BigMoFos Week 21

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wwb, don't think you ought to just be able to shrug off your childhood. Plenty of people, myself included have had fantastic parents and lovely childhoods but are still beset with self esteem issues and are making more of a mess of their adult lives than you. The fact that you are strong enough to break the cycle with your dd is a real achievement in itself.
Littlefish, can I come round to yours for tea please! I was a bit like that (although I haven't baked anything but fairy cakes for an age) about cleaning when people came round until a relative pointed out that no one came to inspect my housekeeping - they just wanted to see us. I can see where you are coming from, its hard to accept that just being yourself is good enough especially with a difficult background.
On a similar note, I don't know how many friends I have lost touch with over the years through never ringing anyone in case they didn't want to hear from me. I just somehow can't believe they really like me. Stupid isn't it, and this from someone who has had the same best friend since I was 7.

On a lighter note, my sister and I saw a fire engine for hire the other day and the "fireman" was pug ugly- now that surely should not be allowed, it must go against the trade descriptions act to have ugly firemen must it not! Imagine the disappointment if you hired him!!

WWB - nothing much to say except your posts are really moving and I'm thinking of you. I want to tell you that now's your time - to look after yourself, lose the weight you want to/do whatever you want to do - but I know it's not that easy..!

to lower the tone... I went out with a fireman very briefly in my youth - so gorgeous (body AND face) that I had to keep changing my tops because I kept drooling on them. Sadly once the fog lifted I discovered that he wasn't really capable of stringing together even a basic conversation. It was my first and shocking introduction to the fact that looks alone are really not enough

on another aside - when I did my preparation course for the adoption, one of the things we had to spend some time looking at was how to build "resilience" in our children. Resilience is the social work term for dealing with lifes knocks and often equates to self esteem. I'll dig my notes out and summarise the key points later perhaps if anyone is interested.

My mum was a loving mother but wasn't great at building my self esteem - she has very little herself and she beleives that you shouldn't tell children that they're good at things because they will show off. Spent my teenage years with my mum saying rather doubtfully "are you sure you're good enough?"

Bizarrely I seem to have variable self-esteem. I know I am intelligent so I am confident when it comes to intellectual things - good at quiz nights that kind of thing. But when it comes to social things I hate them, I feel very ordinary and dull (and fat an frumpy of course!) and just generally not very interesting. Probably partly a result of my livelier older sister who was always popular with the boys. Was always easier not to compete and bury my head in a book. My only saving grace at these things is that years of working in my mums shop has beaten an advanced degree of social skills into me so I cover it up quite well.

Not here for long just popping on to say I am ill ill ill, I feel bloody awfull. DH started a new job this week and ds has a cold and I still have to go to college this thurs and fri as I can't afford to miss a day. My eating is out of control and I have had no time to exersize.

Sorry I haven't been around much over the past few weeks but life has just taken over

so sorry you're feeling rough, be kind to yourself and don;t stress abou the food. I'm completely off the wagon at the moment too, it's not the end of the world you can go back to it when you're ready.

Just keep plodding on, things will get better...

flutterbee, hope you feel better soon. don't worry about dieting until you feel well and DON'T beat yourself up about it.
Sue, your post about variable self esteem sounds just like me. Isn't it funny how many of our experiences are so similar, this is becoming a study in how and why people become overeaters.
The naturally slim thread is fascinating, the ordinary diets of most of them sound much like my basic diet, the difference is that I just can't do one biscuit or a couple of squares of chocolate and that in bad times food becomes an obsession. Sometimes, when i haven't got any chocolate etc in the house at night when dh is away I find myself adding up how much trouble it would be to put the kids in the car and go & get soemthing. Usually, good sense prevails, when my children go to sleep i don't often disturb them, but i'm tempted.

Yes - sue I identify with your 'variable' self esteem - I was 'the clever one', the older daughter, and when I got my glasses aged about 11, the 'speccy four-eyes' at school. All of which combined to make me value myself for my intellect, rather than my physical abilities/shape. I was lucky that my parents were always very supportive and loving, and always said 'as long as you do your best, that's all we can ask of you'. I've noticed that I've fallen to a certain extent into the same role on Mumsnet - the person who 'knows things', or in this case, finds things, on the internet - I adore being able to come up with a solution to someone's problem - makes me feel so good. Probably all linked.

justamum - I'm the same in that I can't eat just one biscuit - it's the packet or nothing! So no biscuits in the house at the moment... I wish I could be as casual about what I eat as the naturally slim people thread. Since reading it I'm trying not to think about food and eating - it's working to a certain extent - but not entirely! For instance it's 11.30am now and all I'm thinking about is my ham sandwich waiting for me in the fridge!!

I'm scared to weigh in today - how long can I go having crap weeks before you all tell me to pull myself together? Actually last week wsn;t so crap now I come to think of it but this week has been bad.

Strangely I am feeling more positive this morning, had porridge for breakfast instead of bacon sandwich (which i have been having ). LAso my mum has been to the doctor and told she has arthritis quite badly in her neck and les badly in her hips. She's been referred to a physio and been told quite firmly that she MUST lose weight. What you can get away with younger catches up with you as you age. They have even agreed to put her on one of these fancy new slimming drugs which are very expensive, particularly as she is diabetic. It has focussed my mind again on why I am doing this and hopefully will also give my mum some impetus to do something too. She is sometiems my downfall - when she puts a huge dinnre in front of me and I wail "But you know I'm on a diet" she always says "well don;t don;t have to eat it all". Right, because thats how I got to this size, by leaving food on my plate!

sue, nobody on here is going to tell you to pull yourself together - that's not what we're about (and you know that really, don't you). And you know you can always stop weighing for a few weeks, until you're ack from Kaz, and have settled into a new routine .

thanks Jackie - I suppose that I feel like telling myself to pull myself together and am just projecting. In a peculiar way I feel better weighing and knowing the worst and feeling that I feel ready to do something about it soon. I'm scared that if I let myself ignore my weight that I will permanently slump back into a pit of overeating never to be seen again!

Now that I have permission to be rubbish I will go off bravely and weigh...

put on 2 and a half this week. But I am putting it down to AF arriving and I always eat loads. Never mind

I'd better declare my 2lbs on as well... It's my first weight gain since starting at WW and I think it was pay back for losing 3lbs the week before when I hadn't been at all good!

So, not worrying and will go tomorrow night hoping I've at least not put any more on..!

Hopefully I'll have time to catch up with this thread a bit later. Things have been pretty hectic lately so I haven't been doing much MNing.

I've stayed the same weight this week.

Hi everyone,

Is it Ok to just join in please?

I've been battling with my weight for years, never very successfully. Although looking back on my 10.5 stone 30 year old self (oh how I'd love to be that skinny now!) I realise that probably I was beating myself up about my weight because that was the easy option.

I used to follow the shape up challange on I-village and got lots of support but they've sort of changed and the 'chat' is all about how many calories in a banana and how drinking water all day and only eating small snacks works etc......Ok I'm exaggerating, but I just didn't feel comfortable there any more.

I've been lurking here and reading all your posts for a week or so and you all sound really lovely. You all seem to understand the sorts of problems I have in relation to food too, so will it be ok to post and join in the weigh in?

hello littlemisssensible - welcome, this forum is exactly the place for people who have issues with their eating habits, most of us are trying to lose weight (in my case not too well just now!).

Welcome aboard.

Ok have weighed, and has done me more good than any amount of sympathy or pep talks - so glad I did. I put on 4 pounds - FOUR POUNDS .

Bloody hell I haven't enjoyed it four pounds worth. Tonight I am going to make some pasta (instead of sloping off to the bloody chip shop) and plan some menus for the week.

FOUR POUNDS - Bloody hell. Off your arse Jonesy and go for a walk my girl.

Will be walking down to the tube station this evening.

Well have weighed, and have stayed the same. Which is fine, I think. Feel as though I'm resting on my (rather squashed) laurels, though, so I need to get some determination back and knuckle down again.

Welcome, littlemisssensible. This thread has really helped me loads. They're such a lovely bunch of people - supportive, and realistic, and honest, and it's helped me understand lots more about myself and my relationship with food. Hope it does the same for you.

still no head jackie! I may go back to being a mindlesszombie, thats how i feel. I have been up since 4.30 when I woke with insomnia. Then DS heard me go downstairs, he decided to shout out to me and woke dd up too, so at 5.15 me and both children were under a duvet on the sofa watching cbeebies dvds. DH came down at 6.45 and found us still huddled there as our heating (which has worked everytime I followed guidance and tested it over the summer) has packed in- great!
Feel a bit of a fraud coming on here as dieting couldn't be further from my mind, but anyway; Sue-you know what I'm going to say- haul yourself back on that wagon, you know you'll feel better. Just think though-if you hadn't been so good already that would have been 4lb on top of your original weight. You have been through considerable stress just recently, and still are so don't be too hard on yourself. The following is a quote from an earlier post of yours
"Every time I lose control in a big way and manage to getback to losing, it does encourage me to think that I might be able to conquer this long term."
You can do it!

What a great time to remind me of my wise words - today was a better day than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today...

Go easy on yourself, Sue. And welcome littlemisssensible.

OK, we're a bit thin on the ground this week, but here are the figures I have.

Coppertop: stayed the same (total 11lb)
DottyDot: +2lb (total 6.5lb)
Fauve: -2lb (total 12lb)
JackieNo: stayed the same (total 28lb)
suejonez: +4 (total 9lb)
Tawny75: +2.5 (total 3.5lb)
WWB: -3lb (total 16lb)

If ever there was a week that needed a line drawing underneath it, it's this one! So, here it is ... _

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