for me.

hole no thanks, I won't be 'slightly careful' about anything

lovely yes, it does work well. What's surprised me is just how much sugar (carbs) is actually in food! I tend to low carb whilst logging it into mfp. I log daily exercise too, but try not to eat the calories I burn iyswim. I know you aren't supposed to count calories when low carbing but it feels wrong to me not to

Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful posts:
holeinmyheart Yes I do eat to much, problem is lots of what I do work wise is rather sedentary but I can be teaching for 6-7 hours straight, and often skip breakfast, then forced to skip lunch, then I binge on crap because I am hungry and it is available - and then I am super unhealthy in the evening!
Lovely and others suggesting low carbs - I may sound naive but is this just pasta, bread, potatoes etc or more - my understanding is there is carbs in most food - so what counts as low carbing? Any guides/links would be appreciated!!
MissFitt68 I have to say I see both sides of the exercise thing - previously being very fit and running marathon distances, I loved running - it gave me time to think and really relax - but right now it is embarrassing - I've tried taking it up again a few times and just feel so embarrassed, and it is really hard - of course this is a barrier I'v got to break through. I can fit in some decent walking with my work so may try adding in this each day instead.

And I've logged on to mfp... I am a very determined person, I know I can do this, I just need to plan it out, identify clear goals and stick to that - just how I work!

Marking place as you could be me! Full time job, DCs, part time masters and a house renovation. Something had to give and it's been my weight. I feel terrible about it most of the day plus I'm in the habit of using food as an emotional crutch so the whole thing is getting out of control.

Oh exactly Kerberos food has been my emotional crutch. I have a terriblt habit when writing up my PhD of getting stuck on a paragraph/ chapter and then wondering off somewhere and finding biscuits instead!!

The things that have helped me were:

A) Exercise. Getting into weight lifting and running made me realize how important it is to fuel my body properly and achieving goals, like benching 60lbs or running 10k, gave me a lot of confidence, even if I was still overweight. I had to wiggle it in (found a gym next to my work and I go on my lunch break, I also wake up at 5 am for a 40 minute run) but it is ultimately the thing that has changed my life.

B) Finding a diet that suited my particular needs, as I'm horrid at calorie counting and do not have the time to weigh things. So I went low carb/high fat. So no pasta, bread, potatoes, rice, excess sugar, beer, fruit (besides berries), but lots of meat, veg (except for potatoes and sweet potatoes, and limited squash/pumpkin), dairy, nuts and berries (you have to be careful with the last ones), and fats like olive oil, coconut oil and butter. No weighing, no calorie counting.

C) Meal planning and brown bagging all my meals. I make breakfast and lunch at home and bring them with me to work to eat at my desk and I have a few healthy dinners that can be made quickly (no more then 40 minutes start to finish). I always make extra meat and veg with dinner and there's lunch the next day.

D) Realistic goals. In the past I'm screwed my self over by wanting to get to a weight that is most likely no longer achievable for me now (I.e. what I was at 25), and wanting to do it quickly. I get frustrated and I give up.

I've been losing and gaining weight for the past 5 years, and I can honestly say I feel like I'm finally on a good path with a diet that I can easily follow long term. I've lost a stone in 6 weeks, and I'm feeling good and not stressing about losing XXlbs, but just getting to a point where my body feels healthy.

Fantastic post, thank fitfatty 😀

Indeed. Some of my best late night masters work is done with a large bag of popcorn on the go.

From my experience of low carbing calories don't count because you eat less so you are self regulating. It all has to be change for life. Sustainable to be carried on long term.
That's why slow loss is easier to carry on. It usualy happens on the back of proper change of habits.
Yes, change is hard. That's why I am finding motivation needs to be very strong. Sticking to dropping high carb food is a daily challenge!

I'm losing weight currently and I'm finding it fairly easy.

I know this isn't for everyone but it might work for some.

Skip breakfast.
I've stopped eating breakfast and it's like my overrating switch has been switched off. I think eating breakfast switched on my appetite and I just wanted to eat for the rest of the day.
Now I wait til midday and have something like porridge or soup. I've got a couple of m&s soups in the fridge if I don't have time to make any.
I have it with some rye bread or a couple of oat cakes. Then I have fruit and for the rest of the day and more soup if I'm hungry and then have normal dinner.
The soups I'm having are filling ones so will have potato and keek, lentil, bean and sweet potato, chicken and veg etc.
I have more self control. It's a revelation.

I agree antimatter, Within a few days of being on the diet I started eating a lot less. I've started eating a bit more again now, but that's in keeping with an increase in my workouts and how much I'm lifting, so I think it evens out. High fat just fills you more.

And I'm also distracting myself a lot. It helps me to be out and about or be doing something

I like the idea of skipping breakfast and soup at lunchtime, that sounds very doable. I also find if I have breakfast I'm stuck on 'eat' all day!