Okay, it is confession time

[TheOriginalFAB]

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I have issues with food.

I think I know why I have them but have never been able to keep my eating under control more than twice in my life, for longer than a few days.

I have just eaten a whole packet of biscuits plus two and nearly cried when I was eating the last one as I feel such a failure and now I feel yuk.

I am so crap. I am over weight. I am fat. I am useless. I am fighting myself really as the people I am sticking 2 fingers up too when I eat, don't see and wouldn't care if they did.

I know my genes are against me but that is no excuse.

I need help.

I feel for you FAB, I don't think I can be much help but i'm sure putting this on here is an excellent first step. maybe you can think about some counselling. I'm sure someone with some good advice will be along soon. You're not useless and we all need help with something.

Thank you .

I just keep repeating the same things over and over again .

I was just thinking about nothing in particular as I did some exercise and it came to me that food makes me happy, except it doesn't really as I feel rubbish after I have eaten and have failed to control myself again.

Fab, first of all, I totally get it. I have felt the same way myself. In fact, just last night.

As I understand it, it's not just our genes that are 'against us'. It's a whole host of things, some of which are barely understood, like the interaction between foods we eat and our insulin systems, food as addiction, gender stereotyping and priming and social pressures. And being awake for most of the night before because of a sick child, and being sociable, and who knows what else?

So by considering ourselves as 'failures' and beating ourselves up and hating ourselves for overeating we are being extremely hard on ourselves - it's not just our own willpower we are 'fighting' but a whole huge system of interacting forces.

I am not expressing this very well. I just think that saying 'Eat less' is a really crap and reductivist response to someone like me, or perhaps also like you, who has a range of really complicated stuff going on when we reach for the biscuits.

Now I have to pick up DD.

What do you think?

I think with me it is a mixture. I have always been able to lose the weight after pregnancies but have put 2 stone on since I went on anti depressants though no one in the medical profession will say it is them. I probably don't eat enough some times and am all over the place with food. I did some exercise today though.

I have never taken AD's for long because they make me put on weight and that is even more depressing.....birth control was a no no for my system too. I think you can at leat just blame it on the medication and try and work out some strategies. Eg, I eat rice cakes when I feel like doing lots of crunching, then have a small amount of something nice like nutella when I'm no longer hungry. Make sure you eat little and often, sounds like you are getting blood sugar slumps. Maybe you could look at the radiant recovery website (from the Potatoes not Prozac book). www.radiantrecovery.com

I can't ever come of AD's so the GP is considering putting me on slimming tablets.

TheOriginalFAB you said you have issues with food. I totally understand. I do too. I have struggled for years with diets, losing, putting on etc etc.

All I can recommend is that you look into some books that will help you with your eating, help you to work out what the issues are and how you can change what you do. You said you managed to control your eating twice before, when was that and what was the key for you? Maybe the slimming pills will help but I do think getting to the bottom of the issues will help.

If it were possible to see a counsellor (which you may be able to get to see with a referrel from your GP) that might help.

I agree with LuckyC that there are a whole load of reasons why food now is a problem for lots of us. Some food is addictive. The kind that is addictive is the kind that is unhealthy but tastes good! This kind of food was not available to previous generations. So there are lots of issues we are facing that older generations did not have to contend with.

Please, please also stop beating yourself up, you are NOT crap. You are human and lots of people struggle with food. Learning to love yourself more and nurture yourself in a good way will help. Pamper yourself without food. a lovely relaxig bath with bubbles, some nice hand cream, some time to yourself whent3 the kids are in bed, a good magaizne. I know times re tight but food costs to and if you are overeating you may be spending that money on food which does not make you feel better could go to occasional non-food treats that may help you feel more positive.

You mentioned people you want to stick two fingers up at, can you find some way of working through those issues?

Finding ways of exploring what these food issues are working through them could be the key. I really hope it will.

If sharing helps, please do come back and share if you wish. I know how you feel. I have a lot to lose and it is very difficult but you must try and do it because you are lovely and worth it, not because of any negative feelings about yourself.

I know exactly how you feel. I have just eaten 200g of chocolate. I am tired and using my DH being away for a week as an excuse to eat shit, and lots. I find any excuse to eat.
When i do eat, I do it to be contrary as I know I don't want to be doing it really. I get angry when I want to eat and know I shouldn't be.
I totally get the negative feelings that eating like that brings. I was going to get counselling for a particular reason and it would cover eating, but I stopped going for other reasons. It would have been CBT. I would love to go back to counselling for food issues. I would like to reprogramme my mind about food. Perhaps CBT would help you.
Please don't feel that you are a bad person because of this. The compulsion to put that last biscuit in your mouth despite your misery is so hard to fight but it is possible! Not that I am sure how at the moment.
You are not alone. I have no concrete advice coz I am not taking it myself at the moment, but I do completely understand how you feel.

I tried the Pig to Twig plan late last year and while I lost a good 6lbs, it was more my head that was sorted out. I only stopped it as I got fed up with having to buy different things for me to eat and I couldn't buy a weeks worth in one go. I got fed up of having to go to the shop.

I have also been listening to the Paul McKenna I can make you thin CD and that helped for a bit.

When I try to lose weight I manage to in the first week or so and then nothing.

I controlled my weight when I was getting married as I would have been if I hadn't have been able to get into my dress. I also ate really well when I was expecting my first baby and only gave in to having some teddy bear sweets in the last month as I just really fancied some. After baby 1 I lost all the baby weight in 6 months and by the 1 year mark with baby 2. I have put 2 stone on since I went on AD'S when baby 3 was a year old. I didn't notice and he is 6 now.

The people I talk about sticking 2 fingers up too are the people who looked after me when I was a child but I wasn't allowed to eat if I was hungry outside of meal times and if I asked for seconds I was made fun of. I would ask as I wouldn't know when I would next be allowed to eat. I was rarely given dinner money for school lunches either. I am hurting myself though as they don't see me now and wouldn't care even if they did.

I have 3 stone to lose and it is all on my tummy and breasts.

Thank you IGH. I am really grateful you took the time to reply and if I can listen and try and help you, I am here.

Rilly - thank you to you too for replying and I am sorry you are struggling as well. I know I am making the same mistakes over and over but I can't seem to get out of the vicious circle as there is always something else to come and stress me out and jinx it.

I am under a huge amount of stress at the moment and even that hasn't helped me lose weight.

I find that stress makes me worse, possibly the same for you? I did read a book called "The Diet Revolution" which was CBT training and you combined the exercises in changing your mind set, along with whatever diet you chose to do.
It made a lot of sense, for example, the fact that you have a choice to eat something or not, and the more you choose not to, the easier it will be. There was also a bit about not allowing any event or person to control what you do with food.
However, although it made complete sense I still didn't follow it, because I found it too hard to say no. I may go back to it, as it is in the mind with me. I know how to eat well and it sounds like you do too. Its just having the belief/willpower not to eat 200g of choc that is the problem.
The despair of not being able to stop, when you have done before is really horrible. I feel for you.
You sound like you have other things that are making you feel bad besides eating. Perhaps concentrate on feeling better about those other things and then tackle the eating.
I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you. I just feel sick at the moment. I don't want to eat anything.

TheOriginalFAB a big huge hug to you.

What you say about your childhood sounds like a real reason why you have food issues or why you have some of these issues.

My mum is a really lovely but does not like food much and has a few food issues with eating less and I wonder if some of my issues of missing out on food (an not wanting to miss out) is from my childhood. Because at times I wonder if i felt I was missing out on food. But it was nothing like what you describe. So i do feel counselling might help. Things that upset us can cause real physical symptoms. I watched 'The King's Speech' today and his stammer was due to issues from when he was a child, including food issues (if the programme is based on any facts that is!).

I also think some of my food stuff came from my OCD, or rather out of it, and my counsellor helped me find that out years ago. I've had counselling about relationships and infertility and it has helped me. I will keep looking for something to help me and if I find anything I will tell you.

I did also do a course called New ID about food issues. It is a Christian course and was free and I really enjoyed it. It also covered under-eating. It did make a lot of sense. I am a Christian and I heard about it from a friend.

www.newid.info/

Hugs to you.

Rillyrillygoodlooking Hope you find some answers too.

fab another thought is OWLS. Depends where you live but in Oxfordshire and Reading there is a service called OWLS, Oxfordshire Weight-loss Lifestyle Service. I have no idea if this is a lot of use but I do know two people who went on it and it has good benefits (as far as I understand it) in that it is free and it attempts to tackle the issues behind over eating and why we do it. I have no idea where you live but your local PCT (primary care trust) might be able to offer something similar.

www.royalberkshire.nhs.uk/wards__departments/d/diabetes_and_endocrinology/owls.aspx?theme=Patient

If your local PCT have no idea you could direct them to the website and ask why they are not putting a small investment into this, which could reap benefits for the patient and for the NHS! I mean ask it in a nice way, like you are trying to help them help you! I do think the docs should help us!

Thank you for all that information. I will look at it later as DS1 is at home today and I don't want him realising what is going on with me.

On a positive note, I have lost 5lbs .

Well done! How did you do it?? Good job

I have been eaten fish for lunch and just having jacket spud and cottage cheese for dinner. I still have had the odd bit of home made cake and some ice cream but not over eating.

Well done. Excellent news.

I totally agree about keeping weight loss issues away from kids.

Hi all. Just to say I have also found ADs make me gain weight. And my food issues are totally tied in with depression - almost a chicken/egg situation - and I can also trace them back to boarding school as a very young child when we were never allowed to eat except under strict supervision, could never eat outside mealtimes, always had to eat everything on plates, etc etc.

So there are similarities here, even if they manifest themselves in different ways.

OriginalFab, well done on losing weight; I would also like to lose weight. But more than that - what I really, really want is to separate issues of weight and eating from my self-esteem. I would rather be fat and happy. I would rather never lose the weight than feel like what I weigh sums up my worth as a human being (sorry this all sounds very serious but it's a serious issue for me!!!)

So - I am going to look into OWLs (thanks italian great suggestion) and the CBT book (thanks rillyrilly another great suggestion.)

I have posted elsewhere on this site about how screwed up and unconfident I feel about my ability to feed my DD - I am so scared I am getting it wrong. I don't want her to get fat.

But again I come back to this - I don't want her to spend half her life hating herself because she thinks she's fat.

Ladies - let's start a revolution. Let's stop hating our bodies.

I have been fighting with myself and it is wearing. Now I find I son't think about food so much and that is much better and healthier. I am calmer when I know what everyone is having for dinner and have also started making the kids more food at tea time as I think I might not have been giving them enough. DD is eating better too which I am relieved about as she has always been tricky with food. She has struggled since she went on to solids.

Hi guys

I am fine, have been ill for the last week and that is why I have not checked in to you guys. Being ill really puts things in perspective and makes me realise what I have in life and how great it is.

Hope you are all well.

Hope you are all feeling positive about your fabulous bodies, just seeing what the body can do and seeing what happens when it is ill, makes you realise how awesome the body is! Let's celebrate how great they are!

I hope it wasn't really serious Greyhound, glad you feel better.

Agree as well about keeping food issues away from kids, I try not to make my DCs eat their dinner, and if they really don't want it, then it is no food until the next day. They don't seem to care! I know though, that they eat too much sugar, because I eat too much sugar.

I have been really really fed up this week, I ate a ridiculous amount yesterday. It is my 37th birthday on Tues, and I am 1 stone heavier than I was ten years ago and wanting a similar thing as ten years ago. Lose weight before I am 40 (obviously before I was 30 ten years ago). Back then I got my arse into gear and did it. Now I feel like when I try that its all slipping away and I just give up and head for the food cupboard.

DH has said that he is worried that I will make the DCs fat. He just doesn't want to talk about my eating habits anymore as he thinks I am killing myself by eating too much. I am about 3 stone overweight at the moment. :(

None of that helped FAB but I hope you don't mind me moaning on here about it. I am really struggling to feel positive about any part of my body at the moment :( sorry Greyhound :(

Use this thread for anythng you want.

I really wish none of us had food issues.

I have 2-3 stone to lose too.

Thinking of you all. I guess if you can get some councelling Fab and Rillyrillygoodlooking would that help you? It might be free from GP. I just think working out where food issues come from and then working on a plan to tackle them is helpful. Diets are OK but once you stop doing them the weight tends to go back on but by all means try a diet if you think it will help. Exercise also is important but has to be fun, enjoyable and sustainable. I am more over weight than either of you, I think 4 stone pretty much! I am not too worried, I just need to work out how to combate the need to eat too much and it will all work out. Luckily my DD is not affected by weight or food issues. Sometimes husbands are not the best or easiest people to talk to about these kinds of issues.

All the best to you both and Lucy, frutilla and any others.

I know why I have food issues. I just have taken a long time to be able to stand up to them.