So fat and ugly I don't want to go on holiday.

[Terrificteens]

Oh god I need some serious advice. Last year I lost about 4 stone between April and November. Since November I have gained 5 stone and I feel awful. I hate myself for losing control in such a drastic way and because I hate myself so much I cant do anything but numb the pain with more food.

I am due to go on a beach holiday in July with my family and I can't face it. The thought of having to bare all on a beach makes me want to cry (or eat).

I know that I should be able to crash diet and lose almost 3 stone by then - not healthy but the only thing there is time for but I can't get started and I am getting more and more panicked by my lack of self control.

Sorry to be so pathetic.

This isn't about your holdiay, it's about your eating problems.

One thing at a time.

Who exactly do you "HAVE " to go on holiday with? Your parents?

No-one can MAKE you go anywhere unless you are under 16.

You shouldn't go anywhere if it makes you feel you have to crash diet and lose 3 stone in 2 months. That is just stupid.

So let's assume you can't get out of this holiday for whatever reason.

Why do you have to bare all on a beach? I can't honestly think of a worse way to spend a "holiday". Wear sarongs over bathing costumes, maxi dresses etc. Stay under a parasol. say you are TOTALLY allergic to the sun.

If you find it hard to take control of your eating, then at least take control of your body in other ways.

No-one can MAKE you expose yourself on a beach.

HTH

Don't you think that by missing a great holiday that you are actually punishing yourself and feeding into your feelings of self loathing?

If you go on a sensible diet you could lose1.5-2 stone by then and feel so much better about yourself.

If you go on another crash diet you will only put the weight (and a bit extra) on quite rapidly.

Thanks for your reply. You are right, I sound like a disturbed teenager. Sadly I am actually in my late 40s and still fighting an ongoing war with food.

Sorry I guess I haven't explained myself well. I am going on holiday with my lovely family - just me DH and the children (well teenagers). When I am slim I ADORE the sun. Lying on a beach or by a pool with a good book and good company is my idea of heaven. We have paid out thousands for this and it would be fab if I hadn't ruined it by my stupid greed.

Your children won't give a stuff what you look like and presumably your DH loves you and just wants you to be happy.

If you join something like Weight Watchers online you could begin to lose wight tomorrow. I always find that if I pay for something then it makes me more determined to stick at it.

What size are you?

Don't crash diet. Start this week, maybe do slimming world. Walk to a meeting. Walk round the block. Eat fresh food.

You can do it.

Your family will want you to come on holiday,, although I know how you feel about the dread.

You are entitled to enjoy yourself on holiday whatever size you are. Just get some nice stuff to wear for your hols, and get out there and enjoy the sun. Nobody will really give a stuff what you look like, people are just there to enjoy themselves like you will be.

Thanks for your post CF.
It feels a bit like giving up smoking. I think I would be able to get a grip i I could just stick to a diet for 2 or 3 days. After that I would feel less disgusted with myself and - well maybe worth the effort. I just can't get going.

What about buying yourself a small pressie (book, lipstick etc) every week that you stay on the diet?

I am a size 20ish. 5 ft 10 and just over 15 stone

We are talking about sticking to the diet for hours rather than weeks I am afraid. I am fine through the working day but when I get home with time to think ....

Sorry I know that there is no answer except to get a grip and stop eating so much. I just can't do it .

15 stone isn't that bad for 5ft 10. I think you are being hard on yourself.

If you lose 2 stone by your holiday you would be a 14/16 which for your height is great.

I have started to lose the 1.5 stone that I have put on since Christmas. I have been putting and losing this 2 stone for years now and I decided that I am going to do it sensibly. I do understand your feelins of self loathing but I decided that I have a right to feel happy and it isn't illegal to be overweight. For me is a bit of a chicken/egg situation - am I miserable because I am fat or am I fat because I am miserable?

You need to just separate the 2 things, your weight is a long term battle and the holiday is A.Good.Thing.

Don't connect the 2 and dread a holiday that should be relaxing and pleasant just to spite yourself.

Oh well done! I honestly think that the moment you get in the right place mentally to control your eating is so much more important than the moment you hit your target weight.

I am working stupidly long hours at the moment and just can't find the mental energy somehow. If I could find the time to go to the gym it might help but I am at work by 6.45 and often not home (after family commitments) until 8.30 or 9pm. I am just too knackered.

Yes I think you're being cruel to yourself, 15 stoneish and 5 ft 10 is not that bad.
You could lose, if you lost 2lb a week, nearly 2 stone by the time you go.

Have you tried Paul Mckenna? I know it sounds a bit woo, but reading the book is really interesting, and you could put the CD on when you think you might overeat. He gives you all sorts of strategies to stop cravings, and it really isn't 'dieting' in the usual sense.

You deserve to go on holiday.

Just re read my last post and realised that it is just a sad excuse. Please ignore.

Its not a sad excuse. again you are being too hard on yourself.

Instead of worrying about your holiday why don't you try and think of the lovely things instead - the sun, the lovely scenery. There will be plenty of people far bigger than you on the beach.

You are working so hard you definitely deserve a good holiday.

I tried PM a couple of years ago with great success. But, obviously put the weight back on. I got the CD out again last week to try to kick start my mental attitude, but it had no effect this time.

"We have paid out thousands for this and it would be fab if I hadn't ruined it by my stupid greed".

Now Madam, don't be daft. You sound like some ghastly self-flagellating doormat, and frankly at your age, spending that kind of dosh on yer hollyers and working the hours you do, I presume you are a mature woman with a well-paid professional job. Stop beating yourself up.

Like Crackfox says, you can start taking some control without starving yourself.

Enough of the self pity already. I'm 50, 5'10 and 14 stone+ nearly the same weight as you are, so I'm allowed to talk to you like this. So there!

ok sorry

Don't be silly, you are GOING on holiday. No one will mind what you look like and you will have a nice time.

Do not crash diet, just start eating sensibly - the No S Diet is a good place to start, very straightforward.

Terrificteens I think more important to get in control of your eating issues, and when you do the weight loss will come too. I think if you loose a couple of stone before the holiday you'll feel a lot better on holiday.

I disagree with the other posters, I think ok to diet now in the run up to the holiday but as long as you work out your food issues in the long run. I have recently lost 3 stone and am very aware now that I need to work hard to maintain it.

The dukan diet is quite good in this way as its a plan for life. I think he says something like you might have lost the weight but you don't yet deserve your new thin body.

Dukan was my last real attempt at losing weightas I thought that it involved a lifelong plan for maintenance. I lost loads of weight but I couldn't move into the consolidation without gaining weight rapidly.

i am sorry. I do realise that I am being incredibly negative. I promise that it is not through choice.

I think you need to think about the emotional reasons for self-jeopardising like that - to have lost 4 stone originally is fantastic - really amazing - but there must be something that triggered you to loose control.

I'm not surprised you can't get into the mood again, working those hours. I hope you can find a way to start eating healthily again - good luck.

I think you should revisit Paul McKenna, not even to lose weight but to move away from using language like "disgusting" and "greed" when you're talking about yourself. Look at the book not just the CD. Surely your weight loss/gain is a living example of his mantra - diets don't work.
(I write this as someone who is trying to lose weight, but I don't hate myself any more for being fat, which is a start! I don't think disgust is a great motivator.)

I am doing dukan consolidation at the moment. But very very gradually and am limiting calories (using MFP) whilst I increase the range of foods I eat. Am eating fruit each day though and gradually introducing wholemeal bread and pulses. Currently I'm still on 1200 calories a day - plus working out 3 times a week - its only 6 weeks since I reached target but I had a 2 week holiday, so sadly still 1lb above target weight.

I think I'll need to weigh myself weekly for the next couple of years and if weight creeps up then will need to start charting what I eat again. But I am very strict about only eating when hungry.