How did I get like this?

[loveulotslikejellytots]

I don't own scales. I went to a friends and used hers while I was in the bathroom. I'm 19.5 stone.

I'm active; walk the dog twice a day, I have a desk job but am always rushing about in the evenings. DH and I are always out and about at weekends walking everywhere.

We cook from scratch although I know our portions are too big. We eat out very occasionally. We don't eat pudding regularly. Up until October I was going to the gym twice a week but have it up as I found it hard to fit in with long working hours.

I still wear what I think are nice clothes, am a size 20 which I know is big, but I never realised. That sounds so daft. How can you not realise!!! I feel so angry with myself. I was 12 stone when I met DH, although I was 17 and doing a very very active voluntary job (60 hours a week). I've put on 7.5 stone in 7.5 years. That's ridiculous.

I've done slimming world before but never stick to it. I need to change my life not just go on a diet.

Where do I start? We have recently decided to TTC but I can't even imagine inflicting this on another person. DH has never mentioned anything about my weight, he's loving and our physical relationship has never changed in all those years.

I feel like crying, I can't stop thinking about it. Stupidly I haven't felt hungry since, which I know is not a sensible thing to do.

What makes it even more ridiculous I I think I have a good knowledge of 'good' foods. I know that I should eat lean meat, fruit and veg, good fats, more protein, less sugar and less processed food.

I snack too much on the wrong foods. That's my downfall. It's probably counted as bingeing, and I hide it from DH so I now know I have some sort of problem.

Is this the lightbulb moment I need? How do I stop feeling so bloody disgusted with myself?

I've just done my BMI it's 46.8

I think that you have answered a lot of your own questions in your post the weight has come on over 7 years so that's why you haven't really noticed it. Don't beat your up about it. You have mentionned that you snack sand your portion sizes are large so that's a place to start. Look at the NHS site they have the eat well plate which shows you how much your portions should be and how much of that should be veg, carbs etc
Then snacks - start by cutting down on your snacking and replacing anything sweet with fruit or healthy snacks.
Have you heard of My Fitness Pal ? You enter everything you eat during the day and it shows the amount of calories you consume. It's often a good place to start as it gives you a better idea of what habits are causing your weight gain.
Don't be too hard on yourself. Look at it as an opportunity to make yourself feel healthy and feel good.

Good luck !

I second My Fittness Pall, you can create your own recipes in it so you can enter everything exactly if you from scratch. I find that if I weigh the ingredients and enter them as I go along or when it's in the oven it helps me to judge whether splitting it between the two of us is reasonable or if I should really keep back a portion or two and bulk it up with some veg on the side!
I totally sympathise though, I eat all sorts of rubbish snacks that I know I shouldn't. If there are any healthy snacks you enjoy try keeping them the hand, and of course adding them in MFP - for me I found my 'snacks' frequently contain more calories than my meals in a day!

Thanks for the replies. I have tried my fitness pal before, but I would often forget to put stuff on it, which wasn't giving me a true reflection of what I was eating.

Can you recommend any healthy snacks. I am definitely a grazer, I tend to graze in the morning rather than having breakfast as I find it hard to eat first thing. So I'm thinking fruit is an obvious one (although I'll need to watch the sugar), veg sticks, boiled eggs. Not keen on many nuts, so I wouldn't be too keen on snacking on those.

Oh lovely, it does seem that you know what's gone wrong and that you need to change. given that you were 17 when you started gaining the weight, it's easier to do as that's not an age where you'll own many "investment" or "classic" wardrobe items - so if you are replacing pretty much everything you wear every couple of years, (and going from 'teenage' shops to 'grown up' shops that tend to cut clothes more generously) it's much easier to just get bigger sizes and not really notice that your body has changed that much.

MFP is good. For healthy snacks, I'd say have things like cooked chicken in the fridge, children's ricecakes are only 20 calories for 3. Nuts aren't low in calories but are filling and are at least not empty calories.

I would also aim to be out of hte house or not having snacks at work from breakfast until lunchtime - being away from food so you have to go buy some helps break the habit. Make yourself have a breakfast, you are probably having far more than you would with a proper breakfast to fill you up. And tell yourself "I've had a healthy breakfast, i'll have a healthy lunch, it's ok to feel hungry inbetween and not eat".

Meal plan when you aren't hungry, including planning breakfasts (so you have interesting things that don't involve you accidentally having wheat at all 3 meals!). another tip I got on here, make the same amount of food, but serve half portions (except of veg) - telling yourself you can have the rest as 'seconds' if you are still hungry after eating it. If you do want to go back for seconds, then serve yourself half of that again. Usually you don't end up going back for 3rds, so in effect you've had 3/4s of the portion you'd used to have. Eventually you'll get to the stage of not wanting to go back for seconds. (others on here have raved about the 'small plate' diet - similar thing, just buy smaller plates, serve food on that, you eat less because you can get less on your plate, haven't tried that myself!)

I found that not having a weighing scales in the house meant that I gained a huge amount of weight and was in complete denial about it. I knew I was overweight but was ignoring it. It wasn't until a nurse weighed me at an appointment and told me my weight abs bmi (obese) that I finally faced up to it. That was my lightbulb moment and let this be yours.

You can lose this Wright. It is actually much easier than you think and you'll actually enjoy it. After a few weeks you'll feel better, look better and you'll even need to buy some new clothes.
You know how to do it. It's all about being sensible really; eat less, especially of the bad stuff and exercise. I found porridge great for breakfast. I switched to brown bread, brown rice etc. Homemade veg soup. Reduce your portion sizes.

Good luck.

Oh and do buy a weighing scales, it's the ONLY way I can keep my weight in check. I do gain 3-4lbs every now and then but I will never again allow it to go beyond that.

Do it!

Apologies for the typos

I will definitely be getting some scales for home.

Cooked chicken is another good idea, thanks.

Sorry, posted too soon.

I will also try the smaller plates. We've got the massive square plates at the moment, probably not the best as small portions look measly (is that how you spell it) on them. I don't have any smaller plates but I might try a bowl instead.

We've got curry tonight so I've bought brown rice instead. What's brown rice like? And I've bought spinach to have with it as well to bulk it out a bit.

oh, hints and tips!
aparantly you can use grated carrot instead of rice, now ive never tried it as DH wont look at it! but if you do try it - let me know!

Brown rice is good, quite nutty and filling.

Brown pasta is the food of the devil and I have never got on with it, so I just have proper pasta but less often and smaller portions.

Re curries, I now find that I like a really hot lamb madras, with spinach bhaji and no rice at all. Very filling and satisfying and low on carbs.

Watching with interest for more tips - good luck OP, I think you've taken the most important first step in facing up to it. You know all the answers, it's changing habits that is the hardest part.

Once - never heard of grated carrot but a friend of mine said cauliflower rice is lovely. It's basically a cauliflower blitzed in a food processor and cooked. Not sure if she steams it or does it in the oven, but she said it's lovely.

My highest weight was over 16 stone. I remember how disheartening it was and thinking I could never lose that much weight. It can be done, one day at a time.

I recommend MFP too. If you tend to "forget" things, then plan your meals ahead (as other posters have said, it helps you balance your days / weeks) and log all the food you are going to have the day before, leaving a couple hundred calories for snacks if you want. Then you know exactly what you can or cannot have.

Portion control is important. I had to weigh all the foods on my plate for a while to have an idea of what a sensible portion is (especially for carbs - I tended to pile pasta or rice on my plate).

Being hungry sometimes is normal. It doesn't mean you have to reach for the closest food.

And take pictures of yourself to see your progression. I haven't got any photos of me at my heaviest and I wish I had.

Thanks CQ. Fingers crossed it all helps. I've got DH on board, I couldn't tell him how much I weigh, stupid really because it wouldn't bother him. But I just find it embarrassing that I'm 2 stone heavier than my 6ft1 ex rugby player husband. He's found a shirt recently he wore to his 21st Birthday party 9 years ago. He's decided that he's going to try and fit in that.

Come on over to bootcamp on low carb, it's only on week 4 and I joined in week 7 last year. I can honestly say it's changed my whole attitude to food. 2.5 months in and I've just hit the 2 stone mark but best of all I'm not hungry or snacking. For the first time in my adult life! Its a life style change more than a diet, I'll be doing it forever and trying to persuade friends/family to give it a go.

Senatus - I think I'll give mfp another go. I usually plan most meals ahead anyway so that won't be difficult.

Weighing out portions is also another good idea. So easy to get carried away when I'm dishing up.

I might take some photos tonight as a starting point. Great idea.

If it's got to be a real life change then look at Paul Mackenna. He addresses the basics like - WHY we eat, HOW we eat, WHEN we eat.

My weight crept on too and I"ve always eaten really healthily. I lost 3 stone with him and am keeping it off (which is the key IMO). There's a great support group on here, you can get the apps, books etc.

He also helps you with your attitude to yourself, accepting and being kind to yourself. It works!!!

You know why you've put the weight on - it's all there in the OP. You have a desk job, do no exercise other than walking the dog, eat large portions and snack a lot. It's no surprise that the weight has crept on.

But that is what has gone before, and now you've changed it. (Note - you're not "changing" it, you have changed it. You're on the new path already, if you've identified the problems, done your BMI and made that resolution).

First things first, download MFP, as other posters have said. Set it to "sedentary" and see how many cals you need. Eat all those cals through proper, unprocessed foods - sugary treats, crisps and fizzy drinks are banned. Even "low fat" ones, they're the worst as they give you a taste and leave you wanting more.

You can do this!

Oh another tip, I limited myself to drinking just water or black coffee (4 cals a cup) during the day, it really helped cut my calorie intake during the day without feeling like I was going without.

Careful with the coffee though Mary It may be low in calories but I lost a lot of weight when I gave up a daily ONE freshly ground cup (no milk or sugar). I reckon the caffeine or some other chemical in it makes your body hold onto water.

Running - thank you. I've downloaded mfp. I had breakfast, yoghurt and a banana, I had a muller light as it was in the fridge, but will probably go down the Greek yoghurt route or something else if that's better for me.

Lunch is a small portion of homemade curry and rice left over from last night. It's amazing how much I was over eating by. I measured out the rice for dinner and lunch, I must have been eating at least 4 times the amount of rice I need and 3 times the amount of curry . Bonus is though I've frozen another portion for another dinner or lunch.

I'm going to try having one cup of tea a day (semi skimmed milk and I don't have sugar) but stick to water the rest of the time. I used to have what I thought was the occasional diet coke, which was probably more like one 500ml bottle a day. That's stopped.

Ppeat - I don't have that much, but with a normally non-sleeping 30 month old (slept through for the 2nd time last night - dear lord let this be a corner turned!!!), I need something a bit stronger than water to make me be able to function on the school run!!

It was a conscious swap though after I checked how many calories were in a hot chocolate I'd had meeting a friend for a coffee, she'd just ordered black coffee, the difference was staggering.

Im on a limming journey. I am not going to look back at where I started, Im just looking forward and understanding that it took me time to get heavier, so its going to take time to slim down.

I have recently joined slimming world, and Im finding it works for me. But if portions are your downfall, WW might be better.

I am finding that I need to eat quality food in order to not feel deprived. I buy the very best tomatos I can find, for example, likewise apples. I love fish, and I always used to resent paying the sky high prices. Now I buy it and think of the cost savings in not buying crap. (or wine). Look up new recipes and try a new one every week until you have a whole new repertoire of healthier foods.

DD1 is giving up coffee and having green tea instead which is high in antioxidants and has SOME caffeine to give you the kick you may need Mary I love green tea and mint teabgs together for a better flavour!