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Weight loss chat

A space to talk openly about weight loss journeys and challenges. Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. You may wish to speak to a medical professional before starting any diet.

Size 12 and overweight

68 replies

m0therofdragons · 30/01/2015 12:50

I am having to accept I'm overweight. Only about 4lbs but over my bmi range. I'm calorie counting so trying to get on top of it but my head struggles to accept I can be a size 12 and that be classed as fat. I've tried size 14 jeans but they don't stay up.
I'm 5foot 4inches and the lower weight I could healthily be is 7 stone 12 - at my lightest I was 9 stone and starting to look drawn.
I just don't seem to know what healthy is anymore . Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
ShootTheMoon · 31/01/2015 07:54

I'm very similar proportions to you OP and it's my legs which start to show fat first. after DD was born I was low carbing and the weight just fell away. I had just dipped under 9 stone when my mum phoned and asked if I would please stop now because I looked gaunt. She was right! I think I just about got to a BMI of 22 - no where near underweight at all but my face looked awful.

I'm pregnant now so will have a lot to lose again, but I'm quite a muscular build so I think will just have to accept them I'm never going to look right if I'm skinny.

I do think BMI is a crappy indicator. Height to waist is good, plus aim for exercise and nutrition Smile

Runningupthathill82 · 31/01/2015 08:31

I had the same thing, Shoot - my mother told me to stop losing weight when my BMI hit 22, as I looked "gaunt."

I didn't, I looked normal and healthy, but we're so used now to seeing chubby faces without prominent cheekbones that she thought I was too thin.

Of course, everyone is different, but it's unlikely that you looked gaunt with a BMI of 22. More likely, you just looked different to how you and others were used to seeing you.

sleepwhenidie · 31/01/2015 09:09

knit I think you sound like the healthiest person posting here in terms of your approach. I think too many of us focus too much on appearance and a number on the scale rather than health. In addition we often have an unrealistic idea of what we 'should' weigh (funnily enough it's often what we weighed at 17 and existed on fresh air and toast or the one we got down to after a crash diet 10 years ago Hmm). Constantly restricting and intensely exercising in order to force your body to stay at a certain weight often is borderline (or full on) 'disordery'. Our bodies have an inbuilt 'happy' weight that is probably most healthy for us. That weight is likely to be slightly higher at 40 than at 20 and if you are someone who regularly fluctuates up and down on diets and off, it's probably best to relax a bit at the middle point between the two weights and eat well and exercise, it's most likely you will then maintain that without much effort.

ShootTheMoon · 31/01/2015 10:07

You could be right, running, but I do have photos and I look pinched at that weight. My body was fine - I carry a lot of weight on my legs, but not so much the face. I have a broad build - you can see my ribs now at a BMI of 25 (and pregnant). And I do a hard cardio sport 3 x 90 mins a week as well as yoga, so I have a decent base of muscle. And my mum and brother are more slender and thinner than me so it's not that she's not used to seeing thin faces!

I look best with a BMI of about 22.5. Sadly, even with exercise, I can't maintain that without cutting carbs which make me bloat. And as a veggie I already have restrictions.

At 20 I had a BMI a of 20 and was exercising hard more than ten times a week. Even then I never approached underweight, though I was very lean. And I was only just squeezing into an 8 then - as you can't exercise away hips and ribs!

Having said all of that, I didn't think I was thin then madness so probably my instincts can't be trusted!

Boobz · 31/01/2015 12:55

Quitelikely I did P90X (similar to Insanity but more weights and less cardio) and stuck to a low carb/high protein diet (called The Zone - you can Google - it's what Crossfit enthusiasts usually stick to, eating wise).

The photos are a couple of years ago - I went back to work and went back up to about 9 stone, but am now on an Insanity + The Zone regime and am maintaining back at 8 stone again. Yes, borderline "disordery" as sleepwhenidie suggests, but am very fit so I kind of justify it that way! I can run 10km in 44 minutes, do 10 unaided pull ups, do 50 press ups without stopping etc. Am the healthiest I have ever been!

Runningupthathill82 · 31/01/2015 13:15

That's an impressive 10k time, Boobz - well done! I've recently gone sub-50 for the first time (convinced my stone weight loss has played a big part in that) and 45 mins is the next goal.

Sleep - the problem with an inbuilt "happy" weight, I think, is that it's very easy to convince yourself that you're at your "natural" weight when in fact, with a modern Western diet, there's not much "natural" about it at all.

Our diets have changed so much over the past few decades that people have become progressively fatter, convinced themselves that this is normal and healthy, and even convinced themselves that this is "natural." Backed up by the fact that we are surrounded by bigger and bigger people who also think that their weight is "natural", so a size 12 or 14 doesn't even look big any more.

For example, when I was 10st 10ish and a size 12, I was convinced that was my natural weight. I was super-fit at that size (ran a fell marathon) and struggled to get below it. I was utterly and totally convinced that was my "natural" and "happy" size, and maintained that weight for around a decade.

However, last summer I realised that, at a BMI of 24 and with a rather round face, stumpy legs and FF-cup boobs, I was on the larger side and perhaps my fitness levels would improve if I lost weight.

It was then that I started giving much more thought to what a natural weight is.

What I came to realise is that when most people talk about their natural weight, they talk about the weight they are when they eat what is considered "normal" now - ie maybe toast or cereal for breakfast, sandwich for lunch followed by a sugary yoghurt, ordinary sized dinner of pasta/curry/stir fry, the odd glass of wine, the odd chocolate bar. It's misleading to talk about "natural" weight when you eat things that even our great-grandparents, never mind our distant ancestors, wouldn't even recognise.

A true measure of natural weight would be to see what people weigh when they eat wholesome, natural foods and don't think that wine/chocolate/white bread/ chips/ beer/ pizza/ etc etc is part of a normal diet. People say they "only" eat chocolate twice a week or whatever, "only" have white bread occasionally, "only" have the odd takeaway - yes, these things are nice to have, but it's important to realise that this isn't what our bodies were designed to eat.

It was only once I stopped kidding myself about what a "normal" diet was that I shed the pounds, and now I'm maintaining at around 9st 8lbs. Yes, I eat chocolate occasionally and will have a couple of glasses of wine tonight. But now I realise that it's habits like this that can escalate and creep up, until before you know it you've gone from healthy to overweight, to obese, while still thinking what you're doing is "happy" and "normal."

Apologies for the long post.

Boobz · 31/01/2015 13:43

Running - I definitely had a bit of a shock to the system when I went onto the Zone diet. Not only is it vastly different from what I used to eat (from bread, pasta, potatoes, rice, processed food.... to lots of meat, eggs, fresh greens, salads and nuts) but it was also the portion size. When DH and I cooked for one another, we would normally dollop the same amount of food (lasagna, shepherd's pie etc) onto both plates and serve up. But DH is 6"4 and an ex marine! I am 5"3 and although chunky of thigh, pretty small framed. So moving to the Zone not only moved me to better food choices, but it also pretty much HALVED the amount I ate.

Which was hard for about the first 3 weeks as you do feel starving, but then your body gets used to it and then you're fine again - I guess it adjusts to it and takes exactly what it needs and I burn the rest with working out 7 times a week. Now I look at other people's plates of food (not exactly what they are eating per se, but the AMOUNT and I honestly feel a bit ill thinking they are going to eat it all up and have pudding too! - it's just so much more than we need).

But hey ho, I did say I was borderline disordery - I shouldn't really give a rats ass what others are eating but I can't help think that if they just reduced the amount and took out most of the carbs, they would be able to shed that extra stone they are always complaining about without even having to go near the treadmill!

sleepwhenidie · 31/01/2015 16:10

Running, I totally agree with you wrt diet and what is considered normal in that sense. By making the changes to your diet that you did, you undoubtedly improved you health-but I'd argue that the weight change that accompanied it would have provided very marginal improvements to your health. As I posted previously, the best health outcomes are seen in people in the overweight category rather than below. There are no associated health risks with an 'overweight' categorisation according to BMI, those come along when you hit obese and beyond. The risk is that you continue gaining weight and end up in those categories as so many people do. I think if you do the other checks (diet, exercise, waist measurement) and are satisfied that they are healthy then it's probably better to maintain that weight than head down the weight loss diet path (that most often ends up being a yo yo situation) purely to hit the arbitrary 'healthy' BMI Smile

SingaSong12 · 31/01/2015 19:22

Hello. I've used weightwatchers in the past and just joined again because because I've at the very top of healthy weight range (and guess what a size 12). What I find hard is others saying I don't need to lose weight. I could lose a stone (though I'm a metric girl myself so 6.3kg) and still be in healthy range. I almost feel they think I should wait until Im very large to do something.

tobysmum77 · 01/02/2015 07:28

Op I weigh the same as I did at 21 but have lost a dress size in those years. At 21 I would start with a 12, now it's a 10. So yes as 12 is the same as a 14 used to be it's probably borderline overweight for most.

m0therofdragons · 01/02/2015 07:42

At a stone and a half lighter I was still a size 12 on my hips (I seem to have wide hips as my waist was an 8).
I never tell people I'm trying to lose weight as the reaction is always one of "but you don't need to lose weight".
I have defined collar bones and slim arms as the weight is on my legs and tummy so hidden with dresses. I will lose at least a stone! Really determined and have been doing mfp for 2 weeks. Hoping that by the end of march I'll have made a dent! We're going to Disney at the end of march so I'll stick to children's meals.

OP posts:
Runningupthathill82 · 02/02/2015 11:10

Hi Mother,
What calorie setting are you using on mfp? Just asking as I find I didn't shift anything at 1400 net, only started seeing results at 1200 net.
Had to be honest about how sedentary my job actually is!

sleepwhenidie · 02/02/2015 16:18

These three articles covering the topics all touched on here may be useful if anyone is interested, I'd particularly recommend the third one if you plan on calorie counting Smile

BMI - does it matter?

how to work out how much food you should eat

why all calories are not equal

twobambinos · 02/02/2015 19:15

I'm about a stone under the highest for bmi and I'm a size 12. Sometimes a 10 but not always. I am way more active than I was before I had my children I am roughly the same weight but I feel fatter. One of the articles referenced people having the same bmi as years ago but being fatter nowadays this is me.

twobambinos · 02/02/2015 19:17

And i def think there is no standard to the size on clothing it depends where you shop. I have met people that appear to be a good bit bigger than me yet they are the same size clothing. I suppose it depends where the weight is carried also.

AggressiveBunting · 03/02/2015 08:19

I agree that BMI is probably not the best tool, but I also suspect that if they rounded up everyone in the country and DEXA scanned them to ascertain accurate body composition, the overall picture would be worse not better- i.e. the number of people in the normal BMI range with unhealthily high body fat would be greater than the number of people outside the normal BMI range with healthy levels of body fat. Otherwise, where are all these mega ripped individuals who are being maligned by the BMI calc?

I think people just need to be honest with themselves- look in mirror- do I have rolls of fat anywhere? Yes? Then I need to cut down on the cakes.

florentina1 · 03/02/2015 10:30

It is true that BMI should only be used as a broad guide. Only if you are heading rapidly to either end of the scale should you be concerned.

At 5ft and 7.5 I am in the Middle area for my height. The Lower figure is 6:10. I would look anorexic at this weight.

m0therofdragons · 03/02/2015 20:21

I'm on 1200 on mfp. In 17 days I've lost 9lbs so I'm sticking with it. Feeling less wobbly already.

I get the point about looking in the mirror but I don't think it's that easy. I think weight gain is gradual and I still see. Myself like I did when I was lighter. It's far easier to see in other people than yourself. Only dh and one friend know I'm seriously trying to lose weight. I don't want to set myself up to fail by telling people. Getting past the first week is always the hardest for me so 17 days in is looking fairly positive I can continue. I'm really learning how much I should be eating. I recently made a birthday cake for a friend and instead of like king out the bowl I had a small teaspoon of mixture which I logged. Love the fact I'm not missing out just adjusting quantities.

I'm now a healthy bmi but still want to be closer to 9stone so I have a couple of months before I can maintain my weight.

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