Please help me with my weight problem - Long post

[carlyb]

I was going to change my nickname for this as I am very embarrased, but have decided I need to be honest!
I am very over weight. I started dieting when I was 18 and I was 11 stone. Gradually over the years as I failed on each diet I have put on more and more weight. I diet - then fall off the wagon big style.

Recently I have realised that I eat for comfort. I am a SAHM and find that I eat all the time - but feel hungry all the time. I am so very happy with my life, I have a lovely son and a wonderful husband - but just seem to feel really miserable.

I have two fronts - the public me, happy, always giving everybody in my life a shoulder to cry on/support, laughing. And then there is the real me. I am very unhappy. I think that I am so fat that maybe soon my heart will just stop. This worries me so much that it keeps me awake at night. I have stopped going out recently. I am really paranoid that I might bump into somebody that I used to know and havent seen since putting on this weight. I wont go to pubs/clubs now and have found I am making less and less effort with my appearence.

How can I shake out of this? I have tried diets - but end up binge eating when I slip up. Does anybody know how I feel and how I can change?
Sorry to go on, but I dont have anybody to tallk to about this. If I talk to my DH I just end up crying and get frustrated. He is really understanding - but has tried helping me - but it doesnt work.
Any help will be appreciated as I think that I am now getting quite depressed.

In addition to what I just put, I thought that I had better admit that I am 19 stone.

Well done Carly.

Have you tried keeping a food diary - writing down everything you eat/drink each day? That may highlight key times for you and then you may be able to work on those times specificially.

Also, what about working out what food you will eat every day each week and only nuying in that food only, and nothing else - so less to be tempted by?

And why not joint the Mumsnet slimmers club here. Every bit of encouragement and support might help

Good luck.

Carlyb, Sorry no advice only big hugs from me, but I am sure that there will be others that can help you,
Love and Hugs
Jan
{{{{xxxxx{}}}}}

I have been on diets and failed all my life. I have taken laxatives, slimming pills, starved myself and binged (could never be sick).

It was affecting my entire life.....who I saw, what I wore, I would drape myself in baggy clothes to hide it and I hated myself. I couldnt eat in front of people and would nibble a salad, binging later on anything.

Then one day I realised that I didnt like what i was and got a grip of myself. I needed to lose weight as I knew that is what would make me happy and make my family life happier.

To me, dieting is about what is in your head and not about food. You are probably using food as something to do as you might be bored, have PMT, feel fed up etc Not major problems -just life -and so you eat.

You need to get your head round it and take one day at a time as I did. I really think it is about your head and moods and how you feel and whatever anyone says, if you dont want to then you wont lose weight. I joined WW and it was great. My dh helped me and we both lost weight. If you have a lot to lose then just do it half a stone at a time. Look at what triggers you to eat and WRITE IT ALL DOWN. there is no point trying to hide it ....be honest....and write how you feel as well. There might be a pattern that you can see and work from there.

I really hope this helps and i know you will get a lot of posts. Contact me if you want to chat.

Carly......I have stopped the thread immediately. Sorry.

Carly, I think it would help to talk about your eating disorder - which is what it sounds like to me - with a proper, trained therapist. Because all the things you say like 'I eat all the time, but feel hungry all the time' and 'I have two fronts' sound like classic eating disorder things to me. Taking the issue to someone else and a setting where you can look at it in a more detached way might well help you to think through some things for yourself, and start you on the way to tackling them. Good luck. MIxxxxx

Carlyb, you've taken a great step forward by posting this at all, facing up to the problem is a huge hurdle to overcome, so be chuffed with yourself.

Writing everything down is a great help as it really does show where your weakest points are and helps you to understand how you can avoid 'feeding' them IYSWIM.

Are there any diet plans which you have tried before which fit yours & your family's eating habits as these would be more likely to work long term.

I was a yo-yo dieter for years and lost the same 3-4 stone lots of times until I realised I had to change; I was always 'on a diet' or was eating for England, getting pissed off at putting weight on, eating more cos I was sad about it, etc etc.

Eventually following the Rosemary Connelly plan worked for me, and I now don't diet but if I overeat (any food, I don't 'ban' any) I make sure I up my exercise before the extra calories get a chance to weld to my hips.

Do as Hulababy suggests and join the MN slimmers, you've made a move in the right direction already so do it !

Good luck and good eating x

carlyb - have you thought about seeing a nutritionist? i am one myself and often see people who sound exactly like you - it helps them to have a structured eating plan (not a diet!) which is not about denial but about eating foods that nourish you. a good nutritionist will work within your lifestyle constraints etc. ie. won't expect you to live on mung bean salads! and will also be able to identify any underlying problems which may be contributing to the situation IYKWIM. If you would like a recommendation just let me know where you live and I will see if I can find someone for you??????

Thankyou for the responses. I was feeling very low last night as I started a diet yesterday morning and was already snacking when I wrote the message!
It really helps to hear that you have been through the same thing Twink and collision - and that you seem to be doing better now. I agree with what you have all said about writing my food intake down, because if I am honest I have no idea what I eat in a day. I think that maybe I am scared to find out!
I will check out the mumsnet slimming club tonight. Motherinferior - I think that you are right, I am developing an eating disorder. I am going to take a good look and what I am eating and why I have formed this pattern.
Thanks for the support Jan - I think sometimes it is just nice to have support. I find a lot of the time in my own life I am the one giving support - but am not very good at recieving it. This is why Mumsnet has been so good for me - to recieve support and not feeling guilty or embarrased!

Percy - Yes please! If there is anybody you could recommend - I live in Essex. If you dont know anybody - do I look a nutritionist up in the yellow pages? How much will I expect to pay? Sorry - so many questions - hadnt thought of it before!

Thanks

carlyb
I really feel with you on this: I just can't stick on a diet, any weight I have lost goes back on twice. SO I can't give you any advice on how to be better at dieting.

One thing that may help is getting to see the in/out as a balance - food in/energy out need to balance like a pair of old-fahioned scales.

I read recently that a study of the Amish in America (who live a preindustrial farming life for religious reasons)eat a huge amount - but also walk a lot - and have very little obesity in their community. (Try Amish and pedometer on google for lots of reports.) Apparently we should be aiming to walk 10000 steps a day: the Amish walk about 15000 steps a day. So I got a pedometer from Millets and found I was averaging about 7000 steps: no wonder my weight goes on ...

Anyway, I am hoping to increase my number of steps I take and decrease the amount of food I eat until I stop puting on weight and even start losing it.

Best of luck

Hugs {{{{{}}}}} carlyb, only just seen this. I am no expert on weight reduction but would like to invite you to join us at the MN Mamas where I have recently taken over the weight-loss spreadsheet. If it would be helpful to you please mail me at mn.bigmamas(at)virgin(dot)net (obviously putting the @ sign, taking out brackets etc), all you do is mail me with your weight-loss every week and I post an announcement on a Friday night, I will also aim to either send out or post motivational tips/messages (going to research on the net, as I said I am no expert) and congratulate milestones, first half stone etc.

If this would be of help either now or in the future please feel free to mail me. xxx

hi carlyb
unfortunately i do not know anyone personally who works in essex. the best thing to do is to either go onto the BANT website - british association of nutritional therapists and they will have list or they will also have a list at the institute for optimum nutrition (ION) who also have a website. HTH - otherwise if you ever come into London I know lots of people personally.

Hi cralyb. I have just joined the mn mamas. I weigh 14st 10 and hate it also. I have the body fat percentage scales and when I weighed myself, I was horrified to find out how much my percentage was (notice the way I've avoided telling you how HIGH it was).

I really want to do well and as I feel I want to stay posting on this site then I can't really give in or I will feel really embarrased.

If you do decide to join, then I wish us all luck.

Hi Carly!! how are you today?? I too have tons of weight to loose, there are a few mumsneters who too have alot to loose have a look here

carly i dont know about the others but i dont agree with diets and from what i have seen with i thik the best one is ww is you dont diet you change you eating habits you know the stuff eat properly if you feel like a snack grab the fruit and everything is fine in moderation i had a freind who wenton one of these fad diets and she said she realy fancied a piece of choclate so i said have a piece but just have enough to help the craving but she said no because of this diet and the next she endded up eating a lrge bar of dairy milk because he craving got that bad instead of the one or two pieces she would have had the day before sorry cant talk from my own experiance because when i thik my weight is getting to much i start walking everywhere and lose it that way

Thank-you so much for your posts. I really do need to do more exercise. It is nice to know that there are people who understand what I am going through. All of my friends are mega slim so no-body really understands.
Demented (great nickname!) I will e-mail you that sounds great - maybe I will get some motivation. Champs - did you join ww online? Is it any good? Pery - I looked at the website for BANT and there is somebody who lives near me so will give her a ring tomorrow. thanks
Thanks again everyone for the support/tips I am really touched.

carly... no i didnt join... it said i couldnt cos i was breast feeding!! It has a weeks free trial though if you're interested.

I am very much like you carly, especially the bit about not wanting to see anyone who used to know me. I get fed up with diets, i don't tend to binge eat, and I do try to diet, but i just end up failing for some reason. I do try to put on a front that i am happy, but underneath i am bloody miserable, and cannot believe i have got to this state. So your not the only one, and sometimes its just comforting to know that there is someone out there whos in a similar boat. Don't give up.

carlyb, only just caught up on this. Did you email me? It's just that we've had a couple of email problems and one or two MN Mamas mails went astray. Mail me again, if I've missed you - mn.bigmamas(at)virgin(dot)net.

Soulfly, could MN Mamas help? If so mail me with your details at the address below and I'll add you to the spreadsheet.

Demented - mn mamas has passed me by. What is it? Sounds like it could help me too!

willow2 I joined weightwatchers again online and it's working!!! Want to try it with me?

I have lost half a stone so far (put 2lbs back on over easter tho as was away with lots of friends all cooking in turns so couldn't be too picky + ate 595 easter eggs!)

Have been talking to my mum today about me and my weight, and its quite embarrasing to say she is in her fifties and is the same height but is way smaller than me. I sometimes wonder if i am an embarrasment to her(my sister is heavy too). But she was saying, that things like potatoes, white rice, sugar, pasta all contain lodes of sugar or carbohydrate which in turn turns to sugar and that perhaps if i avoided these as much as possible, she was sure i would loose weight. So it will be very much like the atkins diet, but not quite so strict. I did the atkins, and it did work, but i am so fed up of meat, i could go veggie. I will email you my details. Thank you.

Has anyone heard of the book sugar busters or fat busters, you know ghost busters and they hve that ghost with the no go sign, well it has tht on the cover. I just wondered if anyone has seen it, or heard of it.

Willow2, you can mail me with your starting weight, target weight (if any) and then mail me every Thursday with your loss which will be announced on the appropriate weekly thread, we celebrate milestones, first half stone etc. There is a motivational thread and recipes thread for extra help too. If we can help mail me at mn.bigmamas(at)virgin(dot)net.