feel fat and fed up :(

[zazzabeans]

enough is enough... I am sick of my life.. I cant enjoy anything (nights out, meals out, shopping trips etc ) because of my size
I am 5ft 2 and weigh 13st 12lb I am busting out of size 16 clothes.. I am just so sick
I have polycystic ovarys so know weight loss is a problem but I have managed to lose in the past but always put back on, most iv managed to lose is 1 stone . I have no willpower whatsoever. I start dieting every Monday and by Wednesday I have given up. Now I know slimming world is a brill diet but I am a crap cook lol... I have also done calorie counting in the past, sticking to 1300 cals but it took forever I got bored.
Really don't know what to do

I kept it off for ages Milly, but have put it back on lately (since Sept) as I have been snarfing loads of biscuits when I'm at work, and drinking too much wine. (Tbh, I only weigh 9 1/2 stone and I'm 5'8, so I am not overweight.)

If I didn't go to the gym a lot, I'd be fat.

My experience of 5:2 was that I was much more conscious and less hungry on non fast days and never overate. I felt more energetic. The downside was I was colder than normal (which is freezing).

zazza by the way, I definitely think you can eat more than 1300 cals and still lose weight. You're more likely to stick with a diet and not feel deprived if you eat more (but less than you currently have been eating iyswim). TiP is right about TDEE - Google it. If you want to go the calorie restriction route then input your stats into a TDEE calculator eg the one I used below then eat at 15-20 % below TDEE. I lost loads of weight eating just 15% below my maintenance calories (until I got bored of calorie counting and shifted to 5:2 - "dieting just twice a week").

scoobysworkshop.com/calorie-calculator/

I rarely binge on non-fasting days either Milly. My appetite's re-set and I'm too much in tune with my genuine physical hunger and fullness signals now to overeat much. Besides, my stomach now physically hurts if I overstuff it too much.

zazza here are my before and after photos (hope they inspire you):
www.mumsnet.com/Profile?nick=BsshBossh&photos=p

You look great Bssh and well done. I don't diet in any way shape or form now as having spent most of my life dieting or watching calories in one way or another, realised that it is no way to live your life. Years ago I read a book called Overcoming Overeating and it turned my life around. I eat whatever I want when im hungry and stop when im full which is how we are supposed to eat and how slim people eat. My mother had me dieting from a very young age and it destroyed my body image completely. The turning point for me is when I had my own baby girl and I decided that I did not want a lifetime of dieting and disordered eating and body image for her. Glad to say that she is now 23, size 8 and gorgeous and loves her body and eats normally and never gains weight. She doesn't see food as an issue like I did. That for me is all the proof I need that stopping dieting and disordered eating is the only way to normalise food and get back to being in touch with your own hunger signals. Im not overweight but spent a lifetime believing I was all due to the dieting industry.

You've been on quite a journey, Milly. And it's terrific your DD is a normal, healthy eater :) You should be proud.

I am so happy I've learned what true physical hunger and fullness feels like. It's taken a while but now I recognise the signals I simply can't overeat in the way I used to. Thank goodness.

My DD is only 5 but I enjoy observing her natural eating patterns and find myself learning from them :)

And you have done so well too Bssh and you observing how your daughter eats naturally is brilliant. She might gain weight at various times in her life as we all can do but as long as she is not made to feel bad or fat or ugly or to diet then she will re normalise herself when she is ready. You learning about true hunger is always a breakthrough isn't it. That's my base line now.....if im not sure if im truly hungry I remember a time when I was absolutely ravenous and then I feel back in touch with my true hunger.

Milly, I see your point. It's also psychological. For example, I am not that bothered by sweets/ cake / chocolate - I prefer savoury food. BUT, if I consciously decide to avoid sweets / chocolate / cake, I will want nothing more than those things. I am also one whose body image was ruined by family members. I was a skinny child and bullied non stop for it. From the age of about 11 I began to go the other way, and they bullied me for that. I've been over weight all my adult life. There is more to it than over eating, MIL is always supporting me with this because she sees that I don't eat huge portions etc.
I am trying to balance things out. I want to do more exercise etc, I am really down on myself but I truly believe there is an underlying health issue contributing to it too. I never want my children to feel like I do. I resent my Dad, and other family members for what they did to me as a child.

My DD is 15 and has a really healthy attitude to food.
Surely that is one of the best things we can pass on.

My kids know that on fast days DH and I have soup or spanish omelette or beans on toast for supper
but on other days we have lovely meals like pizza and roasts
and she and DS know to stop when they are full
and fizzy drinks are treated the same as alcohol in the house - which automatically controls intake.

I eat in a very ordered way, just not the same amount every day.

Delilah Of course it is psychological.....totally, that is what I have said. If you are told not to eat something because it is supposedly bad for you then you will want it all the more. That is why I stopped dieting and started stocking up on all and any food I enjoyed. To normalise food and put it back in its rightful place as just food. Nothing else...not good or bad...just food. It took awhile but eventually I no longer became bothered about any foods and just ate what I wanted, when I was genuinely hungry. What a relief it is to not diet or be hung up on trying to eat in a certain way .

Talking Yes our children having a normal attitude to food is what I wanted to pass on. All food being normal. Your children knowing that you and your husband fast (not eat, starve) for certain periods of the week is not altogether something I would promote as a healthy attitude for kids to take on board. When you hear of girls (and indeed boys) starving themselves to lose weight it seems a fine line to me.

Im sorry but despite reading all about 5:2 etc, I have read enough on the threads and online and in real life to feel that this fad will pass when the next greatest "diet" comes along. So many of the ladies on the threads are bingeing and feel themselves to be failing on a fast day when they have 600 or 700 calories. If this is not disordered eating, then what is? There have also been many many people who have come off the fast diets and of course as with most diets, have put the weight back on and then some. You can justify it however you like but it is a diet. Health benefits are promised on all diets and WOE but health benefits are just used to sway peoples opinions. Health benefits come with eating food full stop. You can tailor your food to your body and what it works well with of course but that is not the same thing as dieting. The impact of 5:2 on women has had adverse press and is not good for the way womens bodies nor their fertility or hormonal health.Most of the research for health was in fact done on men.

Most of the original research was done on men I meant to say. It is only now that the research and affects on womens health is appearing and it is not looking good.

Milly
But we are not in any way shape or form "starving".
We both drink endless cups of tea. I never eat breakfast anyway. We sit down and have supper with them.
We are not starving, we are just dipping into the copious reserves stored on our tummies.
Not eating three meals a day is the norm in most of the world. I'm not sure where the obsession with it in the UK and USA came from.

Who said anything about eating three meals a day. Instinctive eating is about eating when you are hungry as we are meant to do.
Of course you are starving yourselves, drinking copious cups of tea just fills you up and there are many of ladies on your threads who are very very hungry so starving your bodies of food when it requires it is very negative.
At the end of the day 5:2 isn't magic it just causes you to drop your calories over the course of a week to a level that makes your body use up its fat stores. This can be done without going without food for long periods of time.

Hey! I was exactly like you, but a lot heavier (size 22). I also have pcos. I would do half hearted diets but never stick to them. I went to the doctors a couple of months ago about my bad back and he gave me a right lecture as I'd put on 3 stone since I'd seen him last (2 years previously). I could tell he was really annoyed and probably a bit disgusted. That motivated me to go on a proper diet.

I used the app nutracheck (like myfitness pal but I found it easier to use) to track my calories and I've lost 3 stone so far. I've still got another 4 to go before hitting the "healthy" BMI range (I know!!), but now I've started losing weight I feel aI can do it.. (will definitely stop/eat to maintain when I reach my target though!)

I think the motivation is the key, and the doctor telling me about diabetes and my knees giving out and that was causing my bad back etc (to scare me), worked!

The things I've found most useful -

At the beginning I weighed everything to add to the app, and this really helped my portion control.

I found for me that rice cakes are a saviour, either salt & vinegar (or plain etc) for when you want a savoury snack, or the caramel or chocolate ones for when you fancy a biscuit etc.

Laughing cow light or extra light is a great alternative to proper cheese and v low calorie. I have it for lunch with ryvita and salad etc.

I'm not eating pasta, potatoes, bread or rice at the moment, I think this has really helped. Instead I'm eating pureed cauliflower instead of mashed potato, or beans or lentils or quinoa as a "carb" substitute.

I'm just eating LOTS of veg and quorn and pulses etc really... I'm vegetarian, but even if you're not, quorn is a great lower calorie alternative to meat.

My main thing is portion control, and to not eat "treat" foods as the norm (ie pizza/ice cream etc). These are for special occasions (when the diet is over!). It is working for me (fingers crossed), but everyone is different. I would be up for a pcos diet thread!

I think the meaning of "starving" has been lost in this debate. I'm on the 5:2 woe, I eat on Monday night at around 7pm and then again at around 7pm on Tuesday. Out of that 24 hours, around 8 is sleeping leaving 16 hours where I drink water, black coffee or herbal teas, that isn't starving. I have lost 2 stone since the beginning of the year, feel great and don't feel the need to over eat on my non fast days. I've been on and off diets all my life, this is the only method which has kept me focused and lost the weight. It's not for everyone and I would agree that more research needs doing into the effects on women of a child bearing age, I'm getting past that though!

Talkin I understand that you have found this diet to work for you and keep you from gaining weight. That really is the bottom line. I asked you about it the other day and then went on the threads and did some research online and from what I have seen it is a diet and women are suffering again by going without food for long periods of time and being very very hungry. The high that some of you report is what anorexics get when they starve themselves. That's not a good thing in my opinion. Sorry but I really feel that the message you are giving openly to your kids is not a healthy one regarding the simple subject of food and nourishment. It just complicates it.

It is only now that the research and affects on womens health is appearing and it is not looking good.
Do you have links to the research studies ?
I've not seen anything (and I read science press for work every week)

Prawn 16 hours without food and just existing on water, black coffee and herbal teas on a regular basis is indeed starving. What else can it be called. You have done this diet to lose weight so therefore it is a diet and diets wont work long term. It will be interesting to see in a couple of years time just how many people are back to their pre diet weight and looking for the next diet.

millyrules
if fasting was as dangerous as you say

then going all day without any food or water
for a whole month every year
would surely be much much worse ....

but Muslims seem to have managed it pretty well for over 1000 years

Jews regularly fast
as do devout Catholics
and Buddhists
and Hindus
in fact fasting has been around a lot longer than "nutritional guidelines"
mainly because its linked to the seasonality of food

No sorry, starving is defined as to die due to lack of food or nourrishment, or to suffer severely from hunger. No one is starving due to going without food for 16 hours. The problem for most people is that they are conditioned to eat three square meals a day regardless of whether they are hungry or not.
This WOE has taught me to listen to my body more effectively and as talk says many groups have been fasting for years.
I'll come back in a couple f years and let you know whether I've kept the weight off, I'm pretty confident based on my past lack of success with diets tha this way works for me but accept its not for everyone.

www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/373665/Caveman-fasting-diet-may-leave-women-diabetic

Lots of ladies on the 5:2 threads are indeed suffering from hunger and are in danger of developing disordered eating patterns.
Its not a way of eating its a diet.

Feeling faint when fasting is never going to be a natural way to exist.