I don't own scales. I went to a friends and used hers while I was in the bathroom. I'm 19.5 stone.
I'm active; walk the dog twice a day, I have a desk job but am always rushing about in the evenings. DH and I are always out and about at weekends walking everywhere.
We cook from scratch although I know our portions are too big. We eat out very occasionally. We don't eat pudding regularly. Up until October I was going to the gym twice a week but have it up as I found it hard to fit in with long working hours.
I still wear what I think are nice clothes, am a size 20 which I know is big, but I never realised. That sounds so daft. How can you not realise!!! I feel so angry with myself. I was 12 stone when I met DH, although I was 17 and doing a very very active voluntary job (60 hours a week). I've put on 7.5 stone in 7.5 years. That's ridiculous.
I've done slimming world before but never stick to it. I need to change my life not just go on a diet.
Where do I start? We have recently decided to TTC but I can't even imagine inflicting this on another person. DH has never mentioned anything about my weight, he's loving and our physical relationship has never changed in all those years.
I feel like crying, I can't stop thinking about it. Stupidly I haven't felt hungry since, which I know is not a sensible thing to do.
What makes it even more ridiculous I I think I have a good knowledge of 'good' foods. I know that I should eat lean meat, fruit and veg, good fats, more protein, less sugar and less processed food.
I snack too much on the wrong foods. That's my downfall. It's probably counted as bingeing, and I hide it from DH so I now know I have some sort of problem.
Is this the lightbulb moment I need? How do I stop feeling so bloody disgusted with myself?