Also I might have had another Miranda moment. Honestly I have been swimming twice since the boss meeting, foot hooking, backward swimming effort with no problems whatsoever (you know like a normal adult!). But I think last night was pay back.
Getting out the pool at the end I was well chuffed at having swum 500m (double my previous record) but was a bit wobbly and had pins and needles all up my forearms. I decided I would ask one of the lifeguards if that was normal (I have a heart condition and get a little paranoid sometimes). Having made this resolution I realise the only guy left on duty is a 6 foot tanned, toned, 20 something godlet in training. But I decide not to be intimidated by this and plough on, trying desperately not to appear tongue tied. He informs me that if I have been doing mainly breast stroke, it is totally normal as the muscles cramp up slightly and restrict blood flow. Trying not to swoon that this adonis is as smart as he is well chiselled, I head to the lockers.
And this is where it goes wrong.
See I hate the fecking lockers because they are on the typical crappy hard plastic strap with key system. And it's faffy to get the key in and out of the strap and faffy to take the strap on and off and I am only going to get my shampoo out. So buoyed up by having found the confidence to speak to hunky surfer-dude, I decide to get one up on the locker too. I decide that I can unlock it without bothering to take the strap off.
So I wrestle the key out from its slot in the strap and insert it in the lock and turn. This immediately causes problems as my arm has to rotate from comfortable horizontal to a rather uncomfortable hand down elbow in the air vertical orientation. It is also the moment I realise that I am wearing the strap on my left wrist and the lockers open left to right, so having opened the door I cannot actually reach around to get the shampoo out whatsoever. After a brief moment of consternation, I admit defeat and try and remove the key - which of course I cannot do. You have to turn the key to the locked position to release it and that tinkling noise I heard when I embarked on this action was my pound coin falling out of the lock into the catch tray. Not a problem except that from my current arm locked position I cannot reach the coin tray either.
So I am standing there (well I am bent over with my elbow in the air), my arm locked to the locker door and my mind utterly blank with rage that the locker has well and truly kicked my ass, when hunk of the century saunters up and smooth as you like says "let me help you with that" and very calmly undoes the fecking strap.
I am not sure that there is any way of talking your way out of this situation with dignity but I am certain it isn't to mutter "I knew that, I knew that...erm..but thanks anyway....stupid lockers" and then slink off.
What am I...like 6 years old?